It was funny, but the minute he had seen the Vespa, Blaine had thought of Kurt. Not because Vespa’s reminded him of Kurt—there was no reason for them to do that. But because he could picture Kurt rolling his eyes and throwing Blaine an incredulous look that said, “A Vespa? Are you serious?” He had tried not to laugh as Dean pulled up, instead stifling it to just a smile as he took the extra helmet out of Dean’s hand. He’d told himself not to think about Kurt. This was a date and the last thing he was supposed to be doing was thinking about another boy.

But Blaine couldn’t help it. The entire ride to the concert, he he had tried to keep Kurt’s voice out of his head. He focused on the city whizzing by him, on the fact that at night Rome became the city he had once thought it to be upon learning about ancient civilizations as a child. It glowed and blossomed from a sprawling city into a twinkling dream. Blaine tried to keep his mind on the city around him and the gripping cold that threatened to bite through his wool blazer, instead of the boy who lived thousands of miles away.

Dean had seemed like the typical teenager before Blaine had gotten to know him, all smiles and confidence. But that night he was more reserved than Blaine had first thought and seemed to have something on his mind that kept pulling his attention. Blaine had pictured Kurt either staring at Dean’s good looks—the way Blaine hadn’t wanted to as they walked from their parking space to the club—or rolling his eyes at Dean’s attempts at flirting with Blaine. He’d complimented his clothing, and Blaine had only been able to blush and say it was nothing. Clothing made him think of Kurt, who he had imagined whispering into his ear that he thought Blaine looked great. That compliment making him feel flustered instantly.

He tried to remind himself that it was the Kurt in his head who had been speaking, shaking his head as he noticed they were a few minutes from his house just then. Blaine took a breath and sighed, which had somehow prompted Dean to turn around and yell over the roar of the never ending traffic.

“Did you have fun?” he said, his accent ringing through his English. The fact that Dean had an accent, despite that he had, like Blaine, moved to Rome after living in America, was the one thing that Blaine found cute about him. But Dean had moved at a younger age, Blaine reminded himself, before thinking of Kurt scoffing and mumbling something about being a poseur.

Blaine smiled and nodded, leaning forward to speak against his trying not to breathe in too much of the overpowering, expensive cologne that Dean reeked of. “The concert was a blast!”

The concert had proven to be a distraction from the awkwardness of the date once Blaine didn’t have to fight off picturing Kurt rolling his eyes at the Vespa. It hadn’t been his taste of music, or at least not his first choice, but he hadn’t minded. The band was young, and Blaine felt good about going to support young artists. He tried not to picture himself on the stage, where he would have felt a lot more comfortable than on the floor where the sweaty bodies pressed up against him as he tried to dance with his date, who had failed to notice (or didn’t care) how distracted Blaine was. Blaine had tried to ignore the way Dean occasionally brushed his hand against his leg or his arm, instead letting the music take him away. Soon even the little voice in his head that he called ‘Kurt’ faded into the background as he became another entity. Not Blaine, but a particle floating in the smoky, heavy air of the club being hit by the music until it pounded into his system. It had been simple to let himself get lost in the music for a little while.

Dean turned his attention back on the road, and Blaine was glad for it. The entire night Blaine had tried his best to keep his mind away from what was going on around him. The guilt of the date hurt too much, and although he tried to tell himself that it was nothing as they walked to the Vespa at the end of the concert, Blaine couldn’t help but hate the entire situation.

He told himself that he had said yes because he hadn’t wanted to be rude, but there were other reasons that he just didn’t want to admit yet. Like the fact that he had been avoiding Kurt on purpose lately, that he had actually said yes in order to prove that the butterflies he felt whenever he saw Kurt’s smile through the grainy webcam were nothing. He wasn’t ready to face feelings for someone who was literally impossible to be with. Kurt was his friend, that was it, he had told himself repeatedly when he had agreed to the date. Dean was a good looking gay boy who went to his school. Dean lived nearby and drove a Vespa and could come over and visit Blaine whenever he wanted to. The distance wouldn’t hurt him. The distance wouldn’t hurt either one of them.

But as he tightened his grip as they rounded a corner, the guilt came flooding back. Dean felt warm underneath his touch and he had to close his eyes for a moment to tell himself that he hadn’t meant to picture the bits of blonde peeking out from under his helmet as Kurt’s brown hair instead. But as he opened his eyes again, he had to admit that he wanted it to be Kurt.

He had known that from the moment Dean had taken his hand on the short walk to the Vespa that he wished the taller boy at his side was Kurt. That he had wished the entire night that the person dancing near him had been Kurt, even if the thought of Kurt in a small Electronica club made Blaine begin to laugh. But it had been the reason why he had avoided acknowledging Dean too much, out of fear that he would mistakenly call him the wrong name. Blaine hoped it had come off as nerves.

The whole time he had wanted to go back home, open his laptop and spend the night talking to Kurt until he fell asleep. Every day without him had been agony and Blaine was at his breaking point. He needed his best friend, but was afraid that that wasn’t the right thing to call Kurt anymore.

This was the right thing to be doing. Blaine couldn’t lead Kurt on. Blaine couldn’t let himself fall for someone who lived so far away. Blaine couldn’t let Kurt fall for him when he knew how he could be; he had no idea how to treat someone like a boyfriend in person, let alone across thousands of miles. Simply the thought of the word boyfriend made Blaine blush furiously and he was glad that Dean had to watch the road. He told himself that he was doing Kurt and himself a favor by trying to make space between them, even though he knew that the reason his heart started pounding the moment his house loomed in sight was because soon he could speak to Kurt again.

The Vespa stopped, and Blaine let go of Dean, let go of the body he had been projecting so much onto the entire night. He pulled the helmet off his head and ran his fingers through his hair. His head was a mess, and thanks to his realization, his face was still flushed. But if Dean noticed, he said nothing.

“Thanks for coming with me, Blaine,” he said, smiling at him as he stayed on his Vespa, only taking off the helmet to speak.

Blaine stuffed his hands into his pockets as he stood next to the scooter, looking at him and smiling. “I had a lot of fun, it was no problem,” he said politely, nodding his head happily, hoping that whatever acting skills he had were helping.

When Dean smiled back at him, Blaine tried not to feel a twinge of pain in his chest. He wanted to run away despite how beautiful that smile was. Dating was torturous, and Blaine gave himself a mental note not to do it again for a while.

“My ex bought me the tickets a few weeks before he broke up with me and I needed to find someone to go with me,” Dean explained, his smile becoming slightly guilty as he laughed.

Immediately filled with relief, Blaine laughed too. He laughed at the whole situation, at himself for trying to go on a date to avoid the feelings starting to boil at the pit of his stomach for his best friend; he laughed at the fact that he had felt so guilty for spending an evening wishing his perfectly normal date was somebody else, when his date had been doing the exact same thing. Suddenly he didn’t feel so pathetic at all.

“Your ex was an idiot for breaking up with you,” Blaine said, truthfully with a shrug, and it wasn’t meant to be a flirty comment, something that apparently Dean understood from the way he simply nodded. Blaine hadn’t been ready for a date, and neither had he. Everything made sense.

They smiled at each other, as if to say they were sorry. The guilt that had been eating Blaine lessened a bit, but he still had Kurt to deal with; still had to own up to the fact that he had been avoiding Kurt as much as possible simply because he was afraid of himself, afraid of feeling too much for someone. But of course, Blaine knew that there was no way Kurt even felt the same. It was wishful thinking that he needed to get out of his head. It was too impractical and unfair.

Blaine leaned forward and air kissed both of Dean’s cheeks, patting his back once before moving away. “Ciao,” he whispered, before turning around and making his way up the steps, juggling with his keys. After a few seconds, the Vespa zoomed away and Blaine bit his lip before glancing up at his room from the porch, knowing that what he really wanted was just a few clicks away and yet farther than he was ready to acknowledge.
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“No, Rachel, I can’t wear that jacket again. Well, I already wore it once in November, that’s why,” Kurt explained, rolling his eyes as he continued to look through his closet for an outfit to wear tomorrow for the first day back at school for second semester.
He didn’t want to go back. Kurt wasn’t ready for the daily taunts and the jabs and the pushes. He wasn’t ready to deal with any of it right now, and it was even harder due to the fact that the one person he had come to depend on to be there for him was being distant. Kurt told himself there was a reason for it, fingers ghosting over a dark velvet blazer. Blaine didn’t mean to be spending so much time away from him.

On the other end of the line, Rachel sighed and answered, “Honey, just wear anything. You know you’ll look amazing in whatever, so I don’t see why you need to keep stressing out about your outfit tomorrow.”

Kurt knew she was telling the truth, but shook his head to himself. Picking up a pair of tight blue jeans, he studied them before putting them back. “I just…need something to distract myself with.”

There was a silence, and Kurt took back what he had said. He hadn’t wanted to admit that out loud, and ever since he had gotten close to Blaine, talking to anyone else about how he felt seemed weird. Aside from his father, who Kurt would always speak to. But it was the truth. Finding ways to keep his mind off the fact that vacation was ending and soon he would return to the prison called high school was harder than he had thought.

“What’s wrong?” She asked her voice calming and Kurt sighed at the way he could hear the actual concern in her voice. He didn’t want to dump it on her. He didn’t want to dump it on anyone.

Sitting down on his bed, but still looking at his closet, Kurt answered softly, “I have no idea what to do. About anything. And I really don’t want to think about going back to school. Usually I have Blaine to talk to but…”

“But he’s busy, right?” She interrupted, remembering what Kurt had said not to long ago.

Kurt nodded, before remembering she couldn’t see him and continued, “Yeah. He’s busy, and I honestly don’t have any reason to be annoyed at that because he’s just my friend, but I wish he were around. You guys are there for me, of course, but it’s just different with him, you know?”

He got up and opened his scarf drawer, brushing his fingers across the various fabrics. Rachel’s voice came out gently, “It’s because you like him and don’t know what to do because you have no idea how he feels. Trust me, I’ve been there. I remember when Finn was being distant with me last year… ”

Kurt remembered and scoffed, ready to tell her exactly how much he didn’t care, when his fingers touched silk. Instantly her voice was drowned out by the overwhelming memory of opening the present with Blaine watching him on webcam.He remembered looking up at Blaine and the smile that had been on his lips. Kurt remembered wishing that he could hug him as he stuttered, trying to say thank you and failing because the scarf was simply stunning. Kurt’s own lips pulled into a smile as he drew the white scarf out, running it through his hands and across his cheek, hoping that the distant smell of some sort of perfume was actually Blaine’s.

“And then I said to myself, ‘Rachel, you need to man up and walk on up to him and tell him how you feel!’ Because, well, you know your brother. He’s slow. But thankfully, I’m the brain in our relationship, and to tell you the truth, telling Finn how I really felt was the right thing to do, you know.”

He realized she was still talking then, and chuckled. “Rachel, you lost me ages ago. I didn’t call for the history of your relationship with my brother, okay? I don’t care enough,” Kurt said, shrugging as he wrapped the scarf around his neck.

“Well, if you had been listening, you would have realized the moral of the story was that you should tell Blaine how you feel!”

Kurt’s eyes went wide, and he laughed. Really laughed. That was the stupidest thing he had ever heard. Telling Blaine would ruin everything, and he wasn’t going to do that. Shaking his head, Kurt picked up a dark blue jacket and said, “Okay, I’m hanging up now. You’re not helping and I really do need to concentrate on this outfit.”

She protested, but Kurt chimed out a goodbye before hanging up and throwing his phone across the bed. Looking at himself in the mirror, he let his fingers once again glide over the silk before he took a deep, long breath. Blaine had thought of him when he bought this. Blaine was his best friend who had bought him a beautiful scarf. Blaine was the guy he was in love with, who flirted with him, who complimented him, but who had gone out on a date with some other guy. Biting his lip, Kurt began to see the appeal of Rachel’s advice, if only to release his own mind from the confusion that was Blaine Anderson.
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Kurt’s hair looked nice. It always looked nice, but Blaine had taken extra opportunities to look at him whenever he noticed Kurt glancing away from his screen. It was pulled up and back, with a few strands purposely falling over his forehead, framing his face well. He hadn’t meant to stare, but it was hard sometimes not to. The same thing had happened before, and Blaine had just told himself it was because he was intrigued by his best friend. But now he knew better and the thought unsettled him. He was attracted to his best friend, and it wasn’t just in the admiring way it had been before.

“Blaine?”

The voice startled him, and Blaine looked up instantly. He laughed, before shaking his head and smiled at Kurt, who was giving him a look like he was crazy. “Sorry, I was thinking about something.”

He watched as Kurt rolled his eyes, and smiled a bit to himself. It was just the same way he had pictured it during his disaster of a date. Suddenly he felt slightly weird for knowing it so well. However, despite the familiar eye roll, Blaine heard a tone Kurt reserved for when he was annoyed, knowing it from all the times he had complained about the bullies at his school, or one of his teachers. “You should probably sleep; you get like that when you’re tired.”

Blaine chuckled despite the slight curl of distaste growing in his stomach from Kurt’s tone. There was something wrong, but he was too afraid to ask what it was. He didn’t want to make things worse, and knew that if it had been something about school, Kurt would tell him soon enough. It was better to continue to act oblivious.

He raised his eyebrows and smiled, “You know me too well.”

Kurt nodded, before he lowered his head to look at the planner sitting on his desk. Blaine watched, his stomach settling a bit as he wondered if it had just been his imagination.

“I’m thinking about pretending to be sick and not going to school tomorrow,” Kurt confessed, keeping his head down as he spoke, penciling in something into his planner than Blaine obviously couldn’t see.

Blaine frowned slightly, before sighing and asking, “Why would you do that? Did something happen? I’ll be around so we could talk more if you did that tomorrow, after fencing of course. So that’d be a good thing, but why?”

But before Blaine had even finished his sentence Kurt had already raised an eyebrow and mumbled, “Fencing. Of course you can’t miss fencing.”

Frowning a bit, Blaine cocked his head to the side. “Pardon?”

The look of Kurt’s face threw him off. He just shook his head, still clearly annoyed, but sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. “Nothing, forget I said anything. I’m annoyed from school, okay Blaine? Let it go.”

It hurt but Blaine was past caring about himself. Something twisted inside him, the same something that showed up whenever the the feeling that something was wrong with Kurt—something Blaine was always shocked that he could recognize. The last thing he wanted to see was Kurt angry, especially after the past couple days that they hadn’t spoken.

Blaine’s voice was a whisper, hardly audible as he looked down to speak, “Kurt, don’t shut me out…”

“Oh!” Kurt interrupted, laughing. Blaine blinked, looking up to find Kurt actually laughing, but instead of the bells he usually heard, the sound was close to maniacal and somehow sounded bitter. “That’s funny. Weren’t you the one who was ignoring me the other week? I’m not shutting you out, Blaine. I’m irritated.”

He cringed instantly, his lips pulling into a line as he bit down on his lip. Blaine had tried to avoid this. Shaking his head, he looked up at Kurt, meeting those blue eyes, before starting, “It wasn’t like that…”

Once again he was interrupted, this time by a scoff. If Blaine had been there, he would have walked away. The last thing he wanted to hear from Kurt was that. It reminded him too much of his father. He prepared himself for the lashing.

“Blaine,” Kurt said, his voice harsh and yet eerily calm. “I had a bad day. And I wanted to come home and relax and talk to you. I was really happy to see that you weren’t busy. You were doing a really good job of not bringing up your little date, but you just successfully ruined it, and my mood.”

“I ruined your mood?” Blaine asked, thrown back. He shook his head and sighed, “Kurt, I didn’t even bring up my stupid date.”

“You brought up fencing! The boy was from fencing. I remember everything you say, Blaine, I think I remember that. I know you have fencing on Tuesdays, okay? I know your schedule!”

Even though the words had to travel through headphones to hit Blaine’s hear, they stung. They hurt the same way his father’s words did, biting into his skin and tearing it as they traveled down from his ear and into his heart. He felt his chest tighten, and suddenly it felt like he had a cage around his heart, and Kurt was tightening it. But the worst part was that Blaine knew he sort of deserved it.

Looking down, Blaine frowned to himself, his brow furrowing before he nearly hissed out, “Why are you so angry?”

It took a few moments for Kurt to answer, and Blaine was grateful for the time. He breathed in, trying to calm himself, watching as Kurt apparently did the same. Blaine just wanted to know what he was thinking. Blaine just needed to know what was wrong so that he could fix it. He couldn’t have someone who he cared so much about hate him. He couldn’t screw this up.
Kurt bit down on his lip, and Blaine tried not to stare, tried to remember that right now he was actually quite scared of hid. And when he looked up at Blaine, their eyes met and Blaine felt a current run through his entire body.

“I just—Blaine. Blaine. Have I made this up in my head? I thought maybe we were something, like those people we follow who call themselves boyfriends. I thought maybe the flirting and the presents and the late conversations meant we were something. I thought you liked me, but then you went out with this guy you hardly even know. I just need to know if I was making it up before I go insane worrying that you’re avoiding me because you hate me or something.”

The clock on Blaine’s bedside table ticked. Outside he could hear the cars and motorcycles go by. His dad’s snoring was faint, but in the silence of the night, Blaine could hear it all. His world had suddenly gone quiet, and Blaine waited for more. But he knew Kurt was done, he knew it was his turn to answer, and in all honesty, Blaine didn’t have the answer. His heart was pounding, blood rushing into his ears as he looked away, unable to meet Kurt’s eyes. What would he see there, in those blue eyes; anger, sadness, annoyance, desperation? He didn’t want to look up and see something in Kurt’s eyes that he couldn’t recognize. Blaine was lost, and he gave the world a few minutes to settle down before realizing that it was waiting for his answer. He was waiting for his own answer.

“Kurt,” he said, softly, his voice cracking. Blaine coughed, clearing his throat, before he looked up at him, meeting his eyes finally only to see Kurt looking at him expectantly. “I can’t hate you. I never, ever want to hate you. And that wasn’t why I’ve been so busy. I was being stupid, and I’m done with that.”

On the other side of the screen, Kurt nodded, but didn’t say anything, which Blaine was thankful for. His pulse palpitated across his body, pounding out the seconds it took Blaine to find the words to keep going, find the courage to keep going.

With a heavy sigh, Blaine continued, trying to keep his voice steady. “I really like you, Kurt. You’re my best friend. But—long distance isn’t something I can do. I don’t want to screw this up, Kurt. And I know that if we tried to do this as more than best friends, I’d end up ruining this. And I don’t want you to hate me. I don’t want to hurt you. I’ve never been anyone’s boyfriend; I don’t know how to be someone’s boyfriend. You mean too much to me to lose you, especially since I only just found you.”

It was Blaine’s turn to wait, and he did. His heart had calmed down, but he expected Kurt to sign off. He expected him to tell him this was over. Blaine expected to be broken up with even though Kurt wasn’t even his boyfriend. He could only hope Kurt understood what he meant. Being with Dean and holding on to him, holding his hand, had made him think about how much he wanted Kurt to be able to do that with someone. Blaine didn’t want to be the guy to hold him back. Blaine knew that there was going to be someone for Kurt. He wished it could be him, but Blaine knew where he was. He knew that simple things like holding Kurt’s hand was something he couldn’t do, and he wasn’t going to rob Kurt of that chance with somebody else.

Kurt nodded though, before a heart-breakingly beautiful smile spread across his lips. Blaine watched as his eyes lowered as he spoke, “I get that. I wish I didn’t, but I understand. I’m sorry I yelled at you. My day really was just crappy. But thank you, for clearing that up for me.” Kurt looked up, and their eyes met. “We’ll just be like Monica and Chandler then. Best friends. ”

His pulse evened out, and his world went back to normal. The tension that had been in the air when Blaine had called Kurt had died, and suddenly the moon shining outside his window seemed brighter. Even if a part of him ached, even if he knew he had hurt Kurt, being honest with him had been the right thing to do. He liked Kurt way too much to continue to lie to him or avoid him. Best friends; he could do best friends.

Blaine chuckled, before he raising his eyebrows, resting his head against his palm as he asked, “Don’t they end up together at the end?”

The only reply he got was a smirk paired off with Kurt’s signature eye roll. He could feel a silly and enamored smile spread upon his own lips, Blaine knew that everything would be alright with them.