Feeling Kurt snuggled against his side during 'Moulin Rouge' had been a special kind of torture for Blaine as the film continued. Under the blanket Blaine rested his neck on the sofa behind him and Kurt had gradually sunk his head lower to rest on Blaine's shoulder, barely acknowledging anything had changed. Blaine spent most of the film thinking about how he had changed over the last few weeks; how even his toleration of affection seemed to have grown since meeting Kurt and he felt only comfort and security with Kurt nestled next to him. He never felt he was much to talk to and he barely allowed conversation to steer in his direction but suddenly with Kurt he was telling secrets and greatest fears. He loved listening to Kurt speak, his voice sounding magical from the moment he had heard him over the phone and hearing him sing had been a dream. As the days had continued Blaine had gotten used to spending so much time with Kurt, had already accepted that he was the best friend he would ever meet and had only just acknowledged his changing feelings so to hear the mention of someone else had crushed his fragile self-esteem. How could he compete against someone who was put together and stable, that loved to sing and act, that was attractive and loved everything Kurt loved too? All he had to offer was his DVD collection.

Kurt seemed oblivious to Blaine's growing fear and worry beside him but as the tragedy unfolded on the screen in front of them, Kurt seemed to move against Blaine as if to seek comfort too.

"Are you ok?" Blaine asked almost into Kurt's hair he was so close.

"Yeah, this bit's sad," Kurt said, "I hate knowing what's going to happen."

"'Come What May' will be on soon," Blaine said and Kurt turned to face Blaine from his lower position on the sofa, looking up at him with his eyes wide and so beautiful.

"I love that song," Kurt said simply, "I want to sing that at my wedding one day." At the mention of that hazy dream in the future Blaine could see Kurt, in a crisp black tux and bowtie and he squeezed him closer.

"That would be the perfect song to sing," Blaine whispered next to him and they watched as Satine and Christian struggled to fight disease and rising pressure from the others. Christian started to mention the song and Blaine knew he would start to sing with him, hoping Kurt would join in too.

"Never knew I could feel like this, like I've never seen the sky before," Blaine sang quietly and Kurt looked up at him from his position tucked against his shoulder, his eyes wide with surprise. "Want to vanish inside your kiss." Blaine deliberately closed his eyes as the song continued, not wanting to scare Kurt with declarations already. Kurt continued to stare but his gaze softened as he realised the beauty of Blaine's voice and the courage it must have taken for him to start singing. "Seasons may change, winter to spring but I love you until the end of time. Come what may, come what may, I will love you until my dying day." Blaine opened his eyes to see Kurt smiling up at him from his place on the sofa and he blushed a little at the gaze.

"Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place; suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace," Kurt started singing with Blaine and he beamed, so glad he was singing too. "Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste, it all revolves around you." Kurt sat up, his body apart now from Blaine but maintaining eye contact he faced him and continued to sing. "And there's no mountain too high, no river too wide. Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side. Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide." Blaine knew what was coming next and he blushed even more, knowing that Kurt couldn't possibly mean it. "But I love you," Kurt sang and smiled. "I love you," was echoed by Blaine who seemed to realise the enormity of what he had just said and stood up. Kurt, who looked on the verge of continuing the song, closed his mouth and blushed awkwardly as he stared at Blaine above him.

"What's wrong?" Kurt asked, a tremor to his voice now as the movie continued.

"Just going to get some sodas," Blaine said and he walked to the kitchen quickly leaving Kurt biting his lip slightly in worry.

Blaine didn't know what he was doing. Leaning on the kitchen counter, taking a moment before getting sodas out of the fridge, he tensed his shoulders, stretched his arms and sighed. Singing in front of anyone was nerve-wracking enough but to declare feelings he hardly knew he had, felt far too overwhelming.

"What just happened?" Kurt asked quietly by the door and Blaine turned so quickly he gave himself a crick in the neck and rubbed it.

"Nothing," Blaine said quickly, "What do you want to drink?" he said rummaging in the fridge and hiding his face lest it show all his emotion so vividly.

"Blaine," Kurt whispered as he sat down at the stool in the middle of the room and the pause made Blaine realise he would need to face Kurt and speak, that he couldn't escape. He turned from the fridge and placed the sodas between them on the table, sitting down opposite Kurt and taking a deep breath.

"I'm sorry," he said avoiding Kurt's determined gaze, "I just felt awkward declaring that 'I love you' when...." He let his voice trail away and Kurt seemed to understand, sitting up straight and breathing in.

"And you don't love me?" asked Kurt nodding slowly. "I get it Blaine, I know it wasn't meant as a love song." He smiled but Blaine could see the hurt in his eyes, could almost see Kurt rebuild the wall in front of him, there to protect and guard.

"No Kurt, I..." Blaine stumbled on his words, desperate to be understood but failing. Kurt kept nodding, seemingly in understanding but Blaine knew he didn't get it and he closed his hands into fists in frustration.

"I get it Blaine, don't worry," Kurt stood up and walked to the door, "Let's go back to the movie and..."

"No Kurt," Blaine interrupted causing Kurt to pause by the door in surprise, "You don't get it." Kurt's eyes widened as Blaine continued. "I do love you." He let it hang and Kurt looked frozen in time. "I love you as a friend and I wanted you to know that."

Kurt seemed to come unstuck at the admission. As a friend. Of course. He smiled slightly but Blaine could see a flicker of something cross his face. Before he could try to fathom what it was, Kurt started walking towards him and gave him a warm hug.

"I love you too," Kurt said, muffled into his shoulder, "As a friend."

---

There is a shift only really noticeable to Blaine but there nonetheless between them when they meet again. Kurt asked him if he wanted to come to the Brooklyn Superhero Supply store again to help the kids with their writing and Blaine agreed happily, hoping the awkwardness would have passed. They had been texting back and forth for a few days but there was a distinct coldness that hung around them and Blaine knew it was his fault. He shouldn't have mentioned the L word, it obviously made Kurt feel awkward and, probably with his blossoming relationship with Adam, it had made him reconsider his friendship with Blaine and take a step back. There was no friendly touching or hugging when they met outside the store although smiles were exchanged and Blaine hugged his arms across his chest as he let Kurt speak again to Steve while he waited near the door to the little alcove.

"Come in Blaine," Steve said as he approached Blaine and gestured for him to come closer. Kurt was already speaking to some of the kids that were there, some writing, some drawing but Blaine noticed a child slightly set apart, engrossed in his drawing and seemingly ignored by the others so he approached him.

"What are you doing?" Blaine asked kindly and the kid, who couldn't be any older than 12, looked up with a confused expression on his face. He started to sign and Blaine felt something sink in his stomach as he realised this kid couldn't hear him and he mouthed that he was sorry. The kid looked closely and understood and put his thumbs up in thanks. Blaine indicated that he was interested in what he was drawing and the kid smiled and pushed his paper closer to Blaine so he could see.

"That's really fantastic," Blaine mouths to him clearly and slowly and the boy grins widely. Blaine points at the Manga drawing and holds his thumbs up and the boy giggles at Blaine's attempt to communicate which causes Blaine to blush and shrug his shoulders in apology. The kid's drawings really are fantastic, full of colour and beauty in the simple lines and big eyes of the characters. He's managed to capture the emotion of each of the characters so beautifully that they look like tragic figures in a story and he smiles sadly seemingly to himself. The boy looks carefully at Blaine and gets a clean piece of paper from his pile and starts to write a note.

You look sad... what's your name?

Blaine is surprised that already this boy has picked up on his sadness and he feels guilty that he has put that on someone else. He shakes his head to prove he isn't sad but the boy continues to look at him carefully, giving Blaine the impression that he knows far more than he should about the world. Blaine writes an answer.

I'm not sad :) My name's Blaine. What's yours?

Bobby – do you draw?

No but I sing and I love superheroes

Bobby smiled at Blaine's admission on paper and wrote again.

Who's your favourite?

I have an affinity with Batman – and Blaine smiles at himself.

I like Clark Kent the best

He's not a superhero

He is really and I think he's underappreciated

Blaine looked at him and smiled, understanding what he was saying. There was a pause and then Kurt came over, a little rushed and worried that he had left Blaine on his own in a new situation.

"Sorry Blaine, I got caught up with some kids," he said, "I see you've met Bobby." And Bobby beamed again as Kurt signed to him as if it was the most natural thing.

"Yeah, he's amazing," Blaine said indicating the artwork, "I mean look at what he's drawn." He showed Kurt, who took it and smiled, signing again to Bobby that it was a good job. Blaine and Kurt spent the rest of the time drawing Manga with the help of Bobby who knew so much more. Despite the fact that Bobby couldn't communicate in the same way he still managed to show Blaine how to draw the clearest features and Blaine left that evening with a passable first attempt.

"I can't believe you know sign language Kurt," Blaine said as they walked to the nearest subway, "You were so good with him, so natural."

"I've been going for quite a while but I don't know as much sign language as I'd like to. Bobby teaches me more all the time and he's a great kid. He's had a really tough time with it all."

"That's really admirable Kurt," Blaine said kindly but Kurt shook his head.

"No that's nothing Blaine. Bobby's great and really brave, I don't deserve any praise for hanging around and helping." Blaine shook his head at Kurt's modesty but he smiled showing he understood.

They parted a little later on the train and although Kurt hugged him, Blaine realised it was quick and perfunctory and it made him lean forward slightly chasing the ghost of the feeling so it wouldn't be lost. Kurt smiled as he parted and Blaine stood watching him walk away and knowing that something was off. Working his hands through his hair he walked away towards home.

---

The following morning Blaine was accosted by the purple boots and when he looked up to see the face that had become familiar he noticed a new streak of purple hair framing Robyn's round but pretty face.

"Batman, what's up?" Robyn asked, her brow furrowed as Blaine slowly placed books that he didn't need in his locker.

"Nothing I'm ok," Blaine said as he attempted a smile but it doesn't reach his eyes and Robyn knows.

"Don't pull that shit with me," she said harshly, "Spill."

Blaine looked at her and not for the first time he realised he must display all his emotions on his face – both Kurt and Robyn always seem to know what he thinks and feels but he is so used to people ignoring the obvious and leaving him alone that it shocks him that they have demanded more from him. It is not enough that he placate them with 'fines' and 'okays', they need more, they know more.

"Just feel like an idiot, that's all," he starts, "It's a long story and probably one that requires coffee."

"After school?" Robyn asks and Blaine nods. "Is this to do with that Kurt guy you mentioned?"

Blaine looks shocked at her perception and she takes that as a yes and laughs.

"Oh I know all about boy trouble, we'll sort this out in no time," she said smiling, "After school then."

Blaine does meet her after school for coffee and tells her all about the snow day, how he has realised his feelings for Kurt are way more than a friend should feel and that he doesn't know what to do about it especially as Kurt is dating other guys.

"How do you get out of the friend zone and should I even bother?" Blaine asks seriously, "I mean he probably doesn't feel that way about me and I've burdened him enough I don't want to make my friendship with him really awkward."

"Blaine," Robyn said quietly her eyes kind, "I've never met this guy, never seen how he interacts with you but the fact that he's still around shows that he's definitely a good friend. You've shared quite a bit with him?"

"Yeah, everything," Blaine said sheepishly.

"Then he's worth it. People like that don't come around very often, you need to make a grand gesture to make sure he knows."

"I don't know Robyn," he said, "I don't really do grand gestures and I don't really know how he feels about me."

"You said he's been cold lately, why's that?" Blaine wracked his brain, trying to think of a reason and replayed the situation in his head.

"I guess ever since that time I told him I loved him then qualified it as a friend. I obviously made him feel uncomfortable. I mean he's dating someone else."

"Or he wished you hadn't said as a friend. Maybe he's been hoping for more?" Robyn was ever a hopeless romantic and her smile lit up her face. The thought of making something happen had her twitching in her seat. "I think you should sing," she said, "You're awesome when you sing and nothing says 'I love you' better than a song."

Blaine thought of the time he had heard Kurt sing, how beautiful it was and how far above his own talent Kurt was. When he sang he only thought of his mum and how precious those moments had been. Blaine had started to feel like he was moving forward, not dogged by the past, able to watch Disney and talk about his memories without becoming grey and cloudy with guilt. Kurt had helped him he knew that, he also knew that he couldn't burden Kurt with that alone, he couldn't place his recovery on him, that was too much pressure. He wanted to be big enough on his own.

He left Robyn a little later and decided to walk near the bridge. It had been such a long time since he had been anywhere near the water he had almost forgotten what it felt like to breathe in the slightly salty air, the weight of it hanging over him. He stared out at the ripples breaking; at the bridge that remained so sturdy and unyielding he knew it would never change. As he stood there, getting slightly closer to the edge he knew its power had diminished, he no longer wanted to fall, just the thought alone had him conjuring the image of Kurt's face – perfect, caring and fiercely protective. He remembered hugging him closer as they watched Moulin Rouge, how he had felt so warm tucked into his side, how just the slightest contact made Blaine feel weak. He wanted to be so strong by the water and he stood up straighter, almost facing it deliberately and bravely. His phone shocked him out of his reverie and he answered it quickly.

"Hi Blaine," Kurt's clear voice rang out on the other side, "I just wondered if you wanted to catch a movie at the old theatre tomorrow? They're showing All About Eve and I just love that film."

"Oh yeah I haven't seen it in years so I'd love to see it again," Blaine said. His voice must have trembled and the wind could be heard through the pause in conversation. Kurt suddenly sounded nervous.

"Blaine? Where are you?"

Blaine knew what his mind would jump to if he told him and he was so tempted to lie but he couldn't, not to Kurt who had been through everything with him.

"I'm by the water," he said, "Not on the bridge," he said hastily, "I just came from the coffee shop and...."

"I'm on my way Blaine," Kurt said instantly interrupting him and Blaine felt panic rise in his chest though he always wanted Kurt close.

"No don't be silly Kurt I'm fine," Blaine said nearly laughing in an attempt to show he was ok.

"No Blaine, I'll be there soon, just wait." Kurt hung up and Blaine was left to stare at his phone and wonder how it had happened so quickly. He sat down on the bench nearby and waited.

He knew Kurt cared but he sighed. He didn't want to feel like a special case, someone that needed rescuing and he realised that was all that Kurt thought of him, that he was someone to save. Blaine just wanted to be and having someone near, someone to be with was something wonderful and should be treasured. He didn't know how long he waited for Kurt but the wind got colder and he wrapped himself closer as Kurt approached.

"Blaine," he said and Blaine looked up, stood and walked towards him.

"You shouldn't have come," Blaine said sadly, "You didn't need to come."

Kurt looked at him for the longest time and seemed to understand after a while that he had made things worse and that Blaine didn't need him.

"I was worried about you," he said, "I didn't want you to be on your own here."

"I'm fine Kurt," Blaine said coming closer, "I've been here before but it's so different now. I won't say that everything's ok and happy all the time but I can survive, I can be strong on my own. You don't need to keep saving me."

Kurt looked hurt at this statement and he realised he had put that on Blaine, had made him feel like a special assignment. He came closer and held Blaine's hands between his own.

"I'm sorry Blaine, I don't want to make you think that. I guess I have so much invested in you, I feel only panic when you say you are anywhere near this place." His eyes glistened in the cold air, the blues of his eyes swirling with the greys and greens Blaine could see there.

"No I love that you care Kurt, I really do but it gets a bit frustrating that I can't manage on my own."

"You can," Kurt said, letting Blaine's hands fall so as to straighten his arms and square his shoulders. Blaine walked closer to the water and Kurt hung back despite his growing urge to push Blaine further away from the river.

"Do you sometimes want to scream and shout in frustration that you can't be understood?" Blaine said and Kurt almost couldn't hear him, his voice lost in the wind.

"Sometimes," Kurt admitted, "But I find singing is the best way to express all of that. I don't know where I would be if I couldn't sing, if I didn't have that outlet." Kurt paused for a moment, realising that although he had heard Blaine sing some of 'Come What May' he hadn't heard him sing a whole song.

"Maybe you could sing now," Kurt said still facing Blaine's back. Blaine tensed his shoulders at the idea but he thought it over.

"I haven't sung for a very long time, only to complete strangers or snippets of songs. I used to sing for my mum," Blaine whispered. Kurt knew what the song would mean. It would be important for Kurt to remain behind him and Blaine's voice would be lost towards the water in the wind but it would be so powerful.

"Please," Kurt whispered and Blaine began.

I could drag you from the ocean,
I could pull you from the fire
And when you're standing in the shadows
I could open up the sky
And I could give you my devotion
Until the end of time
And you will never be forgotten
With me by your side

And I don't need this life

I just need...

Kurt's breath hitched slightly at the admission but was so desperate for Blaine to continue he remained perfectly still.

I've got nothing left to live for
Got no reason yet to die
But when I'm standing in the gallows
I'll be staring at the sky
Because no matter where they take me
Death I will survive
And I will never be forgotten
With you by my side

Cause I don't need this life
I just need...

Somebody to die for
Somebody to cry for
When I'm lonely

When I'm standing in the fire
I will look him in the eye
And I will let the devil know that
I was brave enough to die
And there's no hell that he can show me
That's deeper than my pride
Cause I will never be forgotten
Forever I'll fight

And I don't need this life
I just need...

Somebody to die for
Somebody to cry for
When I'm lonely

Don't go gentle into that good night
Rage on against the dying light

Kurt was mesmerised at the end, spellbound by his voice and how it changed pitch so effortlessly like he knew the song backwards. He walked forward without realising his feet were moving and he gently touched Blaine's back, the merest of touches but Blaine turned and Kurt could see the tears shining in his eyes and the tear tracks down his face. He stroked his cheek, removing all pain just with his thumb and he leant in closer, brushing his lips so gently along Blaine's that he stilled and his eyes closed. Blaine's face froze as Kurt parted from him, his eyes still closed but as he opened them he thought he was dreaming, Kurt's expression one of anxiety and adoration. Blaine smiled and his eyes flickered over Kurt's face, taking in his lips and his eyes of blue. He closed the gap between them and kissed Kurt fully on the lips, his lips dry and cold but as they moved against Kurt's own, he seemed to come alive and his arm snaked around Kurt's waist bringing him closer. They stayed like that only for a few moments but as they finally parted Blaine looked completely in awe of the beautiful boy that he had kissed and that had made him feel so much in the last few weeks. Kurt brought his hand to Blaine's cheek and smiled, knowing that the butterflies he felt when he watched Moulin Rouge were here to stay and he had never felt more feather-light.