The next morning, Kurt sauntered into the lobby of Blaine's apartment complex, bag of bagels and coffee in hand. He had woken up this morning feeling sheepish for his behavior toward his friend the night before and decided to surprise him with coffee and an apology. They had been planning to rehearse for their duet on Friday, anyway, and Kurt figured they could make amends, hang out and maybe even be productive.

"Good morning, Henry," Kurt said to the daytime doorman.

Kurt had been coming to Blaine's apartment usually every other day if not more for the last month, so Henry was very familiar with him. Kurt was always sure to greet the kind older man. He had even gotten to know him. They had had many conversations while Kurt was on his way to or from Blaine's apartment. He knew that Henry had three kids, two in their thirties with children of their own and one that went to NYU. Henry knew Kurt was originally from Ohio and was a student with Blaine at NYADA. It didn't escape Kurt's attention that he had a much easier time getting along with senior citizens than he did with people his own age.

"Good morning, Mr. Hummel," Henry replied, letting the door close behind Kurt.

Kurt groaned. "I have something for you, but you can only have it on one condition: you have to stop calling me 'Mr. Hummel.'"

Henry chuckled. "You know I can't do that."

"Oh, so you don't want the coffee, then?" Kurt replied. "Okay, I guess I'll just..." Kurt turned as if to go to the elevators.

"Oh, alright," Henry said. "Good morning, Kurt."

Kurt smiled gleefully. "Much better," he said, handing Henry one of the three coffee cups in the holder in his left hand.

Henry took a sip of the coffee. "You're pure evil," he said after swallowing. "Manipulating an old man like that. You should be ashamed. I'll probably get fired, you know."

Kurt laughed loudly. "Oh, please. They couldn't fire you, this place would fall apart. Besides, who should be ashamed now? You're the one trying to make me feel guilty for bringing you coffee."

"Touché," he replied, smiling warmly. "You can head on up. You're here early today. He's probably still asleep."

Kurt turned, heading toward the elevators. "I'm counting on that."

When it got there, Kurt entered the elevator, giving Henry a small wave with the hand not holding the coffee before the doors slid closed.

At Blaine's floor, Kurt turned and headed to his door. He knocked lightly once. He waited for a few seconds, but when he didn't hear Blaine stir, he knocked again, this time much louder. He thought he heard some shuffling inside, so he waited a full thirty seconds before knocking again. Kurt heard Blaine swear and shout, "I'm coming!" through the door. Kurt raised his eyebrows at Blaine's tone. He knew Blaine wasn't a morning person and he had probably been out late the night before, but seriously, nine AM was not that early.

The door swung open and Kurt took in Blaine standing in a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt, eyes bloodshot and bleary and a look of complete shock on his face.

"Kurt? What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Well, good morning to you, too," Kurt replied with a smile. He figured Blaine would be sleepy and still upset when he remembered what Kurt had done the night before, so he decided to be as breezy as possible, give his apology and then move on like they'd done the last time Blaine had been mad at him.

Kurt sidestepped Blaine, entering his apartment. He headed over to the kitchen, setting down the things he'd brought.

"Kurt, wait –" Blaine said.

"I know it's early," Kurt interrupted him. "Sorry to wake you up, but I thought I'd surprise you with breakfast and," Kurt turned around to face Blaine, coffee in hand and a sincere look on his face, "an apology."

"A – a what?" Blaine asked. He looked completely bewildered, almost to the point of panic. Blaine shot a quick glance over his shoulder, but Kurt continued on.

"An apology," he repeated. He held the coffee out to Blaine, and Blaine reached for it instinctively. "I'm really sorry for being such an ass last night. I was in a bad mood, and I shouldn't have taken it out on you." Kurt felt that was close enough to the truth that it wasn't an outright lie. Besides, how could he tell Blaine the whole truth about what he had been feeling last night when he didn't know himself?

"No," Blaine said, his voice breaking, "You don't have to –"

"I really do," Kurt replied, smiling. He really hadn't meant to take Blaine so off guard. He took note to not wake Blaine up without some sort of warning next time.

Blaine shot another quick glance over his shoulder, and Kurt's eyes followed instinctively. What he saw made his blood run cold. Through Blaine's bedroom door, Kurt could see a guy in Blaine's bed, mostly covered with a sheet but obviously nude.

"Oh," was all he could say. After staring for a few uncomfortable seconds, Kurt finally turned his gaze back to Blaine. Blaine was standing there looking at Kurt levelly, no doubt waiting for his reaction. "I – I'm sorry," Kurt said in a hushed tone. "I should have called. I shouldn't have just showed up like this. It was really, really impolite." Kurt looked down at the floor, his face warm. It felt like something was trying to claw its way out of Kurt's chest. If he didn't get out of there soon, he was afraid he would completely break down.

"No, Kurt, you know you don't have to –" Blaine took a step closer to Blaine, and instinctively Kurt took a step back.

"Cream cheese," Kurt said quickly, interrupting Blaine again. It was the first thing that came to Kurt's mind, a way to escape this situation. He imagined Blaine was confused, but he couldn't lift his eyes from the floor to actually see it. "I brought bagels, but I forgot cream cheese." Kurt forced a small laugh. He walked toward the door, giving him an excuse to look away from Blaine. "I'm going to go get some from that little store on the corner. I'll be back soon, okay?"

"Kurt, wait," Blaine reached out for Kurt's arm, but Kurt reached for the doorknob before he could grasp it. His arm hung in the air between them. Kurt clenched his eyes closed, mustering every ounce of the actor inside of him to the surface. He forced a smile, opened his eyes and looked over his shoulder at Blaine. The other boy's eyes were filled with so many emotions, Kurt couldn't tell what he was feeling. Discomfort, definitely, but what else? Shame? Guilt? Concern? Or was it indifference? Kurt didn't have it in him to analyze Blaine's feelings. He had to get out of there.

"I'll only be twenty minutes or so," Kurt said. "It will give you time to...sort everything out." Kurt rolled his eyes playfully. "I'll be right back."

Blaine didn't say anything, so Kurt opened the door. "Oh," Kurt said before walking out. He forced a teasing smile. It took literally everything in Kurt. He felt he deserved an Oscar. "He can have my coffee. I'll get us some more. Maybe it will help you let him down gently." Kurt wrinkled his nose and nodded his head toward Blaine's open bedroom door and because he was a glutton for punishment, he took one last glance at the boy in the bed. His chest tightened as he exited the apartment, closing the door solidly before Blaine had a chance to respond.

As soon as the door closed, Kurt's face fell. He wrapped his arms around himself, and clenched his eyes shut to keep tears from welling up in his eyes. He leaned his head against the wall next to Blaine's door. He had never felt more stupid in his entire life. He knew Blaine was going to have sex with some guy last night, he knew it. He had said as much to Rachel the night before. Why didn't he think the guy might still be there in the morning?

He felt like his chest was cracking in half, and more than that, he felt so ridiculous. He knew better than to develop feelings for Blaine and all the while had promised himself that he wouldn't, but standing heartbroken in Blaine's hallway at the thought of Blaine with another guy made it pretty hard to doubt anymore. He knew Blaine slept around and obviously didn't care about Kurt in any way that wasn't purely platonic.

Kurt vowed to himself right then – alone in a hallway nearly in tears – to put a stop to this. He was through developing schoolgirl crushes on guys that didn't, couldn't, wouldn't care about him. He was through being pathetic. He deserved better than that. There were plenty of guys in New York City, and he was going to find one that could reciprocate his feelings. He had told himself he and Blaine couldn't be together because he didn't want to ruin their friendship, when really all along he was terrified of this moment – of knowing that Blaine, the perpetual whore, hadn't even tried to sleep with Kurt. That he clearly didn't want Kurt in any way, much less the way Kurt knew he himself would want Blaine.

Kurt took a deep calming breath and turned to walk towards the elevator. Somehow, Blaine had managed to slip past his defenses under the guise of friendship. He refused to feel this way over Blaine Anderson ever again. He knew now what Blaine was and was not capable of, and he had to stop deluding himself. He and Blaine would be friends really and truly, and that was it.

When Kurt closed the door, Blaine let his arm fall to his side. He couldn't believe what had just happened. He set his coffee down forcefully on the counter, making some slosh out of the small opening on the top. Blaine felt like punching something. It was like Kurt always had to see the worst parts of him.

He quickly walked to his bedroom and shook the guy on his bed awake. Luke, Blaine recalled. Luke looked up at Blaine, one eye closed, the other one squinting. "Hey, sorry, but you have to go," Blaine said. "I'm expecting someone."

Luke sat up slowly, covering himself more thoroughly with Blaine's sheet. He looked around Blaine's room like he'd never seen it before, and really, Blaine thought, he hadn't.

Looking over Luke in the light of day, Blaine remembered with shame how he'd thought Luke looked like Kurt the night before. This guy didn't possess an ounce of Kurt's beauty. "Bathroom's in there," Blaine said, gesturing to his bathroom door. "I'll give you some privacy."

He left his room, closing the door behind him. Blaine was so goddamn angry, and he had no idea why. So what if Kurt saw that Blaine slept with someone last night? It's not like Kurt didn't know about Blaine's...promiscuity. Blaine had all but told him he was going to fuck someone last night. Blaine went and got his coffee, taking a sip and he leaned against his kitchen counter, facing his living room.

Blaine would have been upset with himself if he thought he had hurt Kurt at all when he saw someone else in Blaine's bed, but Kurt had made it pretty obvious that he didn't care one way or another. That thought struck a nerve in Blaine, and he clenched his jaw.

Kurt didn't care.

Blaine knew that they could never be together, he could never be what Kurt needed, but it still hurt to know that Kurt wasn't even a little bit jealous that Blaine had been with someone else. Just the thought of Kurt with some other guy was enough to send Blaine to his punching bag. And yes, he knew that wasn't fair considering how many guys he regularly fell into bed with, but he felt how he felt and there wasn't much he could do about it.

A few minutes later, his bedroom door opened slowly and a fully dressed but sheepish looking Luke entered Blaine's living room. "Uh, hey," he said.

"Hey," Blaine replied. He reached over and grabbed Kurt's coffee out of the holder and held it out for Luke. The symbolism of the moment tore at Blaine's insides. Luke didn't deserve to be near anything that belonged to Kurt. "Here," he said hoarsely. "This is for you."

"You went out for coffee?" Luke asked, crossing the room and retrieving it.

"No," Blaine replied, looking past Luke out the window in his living room. "A friend brought it over. He said you could have it. He left, but he's coming right back, so..."

Luke blushed. "Right. So, I should probably go then." Usually Blaine didn't feel bad for blowing guys off after one night stands. He figured they should have known what they were getting into when they found someone at a nightclub instead of a coffee shop or grocery store or somewhere a little more innocuous. Blaine never forced anyone to have sex with him or even so much as coerced a guy, and he never signed any contracts or made any promises he didn't intend to keep.

However, something about the look of disappointment on Luke's face right then reminded him so much of Kurt that it nearly broke his heart to throw this guy out of his apartment. There was something innocent about Luke – it was probably the quality that drew Blaine to him in the first place. Luke hadn't been at the Shelter last night looking for a booty call, he had been out with friends and Blaine had accosted him. Blaine felt like slime.

He didn't want to let Luke down, but really, he was doing Luke a favor. Blaine wasn't cut out to be anyone's boyfriend. He would undeniably hurt the other boy, and Luke deserved better than that. He deserved someone who could love him.

"Yeah," Blaine said softly. "Probably so."

"Alright...it was nice to meet you, Blaine." Blaine looked away from Luke's miserable face. He nodded, swallowing thickly. He wanted to return Luke's pleasantry, but Blaine couldn't speak around the lump in his throat.

Luke turned slowly, walking to the door. He hesitated before opening it, like he was waiting for Blaine to call him back. When Blaine didn't, Luke exited Blaine's apartment, closing the door with a soft click behind him.

Blaine turned around to face his counter, running his hand through his hair. His eyes landed on the bag of bagels Kurt had brought. Blaine moved the bag of bagels slight to see something nestled in behind it – a container of cream cheese.

A few hours later, Kurt and Blaine sat on Blaine's couch, eating Chinese food and watching Once for about the sixth time since they had chosen their song for their duet assignment the week before. When Kurt had returned that morning from the store, Blaine had just gotten out of the shower and cleaned up his room. They both sat and ate bagels and talked about everything but the incident that morning. Kurt didn't bring up Luke and Blaine didn't bring up the two containers of cream cheese, and like most important topics, they chose to ignore it, focusing instead on more inane things.

They practiced their duet, "Falling Slowly" from Once, a couple of times halfheartedly, but really, neither of them were in the mood for doing school work. They both agreed that watching the movie was almost like practicing, so they popped it in and ordered lunch.

"Okay, be honest," Kurt said after swallowing a forkful of shrimp lo mein. "How many of these songs do you know how to play completely, all the words and everything?"

"Um, all of them," Blaine said, mouth full of sesame chicken.

"Seriously? All of them?" Kurt asked.

"Yeah," Blaine said, finally swallowing. "Once is probably my favorite movie musical. 'Say It To Me Now' was actually my audition song for NYADA."

Kurt blanched. "Really? Wasn't that kind of a risky choice?"

Blaine chuckled. "That's exactly what Carmen Tibideaux said." He shrugged. "Guess it paid off, though, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess so. Would you play it for me?" Kurt asked. The thought of Blaine playing such a folky, gruff song was suddenly very appealing. He had expected Blaine to have auditioned with an acoustic version of a Katy Perry song or something like that. He had to hear Blaine's rendition.

"What, now?"

Kurt grabbed the DVD player remote and paused the movie. "Sure. I mean, if you want."

Blaine shrugged again, setting his paper container down. "Alright." He picked up his guitar from where it was leaning next to him from when they had been rehearsing earlier. Sitting cross-legged, he started tuning his guitar. He plucked out some notes, adjusting some knobs with well-practiced precision. He strummed and then adjusted the knobs again. "It's in open E," Blaine said by way of clarification.

After about a minute, Blaine was apparently satisfied with the key and started strumming out the beginning chords of the song.

"Actually, on second thought, I'm gonna stand up. This is kind of a full-body song." He stood, putting his guitar strap around his shoulder. "Ready?"

Kurt nodded enthusiastically and Blaine began to play.

I'm scratching at the surface now
And I'm trying hard to work it out

Kurt was transfixed by Blaine's soft singing. It was very reminiscent to him of the first time he had heard Blaine play "Hallelujah," only with this song there was so much power behind Blaine's voice. He played and sang it so comfortably it was almost as if he'd written it himself.

So much has gone misunderstood
This mystery only leads to doubt
And I didn't understand
When you reached out to take my hand
And if you have something to say
You'd better say it now

Blaine smashed out the chords as he let loose the chorus.

Cause this is what you've waited for
Your chance to even up the score
And as these shadows fall on me now
I will somehow

Kurt was floored by how gravelly Blaine's voice became as he sang the chorus. He knew the song, of course, and knew the punch and power the chorus held when it was played in the movie, but Blaine did it so well. His normally smooth, popish voice was replaced by one that much more rough and emotional. He was nearly screaming, wailing on his guitar so fiercely Kurt was surprised the strings didn't break and the neighbors didn't call the cops.

Cause I'm picking up a message Lord
And I'm closer than I've ever been before

So if you have something to say
Say it to me now
Say it to me now
Say it to me now

Blaine played the last few bars and then quietly ended the song. "Wow," Kurt said after a moment. He felt his heart thumping quickly in his chest. Though the mood he had made his convictions in that morning had passed, Kurt was determined to swallow any feelings he might be having that weren't purely platonic. "I can see why you got in." He forced himself to take a bite of his lo mein and look nonchalant.

"Thank you." Blaine laughed softly and returned to his seat next to Kurt. He picked up his food and resumed eating as Kurt un-paused the movie.

Kurt absently stared at the screen and took slow bites as he began thinking. No one had ever made Kurt more confused than the boy he was sitting next to. He was caught between wanting to withdraw and hide himself away where Blaine could never wrap himself up inside of Kurt's heart – and inevitably rip it to shreds – or else forging deeper, sharing and receiving more and progressing their relationship with pain and histories and back stories. Because as much as Kurt would love to deny it, he was desperate to know who it was that Blaine sang about all the time, the guy who had shattered him. Blaine never talked about it, but Kurt knew without a doubt Blaine had been broken by someone.

There were so many factors that affected the entire situation that it made Kurt dizzy just thinking about it. Whatever this was, it wasn't simple.

Kurt could never get away from Blaine completely, at least not until December, because they still had to interact as partners for their class. And regardless, the thought of not having Blaine in his life made Kurt feel nauseous.

But then again, Kurt wanted to keep his secrets and let Blaine cling to his, because the more he got to know Blaine, the more he was bound to get wrapped up in him, and Kurt couldn't afford that. Whatever he felt for Blaine was so much more than the crushes he had had before. Blaine would devastate him if Kurt gave him the chance, and he wasn't strong enough for that. He just wasn't.

He went back and forth in his mind, trying desperately to see the path of less destruction. Finally, Kurt felt he had to make a decision. He decided that if he treated Blaine like a very good friend, then he could trick himself into seeing him that way. Besides, maybe seeing more of Blaine's flaws would make him seem less appealing.

Before he could chicken out, he paused the movie again, sat his food down and said, "Blaine, can I ask you something?"

Blaine looked concerned at Kurt's somber expression. "Of course."

"Do you consider us friends? Or are we just partners for a class?" Kurt didn't say this defensively; he genuinely wanted to know exactly how Blaine viewed their current relationship before forging ahead.

"Kurt," Blaine said, "we spend time together nearly every day. We hang out on weekends. We only spend like, maybe a fourth of that time talking about class or rehearsing." Kurt waited for Blaine to say it point blankly. "Yes, of course we're friends. In fact..." Blaine hesitated, averting his gaze briefly before looking into Kurt's eyes, "I consider you one of my closest friends."

Kurt nodded, smiling softly. "I consider you one of my closest friends, too. Which is why I wanted to ask you something. I know I said I would never make you talk about anything that made you uncomfortable, but I was wondering..." Kurt hesitated, nervous at how Blaine would react. "Will you tell me about the guy you sing all of your songs about?"

Blaine sat his food down on the table and slowly pulled his knees up to his chest, hugging them. "What makes you think there was a guy?" he asked softly.

"I don't know, I just...I see you, Blaine." Kurt pulled his legs up to sit cross-legged on the couch, waiting for Blaine to respond.

"Kurt, I..." Blaine looked past Kurt's head.

"I know you might not want to talk about it, but I – I want to get to know you," Kurt said hastily, when he thought Blaine was going to shoot him down. "You just said we're close friends, but we don't actually know that much about each other. I want to know about how you've been hurt. I want to be someone you can talk to and trust. And I want to trust you. We can even take turns." Blaine's eyes met Kurt's, and Kurt offered him a small, sad smile. "You tell me about him, and I'll tell you something about me. Something...hard."

Blaine stared into Kurt's eyes unwaveringly. Kurt could see the internal battle Blaine was having. It was the same one Kurt had had with himself moments before – the struggle between protecting himself and letting Kurt care about him. After a few long, tense moments, Kurt could see that he had won. Blaine, looking resigned, dropped his eyes to the worn area on his left knee of his jeans.

"His name was Jeremiah," Blaine said quietly. "We met at the mall during my sophomore year. He worked at the Gap. He was a few years older than me... We had a few coffee dates, but it didn't really seem like anything was going to come of it. But I was..." Blaine laughed humorlessly. "Persistent. I even thought about singing for him in public." He snorted softly. "That would have been a complete disaster because it turns out he wasn't out. Not to his family, friends, coworkers, not to anybody."

Blaine picked at a loose thread in his pants, staring at it fixedly. Kurt sat silently, hands in his lap as he listened to Blain's story. "That probably should have warned me off, but it just made me want him even more... So, we started secretly dating. It was so exciting at first. We had to sneak around, drive to Columbus to go on dates in public. It all felt very Romeo and Juliet."

Blaine took a deep, shuddery breath, looking wistful. He wrapped his arms around his knees, closing himself off more. "And then it got harder. Sometimes, everything would be great. He would make me feel so alive. I'd never felt so close to anyone. I gave him everything, my whole self, my virginity... But then other times I felt like...like he was ashamed of me." Blaine's dejected tone turned to one of anger. "He wouldn't let me meet his family or his friends, didn't want to meet any of mine in case somehow word got out that we were together. He would sometimes pick fights with me over the most ridiculous things. I think he was trying to push all of his self-loathing onto me, like it was my fault he was gay."

And it worked, Kurt thought. After getting to know Blaine, Kurt could clearly see that Blaine didn't respect or think very much of himself. Kurt watched as Blaine blinked quickly, fighting back tears. Kurt wanted more than anything to give Blaine a hug, but the way Blaine had his arms wrapped so tightly around his legs made Kurt think he wouldn't be very receptive to physical contact. "So, what happened?" Kurt asked gently.

"After we had been together about six months, the end of summer came. It was time for him to go away to college. He broke up with me. I told him we could work it out—I mean, he was only going about four hours away to Michigan State. And then he told me –" Blaine's voice broke. "He told me that he never loved me. That he was only with me to try and 'figure himself out' and he wanted a clean slate at college. He didn't need some high school kid tethering him to Westerville." Blaine swiped angrily at the tears that had fallen from his lids.

Kurt's heart broke for Blaine. He couldn't even imagine that kind of pain. He just knew he never, ever wanted to experience it. He hated this faceless guy who he had never met for being so cruel to his friend. No one had the right to be that callous to someone else, regardless of how much self-hatred they were feeling.

"I know it's stupid to be so messed up from some silly high school romance –" Blaine said.

"Blaine, no. It's not stupid or silly. He was your first love, and he was so cruel to you. It – it's not stupid."

Blaine nodded, pursing his lips. "After that...I couldn't get close to anyone. I started" –he gestured to his bedroom, and for the first time Kurt saw a brief look of shame cross Blaine's face at the mention of his sex life—"and I just never really stopped."

"Did you believe him... when he said he didn't love you?" Kurt asked after a second.

Blaine rested his chin on his knees. "Does it matter? Either way, he still broke my heart. And if he did love me, it makes it worse that he could say all those things to me, hurt me on purpose even though he cared about me just because he was afraid."

Kurt nodded. "I guess that's true." He decided to forego his earlier decision and reached out to touch Blaine's hand. "I'm so, so sorry that happened to you, Blaine. But...thank you for telling me. I'm glad you felt like you could trust me enough to share it."

"Thank you for being such a good friend. I could really use a friend right now." Kurt smiled at Blaine, refusing to acknowledge the sting the word "friend" brought. Kurt was being selfish. Blaine would undoubtedly push him away if he knew Kurt had any romantic feelings about him, and he could tell Blaine meant what he said – he did need Kurt. He thought for the millionth time that they were both better off not being together.

"You're welcome," Kurt replied.

Blaine took a deep, shaky breath. "I guess it's your turn now, huh?"

Kurt thought for a second. "Not right now, okay? I trust you, and I'll definitely tell you, I promise. I just don't think either one of us can take anymore negativity right now."

Blaine looked completely drained. He didn't even protest. "Okay," he said.

Kurt reached for the remote and looked to Blaine to make sure it was alright if he restarted the movie. After a brief pause, Blaine unraveled himself and leaned forward slowly to grab his food. When he took a bite, Kurt pressed play.