“I can’t do this.”
His voice was trembling, his boots hitting the concrete outside of the community theater hard as he paced back and forth. Kurt held his phone to his ear, trying not to start crying because at any moment they were going to call his name and he was going to have to perform his monologue. Three people he didn’t know were going to be judging him. He’d had enough judgment already this year alone, but this time he was seeking it out. His only fear as he spoke to his father was that they were going to tell him he wasn’t good enough.
That’s all anyone ever said to him.
“Kurt,” his father said, his voice calm as if trying to get Kurt to settle down. “You’ve been practicing this for days with Blaine, with me, with yourself while you baked those little lemon squares. Trust me, kid, you’re good. You’ve got it memorized and there’s no reason for you to be freaking out.”
Shaking his head, Kurt sighed heavily. His free hand flailed up into the air as he said, “That’s not the point. What if I get the acting wrong? What if they don’t actually believe the emotion? What if there’s a fire backstage and they forget my performance completely because all they remember is the fact that their theater could have burned down? What if the theater actually burns down!”
His voice got higher as he spoke, his breathing speeding up until he had to clutch at his stomach to calm himself down.
“Wow there! Stop,” Burt interrupted in a strong, almost borderline commanding tone. “Nothing is going to burn down. And you don’t have to worry about the acting. Next to Rachel you’ve got to be one of the most overdramatic people I’ve ever met.”
All Kurt could do was breathe out a sigh and look out at the parking lot as he leaned against the white, outer wall of the theater. Even though he had called Blaine before driving here, his nerves had only escalated as he watched a few people walk in and then out of the theater. Kurt had wondered how he would look like walking out of there. Was he going to join the ones with the happy, overjoyed faces who felt like they owned their auditions? Or was he going to be one of the miserable ones on the verge of tears because they had stumbled over their lines or done something else that had been completely wrong?
His stomach tightened at the thought, before he groaned out and said in a mumble, “I really hope you mean that in a good way. Overdramatic isn’t as good as subtle acting.”
Practically hearing his father roll his eyes, Kurt sucked in his bottom lip. Someone walked through the door, and Kurt nodded his head as they walked by, feeling discomforted by the way they were staring at the ground. This wasn’t going to get any better, and part of him felt like he was walking straight into a dead end.
“You’re going to do fine,” Burt said, pulling Kurt out of his dark thoughts and into the very real present.
His words were meant to comfort, and Kurt was trying to take them in because he knew his father cared, but his head wasn’t listening. This was the first time he had really auditioned for anything outside of Glee club. Those people sitting in those seats weren’t his friends. Everything inside him said he was going to mess it up, and yet Kurt knew that the moment he went back inside and they called his name; he was going to walk onto that stage proudly.
Nerves and all.
With a little nod, he smiled to himself as he ran his fingers over his hair for a moment. “Yeah. I’ll try to remember that,” he said, his voice calmer now as he leaned off the wall and walked towards the glass doors. Inside he could see the others like him who were waiting for their names to be called, and suddenly from outside he could see that they were just as nervous as he was. Kurt looked at their faces and recognized the unease in their eyes because it looked a lot like the blue ones staring back at him through his reflection on the glass doors.
And suddenly he felt just a little less alone.
“I’m going to go in now,” Kurt said, a smile appearing on his face despite the butterflies still fluttering inside him like swarming bees. “They should be calling my name any minute now, so I think I’m going to go back inside. I’ll call you after.”
As he opened the door, his heart warmed just as bit as he heard his father wish him good luck. Even if he didn’t feel like he could do it, Kurt knew he could. He had to, after making it this far.
The air conditioning blew into Kurt’s face as he walked in, pocketing his phone as he made his way towards the few chairs in the far left now that they were open. His heart felt lighter, although it still weighed down on him like a golden bar as he sat up straight in his seat when he saw the doors open again.
His hear stopped as he saw the middle aged woman look down at her list and call out a name that wasn’t his. He took a moment to breathe again, slumping in his seat a bit. Leaning forward, Kurt pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath, trying to convince his heart to stop beating so rapidly. He needed to survive this afternoon; he was determined to.
“Something up?” a voice from above him said and for a moment Kurt thought it was in his head before he realized his distantly remembered it.
Looking up, he blinked up at Ethan who was smiling down at him with his hands in his pockets. Kurt had actually forgotten he was going to be here, seeing as he had been the last person on his mind these past couples days. Between rehearsing, cooking, studying and talking to Blaine, he hadn’t had time to think about a random guy he had met who had helped him find this play.
He nodded though, before shrugging a bit although he instantly sat up straight again. “Nothing,” Kurt said, sucking in his lips as he kept nodding up at him. Pointing at the door, he continued, “Just kind of waiting for them to call my name, I guess.”
Ethan nodded in understanding before he moved to sit next to him. Kurt shifted his body to somewhat face his, although he wasn’t sure if he was going to keep talking or not. Their eyes met, and Ethan’s lips pulled into a wide smile before he said, “I’m glad you turned up. We usually don’t have too many younger people in the plays, so it’s good because it’ll make it more believable. Since the young lovers are supposed to be teenagers, at least.”
With a short chuckle, Kurt raised an eyebrow and looked down somewhat, before he said underneath his breath, “If I get one of those parts.”
Kurt knew it was silly to be so nervous, but he couldn’t help it. Even if this was amateur theater, there were plenty of people auditioning who had more experience than he did. Ethan sitting next to him did, and he frowned as he noticed the paper on his lap that he had filled out and been carrying around with him as he waited for them to call out his name said nothing but the Glee Club performance of Rocky Horror earlier this year.
“You probably will,” Ethan said, shrugging as Kurt looked over at him. With a smile, he held out his hand and cocked his head to the side, “Do you mind if I look over your form?”
He frowned for a second, before shaking his head and handing it over to him. Kurt felt strange at first, but realized there was no harm to be done. He felt exposed, even if he knew that people were going to be looking at it either way.
Taking out his phone, he checked his messages and bit his lip as he saw Blaine’s message saying he was going to be back in a bit since he had to shower after fencing and then eat. Kurt tried (once again) not to let his mind go to the place it usually went when he read Blaine was doing something and tried to picture him, because picturing Blaine in the shower was something Kurt wasn’t going to do, let alone in public.
“Kurt?” Ethan asked, forcing Kurt out of his head as he shot his neck up to look at him.
“Yeah?”
“It looks fine,” he said, with a nod, offering Kurt a small smile. “I mean, you left it very open by saying you’d even work backstage, but I guess they’ll like your enthusiasm. You don’t have to worry as long as your audition goes well.”
Smiling at him, Kurt nodded and took the form out of his hands. He thanked him, but something inside of him was still worried. All of this was too nerve wrecking for him to be consoled by just a few words, even if it did come from someone with actual experience.
Kurt cleared his throat, before glancing over at him and saying, “Well, I hope your audition went well.”
The smile that spread over Ethan’s lips was cocky, and Kurt found himself extremely put off by it. He had enough of Rachel Berry’s ego, and this guy was trying to compete with it. Putting his hand over his chest, Ethan kept smiling as he said, “It was perfect. Of course, I only put down Puck and Lysander for who I wanted to be, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to get Puck. I have the most experience here, so it’s obvious I’m going to get the lead.”
He could only nod slowly as he bit his lip to keep himself from saying something that was too mean, although Kurt was sure the look of disapproval on his face could be read easily. The only egotism he could stand was his own, and that only came when he was speaking about fashion or certain musicals.
“And I bet you will,” Kurt said through gritted teeth as he half smiled at him civilly. Only he could tell Ethan wasn’t exactly reading the slight disapproval off Kurt. He was glad to see that, because the last thing he needed was to get off on the wrong foot in this new world.
Ethan opened his mouth to speak and Kurt waited to hear what he could possibly have to say next, before his head whirled over to the door as it opened out of reflex. The person who had entered stepped out, and the woman looked down at her paper to announce the next name.
Watching her lips form letters as she spoke, Kurt was too shocked to actually hear her. The only sound to reach his ears was the pounding of his heart, like thunder, rattling his ribcage until he shook like a scared cat. The white room suddenly became brighter and fuzzier, as if everything lost its focus as his eyes settled onto her lips.
Kurt felt like he was going to faint as he watched her mouth form the letters of his name. A rough K followed by a soft U. His heart kept pounding. Her lips curled around the R, taking her time with it as Kurt swore the room began to spin. Finally she formed a sharp, thick T, and Kurt got up slowly to start walking over to her. He just hoped his knees wouldn’t give out in the process.
His nails dug into his palm as he walked; his last name nothing but a blur as he made his way over to her on steady feet. The door slammed shut behind him, and Kurt took a deep breath as he took the next step bravely forward.

---

His fingers trembled as he tied the bowtie onto his neck and turned it around. Blaine looked at himself in the mirror; he watched his hands straighten his bowtie before he fixed his collar. It was almost as if he were on autopilot, watching himself do these things without really feelings himself do them. He knew it was because of the nerves, the nerves that hadn’t really left his stomach for days. They were present in everything he did now, ever since he had decided to go ahead with his.
Blaine was afraid he looked too cheesy, afraid he looked stupid and Kurt was going to end up laughing at him the entire time. Their styles of dressing were so different, and Kurt had really only ever seen him in his uniform and his pajamas. But Blaine had decided he wanted to look his best while he did this; he just wasn’t sure if his best was good enough for Kurt’s standards.
It was crazy that he was doing this. It was stupid of him to just assume that Kurt felt the same way he had in February. But then again, Kurt had put himself out on a limb when he had told Blaine he liked him, and it was wrong to hold back from saying the same thing if only because he was scared. It was the first step towards what he could only hope was a lot of things, but Blaine wasn’t going to get too carried away with his hoping.
He looked at mirror again, trying to calm down as he checked if his hair looked alright. It was slicked down again after his shower, and while he would usually just run a bit of pomade through his hair after his shower for when he spoke to Kurt later simply because he didn’t want it to look too unruly, he had smoothed it down completely today. He ran a comb through his hair to get everything down, or perhaps as just as an excuse to prolong moving on to his laptop.
Blaine took in a deep breath, trying to calm the shaking of his body as he did. Dark honey eyes looked at him in the mirror, and Blaine stared back at himself. He searched for something in his eyes that told him he needed to stop. He looked for that part inside of him that knew this was going to fail and found nothing. Yes, he was nervous, but Blaine Anderson didn’t want to not go through with this.
“You can do this,” he said in a hushed tone, smiling at himself lightly as he stepped out of the bathroom.
The sun was setting over the city, and Blaine just hoped it didn’t make everything seem too overly orange on his camera, although that was almost always the case. He crossed the space from his bathroom to his room, and sat down at his desk in front of his laptop that was on standby. Taking in a deep breath, Blaine literally had to reassure himself that this wasn’t something he would end up regretting.
And how could he regret this? If everything went according to plan, Kurt would finally know how Blaine felt. Blaine would finally be honest with him, and they could try to figure things out together as to how they were going to meet. They could move past the giggles and guessing of feelings and onto something else. Because although Blaine could live with waiting a little longer to see Kurt, he knew he wanted to see him as soon as possible. He was past the fear of long distance, but now that his feelings had escalated, Blaine knew he wanted to know what it felt like to really be around Kurt.
However, if it didn’t go according to plan, Blaine would end up looking like a fool. But it wasn’t fair that he wasn’t being honest. He told himself that either way, confessing how he felt was going to make him feel better. Licking his lips slowly, he kept reassuring himself that there was going to be something positive out of this.
His laptop finished loading, and Blaine sucked in a breath as he opened his recording software on his laptop. Maybe it was stupid the way he was going to go about this, but it reminded him of when Kurt and he had first started talking. He smiled softly, chuckling as he remembered that night that he had sleepily stumbled into the Wicked tag only to see a video posted by someone with an Audrey Hepburn icon saying that they were sorry for butchering the song. Something had compelled Blaine to press play though and not continue scrolling past and it had been the best decision of his life. Blaine hadn’t even hesitated to tell Kurt how wonderful he had sounded, and that message had started all of this.
So maybe a video really wasn’t the worst idea ever.
He looked down at the script lying beside his desk, before sighing because he knew it by memory. It was pathetic for him to realize that he had actually gone through the trouble of writing a script when he was 99.9 percent sure he was going to forget the entire thing once the light on his laptop turned on and indicated that his camera was recording. Blaine knew that everything he had wanted to say was going to get jumbled up in his head and that there was basically no reason for him to worry because it was going to be a train wreck either way.
Blaine just hoped he could make it onto a charming train wreck, if only so that Kurt didn’t laugh at him the entire time. With a nod, he moved his curser over the button that said start recording, but didn’t press play. He breathed for a moment, not because he was having doubts but because he physically couldn’t breathe right then. His breathing was labored, and he told himself to calm down because if he kept feeling like this he was going to end up fainting from lack of oxygen.
It was like a performance, and soon those jitters would leave and Blaine would feel energetic and pumped up because of them. He waited for that moment, trying to prepare himself much in a similar way by taking in a deep, long breath. Only he didn’t picture the audience smiling as he sang. It was Kurt’s face smiling at him as he spoke that he imagined in his head, and he almost felt sad that he couldn’t see Kurt’s face as he watched the video. Closing his eyes, he let out that breath slowly. Blaine felt his heart start to quiet down, although the blood in his veins was still warm and rushing. But the mood inside of him changed, and he pressed down on his left finger, causing the cursor to press record.

---

Four hours and all Kurt had gotten out of his massive shopping trip with himself were two bags of clothes, one which just had one scarf in it. But it wasn’t his fault that everything he liked hadn’t been in his size or that with spring just around the corner all the winter clothing was already leaving and he was left shopping through the scraps of what was left. Usually he was able to deal with that, but frustration and nerves wasn’t a good combination of feelings to shop with.
Of course, the shopping was supposed to have calmed him down, and even if it had made him happy as he ran his fingers over the lush fabrics at the many stores he had entered, Kurt was still nervous. It was a different sort of nervous than he had felt the day before at the audition. It was that type of nervousness that stayed with you no matter what you did. The type that settled at the bottom of your stomach, but let you go about your day only to surprise you later when you had nothing else to occupy your time with.
Which was exactly why Kurt had decided to go shopping in the first place. And although he had turned up a bit shorter than he would have hoped, it had been worth it.
“Someone’s home late,” Kurt heard his father say as he walked through the front door.
Shaking his head as he took off his boots, Kurt walked into the living room and looked at his father who sat on their couch with an arm around Carole. He smiled at the scene, ignoring the empty feeling his heart got whenever he saw a happy couple and just let their ease warm him. “Last time I checked, it was still light outside. It’s Saturday too. You just think I’m late because you had a shorter shift at the garage,” Kurt answered as he leaned against the archway that connected the main hallway with the living room.
Burt nodded, but didn’t tear his eyes away from the television screen. It took him a moment to speak, and he finally opened his mouth just as Kurt was ready to dodge the question and head up to his room. His eyes met Kurt’s as he spoke, raising an eyebrow at his son as he asked, “What’s up? You never come home after four hours of shopping with only two bags.”
He sucked in his lip for a moment before he let out a sigh that he had been keeping inside of himself for a while. Resting his forehead against the wall, Kurt closed his eyes as he answered, “It’s been two days and they haven’t called me back from the theater.”
On the couch, Burt and Carole shared a look. Their lips pulled into a tight line, and her hand moved to Burt’s knee where she squeezed it. Her little gesture helped Burt find the reassuring words for Kurt. “Hey, they probably are just trying to figure out which part you’d be best for, kid. That’s what happens when someone comes in who is really talented.”
A scoff escaped Kurt’s lips, but he smiled either way as he opened his eyes and looked at his father. Carole next to him was smiling wide and nodding her head, and Kurt’s smile only got bigger. Shaking his head a bit, Kurt sighed again but it wasn’t heavy anymore as he said, “Right. I’ll keep thinking about it like that.”
His sock covered feet took him upstairs as he called out from the top that he’d already gotten a salad at the mall when his father reminded him to have dinner. He put down his shoes near his bed before dumping the two bags on his bed. He’d pick things up later when he wasn’t so tired from walking around. Rolling his neck to try to get rid of the slight ache in it, he couldn’t help but wondered if he should hop into his bathroom and take a nice warm bath with that bath bomb from Lush that he had ordered online. But then his eyes landed on his laptop that lay on top of his glass desk.
With a yawn, Kurt glanced down at his watch and sighed because it was too late for Blaine to be online. They had spoken to each other last night, and through text while Kurt had shopped, but somewhere in between hour two of his shopping trip, Blaine had disappeared without so much of a warning. He could only assume Blaine had been texting him as he lay in his bed and had fallen asleep with the phone in his hand.
Smiling as he imagined Blaine sleeping, his lips parted slightly as he breathed, Kurt walked over to his desk and opened his laptop. He’d take a bath in a bit before he went downstairs and watched television with his father and Carole as he also read the new Vogue issue. Long fingers traced over his phone’s screen as he placed it down on the top of the desk, wondering if he should wish Blaine good night even if he was already asleep. He decided against it as his laptop finished loading and he clicked to open a new browser window, his fingers instinctively typing Tumblr into the address bar.
Ever since he had started speaking to Blaine through Skype, he had needed Tumblr a lot less than before. He logged on periodically to check Blaine’s blog or to see what the latest fad on his dashboard was. Mostly he logged on after he had kicked Blaine off his laptop to go to sleep.
Like many afternoons and nights before, Kurt’s fingers guided his cursor to pull the dashboard down as he looked through the posts. It wasn’t until a few minutes after he had reblogged a pair of Dr. Martens that Kurt really paid attention to what he was doing. Because then a few minutes later a familiar little red box appeared over the white envelope on his dashboard. And despite the heavy dejavu, Kurt clicked the box.
The message was from a girl who he followed, but not someone he spoke to often. She was one of those people who had followed him back when Blaine had kept reblogging him, not one of the people who had followed him for his fashion posts. He furrowed his brow as he read the message.
Kurt! You’re online! What did you say?!
Aside from the simple fact that it made no sense, Kurt just stared at the message before he shook his head. Something had happened and he didn’t understand what was up. A soft sigh escaped his lips before he clicked to move onto his dashboard, unsure of what that would reveal before he gave up and asked her politely what she meant by her vague message.
It was only now as his eyes searched his dashboard for a sign of something different that he noticed the little one next to the tag of his name on the sidebar of his dashboard. He blinked, but his fingers moved across the touch pad of his mac to drag the cursor there either way. His heart didn’t go faster, his breathing wasn’t small.
Kurt didn’t have any idea what was waiting for him.

---

“Hey Kurt!” Blaine said, his smile wide as he stared at the camera.
Kurt stared at the video he had found in his tag. The video of Blaine that had neither a caption under it nor any other tag aside from Kurt’s URL. It was suspicious, and it only became more so as soon as Kurt saw that Blaine’s hair was slicked back and that he was wearing casual clothes. And if it hadn’t been for the strangeness of the situation, he would have stopped to admire Blaine and smiled as he realized just how much he approved of the white and blue striped bowtie he was wearing while he waited for the video to load.
But he too busy focusing on what Blaine had to say than what he was wearing.
“I’m not going to do this video again. I was, but I figured if I’m going to make a fool of myself in all of them, I’ll only do it once. Don’t laugh at me too much when you watch this, okay?” Blaine laughed, and the way his voice was wavering as he spoke was rather uncharacteristic of him. Kurt leaned back in his chair, his hand in a fist to keep his head up.
Blaine licked his lips before he continued, “I hope you had a good day, by the way. I know we’ve been talking, but I hope that after I fall asleep you’re still having a good day and that you found some things you liked while you went shopping.”
Smiling at the fact that Blaine thought of him like that, he almost didn’t notice that this video didn’t have any point to it yet at all.
But luckily Blaine realized that. “I should probably, um, get to it then,” he said, his voice dry and shaking once again. Kurt furrowed his brow as he watched him, slightly straightening up when Blaine started speaking again. His voice was small, and despite how many times he stuttered and searched for the right words, Blaine went for it. “You—you inspire me, Kurt. I was just happily going through the motions with my life until we started talking. And even though you were afraid, you were strong. And that’s inspired me to stand up for myself, so I just wanted to thank you. Thank you for being the best friend anyone could ask for.”
Kurt’s heart swelled then, and his smile was ridiculous as he watched him say those last words. He wasn’t quite blushing yet, but he could feel the heat rising onto his face.
Blaine continued, and Kurt noticed the difference of his tone now. Whereas before he had been smiling and looking at the camera as he spoke, he glanced away now. That urged him to lean in closer as Blaine said, his voice somewhat clearer now as he got used to it, “There’s a lot of things that I should have told you earlier. But I didn’t really realize them until you were gone and I thought I lost you. I was being paranoid, I know, but those three days without you really opened my eyes and I just finally knew what I had been trying to figure out.”
Their eyes met then as Blaine looked up again. Despite the quality of the camera, Kurt could see his eyes were glossed over and watery, as if he were about to cry. It made him lean forward more, his mind still trying to wrap itself around what Blaine was saying although he did have a vague idea. But just thinking about what he hoped, about what he wished he was saying made Kurt blush instantly. He didn’t tear his eyes away from Blaine’s, which even in a recording knew exactly where to find his.
“I like you, Kurt. I know I told you that before, but it’s different now. I like you and I’m not scared of the distance and what it means. I just really care about you and I want people to know that,” his voice trailed off as he looked away for a moment, his face red and not just because of the lighting in his room.
But Kurt’s face was just as red. Cupping his cheeks with his palms, Kurt breathed out as he tried to find his breath. He’d been holding it the entire time Blaine was speaking, his heart racing as he tried to wake himself up from what he could only guess was an amazing dream. This didn’t happen to people like him. His head was racing ahead of him, but he begged it to shut up as Blaine started talking again.
He was laughing now, and it made Kurt smile to hear him. His heart was swelling at the stars in Blaine’s eyes, never wanting to reach out and touch him more than he wanted to right now. Blaine shook his head as he started speaking, a paper in his hand now. “I had a whole speech written out and I completely got off script the second I started this. Yeah, but I should probably move on to the second reason I made this video before I just sit here laughing at myself. The sooner this train wreck is over, the sooner I get to well, hear from you.”
His smile was soft, and he was glancing right at the camera again. Kurt smiled back at him before he said, as if Blaine could hear him, “It’s not a complete train wreck.”
Blaine didn’t reply, and instead a very serious look came over his face as he looked at the camera. Kurt took a breath and waited for him to speak. His voice was calm despite how giddy it had been a second ago, “I have a plan. It’s a bit stupid, but it’s a plan. I’m working now. I got a job at a little caf� and I’m going to save my money so that I can buy a plane ticket. You know, to visit you. In the summer. In Ohio.”
Kurt’s couldn’t hold back the gasp that left his lips, his eyes instantly growing huge. He hardly had any time to react further as Blaine went on, somewhat rambling now, “I’ve already spoken to my parents about it, they’re fine with me going as long as I look into some colleges while there. All I need is a place to stay, and um, I haven’t really thought this part out because it all depends on your dad and step mom, but I could stay in your living room? You have to ask them, of course, but I really don’t mind.”
He smiled again, and Kurt laughed because it was nervous and yet honest and so absolutely Blaine. Everything about this moment was perfect, and Kurt wanted to stop time right there and just look at him. The only problem was that Blaine was still miles away, but they were going to work their way around that.
“And even if they say no and this falls through, it’s okay. It’s okay because I’m not afraid of the distance anymore. I’ll wait as long as I have to in order to see you in person, Kurt. I just,” his voice trailed off, his eyes suddenly down cast as he spoke. His voice was rugged and small when he spoke again, “I hope you feel the same.”
Kurt’s heart exploded at those words, and he barely was able to hear the rest of what Blaine had to say because of it. He mentioned something about going to bed then, and that Kurt could wake him up when he wanted to. He said goodnight to him, and the screen went black as the video ended. Kurt could only sit there and try to collect himself because his heart was going to stop beating.
He’d been waiting months for this moment; for the moment that he finally understood the truth to what Blaine was feeling. Even though he knew that Blaine liked him, Kurt had been afraid that the distance would change those feelings for the worst. He had been afraid that the miles between them would continue to drive Blaine to that point where he was terrified of changing things between them because of it.
And although part of him wished Blaine had done it when they were speaking face to face through Skype, Kurt understood why he had done it this way. Maybe it was out of some strange homage to the way they met, or maybe it was because Blaine had known this was the only way he was going to be able to say all the things he had wanted to without fumbling. It had been perfect like this though, Kurt now fully appreciating the time Blaine had taken to putting the silly video together. Either way, he had said it and suddenly something dawned on Kurt.

It was his move.

---

Kurt did nothing about it till morning. He’d let Blaine continue sleeping deciding that although his heart was racing and every molecule in his body was on fire, their impending conversation could wait a few hours. He had texted Blaine good night either way, and told him he’d be awake early tomorrow and that he’d text him when he woke up. And with that, Kurt walked downstairs and continued with his night as if everything he had been waiting for hadn’t just happened in a video that was under ten minutes long.
But he didn’t forget when he woke up. The sun peaked through his curtains, and he stayed in bed for a few minutes, a ridiculous smile on his face the entire time. It was different now, even if nothing was certain, if only because he could put a name to the feelings Blaine had for him. He could put a name to what they were going to be once Kurt found the courage within himself to face Blaine and talk to him about the video. It was only a matter of time, and Kurt pressed his face against his pillow for a moment to compose himself before he checked his phone.
There was a message waiting for him, and something told him it was from Blaine. Reading it, he smiled at the words that had been sent a few hours ago. The two simple words of: Good morning.
With steady fingers, he replied quickly.
From: Kurt Hummel
Good morning to you. Are you home?
It was that silly smile that was plastered on his face that gave away any of his inner nerves that were so different from the ones he had been feeling over the auditions. These made him soar with happiness, and Kurt put his phone into the pocket of his robe as he got up and put it on to go down stairs.
It wasn’t until he was almost done eating breakfast that he got a text back from Blaine. Kurt stopped eating at once, which caused his father and Carole to look up at the same time seeing as Finn was still sleeping. Putting his fork down, he took a quick drink of his milk before opening his phone and reading the message.
From: Blaine Anderson
Hey! I went for a walk, but I’m back now.
Kurt’s heart did a flip, and his father must have noticed something was up from the smile that lit up his face when he went to reply to Blaine’s message asking if they could talk after he got ready.
“Who’s that?” Burt asked, raising an eyebrow before going back to eating his breakfast.
“Just Blaine,” Kurt said, trying to sound calm but knowing that his voice came out a little too happy. Even if he liked being open with his father, Kurt wasn’t sure if he wanted to tell him exactly what was happening. He took a bite of his toast, before standing up and saying, “I’m going to go shower.”
Burt frowned a bit, before pointing to his plate as he said, “But you haven’t even finished.”
“I’m full already,” was Kurt’s quick reply as he got up and put the dish in the sink. After throwing away the little piece of bread he hadn’t eaten, he washed off the plate. The smile hadn’t left his lips though, and Burt and Carole gave each other a very confused look that he missed as he walked out of the kitchen and bounced up the stairs.
From: Blaine Anderson
Of course we can. Just text me when you get out…
It was as if he could feel Blaine’s nervousness through the text, and Kurt wanted to reassure him that there wasn’t anything to be afraid of. He put the phone down and entered the shower, not wasting any time even though Kurt hardly ever took long showers. He was out and dressed within minutes, picking out a simply outfit over something that would impress Blaine. Kurt’s hair hadn’t even dried properly as he brushed it back and sprayed it down.
The only person he would rush through his morning routine for was Blaine Anderson.
By the time he was done, Kurt’s heart was beating out of his chest and his laptop was ready to go. He sent the text and opened Skype, hardly having to wait a minute before he got a message from Blaine requesting a video call. He wasn’t the only one who was rushing, and it made him chuckle a bit before he answered.
It took a moment for Blaine’s camera to work, but Kurt smiled as it did. His hair looked close to what it had in the video from last night, but he was now just wearing a blue polo. He was smiling back at him, his eyes wide with what Kurt could only hope was anticipation. Kurt wanted to laugh because he knew what he was going to say and he could only imagine Kurt’s nerves right now, but he stayed his cool and just smiled back at him.
“Hey,” Blaine said, breaking the silence as he leaned forward slightly. His eyes were sparkling, and Kurt was glad that for once everything in his room wasn’t orange like it usually was.
“Hi,” Kurt breathed out, nodding as he met his eyes.
They smiled at each other and said nothing again, before they started laughing. Neither one of them was sure what to say or do, neither one of them was ready to bring it up but they both wanted to. It was a mess, and yet they couldn’t do anything but smile.
“Did you…”
“I was…”
Laughing in unison as they spoke over each other, they shook their heads. Taking in a breath, Kurt gathered himself first and said softly, “You first.”
Blaine just nodded, and cleared his throat before he asked, “Did you hear back from the theater yet?”
It was the first time Kurt had thought about the theater since he had watched the video, and he literally blinked before he checked his phone for any missed calls. Shaking his head though, he glanced over at Blaine, his voice slightly dejected despite his previous elation, “Not yet. There were a lot of people though, so I guess they have a lot of people to place.”
“I’m sure they’re just trying to figure out which role they should give you, since they can’t really put you in all of them,” Blaine said, his voice teasing as he smirked at Kurt.
He laughed, shaking his head a bit at how silly that had come out. Looking up at him though, he raised an eyebrow before he mumbled, “My dad said the same thing, actually.”
“It’s true,” Blaine said, his tone small but clear.
They were silent again for a minute, Kurt licking his lip and a bit lost in his thoughts again. Life didn’t end just because the boy he liked had finally admitted his own feelings to him, and that had only just hit Kurt. They still had a lot more to deal with.
“What were you going to say, though?”
Kurt blinked at Blaine’s voice, before he realized what the conversation had been about before Blaine had gone and been polite enough to ask Kurt about the community theater. He smiled again though, remembering what he had been about to say before. Looking up finally, his voice hushed somewhat as he said, “I watched your video.”
“Oh,” Blaine said, his voice trailing slightly. Kurt bit his lip as he watched Blaine. He ran his fingers through his hair, before he buried his face in his hands for a brief moment. Kurt though it was because he was blushing, but it wasn’t until Blaine moved his hands and looked up again was it that he realized it had been out of frustration. He opened his mouth to say something but Blaine spoke first.
“I’m sorry, Kurt. I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have dumped my feelings onto you, and I’m sorry. I didn’t even once consider the fact that you might not even feel the same, and I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable. I’ll understand if you don’t feel the same anymore, and I just hope we can still be friends…”
Kurt had interrupted him by laughing, and he was too busy clutching his stomach as he did so to notice the completely baffled look on Blaine’s face. It was just simply too endearing to hear him say something like that, and he couldn’t help but laugh at him. Or more so at the fact that it was so something Blaine would say, and every time Kurt realized he knew him that well it swelled his heart.
His voice sounded somewhat broken as he asked, “What’s so funny?”
Composing himself, Kurt had to wipe away a tear from his eye from laughing before he was able to look at Blaine again. With a happy smile, he looked him in the eye and said, now that he could breathe properly, “You. You’re hilarious because you think I feel different from the way I did a few months ago about you.”
“A lot of things have changed for you, Kurt,” Blaine said, his voice still small although the smile on his lips now was beautiful as it kept growing with each passing moment.
Although Kurt nodded in agreement, his smile only widened with Blaine’s. This was that feeling Kurt had stopped thinking he would ever get. He had given up on the idea of ever having any sort of feelings reciprocated by any guy he liked, but this was that feeling he thought he’d never get the chance to feel. He shrugged though as he said, “Yeah, but my feelings for you haven’t changed. At all.”
They looked at each other again, smiles wide as they said absolutely nothing. There was still one question left unanswered, and neither was sure how to phrase it.
It was Blaine who took the leap to ask, something which Kurt was glad he did because Kurt wasn’t exactly sure what he was supposed to say now. His cheeks were burning and the amount of butterflies in his stomach was enough to make him float. But Blaine’s voice was soft and grounding, carrying him back down from the clouds and into the arms that he wished were closer.
“So, what now?”
The question was simple, and Kurt wanted to somehow lean forward through the computer screen and kiss him. There was only one answer, and as he rested his chin in his hand, Kurt answered in a voice that was happier than he had ever been in weeks, “We try to make your plan work.”
Neither one of them made acknowledgement to what they were now, because neither one had to. They both knew what that meant, and it made their stomachs flip and reflected off their dopey smiles that they were giving each other. In their heads, they were imagining a scene where they could hold each other’s hands, where they could reach over and kiss each other. Even if they had accepted the reality given to them, the reality that set them oceans apart from each other, they both knew what they wanted to be doing even if the other wasn’t aware of it.
They knew that they only had a few months to plan things, and time really was pressing. But in that moment they wanted to delight in the moment, because after months of dodging each other, they had finally met halfway. Their smiles didn’t get any smaller, both of them looking at their boyfriend on the other side of the screen, and knowing that soon enough they would start on trying to close the other distance between them.