Blaine’s voice stumbles slightly over the word, trying to hide the break in his voice. He involuntarily glances nervously around the restaurant, feeling compelled to keep others from overhearing his conversation with Kurt. He doesn’t want to be ashamed or feel the need to apologize for who he is, but he knows better than to expect that most people, in this small Ohio town, won’t be offended or upset if they were to overhear two teenage boys talking about attending the prom together.

“It’ll be the…social event of the season,” Kurt says. He is going for nonchalance, but Blaine can tell he’s nervous.

The thoughts race into Blaine’s head with a force intense enough to knock the wind out of him. Immediately, his palms begin to sweat. He looks up to his boyfriend’s face, trying to mask the fear he is feeling, and Kurt’s face falls.

“You don’t want to go to prom with me?” Kurt asks, obviously taken aback.

Blaine’s eyebrows shoot upward on his forehead. “No, no, no! Of course I want to go with you!” He answers quickly, chasing after Kurt’s hand that he’s pulled back to his side of the table. He needs to make Kurt understand. “Its just…prom….”

“What about prom, Blaine?” Kurt asks, patiently fishing for clarification. Blaine can sense that he’s hurt him with his reluctance.

He drops his eyes to study the silverware on the table. The fingerprints left on the knife that he hasn’t even used cause him to draw his eyebrows together as he thinks of a way to phrase what needs to be said. Months ago, when he’d first met Kurt, he’d casually mentioned his own experience with bullying, but ever since then, Kurt’s own experiences and problems had taken center stage. Blaine’s hadn’t come up again, until now. If it were up to him, he’d just as soon pretend that it never happened. But he knows that Kurt deserves an explanation. He sighs heavily.

“At my old school, there was this Sadie Hawkins dance,” Blaine begins, eyes still downcast. “I had just come out, so I asked this friend of mine,” at this, Blaine allows his eyes to flick up to Kurt’s before quickly returning back to focus on the fingerprint-covered knife on the table. This story makes him feel weaker than he’s ever felt before, and it is beyond embarrassing. He can’t look Kurt in the eye while describing it. His pride won’t let him. “He was the only other gay guy in the school. While we were waiting for his dad to pick us up, these three guys, um…” Blaine hesitates, trying to think of the least graphic way to finish the story. “They beat the living crap out of us.” His eyes finally lift up to Kurt’s face.

Kurt looks at him with a mixture of surprise and pity. That shouldn’t make Blaine feel worse, but somehow it does.

“I—I’m so sorry,” Kurt answers, quiet and genuine.

Blaine’s voice gains strength as he continues. “I’m out and I’m proud and all that, it’s just…a little bit of a sore spot.” Blaine brings his hand up to his face and leans against it. Why did this still have to bother him? Why couldn’t he just be excited to have a fun night out with his boyfriend without his past getting in the way? Why can’t he even have a conversation about this without being terrified that someone will overhear? So much for “out and proud.”

“This is perfect,” Kurt answers, looking down at the table, his eyes calculating. Blaine looks up quickly, surprised at Kurt’s words. “You couldn’t face up to the bullies at your school, so you can do it at mine. We can do it together.”

Blaine lets out a nervous chuckle. If he’s honest with himself, that is the very last thing he wants to do, but he cannot think of a way to say that to Kurt without making him feel rejected. He’s about to speak again but Kurt beats him to it.

“But I have to say, Blaine, if it makes you feel uncomfortable at all then we’ll just forget about prom. We’ll go to a movie instead.”

Blaine swears he can actually feel his heart ache. He knows how badly Kurt wants this, how much he wants to be able to attend a school dance like a normal high school couple, like the rest of his friends…but Blaine doesn’t think he can do it.

He cares so much about Kurt. Even though he hasn’t said it to him yet, he knows that he loves him. But being in love with Kurt doesn’t make the fear any less paralyzing. His mind splits in two, spewing rational thoughts such as, “you will both be fine” and, “it will be healthy for you to face your fear” coupled with the traumatized part saying, “no,” “keep yourself safe,” “it could happen again.” The war going on in his mind must be showing on his face, because Kurt it looking at him like he very well might break in half. He tries to return to the present and smiles hoping that his expression conveys how much love he has in his heart for this boy.

“I am crazy about you,” Blaine begins, “please don’t question that for even a second. I really, really wish that this is something that I could do for you, with you, Kurt...but I don’t think I can,” he reaches across the table to grab Kurt’s hand again and Kurt doesn’t retreat this time. “I hate how weak this makes me sound, but I’ve spent over two years in therapy trying to come to terms with what happened to me, and I’m just…I’m not there yet.” He tightens his hand around Kurt’s. “And I can’t even imagine what I’d do if you ever got hurt because of me. Seeing us there together might be enough of a reason for some of the homophobic assholes at your school to come after us.”

“Blaine, that’s totally fine, I promise. Like I said, we’ll go to the movies instead,” Kurt says, bringing his other hand up to cradle Blaine’s, squeezing slightly.

“No, no, Kurt,” Blaine says, shaking his head forcefully before determinedly locks eyes with his boyfriend. “You want to go, so you should definitely go. I don’t want to hold you back. I don’t ever want to be responsible for holding you back.” Blaine leans forward slightly to emphasize this. He doesn’t ever want Kurt to not do something just because of him. “If we were to go together, people might have a problem with it. But if you go without me, we won’t be adding fuel to that fire, and you’ll still get to go.”

“Blaine, the biggest reason I want to go is to spend that evening with you, doing something special,” Kurt explains.

“And I understand that, believe me. But I really think that you’ll regret not going. All of your friends will be there—“

“Yeah, with dates,” Kurt interjects quietly, and Blaine’s anger at himself only grows. He is silent for a minute, trying to think of another direction to approach this from. He honestly doesn’t want Kurt to miss out on this experience, and more than anything, he doesn’t ever want Kurt to have a reason to resent him. Kurt’s clear, high voice cuts into his thoughts. “Well, actually, Mercedes said that there is a group of them that are all going stag together…maybe I can jump on that bandwagon.”

“Babe, I really think you should,” Blaine says, using Kurt’s nickname he rarely calls him unless they’re completely alone. “I want you to go. And we can Skype beforehand and everything so you can rub it in my face with how much fun you’re going to have,” Blaine says, absently rubbing the back of Kurt’s hand with his thumb. Kurt rolls his eyes and sighs.

“Okay, I’ll go. But promise me something, okay? Next year, we will go together. It’ll be my senior prom…”

Blaine sits up a little straighter and he smiles. Their relationship is still fairly new so they try to avoid planning too far ahead in the future, just in case things don’t work out. That doesn’t mean that Blaine doesn’t think about their future constantly, like where they’ll live when they move to New York together, when they’ll get married, how many kids they’ll have and what their names will be…but hearing this small affirmation from Kurt makes Blaine’s heart swell with happiness.

“I promise you. Next year, we will go together and I will make it so amazing for you that you forget all about what an idiot I’m being right now,” Blaine answers, bringing Kurt’s hand up to kiss his knuckles without even giving a second thought to where they are.

“All right, so I’ll go. But just so you know, if it’s unbearably lame without you, I’ll leave early and we can go do something,” Kurt says.

“Kurt, you don’t have to do—“

“I know I don’t have to, but it’s prom night, dammit, and I want to spend at least part of it with my boyfriend.” Kurt smiles across the table and Blaine’s heart skips. He smiles back sadly.

“I’m sorry, Kurt.”

Kurt maneuvers their hands do that they can intertwine their fingers, the way he knows Blaine likes.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, B.”

After Blaine drops him off at home (and about 15 minutes of heavy making out in Blaine’s car), Kurt calls Mercedes to ask if he can join in on their group date. Mercedes responds excitedly and tells him that it’s going to be her, Rachel, Sam and Jesse St. James.

Oh, fantastic, Kurt thinks to himself. So judging from Jesse and Rachel’s past and from Sam making eyes at Mercedes for the last few weeks, Kurt will most definitely be the fifth wheel on this “group date.” It’s not that Kurt’s not used to being the loner in a sea of couples, but the great thing about finally having a boyfriend is not having to do that anymore…

It’s an involuntary reaction after he gets off the phone with Mercedes to call Blaine and complain about how he’ll be forced to endure the unavoidable awkwardness of two exes who obviously still have feelings for one another, as well as two of his friends who are in that uncomfortable dance-around-each-other’s-feelings stage of a relationship. He pushes number three on his speed dial before he even know he’s doing it and Blaine answers after the first ring.

“Miss me already?” Blaine’s voice says teasingly. Kurt can hear the dim roar of Blaine’s car in the background and glances at the clock on his nightstand. Blaine left 20 minutes ago, so he is still driving home.

Kurt smiles even though he knows Blaine can’t see him. “Of course. Is it too late for you to come back?”

“Unfortunately, if I were to come back now, I would definitely miss my curfew, be grounded forever and you’d never see me again, so…” Blaine says with mock seriousness.

“Damn,” Kurt jokes, “well I guess I’ll just have to manage then. I just got off the phone with Mercedes and you’ll never guess—“ Kurt stops himself. If he complains to Blaine about this, Blaine is sure to feel even guiltier than he already does. His mind searches quickly for something else to say.

“What? What will I never guess?” Blaine says.

“She, um, she said that she found a dress online and bought it on a whim, without even getting my seal of approval first!” Kurt says quickly, grateful for how believable he sounds.

Blaine laughs loudly into the phone. “Wow, brave girl. You’d think she’d know better by now than to do anything without your permission,” Blaine says, only partially teasing.

The day of prom is stressful for Kurt. He still isn’t satisfied with the way his suit jacket fits in the shoulders, and there is no way, dateless or no, that Kurt Hummel will be attending a formal event in anything less than a perfectly tailored outfit. Plus, he’ll be having his Skype date with Blaine beforehand and is hoping to look good enough that Blaine makes that face, where it looks like he’s having an internal argument about whether or not to rip Kurt’s clothes off. He grins mischievously to himself and goes about fixing his jacket.

Once he is done prepping and is putting the finishing touches on his hair, he hears the familiar popping sound coming from his computer. He quickly checks himself out in the full-length mirror hanging on the back of his door and nods once. Not bad, Hummel.

Kurt walks to his desk and accepts the call coming through on his computer. Blaine’s smiling face fills the screen, and Kurt can see that he’s got his guitar balanced in his lap.

“Hey, B,” Kurt says, backing himself up to sit on his computer desk chair. He moves papers around absently on his desk and, after a moment, realizes that Blaine has not answered him.

“Blaine?” he asks, making sure the volume is up on his laptop. When his eyes return to the screen, Blaine’s face is no longer smiling, but his mouth is hanging open and his eyes are wide. “…Are you all right, Blaine?”

After a moment, Blaine starts babbling. “Um, hi, yes, I’m fine, and Kurt, you look hot!”

Kurt gives a startled laugh and a self-satisfied smile. Mission accomplished.

“Well, thank you, dear boyfriend. You’re not looking too bad yourself,” Kurt says, bringing both of his hands to rest underneath his chin.

Blaine absently runs his hands through his ungelled curls before answering. “No, Kurt, I’m serious. You look fantastic. Should I be jealous? Did you ask someone else to go with you? You aren’t breaking up with me over this, are you, Kurt? Because if you are—“ Blaine continues without breathing, his eyes getting wider with each word.

Kurt rolls his eyes. “Blaine, stop. Of course I didn’t ask anyone else. You know me, I’d never step out of my house in anything less than perfect, right?”

“Remember how I said I didn’t want you to leave early at all? Yeah, I take that back. Leave whenever you want. I’ll be hanging onto my phone with a death grip waiting for you to call,” Blaine says, only half joking.

“We’ll see, we’ll see,” Kurt says, leaning back in his chair, grinning. “Who knows, it could be fun. I doubt it, but it could be.”

Blaine just smiles at him for a second before seeming to come back to himself. “Oh, I wanted to do something for you,” he says, absently tapping the top of his guitar. “I figured tonight would be a good night for it, considering…well, anyway, I’m really sorry I won’t be there tonight with you, Kurt. And I really do promise to do something amazing to make it up to you.”

“Blaine, you don’t have—“

“I do have to, though. And I will. I won’t be there to take pictures with you, or pin a boutonniere on you, or dance with you…but next year, I promise I will be. And to thank you for being so amazing and forgiving and patient with me, I wanted to give something to you in return.”

Kurt’s head tilts in confusion, because how can Blaine give him anything when he isn’t physically here?

“So, You know how I told you I don’t ever let anyone hear the songs that I write because they’re all terrible and clich� and not good at all? Well, I’ve been working on one for you for months, because I wanted it to be perfect. I’m sure I’ll write hundreds more for you, but this is the first, and it’s special. So…anyway, this is for you.”

Kurt gasps and brings his hand up to his mouth. Blaine had written him a song and was actually going to play it for him.

Blaine clears his throat and tentatively begins to play a slow, loving melody. Kurt feels tears spring to his eyes and laughs quietly to himself, embarrassed by his reaction when Blaine hasn’t even started singing yet. Blaine starts humming along with the melody and Kurt’s entire world falls away when he begins to sing.

Can I steal just a minute of your time?
Take you back to those late night drives,
Chasin’ stars, chasin’ dreams, chasin’ love,
Singing at the top of our lungs.

You cried for me when my eyes ran dry.
I cried for you, baby, all of the time.
We’d talk all night about all of this stuff,
Then come the morning, we’d be all grown up.

Look at where we are.
No way to have learned but hard that,
Hearts aren’t made of steel,
And only time heals.

But it flies when you’re heart’s undone,
Slows down, stops for no one.
Unforgiving, unrelenting and unfair
But every time time’s not…
I’ll be there.

I always wanted to be just like you--
Have a plan, take control and stay true to me.
I played tough, but I was lost and so scared,
Underneath, broken down, you found me there.

Big mouths, closed minds, small town,
You get let down then you get the hell out.

Look at where we are.
No way to have learned but hard that,
Hearts aren’t made of steel,
And only time heals.

But it flies when your heart’s undone,
Slows down, stops for no one,
Unforgiving, unrelenting and unfair,
But every time time’s not…
I’ll be there.

Hearts aren’t made of steel,
And only time heals but…
It flies when your heart’s undone,
Slows down, stops for no one
Unforgiving, unrelenting and unfair
And every time time’s not…
I’ll be there.

Can I steal just a minute of your time?
Take you back to those late night drives…

Kurt feels the tears on his cheeks before he realizes that he’s crying. He brushes the majority of them away before looking back up at the screen. Blaine is looking at him with an expectant look, his eyes soft and searching.

“Well…what did you think?” Blaine asks, sliding the guitar strap nervously over his head and setting his guitar on the floor beside him.

“Oh, Blaine…” Kurt says, tears welling up in his eyes again.

“I know it’s not really sappy and typical…I figured, we have the rest of our lives for me to write you sappy love songs. But after we’ve been together for awhile, I might be able to write about the exact things that made me fall in love with you because I might not remember like I do now,” Blaine explains, and Kurt freezes.

He said he’s in love with me. He’s in love with me. Kurt’s eyes widen with disbelief and a small smile comes to his lips.

“You’re my best friend, Kurt. You are so amazingly strong and handle everything with such grace. I’ve seen you go through hell, but time and time again, you shock me with the way you refuse to be anybody other than who you are. I fell in love with my best friend because of his strength, and because he’s the kind of person I want to be,” Blaine stops here; seeming to realize what he’s said without meaning to say it. He swallows audibly and exhales. “I love you, Kurt…God, I’m so crazy in love with you.”

Kurt’s smile splits across his face and he lets the tears pooling in his eyes fall unchecked. “I love you too, so much.” He sees Blaine’s shoulders relax and a huge grin comes across his face. “I do have one complaint though.”

Blaine’s smile disappears quickly. “What?”

Kurt grabs both sides of his laptop screen. “Why in God’s name would you do this now, when you are not physically here and I can’t kiss you until you can’t see straight like I want to?!”

Blaine laughs loudly and shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know, I guess I just wanted you to know how much I care about you, especially tonight, when my own fear gets in the way.”

“I wish you were here,” Kurt says, his hand coming up to rest under his chin. “I really, really wish you were. And I wish even more than I could thank you properly for that song.”

“Oh? And what exactly constitutes properly, Mr. Hummel?” Blaine teases.

“Well, I guess you’ll never know now!” Kurt says, standing up and pretending to walk away from the computer.

“Hey, hey! Get back here!”

Kurt laughs and comes back to sit. “Seriously, thank you, B. That song was so beautiful…it was perfect. And…and I really hope that you’ll eventually let me hear some of the other things you’ve written. I’m sure they’re amazing as well.”

“Yeah, well, we’ll see. I’ve got about 150 terrible songs for every mildly decent one, so if I come across one I think is worthy of your ears, I’ll play it for you,” Blaine answers, brushing off the compliment.

Kurt’s eyebrows rise in surprise. “A hundred and fif —you’ve really written that many songs?”

Blaine shrugs and looks down. “I write about everything. I can’t really help it. I guess it’s just my way of dealing with things. It’s like…sometimes I feel like the things that upset me don’t really matter at all. Like, with everything with my dad, “ Blaine stops here for a moment, and Kurt leans in, grateful for this moment of openness from his boyfriend. “I know that there are tons of people who have been through the exact same thing. They’ve felt the same way I have, or worse. They’ve formed the words to describe how I feel already. But it’s like…when the words are put to music, even the stalest, most worn-out words about anything...it’s almost as though they’re given new life, and a fresh meaning, just for me. It helps me to feel like…like how I feel matters.”

Kurt immediately jumps in. “Of course you matter, Blaine! Of course how you feel matters.” Kurt’s heart aches for his boyfriend, and for the first time since and he Blaine began dating, he wonders just how bad things got between Blaine and his father. He knows Blaine doesn’t like to talk about it much, so Kurt lets him open up at his own pace. However, Kurt never thought that the reason why Blaine never wants to talk about his problems is because he doesn’t think he matters.

Blaine looks up through his eyelashes and smiles sadly at Kurt. “Well, as long as I matter to you, I’m happy.”

Kurt’s phone goes off loudly across the room. He knows that it’s Mercedes saying that they’ve arrived to pick him up. He jumps up from his desk to answer it and tell her he’ll be out in a minute. Once he hangs up, he sits back down in front of the computer. “They’re here. Junior prom night is about to commence.”

“I love you, Kurt,” Blaine says, and he can feel his shoulders tense up as he says it.

Kurt smiles radiantly. “I love you too.” He can see Blaine’s body relax as he exhales. “Thank you, for everything. Keep your phone on you, okay? Even if I don’t decide to leave early, I’m sure I’ll want to text you all night.”

“I’ll have it. I’ll just be sitting here, all night, watching reruns of ‘Reba’ and fantasizing about you in that suit…and out of it…” Blaine says, looking at Kurt with as much suggestiveness as he can muster after such an intense conversation.

Giggling, Kurt kisses his hand and places it on his computer screen. Blaine does the same. At the same time, they both say,

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

Kurt waves goodbye before disconnecting the call. He sits unmoving for a moment, taking in all that just happened.

He loves me. And we have quite a bit to discuss.