Trusting In Your Name
beingalive
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Trusting In Your Name: Chapter 6


T - Words: 3,313 - Last Updated: Sep 02, 2014
Story: Complete - Chapters: 10/? - Created: Jun 13, 2014 - Updated: Jun 13, 2014
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Author's Notes:

Song quoted: Chandelier by Sia

"Come on, Kurt, you need a night out," Sebastian said, his face cocky and determined. He looked Kurt up and down, implying that Kurts outfit of a baggy but warm poncho over skinny jeans wasnt really cutting it.

"I dont fancy it," Kurt said, "You know its not my kind of thing. I only hinder your real purpose anyway."

"No you dont. I never need a wingman but its always good to have you out with me. Anyone not interested in your perfect porcelain features is always up for a good time with me."

"As much as Id love to be the guy that sorts out all your rejects," Kurt said dripping with sarcasm, "I said Id stay in and watch a movie with Blaine."

"Right," Sebastian said slowly, "Hows that going by the way? You still see him at college?"

"Mmm, hmm," Kurt said, tidying the apartment, a habit that Sebastian always knew meant he was nervous. "We chat about classes and what we think of the tutors but nothing that means much. I dont know, its difficult to talk I guess." Kurt shrugged, trying to give the impression that he wasnt too worried.

"Well tonight might be an eye opener then. What are you watching?"

"I dont know," Kurt said, his eyes wide in panic. "I should have thought of that before, maybe he likes different films now."

"The Little Mermaid or The Lion King might be out of the running now," Sebastian smirked.

"Shut up, weve grown up since then," Kurt strutted away to his room, straightening a cushion as he passed the sofa, his arms laden with clean laundry.

"Have you really?

"What do you mean?" Kurt said upon his empty-handed return.

"I mean youve idolised your relationship, just remembered the rosy bits. You dont know what Blaines been through since he left and he certainly knows nothing about what you went through. Surely its time to speak candidly."

"What about?" Kurt sneered, "How I was bullied every day during high school, how my peers voted me prom queen and someone hate-kissed me? Yeah, great stories."

"Someone hate-kissed you?"

Kurt spun around so quickly he gave himself a crick in the neck.

"Blaine?"

Blaine looked suddenly awkward, knowing he had committed an act of impoliteness. He gestured at the door.

"Sorry, the door was wide open, I just walked up the corridor and was going to peer my head in and…"

"I think that is my cue to leave," Sebastian said, swiftly coming beside Kurt to peck a kiss on his cheek. "Au revoir mes petits amours." He left with a sneaky smile, closing the door quickly.

Blaine came fully into the room to avoid being any closer to Sebastian, remembering he had a bottle of wine in his hand.

"Oh I brought this," he said, giving it to Kurt who said a quick thank you and disappeared into the kitchen.

"Have you had dinner? I was just going to make a quick salad," Kurt said loudly from the room beyond, Blaine remaining near the door.

"A salad sounds nice," Blaine said quietly, taking in the apartment once again. It always seemed too spacious and well designed for student accommodation. Sebastian must be rich, Blaine reasoned.

As Kurt came into the room holding two glasses of wine, he noticed Blaines awkward pose by the door, his back straight but his eyes darting and his cheeks rosy. Blaine seemed to have this knack of looking both confident and ill at ease at the same time, something Kurt realised was a new personality trait. Blaine had never needed to feel self-conscious before.

"Are you ok?"

"What? Oh yeah, sure," Blaine said, getting flustered and already trying to calm his nerves. Kurt made him feel confused but with a desperation to convince him he was calmly confident all at once. Blaine came further into the apartment.

"I brought some of my favourite movies, nothing too gory. I guessed you might still squirm at the horror."

Kurt smiled at the memory of their childhood viewing. Blaine had once snuck into Coopers room to borrow one of his more adult movies when they were kids. Kurt had cried and been sent home, much to his embarrassment now. With his cheeks flush, Kurt shook his head.

"I was such a wimp."

"It was cute," Blaine said simply. Blaine smiled wide, his eyes twinkling with the memory. This guy in front of him had once been the most important boy in his life. Kurt smiled back but then his eyes dropped to the floor and he walked back to the salad. The silence started again.

Blaine watched Kurts back as he prepared the salad and he couldnt bear it anymore. He walked a little closer.

"Our life was full of amazing memories like that, wasnt it?" Blaine whispered but he knew Kurt had heard him, his hand stilled. Without turning, Kurt spoke.

"Yeah, it was the best time of my life," Kurt said, whispering as if to take it back at anytime.

"Kurt…"

He turned slowly at Blaines whispered entreaty.

"I know we cant just pretend that the years havent gone by, but I want you to know that Ill try my best, that I want to make this work, that Ill do whatever it takes…"

Kurt nodded, not letting Blaines words become meaningless. He didnt want to belittle Blaines promise with entreaties of his own.

"I know it wont be easy…"

Kurt nodded, showing he knew that Blaine hadnt finished.

"But I want this so much."

Blaine seemed to have run out of steam. His body deflated as he breathed out, just like a balloon.

Kurt smiled recognising the expression.

"Ill finish the salad and we can talk," he said. "Do you want to set the table?"

Blaine nodded like an eager puppy and walked quickly to the drawer he had seen Kurt use for cutlery. After the mats were laid and wine placed on the table, Kurt brought over the food. They sighed at the same time… and then laughed.

Blaine closed his eyes as he smiled.

"Will it always be this awkward?" he asked.

"No, when were old and grey itll be something to laugh about with the grandchildren," Kurt said laughing and doling out the salad generously. Blaine looked wistful.

"You think about that?"

Kurt shrugged. "Just recently. I mean were soulmates, its bound to work out eventually. It might just take a few years." He laughed again and Blaine briefly wondered if he might ever get used to that melodic noise that had never changed.

They munched on their salads for a while, conversation revolving around passing the salad dressing or garlic bread. Kurt looked at Blaine for a while, almost biting his lip as he ate his salad.

"Did you come to New York, guessing I would be here?" Kurt asked.

"Of course," Blaine said quickly, "I mean we always said wed be here together. I felt like Id be breaking a promise if I didnt."

"Because were soulmates?"

"No," Blaine said his hand coming out onto the table, his eyes wide. "Because I wanted to see you." He sighed. "I dont know how to describe it but I felt like I needed to see you and if I didnt, well my body wouldnt let me stay away."

Kurt didnt blink.

"It was like that for me, but I started to give up hope when I got here. I was mad at you, almost hated you," Kurt said, his jaw tensing with remembered hurt. "But it was almost like my body knew I was lying. I knew I would fly into your arms as soon as I saw you."

"Kurt…"

"No let me explain," Kurt said, holding up a hand to be heard. "I know youre sorry and I do forgive you, I think. But I need you to explain why you left." Kurts face dropped to his unfinished food, then his chin rose, his eyes piercing. Blaine kept his gaze.

"When we were in the hospital, after the…" Blaine swallowed, as if the word was a lump in his throat. He carried on. "I woke up with my parents peering over me as if I was dead. They were so happy I was okay. As soon as they relayed the events, the first thing I asked was how you were. They were silent for the longest time, I felt sure you were dead."

Blaine looked into those patient blue eyes, still keeping his gaze and took a little strength to continue.

"When they said youd left the hospital, that you were fine, better than I was in fact, I thought you must blame me."

"What? I could never blame you!"

"I thought maybe you thought that wed been too brazen at the dance. You were always so worried about the bullies and although I hated what they did to you, it never really happened to me. I finally found out the hard way."

"That was the worst, I hated that they did that to you," Kurt said sadly.

"They shouldnt have done it to either of us, you put up with it for years," Blaine said, a little louder, more indignant. "But when you didnt come to see me, I asked again about you. I thought they might be lying, that you were worse than they told me."

"No I had a broken rib and a few bruises to the side of my face. I left hospital because your parents wouldnt let me see you."

Blaines eyes widened in disbelief.

"They…"

Kurt nodded. "When I returned to the hospital the next day you were gone, youd left."

"Yeah, dad got them to sign me off, told the doctor he would care for me at home."

"But you werent okay?"

"No, it was agony to move," Blaine remembered. "I was wrapped in a thousand blankets and ushered out."

"When did you leave town?"

"A week later," Blaine said, "Really early in the morning. I begged him to let me see you but he said youd be going to school soon and would be busy. He reminded me that you hadnt called or come round. I guessed I must have really pissed you off."

Kurt stood up so abruptly that he knocked his chair over.

"Blaine, I text all the time, tried to call, messaged you on facebook, nothing worked."

"You did?"

"Of course I did," Kurt said, his eyes filled with indignant tears. "I was really worried. Your dad said that you werent taking visitors and I knew he blamed me. I gave you a little space and only hoped Id get a chance to explain at school when you returned."

Kurt picked up the chair but didnt sit down, just clasped it to steady his hands.

"I hate that they lied to you, I hate that they made you believe I didnt care. I hate them."

Blaine looked at his salad. Hed known his father could be callous, but he hadnt known this. Hed been lied to and worse of all, hed believed him.

"Im sorry Kurt," he said, looking up at him, his eyes round and brown. So teary in fact, Kurt was reminded of pools of liquid gold. "I should have fought harder, I should have told him I didnt believe him."

"Yes you should have," Kurt said, not letting him off the hook. "We were best friends, I thought you knew me best of all."

Blaine placed his head in his hands.

"I did, I knew something was up but I trusted him," he shook his head at his known foolishness.

"Lets watch the movie," Kurt said after a while, his eyes leaving Blaines, giving him the impression that was to be his punishment. He cleared the plates without glancing at Blaine once, letting the silence explain everything.


Sebastian finally sat down at the bar, eyeing both sides in order to spot anyone that was alone too. He nodded to the barkeep who gave him his usual drink. After a few sips, he noticed a guy staring almost opposite him at the rounded bar. Sebastian smiled and nodded as the guy continued to stare. His hair was well styled, Sebastian noted, his taste impeccable as he drank his margarita. He finally lifted it as if to say cheers and took a sip, still staring. Sebastian continued to drink, his eyes starting to focus on anyone else and eventually, as most of his drink was consumed, he stood to request a song from the DJ, who complied quickly.

It was a slow start but Sias Chandelier eventually caused the crowd to bop their hips.

Im the one "for a good time call"
Phones blowin up, theyre ringin my doorbell
I feel the love, feel the love


Sebastian was tempted to pull the scary faces in the video as the surrounding people let him remain in the middle of the dance floor but he didnt think that would impress the silent brooding man at the bar. Instead he danced like he just didnt care, his taller frame clearly evident amongst the throng of people. The crowd bopped him along with their movements, so he threw his arms in the air, his carefree attitude suddenly appealing. The guy with the well-styled hair eventually joined him, snaking his arms around Sebastians waist and bringing him closer.

"I was watching, just like you wished," the guy breathed in his ear, making Sebastian smile even wider. They rocked to the music, the strange guys growing hard-on evident, as he pressed closer to Sebastian.

Im gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
Im gonna live like tomorrow doesnt exist
Like it doesnt exist
Im gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry
Im gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier


As the music morphed into something else, the brooding guy stroked the top of Sebastians thigh, bringing him closer. Eventually the guy became a little impatient.

"Wanna disappear for a while?" he whispered darkly and Sebastian nodded. He grabbed the guys hand without looking back and led him to the bathroom. Sebastian pushed his way past the huddles of bodies pressed close together, deep in conversation or laughing with drinks in hand. As soon as the destination had been reached, Sebastian pushed the guy on the wall of the bathroom. The guy with dark coiffed hair and brooding eyes looked a little surprised but soon caught his breath and smiled.

"Thought I wouldnt take control?" Sebastian smirked. "Oh I know how to get what I want."

"I dont doubt it," the guy said, looking Sebastian up and down slowly and smiling. He sized him up, finally understanding that they were equals here.

"No one wants to meet a casual fuck here," the guy said, gesturing to the couples around them. "They all want to meet their soulmate, look for love."

Sebastian shrugged. "I get that, but I also believe that Im beating the odds. Eventually Ill find the right guy, no waiting around for him to come to me."

The guy nodded then came closer, deciding something in his head.

"I like the way you smell," he said as he kissed along Sebs exposed neck. "I also like the way you think."

The kisses turned more fervent and eventually he made his way to Sebastians waiting, almost parted lips. He took Sebastian unawares as he grabbed his hand and pushed his arm up so his hand was forced open against the wall behind him.

Gabriel Clarke

The guy glanced up, Sebastian catching his eyes and breaking the kiss.

"Not what you want to see?"

"Not me," the guy said, "But who said we couldnt have fun while we waited?"

"My thoughts exactly," Sebastian said, smiling like a cat that had the cream but hiding the sinking feeling in his stomach.

Another guy that would disappoint.

Sun is up, Im a mess
Gotta get out now, gotta run from this
Here comes the shame, here comes the shame


Blaine and Kurt sat through the movie, some harmless rom-com, mainly in silence. More wine was drunk, popcorn shared, but occasional glances were awkward and avoided. As the credits rolled Kurt turned to face him sharply, something having been decided. Blaine thought he looked like a cat about to pounce.

"I forgive you," he said calmly, "We need to make this work so I forgive you."

"But you dont really?" Blaine asked quietly.

"I just need a little time," Kurt said after a while. "I guess I understand how you would trust your dad, even over me."

"I dont now," Blaine said, sitting up again, eager to come forward. "I trust you more than anyone, I trust you with my life."

Kurts expression softened. He could see Blaines face change, his eyes wide and for a brief moment he looked like his younger self.

"I have to earn your trust, just like you have to earn mine."

A curl had gotten loose over Blaines forehead, as they had watched the movie. Before he really knew what he was doing, Kurt reached upwards to brush the curl away, much too slowly to be purely practical.

"I think I forget that you were young then, that we were both so young. Youve become a little harder since you left me, a little more distrustful, careful not to let anyone in." He continued to stroke Blaines forehead, his finger coming to slide down his cheek. "I think Ive been wishing that all these years apart would be erased and it would be like it was before. But there are lines here, not even caused by age, that I wouldnt know how to get rid of."

Blaine said nothing, just watched and felt as Kurt tried to stroke those lines away.

"I sometimes feel," Kurt breathed, not even noticing how he came closer, his mouth inches from Blaines own. "I sometimes feel a pull that I cant explain. I know it doesnt make sense, I know if I think about it for too long it seems crazy, but its there. It makes me want to come closer, get rid of all those lines and what they mean. It makes me want to hurt those people that hurt you and made you harder. It makes me want to…" Kurts eyes flitted from Blaines eyes to his lips, battling within himself, wondering which part of him was pulling the hardest.

Blaine kept still, absolutely still, barely breathing, until he blinked.

Kurt smiled.

"I guess we have plenty of time for that," Kurt said, his head moving backwards, his eyes rapidly blinking. Blaine nodded.

Kurt got up, deliberately putting distance between him and his soulmate.

"Hot chocolate?"

Blaine nodded again, his lips unable to form coherent words.

"I dont know how late Seb will be but you can stay over if you like? We could do something properly tomorrow as its Saturday."

"Sounds great," Blaine said weakly.

He watched as Kurt warmed the milk, saying nothing but wishing he had pushed forward, anything to feel those soft lips against his own.


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