Kurt wondered, as he asked Brittany whereabouts Blaine was, how much she knew about them right now. If Blaine had told anyone about what a mess they were these days, if everyone had figured out he was unhappy, if maybe he’d spoken to one of them. He wondered if he’d cried. He was already starting to regret his decision to try and get some normality back by dropping by the hospital for a lunch date. She was on the phone, smiley as ever, and she nodded to her left. He walked down the corridor until he saw Blaine in a room with a mother and child. He turned away as usual, giving them their privacy, but he found himself doing a double take. It couldn’t be.

Marley’s face lit up when she saw him, and he thought his heart was going to beat its way out of his chest.

“Kurt! Hi!”

He knew he had to go in, his hand shaking as he opened the door, visions of his life falling apart flashing before his eyes. Blaine stared in confusion between them.

“Hey, Marley. Um. How are you? How’s Daisy?”

“Wh-” Blaine started, but Marley was too excited to see a familiar face to notice him worrying.

“She’s great, right, Blaine?”

Blaine stayed still. Daisy was far from great. Underweight, stressed, dirty clothes – if she wasn’t already on social services’ radar he’d be filling out paperwork for her right now. He didn’t have the presence of mind to correct her though, as he was too busy trying to figure out how the hell she knew Kurt. The only sound was the door clicking shut.

“What are you doing here, anyway? You’re not sick or anything, are you?”

“No, no, just- visiting.”

“He’s my- my husband. How do you-”

“What?” She blinked at Kurt, piecing everything together in her mind. Out of the corner of his eye, Blaine spotted Rachel coming back with a cup of coffee, and Mike stopping her in her tracks.

*

“There you are. I want to have a word with you.”

“Oh! Hi! What’s up?”

“I just want to know exactly what was going through your head when you brought her here. Did it seriously not occur to you that this could be difficult for him?”

“Please, Dr Chang,” Rachel tried to argue, “I’m just trying to make things as easy for Marley as possible. She’s scared and I thought a familiar face might be comforting for her and the baby-”

“He’s got enough to worry about! Do you think giving that baby up was easy for him?”

“Of course not, but-”

“Honestly, I think it was pretty ridiculous to give her to them in the first place. I thought there was a six-month rule.”

“What do you-”

“They must have told you their surrogate miscarried, what, a week before Blaine found the baby?”

“A week?”

“They lose one baby, and you make them give another one up a week later? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“No, no, that’s not- Kurt told me it was eight months ago-”

“Trust me. I was there when Blaine got the call. I remember when it was.”

Rachel turned to look inside the room, now containing Blaine, Marley, the baby, and Kurt.

“Oh, God.”

*

“So you- you knew who I was? Have you been, like- stalking me or something?”

“No, no, I just- I just saw her, and you looked like- I just wanted to help-”

“So you thought I looked so totally hopeless that you had to step in and save me? Like, if you could prove how awful I was then you could- have her? Is that what you wanted to do?”

“Marley, no-”

“And all that stuff about helping me, was that all some kind of game? You just wanted to check up on my baby or something?”

“Please just let me- I only wanted to help you. You’re a good person, Marley, I just thought you deserved a break. I never meant it to go this far, I swear.”

She shook her head in disbelief, and Blaine just stared at him, eyes shining with tears. He looked like he’d been punched in the gut. Marley held Daisy a little more closely, as if she were scared Kurt was going to snatch her. Both of their faces showed nothing but betrayal.

Just then, the door opened and Rachel walked in.

“Kurt, Blaine- why did you lie about the miscarriage?”

Mike shook his head apologetically for telling her. He didn’t know why the hell she thought it was appropriate to have this conversation in front of the girl.

“We- it was my fault. I just couldn’t stand the idea of her going to a group home, and you said there weren’t any other options- I promise, I was just trying to help…” he tailed off. Even though it was true that he’d wanted to help, he knew that wasn’t the only reason. He couldn’t even convince himself; what hope did he have of convincing them?

“Blaine, did you know about this? Did you know he’d been helping me?”

Blaine, usually the epitome of calm in this kind of situation, stood with his mouth open, no idea how to respond.

“Marley, I promise he had no idea-”

“How am I supposed to believe anything you say? I’m out of here. Come on, honey.”

She clutched Daisy to her chest and picked up her bags and left. Rachel looked at Kurt and Blaine in confusion for a second before following her.

“Marley, sweetie, let me give you a ride home, okay? We can talk in the car…”

Mike swallowed.

“I’m sorry. I thought she knew- I-”

“You haven’t done anything wrong, Mike. It’s fine.”

Looking at the two of them, he could see they were a long way away from ‘fine’, and he decided to leave them alone.

“Blaine, I-”

“You know this could really fuck everything up, right? Social services is gonna put a big black mark next to our names now. They keep records of stuff like this. We might never- fuck, Kurt.”

He wasn’t even shouting. He looked completely drained. He’d been tortured by all of this too, but he’d dealt with it like a normal person. He’d tried to talk to him so many times, and all Kurt had done was lie and- and now he’d completely messed it all up. Now they’d probably never have a family. They might not even have had a marriage any more.

“I’m so sorry, Blaine, it was just one little thing that got out of hand, and I- if I could go back, I… Blaine, please tell me we’re going to get through this. We are, right? We’ll be okay, won’t we?”

“You should probably go home. I’ll talk to you later. Just- go.”

He wanted to scream, to beg Blaine to forgive him, do anything to try and fix things, but it seemed so impossible. He nodded.

“Okay. Blaine, I- I love you. I love you with all my heart. This doesn’t change that. Nothing will.”

Blaine looked at the floor.

Kurt left.

~

The house was quiet. When Blaine got back, it seemed to get even quieter.

Blaine slept on the couch.

~

“Maybe he just needs time,” Quinn said, sipping her latte and holding Kurt’s hand. “You’ve both been through so much, it’s bound to take time. He’ll forgive you.”

Kurt shook his head.

“I’m not sure any more. It’s never been like this before. Even when the worst has happened, and I’ve felt like the world was going to end,” she opened her mouth to apologise, “no, Quinn. It wasn’t your fault. Just- there’s always been me and Blaine. No matter what, we’ve been the one constant in everything. Even when we couldn’t bear to speak, because we knew we’d just break down crying, we still touched each other all the time. Even if it was something as small as holding hands, it was always just there, and now it’s not. I’m scared, Quinn.”

“I know you are.”

“And what hurts the most- even though I always wanted to have kids, the whole point of everything we did to try and have a baby, it was because of him. He made me want to have a family, but not just any family. I wanted it with him. I would never want to do it with anybody else. But now- kids or not, I just want him. Losing the baby I could handle, but losing him- I can’t.”

“Kurt, I’m saying this because I’m your friend and I love you. Why the fuck are you telling me this? Tell him. I know you need him, and he deserves to know it too.”

He swallowed, even though he hadn’t touched his drink. He nodded slowly. Hugging her tightly and kissing her hair, he picked up his things and left.

~

“Blaine?” he called out as he walked into the house. Blaine was in the kitchen, eating a sandwich. “Hey. I need to talk to you.”

“I’ve had a long day, Kurt. I was just going to take a shower and go to sleep. I’m exhausted.”

“Oh. Didn’t sleep well on the couch?” Blaine shook his head. Kurt stepped forward and took his hands. “Come back to the bed then.”

“Not this again, Kurt, not after the other day-”

Kurt shuddered thinking of it, and shook his head. His composure was different from before. Not frantic, just calm and certain.

“No. I just- I know I haven’t been honest with you, and it’s been eating me up inside. That’s not us. That’s never been us.”

“It’s not like I haven’t been trying, Kurt. I’ve been trying to talk to you and you’ve been shutting me out.”

“Because I hated myself for lying to you, okay? You kept being so sweet and kind and soyou, and I was lying the whole time- I didn’t deserve to have you being so good to me.”

Blaine couldn’t keep trying to be stony-faced. The facade started to crumble, and his forehead crinkled with concern. His hands started to squeeze Kurt’s.

“Don’t say that. It’s not true.”

“I lied to you. I lied to her.”

“But you did help her. Honestly, I don’t want to think about what state the baby would have been in if you hadn’t bought her groceries. It’s not like I wouldn’t have done the same thing if I’d been there.”

“I know. You know yesterday, when I said ‘If I could go back’? Well, I wouldn’t change what I did. I would have just been more honest about it. I’m not sorry I helped her. I know I didn’t exactly have the most honourable intentions, but I’m glad I did it anyway. I just hate that it affected us.”

“I know. And I think you’re more honourable than you think you are. I didn’t marry a man who can just walk away from someone who needs help.” Kurt rolled his eyes, a smile tugging at his lips. “Just, Kurt- I know you want children. We’ve talked about babies for years. But- if we can’t- I just need to know,” he sniffed a little, “I need to know that I’m still going to be enough for you.”

“God, Blaine, you’re more than enough. You’re all the family I need. I promise. If you’ll still have me.”

Blaine took a deep breath, letting his eyes fall closed. They were glittering with tears when he opened them again.

“I’ve changed my mind. I’m going to have a bath instead of a shower.”

Kurt spun around as Blaine let go of his hands and walked towards the stairs.

“Blaine-”

Blaine offered a hand.

“Care to join me?”

Kurt smiled and took it.

“I’d love to.”

As the water ran, they started to kiss gently and slowly undress each other, treasuring every inch of skin, drawing soft moans out of one another, until they finally stepped into the water. Kurt’s back had the weight lifted from it as it lined up with Blaine’s chest and he hummed happily as he felt Blaine’s strong hands massaging his shoulders and stroking over his stomach. He let Blaine look after him and adore him in a way he hadn’t for weeks, and he’d never needed or valued it so much.

~

A month later, they were starting to feel like themselves again. Kurt was comfortable enough to work at home again. Blaine was just doing the shifts he was scheduled for, rather than picking up doubles at the last minute. Kurt was drawing again, Blaine was singing again, they were even dancing in the kitchen together while they cooked. They were almost like newlyweds again, and they carried out their tradition of putting up their Christmas decorations, dizzy from egg nog, tinsel and Perry Como. Kurt giggled as Blaine twirled him around the living room, producing mistletoe as if from nowhere and laying a smooch on him, kissing and kissing until they were both breathless and blushing and wrapped up in each other.

They still thought about the baby, the future, their options now, but they figured it could all wait. The two of them were the priority right now. And they took turns making each other talk about anything that was bothering them.

~

Ignoring the sketches all over his desk, Kurt sighed dreamily to himself as he considered what he could send Blaine to try and make him blush, which would obviously require revenge when he got home. He started to tap out ‘last night was okay, for a rehearsal. I assume the real thing’s happening tonight – or do you need more practice? xxx’ when his phone started ringing. Unknown number. Kurt frowned but answered anyway.

“Hello?”

There was just muffled noise on the end at first, the sounds of someone being out of breath, then he realised they were crying. That’s when he heard a second voice in the background, crying harder.

Shit.

“Marley? Is that you? Did you… call me by accident?”

“No, I- I’m so sorry, I just, I didn’t know who to call… god, this was a bad idea, sorry, I’ll just-”

“Wait, Marley, it’s okay. What’s wrong?”

“Um… everything.”

“What do you need me to do?”

“I don’t know. I just need help.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can, sweetie. Hold tight, okay?”

He heard a loud sniff.

“Okay. Thanks, Kurt.”

~

He heard a few thuds before she answered the door. When she did, she threw her arms around his waist and all he could do was stroke her hair and try to shush her.

“Hey, hey, okay honey,” he said in his most soothing tone, “tell me what’s the matter.”

She finally looked up at him and her face was streaked with tears. As he glanced around the room, it was obvious what was wrong – just like she said on the phone. Everything. The apartment was a mess and the baby was screaming, and Marley looked completely miserable. She’d lost weight, and there wasn’t much of her to begin with, and Kurt may not have been an expert but the little girl on the changing mat couldn’t be the right size for a baby her age.

“I shouldn’t have called you, I’m so sorry- she just- she won’t stop. I’ve tried everything, and all she does is scream, and I- I don’t have anybody else.”

At 16, Kurt would have flown into the exact same panic. 28-year-old Kurt didn’t even come close to it. He kept his voice steady and gentle as he guided Marley towards the couch.

“Right. Sit down.”

She sat.

“Take this one,” he said, checking the tape on Daisy’s diaper was secure before picking her up, holding her for a moment to calm her, and passing her over to Marley. “Just hold her. If there’s nothing wrong then she probably just wants some attention.” He stroked her shoulders a little. “And try to relax. She’ll be able to tell if you’re stressed out.”

“If that’s what it is then she’ll never stop. Kurt, look- she’s still crying.”

“It’s okay, Marley. Just give her a little time. Do you have any formula?”

“I tried that-”

“Then we’ll try again. This might sound weird, but have you ever sung to her? We-” he paused, unsure of what was and wasn’t safe territory, “it worked before. I bet hearing your voice will help.”

“Um- I haven’t- what should I sing?”

“Anything you like. Who’s your favourite singer?”

“Um… my mom used to play Carole King to me when I was little.”

Kurt smiled.

“Perfect. Use that.”

She hesitated, staring down at the baby as she squirmed uncomfortably. Kurt started to tidy up what he could in the apartment, hoping she would be distracted enough not to notice him. His heart ached as he listened to her; her voice was beautiful, but so full of sadness.

“Cause it’s too late, baby, now it’s too late, though we really did try to make it…”

He bagged up the trash, noticing that Daisy’s cries had grown much quieter- almost stopped completely. He turned to see if maybe Marley was starting to smile, but she wasn’t. She stayed so inhibited, so worried, and not just because of the song. The place was already starting to look better, but he knew it wasn’t really enough. It could never last. She just couldn’t deal with this.

“Something inside has died, and I can’t hide, and I just can’t fake it…”

He wanted to sing along, to sit on the couch with her and hug her and tell her everything was going to be okay. All he wanted to do was make everything better, but there was no way he could. He just bit his lip and kept listening. The baby wasn’t crying any more, but Marley must still have been tense, because she still seemed uncomfortable. They both did.

“Marley… are you getting help from Social Services? From Rachel?”

Marley shook her head and shrugged.

“Well, they’re trying, but- there’s only so much they can do.”

“But- have you told somebody that things- aren’t exactly-”

She shook her head again.

“Just you. Nobody else- I don’t know. They don’t get it. Not really.”

Kurt nodded. They could give her money, just enough to scrape by, but it wasn’t really support. It wasn’t the same as having friends or family helping out. She had nobody to talk to, never mind someone to help her raise a baby.

“You know, if you ever need anything, I’ll try to help – I mean, I know I messed everything up before, but-”

Marley looked at the baby, tears in her eyes, and up at Kurt.

“Take her.”