Chapter 12

'Blaine?' Kurt called out weakly at the pale form disappearing between the trees. There was no answer. Mouth hanging slightly ajar in shocked confusion, he turned back round slowly. What… what just happened?

He scrabbled to his feet as his brain caught up with him, telling himself to run, go after him. He nearly tripped over the blankets as he ran up the bank, pushing through the bushes and trees, feeling a sharp sting on his cheek as a branch whipped by. 'Blaine!' he shouted, louder this time. 'Blaine!'

He broke through the tree line and stopped, peering up the long field that led to the back of the castle. There was no sign of Blaine.

Sighing, Kurt sank to the ground, wrapping his arms around himself at the cool chill of the air. He had been convinced, almost certain, that he had been right. The way Blaine had looked at him, the soft smiles, warm hugs and gentle hand holds – had they all meant nothing? Cursing himself at his stupidity, he stood up and made his way back through the trees to the picnic spot. He didn't know Blaine, not properly, not enough to assume. He had read the signals wrong, of course he couldn't tell Blaine's sexuality from a few friendly gestures, and of course he had just assumed Blaine was attracted to him – stupid, vain, him, he was just being friendly, and now Kurt had ruined any chance for that friendship to continue, stupid, stupid, idiot –

He tripped over the blankets again and landed on his side, ribs aching where they were pressed against a root that stretched down to the water. Groaning, he pushed himself to his knees and began to pick the picnic things.

The walk home was cold without Blaine's bright smile and warm eyes. A gust of wind picked up when he reached the southern bridge, huddling into the corner between the wall and gate as he waited for the guard to open it. The wind dropped once he was inside, but the whistling echoed under the doors and through window cracks all the way up to his room.

It was lonely inside – no noises coming from the rest of the corridor, everyone still at dinner or out for the evening. He dropped everything in a pile by the end of his bed and sank into an armchair, drawing his knees up to his chest and burying his face in them.

There was a lump in his throat and teardrops forming in his eyes, but he held them back. He wasn't going to cry, not when this was all his fault. He had been the one to ruin everything, little mind the fact that Blaine had run away, he should be the one to make it better. He had to find Blaine and apologise, tell him that if he didn't want to be friends anymore, he would stay away, give him his space and forget everything that could have been.

Determined, he wiped his eyes and pushed himself out of his chair.

The residential wing was deserted, and besides, Blaine probably wouldn't have come here anyway. Still, he checked all the little alcoves and sitting areas that dotted the corridors to ensure there was no sign of him. Nothing. He peered into the Dining Hall, which was mostly filled with people eating, but there was no head of dark curls at the servants' table, or anywhere else. Sighing, he ducked out of the doorway and headed to the servants quarters.

He didn't come down here often – he had only visited Blaine twice since his arrival, and had only come once before that to see Jeff and Ethan. The corridors were significantly narrower than the ones in the main school, the doorways lower, the walls grubby and floors slanted. A couple of chambermaids wandered past him on the way to dinner, but otherwise the quarters seemed pretty deserted.

Blaine's room was on the second floor, right at the end of the corridor. He stopped before it, taking a deep breath and steeling his nerves. He could do this. He could do this.

He raised his hand and knocked.

There was no answer. He tried again, louder this time. Still nothing. 'Blaine?' he called. 'Are you in there?'

Groaning in frustration when there was no reply again, Kurt magically unlocked the door and gently pushed it open.

Inside, no sign of Blaine. The bed was made, a stack of clothes neatly folded on the dresser, a few dismal flowers stood in a vase on the windowsill. His bow was missing from where he had noticed it leaning against the wall the last time he had visited. Looking around more closely, Kurt noticed a blanket missing from his bed and the wax still drying in the candle on his bedside table.

Blaine was gone, and he had just missed him. Cursing himself, Kurt returned to his room.

The next morning dragged by. It had taken a few moments for Kurt to remember what happened when he woke up, and it hit him with a heavy feeling of guilt and frustration at himself. He was late to breakfast, hair still mussed, clothes barely even coordinated.

'Kurt, are you okay?' Mercedes asked carefully as he stared moodily at his cereal.

Kurt glanced up, taking in her concerned expression. 'I'm fine,' he muttered.

Mercedes was silent for a moment. 'Okay,' she said. 'Is this about Blaine?'

Kurt felt a pang of worry as he remembered that Mercedes knew. He dropped his spoon into his bowl and stood up. 'I don't want to talk about this now. Later. I'll tell you later.' Seeing the anxiety in her eyes, he briefly bent down and hugged her. 'I'll see you in Alchemy.'

He left the dining hall with one last scan to check that Blaine hadn't surreptitiously come in while he was eating – but no, the familiar head of black curls was still painfully absent.

Alchemy dragged into English which dragged into History which dragged into Tactics. Kurt barely heard what the teachers were saying. He couldn't concentrate; couldn't think about anything other than how he had ruined everything, how he had blown the only small chance he was sure he was going to have at any kind of romance. By the time he was packing up his maps and parchments for lunch, Kurt realised he had only taken half a page's notes during the entire morning.

He ate lunch briefly, sitting with Tina and Mike – he didn't want to talk to Mercedes yet, he wasn't sure if he was ready. They didn't ask questions, and weren't too perturbed when he left early with a quick way goodbye.

He immediately made his way over to the stables. He could see Rory, not on his lunch break yet, forking hay off a cart and into a pile by the stable door.

'Rory!' he called as he approached. Rory glanced up, his face breaking into an easy grin when he noticed Kurt.

'Hey, Kurt,' he said. 'Do you need something? Want me to help you tack up Pippin?'

'No, no, it's not that.' Kurt glanced into the stables. 'I – um – did Blaine come in and take Merry last night? Around dinner time? I can't find him anywhere, and I really need to talk to him.'

Rory twisted his mouth and shrugged. 'Sorry, can't help you, mate. I was eating.' Kurt felt a pang of disappointment. 'But you can go in and see if Merry's there, and – oh yes, of course, Ethan was there. I think he's having lunch at the moment, but you can wait and ask him, if you want.'

'I – yeah, I will, thank you.' Kurt shrugged his bag further up his shoulder and glanced around. 'I'm going to check if Merry's still here, um…'

'I'll tell Ethan to find you when he comes back.'

'Thank you, Rory. You're the best.' Rory smiled, and Kurt turned to go inside, steeling himself.

Pippin greeted him joyously from his stall when he entered, the high-pitched whinny only barely lifting Kurt's spirits. 'Hey, honey,' he said, walking over and gently rubbing Pippin's nose. 'Is your friend still here?'

Peering into the stall a few doors along from Pippin's, Kurt felt a sharp pang of dismay when he saw it was empty. The door was hanging open – obviously Blaine had forgotten to lock it again in his haste to leave. The thought only served to increase Kurt's uneasy mood.

'Kurt?' came a call from the stables door. Ethan was limping towards him – his foot was nearly healed now, but he still walked funny – with a smile on his face. 'Hey dude,' he said. 'Rory said you wanted to ask me something?'

Kurt nodded. 'I, um, yes. Did you – did you happen to see Blaine leave last night? In a hurry? I've looked for him everywhere and his bow is gone from his room and Merry's not here and he's not been at breakfast –'

'Yes.'

'Oh.'

'Kurt, I… I'm sorry. He – well, he didn't say what happened, but he looked… well. Yeah. I got that something went down. Do you know…?'

Kurt nodded minutely. 'Yeah,' he said softly. 'I know what happened.'

'Oh, well I was wondering, because he really didn't look all that great – hey, Kurt, are you okay?' Kurt rubbed away the few tears that had managed to slither out and shrugged. 'Oh, Kurt, come on, man, sit down, tell me what this is about.'

'No – I – he –'

'It's okay, come on.' He pulled Kurt over to sit on top of a tack box, awkwardly perching beside him. Kurt sniffed, rubbing away more tears from his eyes. Merry wasn't here. Blaine was actually gone, had taken his bow and his bag and his horse and left Kurt to deal with his guilt. And it was all Kurt's fault. And now Ethan was here, Blaine's friend, and he was being nice and trying to help and it was just making everything sting even more.

He tried to stop the tears, try to stop his shoulders from shaking, but he couldn't. He felt Ethan gingerly lay an arm around them as he began to sob.

'Hey, Kurt, come on, it's okay…'

Kurt continued to sob into his hand, shoulders wracking forwards as Ethan awkwardly tried to comfort him. Soon he felt a handkerchief being pressed into his palm, and looked up through glossy eyes to see Rory watching him with a very concerned expression. He patted Kurt's shoulder, then Ethan nodded at him briefly in thanks and he left quietly. Kurt pressed the handkerchief to his face, doing his best to try and clean up the mess of snot and tears.

'Ugh, why do I always have to cry so much?' he muttered with a small laugh. 'I'm sorry, I just… okay.' He took a deep breath, blew his nose, took another deep breath. 'I think I'm fine now.' He stuffed the handkerchief up his sleeve and turned to Ethan.

'You don't have to tell me. If you don't want to.'

Kurt considered. Ethan had known Blaine longer than him, probably knew him better too – surely he could trust him with what happened?

'We… um, yesterday.' He wasn't sure how to begin. 'Blaine and I went down to the lake to have a picnic. It was nice. We ate, and swam a bit, and everything was just going really well, and I just felt so – so sure, you know? And then… I don't know what happened.'

Ethan still looked a little confused. Kurt drew in a large gulp of air. 'I kissed him, Ethan,' he said softly.

Realisation dawned on Ethan's face and he felt his arm tighten around his shoulders. 'He didn't… he rejected you?'

Kurt nodded shakily. 'At – at first he was kissing me back, but then… then he wasn't. And he just said he "couldn't", and ran back to the castle. And – I just – it's all my fault. I ruined everything. I thought he liked me, but I was wrong, and I ruined it and now he's left and I don't even know if he's going to come back and it's all because of me and I just assumed and I was only seeing what I wanted to see and he could get himself killed out there if the wrong person finds him and I don't know what to do –'

'Kurt,' Ethan said firmly. Kurt continued rambling under his breath. 'Kurt.'

Kurt quietened and looked up, taking in Ethan's worried features. 'Let's get you inside, okay? What lessons do you have this afternoon?'

Kurt gaped at him for a few seconds before his brain caught up. 'Um, Latin, Anatomy and Magic class?'

'That's not life-threatening. You're going to show me how to get up to your room, and we're going to find one of your friends, and they can come and take care of you, and I'll stay down here, and when Blaine comes back – this isn't an if, Kurt, of course he'll come back, I'll come and find you as soon as possible. Okay?'

'Okay.'

Kurt followed Ethan through the castle, glad most people were still at lunch and so avoiding seeing his blotchy face and reddened eyes. They stopped at Mercedes' room on the way up, and Kurt was relieved when she opened the door after a couple of knocks. She fussed over him all the way into his room, thanking Ethan and shooing him away. Kurt barely had time to shoot a weak but grateful smile in his direction before she shut the door in his face.

'Okay, Kurt, talk.' She sat on the end on his bed, eyebrows raised, as Kurt settled down against the headboard.

He told her everything – how well it had been going, the way he'd thought Blaine had looked at him, the quiet but absolutely perfect moment wrapped in the blanket before Kurt had ruined it all. When he told her about how Blaine had pulled away and run off, she shuffled up to the top of the bed and pulled him into a tight hug.

'Kurt, listen,' she said gently. 'I know you think it is, but this is not your fault, okay? It's no-one's fault, Boo. We still don't know why Blaine left; you can't immediately blame yourself like this.'

'He left because he doesn't like me, Mercedes! He left because he doesn't want to have to deal with a best friend who tried to kiss him when he isn't even gay!'

'He kissed you back, didn't he?'

Kurt snapped his jaw shut, about to retaliate with another sharp comment, but he realised she was right. Blaine had kissed him back. Even if it had only been brief, it was something, and Kurt felt the faintest glimmer of something like hope stir in the depths of his chest.

'Right. Now what do you want to do instead of going to class?'

Blaine didn't return for six days after Kurt had kissed him.

The tension between Kurt and his friends was palpable. He had only told Mercedes what was going on, and while Ethan and Jeff knew – and Rory had an inkling – they weren't the people he spent most of his free time with. Now that Blaine wasn't here he was sitting with Tina and Mercedes and Rachel in their rooms in the evenings, trying to make conversation and keep his mind off why isn't Blaine back yet and what if he hates me and it's really dangerous for him out there. He told Tina what had happened a couple of days after Blaine left and eventually, Rachel managed to wheedle out what was going on. Whilst she was delighted to find out about Kurt making a new friend, she didn't try to hide her disgust at Blaine's rejection of Kurt's advances – no matter how many times Kurt tried to tell her that Blaine had only reacted naturally and that he himself was the one at fault.

As the amount of time since Blaine had left began to grow, so did Kurt's worries about his safety. There hadn't been much news about the impending war with Roden, and while Kurt hoped that no news was good news, he couldn't help but worry that spies had managed to get over the border and into the towns without raising any alarms. What if they saw Blaine and recognised him? What if they caught him? What if they took him back to his father?

Kurt tried his best to keep his mind off worries, tried to stop thinking about Blaine and concentrate on his friends and schoolwork, but try as he might, his thoughts always seemed to slip back to soft dark curls and bright eyes and a warm smile. Only whenever he saw him, climbing a tree or laughing in the golden sunlight or curled up in one of Kurt's armchairs, the image was immediately followed by a haunting flash of Blaine bloodied and beaten and cowering under the gaze of a dark, imposing man.

Saturday morning dawned bright and early, sunlight streaming in through Kurt's window and tickling his eyelids to wake him up. He yawned, checked the time, and dragged himself out of bed. Shuffling over to the window, he glanced out briefly, noted that the weather was good, and decided to go on a short walk before breakfast to take his mind off things.

He dressed quickly and simply – soft black leather leggings, a nondescript blue tunic, an extra leather jacket to keep off the early morning chill. He wrapped a red scarf around his neck as an afterthought before heading out the door.

The walk down to the lake was calm in the fresh sunlight, the countryside around him cast various shades of yellow and pink and vibrant green. When he approached the ring of trees bordering the water, he could hear the chirping of birds as they sang their morning song.

He felt better than he had all week. Maybe it was the early night he had had last night, maybe it was the bright sunshine, maybe it was just the fact that most of his friends now knew what had happened (Rachel was the worst secret-keeper in all of Kerajan) and he didn't have to hide Blaine anymore – he just felt good. Well, almost good.

He settled down on the shore, not quite where they had been sitting nearly a week ago, and gazed out over the water. The peace of the morning seeped into his bones, and despite how he had been feeling all week, he allowed a small smile to grace his lips.

Crunch.

He jumped as he heard what was unmistakeably the sound of a boot on the pebbles of the beach, and then – 'Kurt?'

Kurt froze. He knew that voice. He knew it laughing and shouting and scared and crying and whispered softly in moonlit forests. He turned round.

'Blaine?'

Blaine smiled slightly, shrugging. 'Hi,' he said softly.

Kurt's gaze drifted over him as he stood up. His hair was a mess, untamed with the usual wax he put in it to keep some form of control, and his clothes were creased and torn in places. Kurt noted that they were the same that he had been wearing last time they met. He had dirty hands and arms and… oh no, a huge purple bruise on the left side of his face.

'Are – are you okay?'

'I'm fine.' Blaine took a step towards him. 'And… I'm sorry.'

Kurt's mouth moved aimlessly as he tried to formulate words. '…What for?'

Blaine let out a soft huff of laughter, glancing down at his feet. 'What for… Kurt, I think the answer to that question should be fairly obvious.' Kurt shook his head slowly. 'Okay,' Blaine said softly. 'Um – can we sit down?'

Kurt nodded and they sat, facing each other, a few feet away from the water. Blaine glanced down at his hands, fiddling with the hem of his pants. 'I… I'm not sure where to start, to be honest.' His voice was breathy, and he looked up and out at the water, avoiding Kurt's gaze. 'Look, Kurt, I – you – wow. Okay. So when we first met, all that time ago in the forest, remember when we had run away from the wolves and were waiting them out in the tree and you said you got bullied because you like men?' Kurt nodded. 'I think… maybe that was when I first started. Thinking. About… myself.'

'Oh,' Kurt said quietly.

'Yeah. And then you left and I went back and we were attacked and it was terrifying and we only just managed to get away and get here and when I found you it wasn't really top of my mind anymore. But then we started seeing each other all the time and I… I couldn't stop thinking about you. And what… what you mean to me.'

Kurt could feel his heartbeat increasing; gripped his fingers together tightly to try and keep his emotions under control. Blaine turned back to him and met his gaze, hazel eyes glinting in the sun, and reached across the lay his hands on top of Kurt's

'And then we – we came here, and it was awesome, and you looked – amazing, Kurt, I just – and then we were sitting together and it was absolutely perfect, and then you, you kissed me and it was more than perfect.'

Kurt felt like his heart was in his throat as Blaine's gaze continued to bore into his.

'But then I remembered… my father, and Nick and Jeff, and even how much you got harassed and I – it was too much. Just… all at once. I was terrified about what could happen and I don't know why because my father couldn't find out but somehow I thought he would and I stopped and I'm so, so sorry, it was a panic in the moment and I just had to get away because I couldn't bring myself to think about what this all could mean other than the bad things and I was only going to ride out to the woods and maybe sit there for a couple of hours but…' Blaine retreated his hands and touched the wound on the side of his head gently. 'I was compromised.'

'Oh my gosh, Blaine, I – who was it, what did they – are you okay –'

'Kurt, I'm fine. I'm sorry. I'll tell you everything that happened later. You just need to know that I managed to get away safely and fairly unharmed and… back to you.' He paused, taking a deep breath. 'You move me, Kurt. You've helped me realise who I really am and so much more. I'm sorry I ran away and I'm sorry for all the pain I know I've caused you. And I…' He gulped. 'You look amazing in this light and I really want to kiss you right now.'

Kurt's breath caught in his throat. 'Y – yes,' he stammered.

Smiling nervously, Blaine slid a hand around his neck and gently pulled their mouths together.

It was so much better than the first time. Blaine's lips were soft and smooth and moving gently against his, little points of pressure that sent shivers down Kurt's spine. He kissed back, kneeling up and deepening it, one hand sliding into the curls at the back of Blaine's neck and the other coming to rest on his shoulder. Blaine's nose pressed into his cheek and he pulled back a little, opening his eyes to find Blaine staring into his own, so intimate and perfect in every way that Kurt felt like he was going to explode. He didn't, though, simply tilted his head the other way to change the angle and pressed in again.

They kissed for what seemed like hours, hands in hair and on necks and jaws and backs, mouths very slightly open and moving gently against each other, the sunlight streaming down between them and warming Kurt's skin. Eventually Blaine pulled back and leant his forehead against Kurt's, gazing silently into his eyes, the soft smile on his lips mere inches from his. Kurt took the opportunity to try and determine the exact shade of Blaine's – except the sun was lighting them up golden and brown and green and he couldn't decide. After a few more seconds of simply staring, he pulled away and let his hands drop to his lap as a grin to mimic his own spread across Blaine's features.

Kurt stood up, grabbing Blaine's hand and pulling him to his feet. 'Come on,' he said softly. 'Let's get you inside and you can tell me all about how you got that horrible bruise.'

'And escaped,' Blaine added.

'Oh, of course, we wouldn't want to forget the most important part, would we, valiant knight?' Kurt teased, leaning in to press another soft kiss to Blaine's lips. 'Come on,' he said again, tugging at Blaine's hand.

Blaine stumbled after him, knocking into him and settling an arm around his waist. Giggling and occasionally stopping to kiss each other again, they made their way back to the castle.

And finally, the disarray that Kurt's life had been in over the past week seemed to settle back in place.