“…I spend a lot of time at Sam’s place now. He has a big family, well, bigger than mine anyway, so there’s always something to be doing there. Sometimes we just hang out but other times I’ll be helping to look after his siblings, cook dinner when his parents aren’t home and other simple things. It’s a loud house so I never really have any time to think. When I get home though it’s the complete opposite. Dad still doesn’t talk to me and Mum and I talk but not as much. By the time I get home all I have time to do is my homework and then I go straight to bed. That’s when everything is too quiet and I can’t get away from everything I’m thinking about.

“I spoke to Kurt last week. We actually had a proper conversation for the first time since everything happened. I thought maybe things would be weird sometimes but they haven’t been so far. I guess it just goes to show how close we really were. I feel like I want to keep my distance from him but at the same time he still… just…”

Blaine looked up to Dr Munroe (Betty, she keeps reminding him to call her) who was sitting there with a schooled expression on her face. He felt comfortable talking to her about things happening in his life and how he was feeling about it all but when he looked at her, especially at times like this, he felt unnerved by her. He could never read her. Body language, facial expressions; he knew she was probably trained to act this way but he hated not being about to see what she was thinking, or that she was thinking at all really. As much as it annoyed him sometimes, it also calmed him. He never felt like she was judging him, just actually listening to what he has to say.

“What does he make you feel, Blaine?”

He was knocked out of his thought’s at the sound of Betty’s voice. He knows how Kurt makes him feel, he just doesn’t want to say it. He doesn’t want to go back there with Kurt. He doesn’t want to rely on him so much but sometimes he feels like he has no choice, that no matter what, he’s always going to rely on Kurt.

“He makes me feel safe.

“I know it sounds stupid considering he hurt me but I can’t help that when I’m with him everything feels like it could be better, you know? He helped me so much with my Dad and he doesn’t even know it. He doesn’t know how just being there can make me forget about other things bothering me. It’s been a long time since I’ve been as happy as I am when I’m with him. Though I’m worried about how far things could go considering we almost kissed at Puck’s party and I actually wanted to, and as much as I keep telling myself I shouldn’t, I just want our friendship back. I want to be able to hang out with him without it being awkward. I want him to make fun of my bowties again because I know that even though he says he doesn’t like them I catch him looking at them and smiling. I want him to walk around school with his arm around my waist again because even though it started as him just wanting to have sex with me I know he does it now because he likes having me close.

“I believe him when he says he didn’t mean what he said at Puck’s and I know things got bad after that but I think I can finally admit to myself that it would have always hurt but if I hadn’t already been having such a bad weekend because of my Dad, I don’t think I would have been as upset as I was.

“Me being back in this position, in an office having to talk everything out because my depression is trying to find its way to the front of my life again, it’s not his fault. I think I wanted it to be but it’s not and I think that’s why I’m finding it easier to talk to him again.”

Blaine has spent countless nights battling with himself, trying to find someone to blame. He needs someone to blame for how he’s feeling and for so long he had always blamed himself. It was always his fault he was attacked, his fault that his own Dad can’t stand the sight of him, his fault that he always felt so weak and worthless. That was until one day, he reminded himself that he didn’t choose to be gay like so many people have told him he did. He didn’t ask to be attacked and he definitely didn’t ask for his Dad to not care about him. That’s why when Kurt came into his life and made him feel uncared for even if it was just for a moment it was easy to put the blame on him. Putting the blame on Kurt was so much easier than blaming the people who really deserved it.

Betty tilts her head to the side while she looks at Blaine. She raises an eyebrow as if silently pushing him to continue but he doesn’t want to say it out loud. At the moment he can pretend, close his eyes and pretend that he’s still a little kid and his hero still loves him and accepts him.

“Tell me Blaine,” Betty says as she folds one leg over the other. “Why did you want it to be Kurt’s fault?”

Of course she’s pushing him to say it. Surely she already knows who he’s talking about so why does saying it loud matter? It’s not like it’ll change anything. Except…

This isn’t where he needs to be, not right now. Telling her won’t change anything but telling the right person will. Without really thinking about it, he gets out of his chair without a word and leaves the room, ignoring his name being called. He heads out into the parking lot and texts Puck for the address he needs before he reaches his car. He’s still not sure why Puck is being so nice to him but right now he’s just glad he is as he starts up his car and begins driving.

It only takes him about ten minutes to get to Kurt’s house which was easily enough time to talk himself out of going there.

What if Kurt doesn’t want him there? What if he’s crossing a line coming over to his house?

What if…

What if…

What if…

Just as he’s almost talked himself out of this completely he hears the same voice in the back of his head, the one that he knows is there but isn’t always loud enough to be heard.

Idiot.

Faggot.

Pussy.

Worthless.

Weak.

Coward.

But this time, hearing these words, hearing the voices of his attackers and his own father make him stronger. They don’t cause him to cower and instead they make him build up the courage to go to the door and knock and talk to the boy with the stormy grey eyes.

He knocks, and then he waits. Nothing. So he knocks again, a little louder this time until he hears a loud clash and a voice swear and yell out they’re coming then suddenly the door is opened to reveal a dishevelled Kurt.

“Blaine?”

This is where Blaine realises how dumb this idea was. Just showing up here without even preparing anything to say. He knows what he wants to say but he has no idea how. Kurt makes him forget how to string together a proper sentence in normal conversation let alone at a time when he actually has something important to say.

“Blaine? Are you okay? You just went, like, really fucking pale.” Kurt waved a hand in front of his face which snapped Blaine out of his thoughts.

“Oh, uh… Sorry. I shouldn’t have come. I’m just gonna…” Blaine turned around to walk back to his car but instead felt a soft, familiar hand around his own wrist. He turned his head to look back at Kurt who  held a worried expression on his face.

“You said last week that we’ll talk later, maybe now’s the time to talk?”

Kurt led Blaine inside his house, past the broken vase he just knocked over on his rush to the door, while not letting go of his hand. It felt so familiar to Blaine and it calmed him in a way he never imagined it would.

Kurt paused at the top of a staircase and looked back at Blaine for only a second but Blaine could tell he was nervous. Maybe he wasn’t used to having people in his house? If that was the case and he was leading Blaine into his own bedroom then it just proves what Blaine had already known, that Kurt does care, even if it’s just a little. Kurt began to walk down the stairs slowly and Blaine followed behind.

It was a pretty big space for one person’s bedroom. He felt Kurt let go and sat down on his bad as Blaine walked around a little. There was a couch and T.V set up in the corner of the room and shelves lined with DVD’s and CD’s. There were band posters all over the walls and a laptop sitting on a desk adjacent to the bed that had been playing loud music until Kurt turned it off. Explains Blaine having to knock twice and Kurt’s rush to get upstairs. He makes his way over to the bed and a photo on the nightstand catches his eye. It was Kurt as a kid with both his parents in the picture. Kurt was a little younger but he looked so happy, just like in the photos in his Dad’s garage. He turns back to Kurt who is now looking at the same photo with a soft, sad smile on his face.

They sit there, side by side, not speaking, for what feels like hours. Blaine doesn’t really know how to word what he wants to say and Kurt can obviously tell he’s there for a reason so he’s waiting, like the good friend he is, for Blaine to be ready.

“I don’t blame you, Kurt.” Blaine spoke so softly he was surprised Kurt heard at all but the way Kurt quickly snapped his head around to face Blaine shows he obviously did.

“What?”

“I don’t blame you for what happened Kurt. What happened between us at Puck’s just happened at a really shitty time and I possibly would have forgiven you and things would’ve gone back to normal just after a few days but it was… I guess just, bad timing.”

Blaine chanced a look at Kurt who was sitting there with a stunned expression on his face. It would have been comical if it wasn’t as serious a situation.

“Blaine, are you insane? You’re saying everything you’ve gone through the last couple months aren’t my fault? Of course they are! If I hadn’t said any of the shit I did then you wouldn’t have-“

“That’s the thing Kurt, even if you hadn’t said anything, I could have easily gone down this path.” Kurt was shaking his head obviously not believing a word that Blaine was saying. He’d been thinking for a while that he wanted to tell Kurt everything that had happened to him before McKinley but he’d never gotten the chance. He was feeling that this was the best time for that now.

“I’ve never told you anything about my Dad, have I?”

“Uhm, no…”

“Right. Well I guess you could say that when we were kids he was my hero, you know? We were always really close and he was always there for me when I needed him. Then at my school before Dalton I was a-attacked. I was at a dance with another boy and, well, he ran, and I decided to stand up for myself. In return I got a few bruised ribs and a face that was barely recognisable for a few days till the swelling went down. I also got a father who wanted nothing to do with me after that.”

There was a part of Blaine that didn’t want to be having this conversation but another part, a larger part, was also relieved he was finally telling someone about this. He’d never really told anyone about his Dad before and although he wouldn’t have thought so when they first met, he was glad Kurt was the person sitting there listening to him talking right now.

“So that’s how my parents found out I was gay. I then moved to Dalton not long after and Dad still barely talked to me. I never even knew he was homophobic. Things got worse though because he obviously couldn’t stand the sight of me so much that he decided that it would be best for me to board there too. That just made it worse. I was really depressed and didn’t have any real friends there. One day Sam walked in on me when I was having a particularly bad day and, God I still don’t even… I have no idea what I was thinking. I-I mean I didn’t want to hurt myself but I guessed I picked up the knife and held it a bit too long because that was right when he walked in.”

He could feel the tears in his eyes, talking about that day again. He had always been so grateful for Sam, even if he never really showed it. He tried to will the tears away but of course that didn’t work.

“Anyway, I started seeing a therapist and I started to get better. I became really close with my Mum and I started talking to Dad a little bit but not much. Then he lost his job and I moved here. On the first day of school he told me practically told me to pretend I’m straight. We had this massive fight and the only time he’s spoken to me since was the night after Puck’s…just so he could yell at me some more.”

He didn’t dare look over at Kurt. He hung his head low and waited for Kurt’s pity because he knew it would be there and he couldn’t deal with that from Kurt. Anyone but Kurt.

He felt a hand grab onto his own and… of course, this is Kurt. He’s not going to feel pity for him. Blaine doesn’t know what it is about this boy but he somehow he knows he’s safe here. He can just be himself here and he doesn’t have to worry. He can stop fearing being rejected again because he knows Kurt. He trusts Kurt.

He looked up to find Kurt looking back at him in a way he’s never seen before. His eyes couldn’t be defined as one single colour. They were a mixture of blue and green and they glistened slightly, like he was about to start tearing up. They bore into his own so much so he felt like they weren’t just seeing him but actually, for the first time, looking into him. Kurt held his hand so tightly that he knew it was going to be numb later on but he didn’t care because it felt like an anchor. Kurt felt like an anchor. He was keeping him grounded and he’d never felt so close to the other boy in his life.

“Blaine I-I don’t…”

“If I blamed you, Kurt, then I wouldn’t… wouldn’t have to blame my Dad.” He finished in a quiet voice.

Everything made so much more sense now. Well, maybe that’s not the right way to put it. But Kurt had known that something was going on with Blaine at home even if he never actually said anything. He’d hoped more than anything that he didn’t have homophobic parents but now nothing could stop him from instantly hating Blaine’s Dad. The man must have been an idiot. How could someone not see how amazing Blaine is? Especially his own Father.

He looked down and realised he was holding onto Blaine’s hand. When did that happen? So he squeezed it tighter to show him he was okay and that he wasn’t alone. It scared Kurt, being this close to someone, being so drawn to another person and for the first time not in a sexual way. He knew he liked Blaine. He’d already admitted to that. But he had no idea just how much. He felt like his own heart was ripping out of his chest just because he was watching as tears pooled in another’s eyes and slowly fell onto his lap. Without really thinking about it he moved to lay down against the pillows and at Blaine’s questioning look, pulled him down with him so that he and Blaine were facing each other. They lay there together, staring at one another, one of Kurt’s arms around Blaine’s waist and the other still holding onto his hand in between the two of them.

It reminded Kurt of the night in his Dad’s garage. It was the first time they’d ever spoken about anything real. It wasn’t just playful banter that they’d been so used to and now tonight is the same. He’s never felt so close to Blaine before. He could kiss him now, but he knows he can’t. He doesn’t want to ruin the moment. He doesn’t want to lose Blaine again by pushing him into something he’s not ready for. To be honest he’s not even sure if he’s ready for anything yet. He doesn’t just want a part of Blaine. He wants all of him and that was something he never thought he’d want. So no, he doesn’t know if he’s ready for anything because he wasn’t prepared. Blaine just came out of nowhere and hit him like a tonne of bricks and there was nothing he could do to stop it, but despite how scared he is and how much he doesn’t think he’s ready, lying here, staring into those hazel orbs washes everything away and surrounds him in nothing but Blaine Blaine Blaine.

He watches as Blaine’s eyelids start to droop and shortly after the boy is asleep. Kurt loves moments like these, when Blaine looks so peaceful and without worry. Before he knows it his own eyelids are starting to become heavy and then he’s asleep, right next to the boy he’s falling so hard for.

Blaine had been having the best sleep he’d had in ages. He was so warm and comfortable that he never wanted to move. He’d been dreaming but he couldn’t really remember what of. But it was a good dream, that, he knew. He opened his eyes and realised why he’d been having such an amazing sleep.

Kurt.

Everything that had happened just a few hours ago came rushing back to him and a massive smile graced his face. He felt like such a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders and it felt so right to have told Kurt.

He closed his eye once again and moved a little closer towards Kurt. He couldn’t get over how normal this all felt, to be lying here next to him, asleep, like it’s the most normal thing in the world. He wasn’t even surprised to wake up next to him. It was natural, like they have been doing this for years.

He felt Kurt’s arm around his waist pull him closer and he opened his eyes to find Kurt staring back at him with a small smile gracing his lips.

“Hey gorgeous.” He whispered into the miniscule gap between them.

“Hey yourself.”

As they lay there without talking, Blaine tried to figure out how long he’d slept for. It was dark outside and he was hungry so it was probably late. He knew his Mum was possibly worried about him but he couldn’t really care at the moment not with Kurt here, looking into him, a smirk taking over the soft smile from before-

“So now I’ve finally got you in my bed, we gonna fuck or what?”

Blaine burst out laughing, his head thrown back and his chest heaving up and down. Trust Kurt to ruin the moment.

“Kurt! Oh my-“

“Because you look pretty hot in that bowtie, I couldn’t stop staring all day.”

Kurt was obviously trying to be serious but Blaine could easily see the humour in his eyes.

“Kurt. You can’t just-“

“Oh come on, Anderson, you want me and you know it.” He finished with a wink.

Blaine started laughing again, his eyes almost squinting shut so it took him by surprise when he felt Kurt’s lips on his own.

He stopped laughing immediately and pulled back to look at Kurt. He looked so nervous and unsure of himself that Blaine couldn’t help but feel for him, knowing how hard it must have been to do that considering how well their first kiss had gone. So Blaine leaned back in and pressed his lips to Kurt’s. It wasn’t much, just lips against lips but it was everything at the same time. This was nothing like the first kiss they’d shared the night in the school car park. He brought his hand up to cup Kurt’s cheek and started to kiss him a little more. His heart was pounding and he could hear it in his ears. He was so nervous, never having kissed someone before Kurt and he knew how much experience the other boy had before Blaine came along. He felt Kurt pull him closer so they were almost chest to chest and all of his worries disappeared. He hesitantly dragged his tongue across Kurt’s lips and he parted them instantly, inviting Blaine in.

Kissing felt amazing. He never understood why people loved this so much but now he never wanted to stop. Kurt tasted amazing, he was even able to look past the slight taste of cigarettes because kissing Kurt was completely worth it. Kurt was then rolling them over so Blaine was laying down with Kurt over the top of him. He loved the weight of Kurt over him. It made him feel safe and cared for.

They continued kissing for what felt like hours, hands holding onto wherever they could reach, both of them craving the contact. Blaine nerves were lost ages ago and he was just able to revel in the fact that an insanely hot boy was on top of him, kissing him, because he actually liked him.

They finally pulled apart and Blaine loved this dishevelled look on Kurt. His lips red and kiss swollen, his hair slightly ruffled from sleep and when Blaine had run his hands through it. Kurt smiled at him and Blaine almost wanted to cry happy tear because there it was. The same smile from the photo that he had promised himself he would make Kurt wear again. His own smile matched Kurt’s and so they lay there grinning like idiots. Kurt leaned in and placed one more, soft sweet kiss to his lips before peppering kisses all over his face. From his forehead, down to his nose and cheeks and chin and then back over again until they were both giggling like teenage girls and the kisses turned into nothing more than just Kurt’s lips on his skin. It was wonderful.

They were knocked out of their own little world when they heard the front door slam shut and then Kurt’s name was being called out.

“Shit.”

Kurt sat up so he was straddling Blaine and the smile had disappeared from his lips, though it remained in his eyes.

Blaine sat up on his elbows so he could see Kurt better as his name was yelled out again.

“My Dad’s home.” Kurt sighed. He then stood up off the bed and Blaine couldn’t help but be a little sad at the loss. He watched as Kurt walked up the stairs and opened the door and started yelling back at his Dad.

“What do you want? I’m busy!”

“Just wanted to know you’ve eaten, I ate with Carole after the meeting tonight. I also wanna know whose car is blocking me from entering my own garage.”

Blaine shot up then, eyes wide and bolted over to where Kurt was standing. Kurt’s Dad walked out from around the corner of a wall and stopped as he saw Blaine. He looked him up and down with an expressionless face and Blaine couldn’t stop from looking down at the floor, feeling like he was three feet tall under the man’s gaze. He looked up as the man shifted his gaze to Kurt and raised an eyebrow before walking forward and holding out his hand for Blaine to shake.

“Burt Hummel.”

Blaine grabbed Burt’s hand and shook it as tightly as he could, wanting to make a good impression.

“Blaine Anderson. Nice to meet you Sir.”

He heard Kurt stifle a laugh next to him as he spoke but didn’t say anything about it.

“Hmm. Kurt, it’s nearing eleven, I think it’s time your friend went home now.”

Shit.

Blaine knew it was late but he had no idea it was that late so he ran downstairs to grab his things and ran back up. He couldn’t possibly kiss Kurt goodbye like he so desperately wanted too while his Dad was just standing there so they settled on an awkward ‘see you tomorrow’ before he left and got into his car.

He found his phone in his car and he had one missed call from his therapist and several from his Mum. He quickly sent off a text to her and backed out of the driveway getting ready for whatever he’ll  be having to face when he gets home.

Kurt watched in amusement as Blaine quickly darted into his room and back out again and then awkwardly stood there not knowing how to say goodbye. After he left the house, Kurt went to go back downstairs but was stopped by his Dad.

“So, Blaine. Friend of yours?”

Kurt sighed. He really didn’t want to be having this conversation but he knew there was no way of getting out of it. Ever since Burt had stopped drinking he’d been acting more like any parent should which, don’t get him wrong, Kurt couldn’t be any happier about that, but at times like these, yeah, it sucked.

“Yes, Dad, he’s a friend of mine. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to-“

“A bowtie? I mean, obviously I don’t know all your friends but he doesn’t look like someone you’d normally hang around.”

“Yeah, well he is. So, I really have to-“

“Also, Kurt, I don’t appreciate you having some boy around here while I’m not home, this late at night.“

“Dad we weren’t even doing anything, we were just-“

“I don’t care. Next time, tell me, and make sure he’s home earlier than this. Got it?”

As much as Kurt hated that he was being berated for having Blaine over he couldn’t help but absolutely love this moment. Yeah they were arguing but over a boy being in his room, not because his Dad drank too much. For the first time since his Mum died, he was finally starting to feel like they could be normal. A son who breaks the rules and a Father who yells at him for it but at the end of the day still love each other.

“Got it Dad.”

Burt nodded and made his way out of the hallway. Kurt went back downstairs, turned his music right up, grabbed his phone and just as he was settling in for a night of teasing Blaine once again, his Dad’s voice sounds through the door.

“Kurt, why is this vase broken?”