Let Me Be
BloodRedLust
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Let Me Be: Chapter 4


E - Words: 3,200 - Last Updated: Aug 21, 2011
Story: Closed - Chapters: 6/? - Created: Aug 08, 2011 - Updated: Aug 21, 2011
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Author's Notes: Let me beChapter 4AN: I honestly considered not bothering to continue with this story for a while, because the lack of reviews and response to it was so Underwhelming, but I've decided to continue with it for my own benefit, coz I have some wonderful ideas for this fic, but please guys, if you are interested in it, how about showing a little love, hey? So many people have put it on alert and faved it, but the last 2 chapters had 4 reviews each. I'd like to know what you think about it, okay? Let me know what you want to see. If you don't like it, or something about my writing style annoys you, then please let me know, and i'll work on fixing it, okay? I would love to improve my writing, but i can't do that if i don't know where it is that i'm going wrong. :) Thanks guys, BRL
-.-.-.-.-

On Wednesday morning Blaine and I were laying in his bed watching Aladdin on his laptop when we heard a gentle, tentative knock on the door, and we both glanced up. There was a young, dark haired boy, about 14 years old, standing there, who I had definitely never met before, but I knew in an instant who he was. They had the same chin, the same unruly, wildly curly hair, and their eyes were the same shape... but where Blaine's were a warm, deep brown, his little brothers looked more dark forest green. Blaine had spoken of his little brother Aaron before, but I never would have expected for him to turn up here.

I turned to gaze at Blaine, gauging his reaction. Well, he wasn't screaming or trying to hide, that was a good sign, so I deliberately tugged the corners of my mouth up into what I hoped was a welcoming smile, and beckoned the boy into the room, reaching across Blaine's bed to shake his hand.

The kid glared at my outstretched hand like it was covered in warts, and sneered at me. I let the smile die on my face. So it was going to be like that, then. I sat back down, refusing to release my grip on Blaine's good hand, continuing to stroke the back of it with my fingertips.

"Blaine, Dad sent me. Ah... are you... you know, okay?"

He shuffled his feet, staring at the ground, clearly very uncomfortable, and absolutely radiating aggression. I was suddenly very glad that it was only the kid brother visiting, and not the Father.

The younger boy looked back up at his brother, waiting for an answer which he was not going to get, but I felt the sudden urge to remain silent and let him figure it out on his own. I knew the boy wouldn't appreciate me answering for Blaine, and I wouldn't fight with Blaine's family unless I absolutely had to.

"Dad and Mom are worried about you Blaine. Dads Doctor friend, that Bruce guy who he went to College with, well he rang and told Dad what happened to you. Mom wants you to come home, Blaine, so that she can look after you. Dad said you can, he said it's fine, as long as..."

The kid paused, and his eyes shifted to me, full of … well, confusion seemed to be the main thing, before continuing on.

"He said he just wants you to apologise for causing him and Mom so much grief, and for hurting them with all this fag stuff. They love you Blaine, we are your Family, and we all want you to come home, okay?"

Blaine had laid there, quite still throughout all of this, not moving or reacting at all, right up until Aaron had said the word 'fag'... then I noticed the tears in his eyes.

He turned to face me, and when the full force of those beautiful brown eyes connected with mine I couldn't help but smile. I didn't care that his brother was watching, I raised our linked hands gently up to my lips and softly kissed the back of his hand. He smiled back, and squeezed my fingers lightly, then pulled me in closer so he could kiss my lips. It was just a dry, closed mouth kiss, but I knew it was a show of defiance for his brother.

"Blaine?"

We heard the choked voice, but we didn't look up. Blaine's eyes took on a slightly pained look, and he just shook his head before burying it against my upper arm. I knew exactly what that meant. I stood back up, but continued to hold Blaine's hand, and didn't move too far away so that he could still hide behind my arm. I fixed his little brother with a sympathetic gaze.

"Thanks for coming Aaron. I would say that it was nice to meet you..." I shot him a slightly watered down version of my 'Diva' glare, "but it really wasn't. Tell your Dad that Blaine is still a Fag, and will be for the rest of his life, and I will be taking care of him from now on. I'm his family now."

Aaron looked rather lost, and quite stunned, and I felt more than a little sorry for him. His ignorance and fear, which I suspected came directly from his Father, was costing him an amazing brother. He stared down at Blaine, his lower lip quivering a little, as if he was fighting back tears, and I knew I had been too harsh.

"Aaron, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have spoken to you like that. Blaine was very badly hurt, and I'm just a little defensive." I smiled, trying to get a reaction out of him, but he just stared. "Look, your parents have made their decision, which you and the other kids are kind of caught up in, but Blaine's being gay isn't going to just go away. If you can accept him for who and what he is, then I am sure Blaine would love to still have you in his life. You will always be his brother, Aaron, and he will always love you."

He turned on me angrily. "Why are you speaking for him? Let him speak!"

He grabbed the side rail of the bed, shaking it roughly. "Why won't you speak to me? Say something, Blaine. Dammit!"

I stepped quickly around the bed and grabbed Aaron by the hands, prying them off Blaine's bed before he could do any more damage to Blaine's fragile body, but the second I touched him Aaron threw his arms up, pushing me away, backing away from me in disgust.

"Don't fucken touch me, fag."

I backed up, hands in the air in surrender, but stayed safely between Aaron and the bed, shielding Blaine, just in case.

"He can't talk, Aaron. He hasn't spoken a word since the attack. In fact, most people can't even get near him without him breaking down into terrified sobs. You are only the second person he has ever let just walk straight in here, which shows me just how much he loves you. Don't turn your back on him, Aaron, please? Not over something as unimportant as who he loves."

The kid was crying now, and I wanted so badly to hug him, but I knew it would do more harm than good. I watched him wage an inner war with himself, with what he had been taught to believe, and I held a glimmer of hope that he might come around, given time. He gave his brother one more long, pained look, then turned on his heel and left the room.

I returned to my chair on the other side of Blaine's bed, sighing as I sank into it. We just sat in silence for a long while, staring at each other, quietly processing what had just happened. The forgotten movie sat there, the paused screen flickering occasionally, and I closed the media player, then the screen, knowing we weren't going to finish the movie, before excusing myself to use Blaine's bathroom. I was in there for a long time, using the toilet and the handbasin, and then just staring at myself in the mirror, hoping my reflection would help me figure out if I had done and said the right things to Blaine's brother. Unfortunately, it was unforthcoming with answers, and I eventually tore myself away to return to Blaine's side.

I was unsurprised to find him asleep, but as I took my seat again, I noticed that the laptop was open again, and a new word pad note had been started. I stared at it in disbelief.

'Thank You

I love you, Beautiful.'

3

-.-.-.-

I didn't mention the typed note at all, when he awoke, hoping that if I acted like his communicating with me was no big deal then he might do it again. I helped him with his lunch, opening the stupid lid on his apple juice for him because I knew he couldn't do it with his broken arm, and I scraped all the peas off his plate too, because I knew he hated them. He had just finished eating when my Dad strolled into the room with Blaine's Doctor. Blaine's immediate reaction, as always, was to turn and bury his head behind my shoulder, but I could tell he was listening when the Doctor said that he could be moved to a Ward upstairs. His tremors started in his chest, quickly radiating out through his limbs, and he gripped my hand hard, painfully squeezing my fingers.

Although his fear of people had been increasing rather than waning, brother not included, I knew that he had been starting to feel comfortable here. Most of the ICU nurses were friendly and patient, and we had both gotten accustomed to the natural noises and routines around here. I instinctively knew that a change, right now, would not be a good thing for Blaine, but there was nothing I could do about it. He couldn't remain in ICU forever, in fact, I already suspected that they had kept him here a little longer than necessary due to his mental health.

Doctor Salling spoke to Blaine at some length about his injuries, clearly trying, as he did every day, to get Blaine to respond in some way. He explained that Blaine's newest chest x-ray was clear, the hole in his lung had repaired itself. We had all been rather worried when he had begun to cough up some nasty looking brown flakes a few days ago, but it was apparently just his body trying to clear his lung of the dried blood that had pooled there after the attack. Blaine's nose was also mostly healed... there was still some bruising, but the surgeon had done a great job of realigning it, so you could barely tell the difference from front on. His side-on profile was a little bumpy, but I would never tell him that, and his lip looked terrible, but I knew of some fabulous creams that could make scars fade, when it had healed enough I would help him reduce the scarring.

I watched with growing trepidation as the Doctor took Blaine's chart down off the wall and hung in over the end of his bed, and started unplugging monitors from the wall, then an orderly came in to help move his bed, and Blaine's trembling quickly turned to loud, frantic sobbing as he was wheeled out of the room. I ran alongside the bed, holding his hands in both of mine, trying to calm him, but nothing I said worked. I shot a glance at the orderly, he was stoney faced and stoic, and just kept on wheeling the bed away, not at all concerned with the emotional state of its occupant.

As the orderly took Blaine around a corner towards the elevators, the Doctor reached out and laid a hand on my shoulder, stopping me in my tracks.

"Son, we need you to keep your distance for a little while. Take a break; go home and have a rest, and you can come back tonight, okay?"

I spun, trying to escape his grip, desperate to catch up to Blaine, but then my Dad was there, blocking my path.

"Kurt. He needs to come out of his comfort zone. The Doctor says he thinks your presence is making Blaine worse."

"Comfort zone?" I spat back, fuelled on by the sound of Blaine's cries that floated down the hall. My Dad shrugged, and I knew this hadn't come from him anyway, so I turned on the Doctor. "He doesn't have a comfort zone any more! His whole world is terrifying to him right now, and I'm the only one who can calm him down. How can that be making him worse? Are you just another one of these homophobic fools who is trying to keep us apart?"

"Kurt, that's enough." My Dad growled, but the Doctor didn't flinch.

"Kurt" he said gently. "I promise you, that's not it. My twin brother is gay, I attended his wedding a few months ago, and it was beautiful. This isn't about your relationship with Blaine. I need some time alone with him to try and work him out. We know that he acts this way when he has you there to keep him safe. We have to see how he is without that. I want to try to get through to him. I've consulted with the psychiatric team, and they agree, this is the best way to do this. Can you do this for us, to help him?"

While he was talking, Blaine's crying had ceased to echo the halls, but I knew that it wasn't because he had stopped. My best guess was that the orderly had taken him upstairs in the lift. The silence echoed around me, and I let my Dad pull me into an awkward, sideways hug as I admitted defeat, and nodded in agreance to the Doctors words.

My Dad reached out to shake a hand with the Doctor. "You'll call us immediately if anything changes?"

Doctor Salling nodded, and gave me a friendly pat on the shoulder. "Of course. You clearly care for him very much Kurt, and you've done everything you can to help him. Now get some rest, you've earned it. I'll keep you posted."

"Wait" I said quickly, holding up my hands. "You have to let me say goodbye to him. Let me explain..."

The Doctor looked sympathetic, but shook his head.

"I think it's best if you don't, for now. He's already apart from you now, let's just leave it."

I nodded numbly, and let my Dad lead me away.

-.-.-.-

I don't remember the ride home, or even how I got inside. I do remember standing in the shower for what was possibly hours, the water so scalding hot my skin was angry and red, but I couldn't feel anything except the deep ache in my gut about betraying Blaine. He trusted me. He needed me. I should never have left his side. I shut off the water and dressed quickly, and ran downstairs to get my Dad to drive me back to the hospital, but he flatly refused to take me anywhere until I had eaten and had a rest. I fought him, I bitched and moaned and argued, but he wouldn't budge. Carole brought me a delicious smelling plate of moussaka and I fell upon it ravenously. I was well aware that my Smom had effectively put an end to my arguing, but in that moment I couldn't care... I would resume my demands to return the Blaines side when my belly was full of Caroles beautiful, nutritious cooking.

I had just speared the last mouthful with my fork when the phone rang, and I froze with it halfway to my mouth as my eyes followed my Dad as he answered it, and I plated the fork while I listened intently to the one side of the conversation that I could actually hear.

"Hello? Oh, Hello Dr Salling..."

My stomach lurched. Why would the Doctor be calling us at home? What had happened to Blaine? My Dad's eyes scrunched closed in reaction to something he had just been told, and he pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers.

"Oh no... No. Of course."

I stood up and walked to my Dad's side, resting a hand on his forearm. He opened his eyes, pity and sympathy full and ripe in their depths, and held a finger up to silence me for a while longer.

"Of course Doctor. Yes, okay."

He looked down at me, and brought a hand to rest on my shoulder.

"No, I'll tell him. Thank you Doctor, we appreciate the call. We'll call tomorrow to see how he's doing."

I raised my hands in anger, shooting daggers at my Dad, but I stayed quiet until he finished the call. Tomorrow? No way, I was going back there tonight, one way or another. Blaine needed me.

My Dad thanked the Doctor again, and placed the phone back in its holder before turning to me. Finn and Carole had both come into the room at some stage during the call too, and were looking at him expectantly.

"I'm not waiting til tomorrow, you promised you'd take me back there tonight. Blaine needs me with him, Dad!"

My Dad sighed deeply, and put both his hands on my shoulders to guide me backwards into a dining chair.

"I completely agree with you Kurt, and so does Dr Salling. We know how much he needs you, but considering the circumstances..."

"What circumstances?" I demanded angrily, glaring into my Fathers tired eyes.

"Blaine has been moved to the High Care wing of the Psychiatric Unit, they need to keep him under close observation for the next 72 hours, and he can't have any visitors in that time. He tried to commit suicide this afternoon, son."

I'm honestly not very sure what my physical reaction was to that, I can only really remembering the room around me spinning, and then a moment later I was leaning over the kitchen sink vomiting up the contents of my stomach.

Suicide.

Blaine tried to kill himself.

"There's something else Kurt. I don't know if telling you this is going to make you feel better or worse, but I'm not going to hold anything back from you. You deserve to know the truth."

I took the wet face washer Carole offered me and wiped my mouth with it, leaning back against the kitchen bench, just waiting for my Dad to continue.

"Dr Salling was pleased to inform me that Blaine has started speaking again, which is a good thing, right? It's a breakthrough, it's progress from what we had..."

I nodded. Yeah, sure, that was great... so what about that was going to make me feel worse?

"What did he say Dad?"

My Dad looked nervously from me to Carole, and back again.

"It's just three words, son. Repeated over and over."

I steeled myself, knowing instinctively that the next words out of my Fathers mouth were going to be a kick in the guts for me. I think I already knew what they were going to be.

"It's your name, 'Kurt', he keeps saying, he's crying it over and over. 'Kurt. You promised'."

I felt like I'd had the breath knocked out of me. I slid slowly down, letting my legs fold beneath me as my body slid down the cupboard doors until I was sitting on the kitchen floor, and my head fell into my hands in despair. I felt I body appear beside me, and my Dad's hand rest on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, son."

I had promised him that I would never leave him again. I had promised him that for as long as he was in Hospital, I would always be there at his side. I knew how fragile he was, I knew I was the only one who could calm him, comfort him; Hell, I was the only one who could even be in the same room as him without him trembling in fear, and I had betrayed his trust and abandoned him. He must be feeling so alone, so hurt. Oh God, it was because of me that he had tried to kill himself. He thought I had left him.

"Please Dad. I have to get back there. Even if they won't let me see him, I have to be at that Hospital. Just... please?"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

End Notes: To Be Continued...Love it or Hate it? Please leave a review.

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