June 8, 2014, 7 p.m.
When Doves Cry: Chapter 5
E - Words: 5,838 - Last Updated: Jun 08, 2014 Story: Complete - Chapters: 20/? - Created: Apr 10, 2014 - Updated: Apr 10, 2014 152 0 0 0 0
A/N: I stole the line that features in the play sometimes a shadow wins from the song Brave by Sara Bareilles.
Song quoted: Mean To Me by Delilah
How can you just leave me standing?
Alone in a world thats so cold…
This is what it sounds like
When doves cry
When Doves Cry by Prince
"Right from the top Kurt, that was perfect."
Kurt sighed. If it was so perfect why were they rehearsing it again? Kurt was tired and he ached, but he got into place and put on his perfect Broadway smile. The director was peering at the dancers, scrutinising every move and nuance of character to determine how the stage could be set, how to enhance the performance for an audience. Kurt was a mere prop and he knew it.
James had needed just a little more than affection from Kurt when he had returned to their apartment last night. As soon as the light was turned off and they slipped under the covers, Kurt had felt his hardness pressed against his lower back, a gentle nudge that caused Kurt to turn around.
"I thought you might be tired?" Kurt had asked but James had only smirked and come closer, almost like a wolf after its prey and nipped along Kurts jaw with his mouth. He had taken out his frustrations of the evening performance on Kurt and pounded into him until the early hours, leaving Kurt chasing an orgasm that never arrived, despite James obvious pleasure and his own climax. Kurt was physically sore now but he felt more than that as he performed the same number for the fifth time that day: weary.
"Patty and Kurt, we need to rehearse the scene where you realise your attraction for the same man, just as it leads into the song, can you do that?" The director didnt say cut or stop but the music ended and the chorus fell away, leaving the two leads in the middle of the rehearsal space. As the director, Anthony, turned his back to sit in his chair, Kurt rolled his eyes at Patty who smiled and quickly turned into her character, something Kurt always admired.
"I love him," Kurt said, nearly whispering as Patty went to turn away as if looking out the window. "I know you think Im mad, but I love him nonetheless."
Patty, completely in character, turned slowly to face Kurt, or his character Edward, and smiled sadly.
"I dont think youre mad. I think youre wonderfully romantic and completely hopeless, but never mad."
She came closer, sadness written all over her face, pity in her eyes.
"You think I dont stand a chance with him? You think he loves someone else? You?" Kurt showed Edward as if he wanted to be sassy and confident, but Kurt portrayed the naivety and the hope so well that the director was smiling.
"I think he loves who he wants to love and we would be lucky if he even smiles in our direction. Dont you see sometimes how the stars are reflected in his eyes, how they appear to glow and shine through him? How silly." Patty was moving around Kurt now, her body loose, her hand trailing behind her.
"I wonder sometimes if hes quite of this world."
The music started to play, softly, slowly and the chorus walked on as if to prepare for the next musical number but Anthony clapped loudly and Kurt and Patty switched, their characters falling away.
"Excellent, excellent," Anthony shouted. "Take five and well regroup to rehearse the scene after the song."
"Excellent, excellent," Patty whispered in Kurts ear, in mockery of Anthonys optimistic tone. Kurt rested by the window, taking a sip of his water and smiled slightly.
"He is always that positive, isnt he?" Kurt said.
Patty nodded. "But youre not feeling the happy vibes today?"
Kurt hadnt known Patty for long. She had worked her way from the chorus on Broadway to bigger roles in smaller productions so Kurt had seen her around but this was the first time he had worked with her. The musical was new and exciting, touching ground that discussed sexuality in a whole different arena and it was exhilarating to be a part of it. Patty was quietly confident in her ability to wow audiences, especially with such a great part, and she knew the magic she could pull. It looked easy but Kurt knew it wasnt.
"Not particularly," Kurt said, sipping from his bottle again, "It was just a late night."
He gave nothing away. Patty was a friend, a work colleague but never someone he would confide in. She nodded, no apparent desire to know more or to dig out the truth.
"I wonder if somethings about to change," she said mysteriously, just as she was about to return to her scene, their break apparently over. Kurt looked confused but he didnt have time before Anthony directed them to their new positions.
"When youre ready," Anthony said and Kurt rolled his shoulders before he started.
"Do you sometimes think that he plays with us?" Kurt, as Edward, said. Patty acted as if this was something she had already considered.
"I think perhaps he enjoys our affections," she said, channelling her character Isabelle. "Perhaps he has made his decision but wants to see how we act out our love. Perhaps he does not know himself."
Kurt appeared to think this over, giving Edward the air of someone intellectual and considered.
"I sometimes think that I would be quite prepared to live and breathe near him, never quite winning, never quite reaching the goal but in his presence nonetheless. Maybe there will be no winner." Kurt spoke his line as Edward, quietly romantic, as Patty stood still.
She paused for what seemed an age, so long in fact that Kurt wondered if she had forgotten her line but then she walked closer. Kurt could see the twirl of green in her warm brown eyes and she smiled sadly.
"Though I want to love him and have him for myself, I dont like to see anyone give up or let the darkness in. Sometimes a shadow wins."
Kurt was momentarily speechless as Patty walked away. She had maintained her character; delivered the line that Kurt had heard countless times before but there was something else this time. Kurt had nothing left to say as Edward and Patty walked away, leaving Kurt hearing only the line that was relevant to his own life. Kurt had felt the shadow creep across his own life, almost as if his whole life was now in darkness but Patty knew, even if she didnt know the circumstance. As the director was talking again to Patty, giving direction and praising her performance, Kurt decided to take a step in the right direction, to get out of the shadow.
To: Blaine [12.05]
Looking forward to coffee later to finally meet my window friend! How does 2.30 sound outside the coffee shop on our street?
To: Kurt [12.06]
Hey! That sounds great - looking forward to meeting my window friend too! See you then :)
Kurt smiled. He knew James wouldnt approve, but slowly and surely he knew he needed more friends that werent in his circle, that didnt disapprove of him or judge him. Blaine seemed happy, almost like a light despite the darkness that Kurt always saw him surrounded by, and maybe it would chase the shadow that Patty so rightly saw come closer.
Kurt hated being early but as he left his rehearsal just before 2 oclock, he knew he would be standing outside the coffee shop for at least ten minutes before Blaine was due to arrive. He felt nervous tingles along the skin of his arms as he came closer and as Blaine wasnt outside he stopped and kept rising on the balls of his feet. Being early gave him time to think, let his mind wander and race to all possibilities and he hated it. He wrapped his arms around his torso in a bid to warm up his arms when the door opened behind him.
"I thought it was you," Blaine said happily as he grinned by the door. "I was early so I waited inside." He opened the door and Kurt followed as he walked to the counter. "Ive left my jacket by the table in the corner if you want me to order coffee. You can sit down." He gestured to his table and Kurt nodded silently. He closed his eyes briefly as he walked. He was so nervous and he was letting it show. Blaine must think he was pathetic. But as he sat down and watched Blaine chatting to the barista, an easy conversation with laughter and joking, Kurt couldnt help but smile. This guy was charming to everyone. He had made Kurt feel comfortable in the most awkward of situations across the windows, had laughed and smiled brightly at conversations between them when Kurt had just wanted to hide away from the world. Blaine was now giving his money to the girl who had apparently received a generous tip because she smiled widely and thanked Blaine loudly.
"What was that?" Kurt said quietly, still watching the girl as Blaine came closer with their coffees.
"That? I gave her a tip," Blaine said, shrugging his shoulders.
"It must have been some tip to generate a smile like that."
"I cant always tip when I come here," Blaine said, blushing slightly, "And I wanted to make it up to her. She always serves fantastic coffee."
Kurt nodded and smiled. He suddenly realised he knew nothing about Blaine: what he did for a living, why he was living in New York, why he couldnt always tip baristas. Blaine sipped his coffee and his eyes twinkled above the steam, like he finally realised he was meeting Kurt for the first time.
"So window friend," Blaine said playfully, "Tell me about yourself."
Kurt didnt know where to begin.
"Well Im a performer on the stage, at the moment Im rehearsing an off-Broadway musical called Brave."
"Wow," Blaine breathed, clearly impressed, "That makes my job of struggling singer sound really pathetic."
"Oh is that what you do?" Kurt said, intrigued. "Where do you play?"
"Anywhere that will have me," Blaine said laughing at himself. "I have a few regular spots but mainly I play at open-mic nights and karaoke bars. I play instruments for friends when they have gigs and they do the same for me, so I can sometimes get a cut of the money for the performance. Its never regular money though. I live month by month, hoping I make rent. This is a lucky month." He smiled, a smile that always seemed to reach his eyes and Kurt was momentarily jealous.
"But tell me about this musical," Blaine said coming closer, his eyes wide and clear. Kurt thought briefly of getting lost in those eyes, noticing the swirls of browns and greens.
"I play a gay character called Edward, whos in love with another guy," he said, enjoying telling someone new. "Patty, my co-star, plays Isabelle who is also in love with the same guy. The musical really discusses love and what it constitutes. The audience hardly see the guy theyre in love with, he just flits around the corners of the stage and its never disclosed whether he is gay or not."
"Does that matter?" Blaine asked and Kurt looked a little surprised so Blaine carried on. "I mean love is love right, it doesnt always need a label."
Kurt smiled that he understood so well.
"Thats what the musical discusses. There are no labels though Isabelle defines herself as straight and Edward defines himself as gay. Its all irrelevant. The guy they love is label-less."
Blaine nodded, wondering how to ask what he had already guessed.
"Is that why you auditioned for the role?" Blaine asked instead.
Kurt nodded. "Yeah, I like that it discusses those issues, I like the idea that a musical I invest my time and energy into, deals with sexuality. But Ive always identified as gay. You?"
Blaine was taken aback. "Oh yeah, Im gay."
Blaine sipped his coffee again; a pause in the conversation, so Kurt did the same.
"How long have you lived here?" Kurt asked.
"In that apartment? Just a year," Blaine said. "I rented a room before and shared with others but last year my grandmother died and left me some money. I suddenly could rent on my own and although the money soon ran out, I strive to keep the place. You? I take it you and James just moved into that apartment?"
"Yeah," Kurt said, suddenly sad at the mention of James. Blaine knew too much. "I lived in Bushwick before, with friends. They still live there but James and I have been together for two years now, so it felt right to move in together."
Blaine nodded. He understood the need to settle down, even if he didnt like James.
"What does James do?"
"He sings in a real production on Broadway," Kurt said and Blaine noticed the emphasis on real. "Its been running for several months and hes working hard to make it work. It has to be perfect." Kurt wanted to sing James praise, needed to show just what a good man he really was and he nearly believed it himself. "He takes the job very seriously, is a consummate performer and is very talented."
"Id love to see you rehearse," Blaine said and Kurt thought he might have missed the conversation. Hadnt he been talking about James?
"I dont work during the day much," Blaine continued, "I write songs and stuff but my work is at night so I would be free most days. Could I come to watch?"
Blaine had never seen a production rehearsal and although famous patrons or stars that were interested sometimes came to watch them, Kurt wasnt sure if Blaine would be allowed.
"Ill try," Kurt said, "I dont know if I can get you in."
"Thanks," Blaine said, so optimistic and only hearing that Kurt would try his best. "Id love to see you sing and act. I can just tell youll be great."
Kurt wasnt sure how to take the comment. Did he think that Kurt acted through the window? Lived a life that was a fundamental lie?
"I hope I live up to expectation," Kurt said blushing slightly under the praise.
"Well Ive seen you dance," Blaine said laughing into his coffee. "Its only right I hear you sing." Kurt blushed in embarrassment.
"You shouldnt have seen that," Kurt muttered and Blaine was instantly sad. His brown honey-coloured eyes melted and Kurt wanted to erase what he had said in the hope that he would bring back the happy optimistic smile instead.
"But it was fantastic," Blaine said seriously. "No need to worry Kurt, you saw me twerk!" The tension was suddenly gone and Kurt laughed along with him, remembering last night across the way. He couldnt remember the last time he had laughed as hard as last night.
"Promise me this," Blaine said with mock solemnity. "Promise me youll dance for yourself at least once a day." Kurts face froze in awe. "Dance like theres no tomorrow, dance like no ones watching. Its the most amazing thing to do, I promise."
"I dont get a lot of time to do that," Kurt said quietly, "James would think Id gone mad."
The thought that Kurt didnt feel he could dance in his own home made Blaine sad but he wasnt letting it dampen his mood.
"Then you should dance tonight," Blaine said in a dramatic fashion, as if he was granting wishes. "Im singing with some friends at an open-mic night. You should come, dance, sing, be merry. Itll be fun."
Blaines face lit up at the thought and Kurt couldnt disappoint him. He was nervous at the thought of meeting Blaines friends but Blaine clearly thought nothing of widening his circle of friends to include Kurt and he couldnt say no.
"Sure, thatll be fun."
"Great!" Blaine beamed. "Ill meet you outside your apartment at 8? Were going to make an evening of it."
The place was heaving when they entered, Tessa, Ruby and Sam somewhere amongst the crowd. When Blaine and Kurt entered and wandered for a while, scanning the throngs of people, Tessa shouted to get their attention and waved them over.
"Hey guys," Blaine said beaming as he stopped in front of their little table. "This is Kurt."
Kurt looked uneasy. It had been a while since he had made new friends that werent work colleagues and he realised he had relied on Rachel and Santana, his oldest friends, for a little too long. He blushed slightly as Sam took his hand and shook it warmly.
"Nice to meet you," he said, "Youre the guy from across the way?"
Kurt was surprised and pointedly looked at Blaine.
"Sorry," Blaine muttered, "I may have mentioned you once."
"When you get to know him, hes not all that creepy. We promise," Tessa said smiling as she stood and offered her open arms to Kurt. He looked like he wanted to escape but didnt know how and so he took her arms and hugged back.
"Im Ruby." She just nodded and smiled; Kurt was relieved that she wasnt going to envelop him in a hug too.
"What are you drinking Kurt?" Sam asked and he bought them drinks as Blaine offered Kurt a seat.
"So whats the plan?" Tessa asked Blaine, "When do we sing?"
"Well Sam said he knows the owner and we pretty much have the floor after everyone has finished," Blaine said looking around. "I dont know how many will want to sing tonight."
His question was soon answered as someone started off the night and explained that they would be introducing each act. Twenty had signed up.
Kurt let the music wash over him. Many of the acts were good and Blaine, Tessa and Sam drank in the music, making comments to each other about what worked and what did not. Blaine was in his element, his face alight with ideas and admiration for many of the acts. Some were nervous, this clearly their first time performing, others were seasoned amateurs who did the various rounds of open-mic sessions. All in all, it was a creative atmosphere that had Kurts eyes wide as he roved the room.
"Do you sing Kurt?" Tessa asked and he explained his current role and the rehearsal process. "Thats fantastic. I always thought Id never like the routine of Broadway so I definitely admire anyone that can do it. It takes a lot of discipline and hard work, I bet."
Kurt nodded. "But more than that, I guess," he said. "You have to want it in your veins. Its hard sometimes to get out of bed for something that you dont know will be a success."
"Have you been in productions that werent successful?" Ruby asked.
"Oh yeah countless times," Kurt said, "But you have to believe in each performance you give. You have to think that in each role, someone might see you, might want to take the production further."
"What about this production? Do you think it might make it?" Tessa asked.
"I think it might actually," Kurt said slowly. "I mean theres always the chance that it might not but with the topic and the screenplay, I think that it just might."
"Is the music good?" Blaine asked.
"Not the best Ive sung before," Kurt said, being honest, "But the songs fill the screenplay, they seem right and are choreographed properly. It just needs someone to have a look over it, I guess; tighten up a few melodies."
"Blaine writes songs you know," Tess said and Blaine blushed when Kurt looked at him.
"Oh theyre nothing really," Blaine said shrugging his shoulders, "Im sure theyre not Broadway material."
"Id like to listen to them someday," Kurt said kindly, "Ive never been very good with writing music. I have the lyrics but never the song."
"We could write a few together, then," Blaine said smiling widely at the thought. "I mean I always struggle with the lyrics, melodies come easily."
Kurts phone buzzed in his pocket, which caught his attention and he read the text that appeared.
To: Kurt [10.02]
Ive got a scene break, baby. Hoping to be home on time tonight. Cant wait to see that sweet ass of yours xx
Kurt blushed bright red, the text from James causing him to hide his phone in case his new friends could see the message.
"Are you ok?" Blaine asked, without prying too much.
"Oh yeah, its just James. Said hell be home on time tonight."
Blaine thought it an odd comment. Surely James was on time most nights after a performance?
"Aw, so youll be leaving early?" Blaine looked disappointed, but he understood. Kurt looked around at the faces enjoying the music, Tessa, Ruby and Sam all moving slightly to the beat of the piano and the hum of the crowd. He didnt want to leave early but the thought of how angry James would be when he came home to find an empty apartment didnt really bear thinking about.
"Maybe Ill text James," Kurt said, "See if he minds. Maybe he could join us?"
"Yeah thatll be good," Blaine said, his stomach sinking at the thought but he schooled his face so it didnt show.
To: James [10.06]
Hey baby, Im out with friends at the moment. Were at an open-mic night if you want to join us? Xx
To: Kurt [10.07]
Rachel and Santana?
To: James [10.08]
No, new friends. Theyre singers and planning on ending the show. I dont want to miss their performance. Its nice here, youll like it x
Kurt wasnt sure if that was true. James would probably hate it but he needed to give the impression that he wanted James there, anything so the night didnt have to end.
To: Kurt [10.10]
Who are these new friends?
To: James [10.11]
Tessa, Ruby, Sam and Blaine x
Kurt had hoped by adding the others first that it wouldnt be a big deal. As it turned out the last word was what James would focus on. It almost seemed to blink accusingly at him from the screen of his phone.
To: James [10.11]
Theyd all like it if you came along :)
To: Kurt [10.12]
I dont think so Kurt. Ill be tired after such a stressful week. Id really like you to be home when I get back.
No kiss, no please. Kurt swallowed painfully, Blaine noticed.
"Everything ok?"
"What? Oh yeah, yeah," Kurt muttered. "Everythings fine." He stretched his face into a smile. As he was thinking, scanning the room at the happy faces and the drinking crowd, Kurt wanted to be them. They all looked so carefree, happily chatting, laughing and singing as if there was no tomorrow. Kurt wanted to stay here, drink in the atmosphere and be loose and free. Going back to the apartment, to wait patiently for his no doubt angry boyfriend, was not something he relished the thought of. He turned to find Ruby looking at him kindly, like she had read his thoughts and he tried another smile so as to appear less glum.
"Theyre fantastic," she said, indicating Blaine, Tessa and Sam. "It doesnt matter that theyre not rich and famous, with record signings or money coming out of their ears. They love it and the music speaks for itself. Youll love it when they perform." She clearly knew the right thing to say and Kurt could only smile and start texting. His fingers were the only part of his body that portrayed his nerves, his jaw set and determined.
To: James [10.15]
Im gonna stay, hopefully wont be too late but dont wait up. If you want to join us were at a bar along East 84th Street. Love you xx
He hoped the invitation and the last two words might lessen the anger, encourage James to join them after all, but Kurt was disappointed when he heard the beep after a minute.
To: Kurt [10.16]
I might go out after all, a few of the lads invited me for drinks. Itll be nice to be free for once.
That stung. Kurt knew he was saying it to be mean, to make Kurt think he had plans of his own but it was low. He had already said once this week how Kurt nagged him, made him feel trapped, so the comment about freedom hit Kurt square in the chest. Blaine seemed to sense something was up, kept glancing at Kurt in the hope that he might catch his eye. When Kurt looked up from his phone he didnt even attempt a smile and Blaine knew. There was a lull in performances, a break it seemed and Blaine was struck by an idea.
"Why dont you sing?" Blaine asked Kurt.
Kurt hadnt thought about it, had nothing planned but a quick glance at his phone, a stark reminder of his boyfriends behaviour gave him the perfect song choice.
"I cant play the piano," Kurt said weakly.
"Give me the song and I can play for you," Blaine said, "It might help."
He didnt say what it would help, but Kurt seemed to know that he already knew. Blaine was good like that and Kurt found himself nodding, telling Blaine the song and smiling when he said he knew it. Blaine ran to put Kurt on the list and as the night drew to an end, Kurt was up just before Blaine, Sam and Tessa were due to go on stage.
"Hi everyone, Im Kurt," he said into the microphone. The sea of faces looking at him expectantly made him feel nervous, but he thought of James about to his end his Broadway performance and prepare for a night out, and he no longer cared. He took a deep breath as Blaine started to play.
You said it was doomed from the start
But Ive got a stockpile of remedies.
Tied down and left in the dark
But I still see what you really need.
Promise me youll dry my tears
Clear my chest of wounds that heal
Please forgive what made us ill.
He could see Tessa and Sam in the crowd, watching his performance, loving his voice but it was Rubys face he focused on. She was watching carefully, not smiling at his superb voice like the others, just reading all of the meaning, understanding how he was singing away his hurt and pain.
Say you want me to hear but why you gotta be mean to me
And scream you wanna be free from me
When you know you are and you are but…
Say you love when Im here but then you go and be mean to me
And scream you have to be free from me
When you know you are and you are boy.
Throat coarse burnt by pain of our hearts
So Ill save the kiss that was bittersweet.
Cold smiles for us one final laugh
So Ill grasp the echoes of your sympathy.
Promise me youll dry my tears
Clear my chest of wounds that heal
Please forgive what made us ill.
Blaine was ever the consummate professional and played well but just seeing Kurts straight back, he could see he was struggling with his emotions, singing about so much more than just an argument. He had the sudden urge to hug him close, to protect him from anything mean ever again.
Say you want me to hear but why you gotta be mean to me
And scream you wanna be free from me
When you know you are and you are boy.
Say you love when Im here but then you go and be mean to me
And scream you have to be free from me
When you know you are and you are boy.
Kurt finished as the final notes ended. He sighed and applause started but Kurt could only sway as the clapping washed over him. For a second Blaine thought he might fall but Kurt merely bowed and walked off stage. By the time Blaine returned to their little table, Kurt was grabbing his jacket, explaining that he had to rush back to his apartment amidst praise for his performance. Tessa, Sam and Ruby merely looked confused, Tess mouth almost comically open. He dashed away before Blaine had the chance to say anything but upon regaining his reason, he followed Kurt who had managed to walk a hundred yards down the road before Blaine caught up with him.
"Kurt, Kurt, wait," he said, frantically touching his arm in order to catch him. As Kurt turned, Blaine could see his eyes swimming with pain.
"Oh Kurt…" Blaine whispered, almost afraid to say anything else, knowing what had brought this along their path.
Kurt shook his head, a denial of the pity, a desire to run again but Blaine was insistent.
"Hes not worth it," Blaine said, speaking into the cold evening air, almost causing a cloud to form around his mouth.
"I need to get back to the apartment," Kurt said, tugging at his arm to extricate it from Blaines gentle grip.
"But do you want to?" Blaine asked. Kurt didnt think James would care about that, but he shook his head anyway.
"Then stay, watch us perform." Blaine left the gentle whine in his voice as he pleaded. "Dont let him spoil your fun."
Kurt stayed frozen in time, as if he could avoid making the decision if he just stayed still long enough. He knew he had ruined it anyway; James would be mad whether he came home now or later. He started to walk and Blaine let him lead the way, following quietly behind. When he came back in, no one in Blaines group said a word about Kurts abrupt departure and the evening carried on. Blaine, Sam and Tessa were soon up to end the evening and they played and sang, ending the evening on a high. Ruby was right, they loved being up there and their happiness and the sheer joy of music, made Kurt feel lighter. It was gone 2 oclock when Blaine and Kurt started walking home. It had rained slightly when they had been inside so as they walked Kurt kept his eyes focused on the shiny pavement, the puddles dotted here and there. Blaine talked on about the evening, his favourite performances and what he knew their little group had to work on. He was thrilled that they had been given a small fee each for ending the night so well and the owner had even given them a share of the tips while they sang. As he finished talking he noticed the silence hanging in the air and he turned to find Kurts downturned gaze.
He stopped.
"Are you ok?" he asked quietly. Kurt had continued to walk; only now noticing he was stationary.
"Sorry, just thinking," he mumbled.
"About James?"
Just hearing the word made Kurt feel guilty. He tried for a smile that seemed to stretch and hurt his face.
"No hell be fine, Im sure," Kurt said.
Blaine continued walking, Kurt matching his new stride.
"Im sorry about what you saw the other day," Kurt whispered after a while, the silence getting too much. "You shouldnt have to see that and James isnt normally like that. He was just hung-over, stressed about work and moving. You know they say thats just as stressful as a heart attack?"
Blaine smiled and nodded, trying to lighten the situation. "You dont have to explain Kurt," he said. "I didnt know you then, I was just a stranger."
"Are we friends now?" Kurt asked quietly, hopefully, causing Blaine to stop again and smile.
"Of course, if youd like to be?"
"Yeah, Id like that," Kurt said smiling now for real. "Window friends and real life friends. I really should buy curtains though." He laughed but Blaine wondered if he just wanted to hide his relationship away. He let it slide. They reached their apartments, the lights off in Kurts indicating that no one was home. Kurt felt his stomach sink.
"Do you want me to come up with you?" Blaine asked, the question sounding silly in the quiet night air. Kurt turned to find Blaines warm brown eyes so close, so kind that he was momentarily speechless. He smiled at the kindness but shook his head.
"No Ill be fine, dont worry," Kurt said, "James will probably be back later."
Blaine wondered, not for the first time, why Kurt stayed with James but he said nothing. Instead he pulled Kurt into a warm hug, causing the air in Kurts lungs to leave abruptly then he relaxed and sunk into his arms.
"Goodnight Kurt," he said smiling widely. "It was really nice to meet you today, to hear you sing." Blaines eyes swam with gratitude and Kurt felt himself grow slightly that he was valued so much, by someone that had only just met him.
"Goodnight Blaine, thanks for a great night."
They parted. As Kurt unlocked his door, he felt the coldness creep back in, the apartment bleak and heartless. He changed on the landing so as not to reveal himself to anyone that happened to look through his curtain-less windows. As the light stayed off, he saw Blaine had left his own curtains open and the light of the streetlights revealed his solitary figure in his bedroom. Blaine stood by the window, deliberately leaving his curtains open, but he blew a kiss and waved, indicating goodnight and Kurt smiled, knowing that Blaine was there to watch over him, while his boyfriend played the night away.