Chapter 33: Defect
TPD: Pot O' Gold

Blaine had underestimated how badly Kurt was taking Rachel's running for president. He yelled something insulting as she entered the room and Blaine shot a look in Kurt's direction, but Kurt wasn't looking at him. This wasn't Kurt. This wasn't the boy he'd fallen in love with. Something was bothering him more than just Rachel competing with him, and Blaine couldn't help but wonder if it was him.

He couldn't help but remember that he'd told Kurt twice that he loved him, and Kurt hadn't echoed the sentiment back. In fact, Kurt had left. For a family dinner.

I know you're a big deal at Dalton or whatever-

Blaine felt like he'd been physically hit. He'd been agreeing with Finn. He'd been trying to help. "Didn't you just say something about us not turning on each other?" he mumbled, but the conversation had already moved on and Blaine was left wondering if he was really part of this group after all. He was part of Kurt and Kurt was part of the group, and it suddenly felt as if that was the only reason they tolerated him there. When he wasn't part of Kurt anymore, would he be shunned?

He asked Kurt to lunch in the choir room, determined to either save their relationship (as he'd now panicked into very real danger in his mind) or end it before Kurt could go on pretending it didn't bother him that Blaine was lacking a very specific body part.

Instead, they talked about the musical. "And I thought maybe your parents might be willing to donate a bit to save the show? I mean, especially when it's so important to you-"

"I don't think they have anything to spare-"

"Then how did they pay for your hormones and stuff?"

An uncomfortable silence fell between them as Blaine fought the urge to run and Kurt realized he'd said something wrong. "I'm sorry," Kurt finally said. "I didn't mean to assume- I'm not good at this, Blaine. I'm trying. I swear I am."

"It's fine," Blaine tried to smile. It was anything but reassuring. "I'll ask, okay? And I should get going. I need to stop by my locker before math."

"Okay," Kurt said and Blaine realized he'd been expecting Kurt to ask him to stay. To give him an "I love you," farewell. Anything but just let him go.

This time he sat away from Kurt in the choir room. Kurt made no move to rectify the situation and Blaine got up, not really sure what he was doing, telling everyone he'd prepared a song to remind them that Glee was about fun, not quite managing to look at them. And they were dancing. And Kurt was just sitting morosely in the back, like he'd rather be doing anything but singing Blaine's song, so Blaine reached out his hands, praying Kurt would take them.

He did, and Blaine felt alright for the first time since he'd realized Kurt left without saying "I love you." Mike danced through them, but Kurt came back. Then Artie broke their grip, but Blaine didn't mind. Kurt had been smiling while they were dancing, and Kurt was still smiling even if he'd abandoned Blaine to dance with the others.

It all came crashing down when Santana quit.

Kurt sat away from Blaine now, and he wondered how long it would be before Kurt ended things. Blaine hadn't had any interaction with Kurt unless he, Blaine, initiated it. Even then, it mostly consisted of short and uninvolved replies.

It's time for us to part.

Blaine already hated Rory's song.

...best for us to part.

He forced a smile onto his face, wondering how splintered it looked, noticing Kurt looked extremely unhappy throughout the whole song.

Kurt was definitely leaving him.

Blaine just wished he'd pull the bandaid off all in one go instead of letting Blaine sit there, feeling each individual hair slowly plucked from his body because Kurt was too afraid to just admit that he was too gay just like Justin.

So Blaine sat there, bittersweet smile plastered in place, wondering if he was ever going to find someone to love him.

Rory's falsetto was beautiful.

Kurt was going to break him and Blaine didn't think he'd come back from it this time.

So when Kurt asked Blaine to stay for a minute, looking upset, Blaine wanted to run. But he couldn't. Running would only prolong the pain, continue ripping out his insides one hair at a time as their relationship peeled slowly away.

So when Kurt said, "I know you're upset with me," Blaine was so surprised he almost didn't hear him finish, "but I really just need a hug, so can we just be okay for five minutes and then we can go back to whatever it was-"

"Why do you think I'm upset with you?" Blaine breathed.

"Because of what I said the other day. About your parents. Bringing up... whatever I brought up."

"You're not..." Blaine shook his head. It didn't matter what miscommunication had happened. Kurt looked like he was falling apart, and Blaine wrapped him in the hug he'd begged for a minute ago. Blaine hugged him tighter as he started to cry.

"I'm sorry," Kurt sniffled. "It's just my dad is leaving, and he refuses to acknowledge that this job could be dangerous for him- I'm so afraid. Congress is stressful, and his heart..."

Blaine felt like an idiot. A self-centered idiot. Kurt had been upset and Blaine had turned it all on himself, pushing Kurt away instead of asking why he'd been so distant. "He'll be fine," Blaine promised, kissing the top of Kurt's head. "He knows his limits, how to eat healthy. I know you'll miss him, but he loves you too much to let something happen to himself."

"I hope you're right," Kurt whispered.

"Of course I'm right," Blaine smiled softly.

Kurt pulled back and kissed him quickly. "Are you doing anything after school? Movie night?"

"I would love that," Blaine said.

"So you're not avoiding me?"

"No," Blaine said. "I... thought you were avoiding me."

Kurt looked horrified. "No, I- It's just with student council, and my dad, and-"

"It's okay," Blaine shushed him. "It's done now. And now it's fine. Are we having this movie night at yours or mine?"

"I'll see you at mine. Five o'clock?"

"Perfect."