Author's Notes: So, they've had the baby for a night, and it's already getting hard not to become attached.
They were woken by crying, and Blaine’s eyes barely opened in time to see Kurt beaming and leaping out of bed.
“This is supposed to be the bad bit,” he mumbled into his pillow before rolling over and following him, a smile creeping onto his face too. He pushed down the concern in the back of his mind. He could deal with that later. He only had two hours before he had to go into work; he might as well spend them with Kurt and the baby. He stopped in the doorway of the nursery, watching Kurt scoop her out of the crib. He’d already developed an ease with her, holding her like he’d been doing it for years. There was hardly any sunlight coming in, but it was just enough to make Kurt glow as he stood talking to her, rocking her – falling in love with her, Blaine thought. This is going to kill him.
“Good morning, angel!” Kurt whispered, “Are you hungry?” He held her closer and sniffed, his nose wrinkling. “Well, I guess angels get stinky too. How about we get you all cleaned up then I’ll fix you up some breakfast, okay sweetie? Sound good? Yes it does!”
He peppered her cheek with kisses and laid her on the changing table, reaching for the supplies that were already lined up, wipes, lotion, clean diapers, and changing her. He’d done it before, with Mike and Tina and Santana and Brittany’s kids, and even though it was years since he’d dealt with anyone so small he fell straight back into it, lifting her legs up, sticking the new diaper in place and folding the old one up to throw it away. He slipped her into a clean onesie, bending down to drop kisses on her cheeks as he picked up her arms and manoeuvred them into the sleeves, still chattering away to her absent-mindedly. He buttoned her up, told her she looked beautiful, picked her up and cuddled her close as he walked towards Blaine in the doorway.
Blaine realised he’d been leaning his head on the doorframe, watching Kurt contentedly. The sensible part of his brain, the one telling him not to get too comfortable, had faded into the background, far behind ‘this is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen’, but he noticed Kurt holding the baby just the littlest bit closer when he got near him. As if Blaine was some monster ready to steal away this perfect, precious moment. Blaine knew deep down that he was supposed to be honest and realistic, but he didn’t want to be that person here. Not at home, not with Kurt.
There was a slight pause as Kurt brushed past him, stroking the baby’s head with the side of his thumb, and Blaine laid a hand on his elbow.
“Kurt.”
“Mmm?”
“You…” he saw it then, the fear in Kurt’s eyes, the knowledge that this couldn’t last and the determination not to think about it. “You look good together. You’re amazing with her.”
Kurt had achieved so much, things nobody else could ever dream of, had the most lavish parties thrown in his honour, received awards and accolades reserved for the absolute elite – but this tiny comment, this little bit of reassurance from the person whose opinion he valued above everyone else’s, made his face crack into the biggest smile Blaine had seen since a month ago, when a fuzzy series of black and white lines appeared on a screen and they’d squeezed each other’s hands and cried. His shoulders sagged in relief and he leaned into Blaine, letting one hand fall and rest on Blaine’s waist. His head fell onto Blaine’s shoulder for just a moment, and with his eyes closed he reached up to kiss Blaine’s cheek.
“Thank you,” he whispered, before walking down to the kitchen, giving the baby gentle bounces in his arms as he walked. Blaine knew he should probably shower and get dressed, but he realised he was following Kurt and the gentle sounds of the baby snuffling and gurgling. He swept up to Kurt, putting a hand on the small of his back.
“Why don’t you two go sit down? I’ll get her breakfast.”
Kurt grinned, kissed him, and walked into the living room. As Blaine fixed up a bottle of formula, he heard Kurt humming softly and he closed his eyes, choosing the fantasy over the reality for today.
*
Kurt needed to go shopping while Blaine was at work. He knew he could afford to take a few days off – he worked from home these days anyway, and these circumstances definitely warranted an extension on the deadlines he was working towards. They only had enough baby supplies for a day or so, and they needed groceries for themselves too. He decided against going to their usual store, because it would mean people he knew seeing him with the baby, asking questions he couldn’t bear to answer over and over again. He knew a place on the other side of town where he was unlikely to bump into anyone, so after Blaine left for work he packed up a bag of diapers, bottles, and all the other baby stuff he could possibly need, and left with the baby snoozing in a sling against his chest.
Initially, avoiding questions had been his only thought, but something changed when he got out of the house. He got on the subway, bag slung over his shoulder and baby sleeping on his front, and people gave him smiles and offered their seats. He declined: he really didn’t need it, and getting it for a baby that wasn’t his felt like cheating. But they still smiled at him. They didn’t know the circumstances. They saw a man with a beautiful baby and gave him that look of ‘you must be so proud’. He felt a warm glow swelling in his chest and he bent his head forward so he could kiss her temple as she slept.
He walked into the store, a cute little market, going through the shopping list in his head and picking up vegetables, minced beef (he’d decided to make lasagne tonight, Blaine’s favourite), general supplies, and he eventually got around to the baby aisle. He picked up the basics – formula, diapers, and walked a little further to see different items. They weren’t necessities, but they were cute – tiny pacifiers, little plastic books for bath time, and then he saw a stuffed yellow bear. It was no bigger than his hand, and he couldn’t help picking it up and stroking it with his thumb for a second. He told himself it was nothing, just something to distract her with if she got upset, but he felt a twinge of guilt when he put it in his basket.
“Who’s this little angel?” a voice behind him asked. He spun around to see an old woman, skin just a little darker than the baby’s, smiling at the bundle with the woolly hat covering it.
“What?”
The woman nodded at the baby.
“She’s adorable. Aren’t you, sweetie? Gosh, she’s so quiet. You’re lucky; mine were never this good in public.”
“Oh. Right. Yeah, she’s quiet now. You should have heard her this morning.”
“Oh, I’ll bet she’s got some lungs on her. You and your… partner must be exhausted.”
He smiled. He knew he would never pass for straight, and he never wanted to any more.
“Husband,” he said proudly with a nod, “and yeah. He’s a doctor, so he’s used to getting zero sleep.”
She kept cooing over the baby and smiling.
“What a perfect little family. Does she have a name yet?”
The word ‘family’ had thrown him, and he had to swallow as he stared at the little girl quietly snuffling against him.
“Daisy.”
There were alarm bells ringing in his head, but he squashed them. It was fine. He was still in control. And the woman really believed that this was his baby.
“Sounds just right for this little flower. Well, it was nice meeting you, Daisy and Daddy. You two have a good day.”
“We will,” Kurt replied in something of a daze as the woman walked away. She’d believed it. She thought he was really a father, and that this little girl was his daughter. He was just trying to remember what he was meant to be doing when he heard another voice coming from around the corner.
“Kurt?”
Kurt’s eyes widened.
“Quinn?”
“I guess I’m not the only one who was trying not to run into anyone they know.” She came around the corner to hug him, but took a step back when saw the thing in the way. “Kurt? Who’s this?”
“Um. It’s a long story. Blaine, uh- how are you? How are you feeling?”
“Still a little sore, but- Kurt. How- whose is she?”
An ache in his gut wanted to say ‘ours’.
“Blaine found her last night at the hospital. Somebody just- we’re taking care of her until they find her mother. Poor thing was just left in the snow.”
Quinn reached out to stroke the baby’s head for a second, but she quickly moved to touch Kurt’s arm instead.
“That’s awful, but… is this really a good idea? Isn’t it a little soon? And won’t you just have to- give her back?”
“It’s fine. A social worker approved us. It’ll only be for a couple of days.”
Quinn frowned at the protective hand Kurt was cradling the baby’s head in.
“Uh-huh. And… what if they don’t find the mother?”
He knew he shouldn’t have thought about it, he shouldn’t even consider the option, but a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.
“Then- I guess they just- find somewhere more permanent.”
“You mean with you?”
“Well- I don’t know. I don’t see why not.”
“Kurt, it’s barely been a week. Don’t you think it’s a little too soon?”
“It’s been nine days-” he closed his eyes for a second. Quinn knew exactly how long it had been. “She needed a place to stay. The system’s stretched so thin- we just wanted to help.”
“How does Blaine feel about this?”
“Blaine’s amazing with kids. He cares about her as much as I do- about making sure she’s okay. That’s all it is.”
“Kurt.”
“Look, this stuff isn’t going to pay for itself. I should go. Need to get home.”
Quinn stood still as he made his way to the checkout, watching the way his body curved to shield the baby. She handed the basket she’d been carrying to an attendant, apologising, and walked out of the store.
*
Blaine was just poking his lunch around with a fork, letting his mind drift back home to Kurt and the baby, to putting her to bed tonight, maybe singing her to sleep, maybe just holding her until she drifted off, when he heard a throat clearing behind him.
“I was hoping I’d catch you on your break.”
“Quinn?”
He hadn’t seen her since it happened. She looked so different: still a slight swell over her stomach, but her face was thinner and it seemed like she hadn’t slept in a week.
“Hi, Blaine.”
After a moment of sitting there frozen, he jumped up and ran to hug her. He tried hard to control his breathing, knowing how much he must have been shaking. He tried to channel all his energy into holding his friend.
“It’s so good to see you. I’ve missed you.”
“I know I should have called, I’m sorry-“
“No-“
“Blaine.” She pulled away and made herself look into his eyes. It was obviously a struggle. “I’m so sorry. I just- I didn’t know what to say. You both must be so- I can’t imagine how disappointed-“
He hugged her again, a tear squeezing onto her collar.
“Hey. All that matters is that you’re okay. That’s all I care about.”
She stroked his back soothingly, knowing the signs of him desperately trying not to fall apart. She kissed his cheek and eased him onto the sagging old couch next to them and sat with him.
“How are you holding up?”
He shook his head.
“I- I don’t know. It’s been- we’ve been keeping busy, I guess.”
“So I’ve heard.” He frowned in confusion. “I just ran into Kurt. With a baby. Blaine, what are you guys thinking? You can’t do this. You’re still- grieving. You need to get over one baby before you can take on another one, especially when you’re going to have to say goodbye to her eventually.”
“We’re not idiots, Quinn. We know it’s going to be difficult. We can cope.”
“It’s not about coping. You’re just asking for more heartbreak.”
“We’re fine.”
“I know you don’t want to have to be the one to tell him. I know you had to tell him about- what happened with me- but this is so soon. It’s going to hurt more the longer you have her.”
Blaine swallowed hard and willed the tears in his eyes to disappear.
“Look, I have to get back to work.”
“You’ve barely touched your lunch-“
“This is a hospital, Quinn. We don’t have a lot of free time. I’ve got to go. You should too.”
She shook her head in disbelief and tried to take Blaine’s hands. He let her, if only for a second. He pulled away and ran a hand through his hair.
“Okay. I just- I’m here if you need me, okay?”
He pursed his lips and nodded.
“Thanks, Q. I, um- I should. It was good to see you. You look really great.”
She pulled him into one more hug, and he didn’t sink into it the way his body told him to, but he hugged her back.
*
Blaine heard chattering at the speed of light as soon as he opened the door. Rachel was here.
“I just can’t believe how much better she looks already. One day and it’s like a completely different baby. Look at you, sweetheart, with colour in your cheeks, and you look so warm and toasty, I could just eat you up! You’re clearly doing a good job with her, Kurt. Has it interfered with anything? Work?”
Blaine walked in just in time to see Kurt shake his head.
“It’s not a problem. I called them and explained. I do most of my work here anyway.”
“Well, it looks like this is perfect for all of you! Oh, hi Blaine!” he squeaked as she saw him in the doorway. He came in and offered his hand, which she promptly batted away and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She sat down again and picked up her cup of coffee. “I was just telling Kurt, we haven’t had any luck finding the mother. It could take another couple of days, but by the looks of things that won’t be a problem. You both seem to be coping excellently.”
Blaine narrowed his eyes, wondering if they were just putting on a good front or if she was really that oblivious. He didn’t feel like he was coping that well.
“We’re happy to have her for as long as you need us to.”
“Well if our search keeps flopping like this, you might get stuck with her forever.”
Blaine knew Kurt was trying to mask it, but his eyes were lighting up as he looked at the baby in Rachel’s arms. He sort of wanted to gag the woman. Obviously, she didn’t know how recently they’d lost a baby, or have any idea how badly Kurt wanted one, but it still seemed pretty tactless. Just because she knew Blaine through work, it wasn’t an excuse for her to be any less professional.
“Kurt,” he tried to change the subject, “is that your lasagne I smell?”
“It sure is. Should be ready in five minutes.”
“In that case, I’ll leave you to it.” Rachel stood up and passed the baby back to Kurt, whose face broke into yet another smile as soon as she was in his arms. “I’ll call you as soon as I hear anything, but if not, I guess I’ll come back in a week or so? See how you’re doing?”
“That sounds fine,” Kurt replied, even though he was still staring at the tiny face looking up at him. Blaine wished he didn’t look quite so happy. So much happier than he’d been for days.
Blaine saw Rachel out, and came back inside to see Kurt standing in the middle of the kitchen, swaying from side to side and rocking the baby.
“Kurt?” Kurt raised his eyebrows expectantly, his face open and smiling, still bouncing a little.
“Yeah?”
“I just- I think we-” Kurt’s grin started to fade immediately, and Blaine remember how it had looked when he’d had to sit him down and tell him about the miscarriage. Broken. He just couldn’t bring himself to make it look like that again. “Do you want me to take her? While you serve up?”
Kurt relaxed and smiled again.
“Sure. Here we go,” he whispered to the baby as he passed her to Blaine. He rocked her and breathed in her sweet powdery smell, his eyes falling closed. He stroked her hair and held her close and told himself the same lie he told Quinn: they were going to be fine.