One week remained before chemotherapy was to start and the wait seemed endless though Blaine never wanted it to start. He had read about all of the side effects, knew what to expect and what treatment he would be given but knowledge doesn't always equal power. This time it made Blaine feel sick at the thought of the cancer cells constantly multiplying and the chemical attack that would start in under a week. Kurt had read all the information too, knew what Blaine was to face but refused to discuss it with him, the very idea making him feel sick. It was better assumed that everything would be fine, that the chemotherapy would end all the problems and Blaine would get better. He wouldn't entertain any other possibility.

Blaine's apology and Kurt's forgiveness seemed to cause a shift in their relationship and although they were always affectionate, the roles suddenly reversed in the face of adversity, they clung to each other in moments of quiet when no one saw. Kurt spent the night with Blaine more frequently and although it was always chaste, more and more kisses on cheeks were exchanged as they said goodnight and they fell asleep in each other's arms. In the darkest hours before the dawn when sleep could not be had, whispered words of fear and possible futures were shared. Faces buried in chests in the darkness rather than admittance of truth in the light of day.

"Do you think I'll look horrible with no hair?" Blaine whispered one night.

"No," Kurt said, "I think your face is so beautiful, your eyes such a mixture of shades that I think your lack of hair won't make such a difference."

Blaine smiled into Kurt's chest, his familiar smell comforting as he nuzzled into the silky fabric.

"Thanks," he whispered.

"You'll still be beautiful to me," Kurt said after a while, the darkness hiding his blush at the admission. "No matter what."

Blaine allowed his words to sink in, consider what they might mean then he turned onto his side so he could face Kurt properly. In the darkness he could only see his blue eyes and a worried expression, like he wondered how his words would be taken.

"Kurt, I know what I did hurt you," Blaine began but his sentence died on his lips as a finger was placed there.

"Don't," Kurt said, "You've said sorry and I heard it. I don't need you to keep saying it. Things are different now."

"Because I have cancer?"

"No because life's too lonely as it is to go through it alone. I tried it without you and I just didn't work."

Blaine saw Kurt's eyes fill with tears, glisten in the darkness and he reached to stroke along the soft skin of his cheek.

"I couldn't do this without you, I don't work without you either," Blaine was saying as a lone tear escaped Kurt's eye.

"You're so precious to me, so important," Kurt started rambling, as he came closer and Blaine didn't know what to say just allowed himself to close the gap between their lips and take what he could to get through the next nine weeks. Kisses were feverous, desperate and tears mingled before they finally parted and hugged even closer.

"Stay with me, stay forever," Kurt said repeatedly until Blaine quieted his words with his lips again and their legs entwined.

"Always, always."

---

No one questioned the change in their relationship. It seemed inevitable to Blaine's parents and Burt and Carole that things would develop between them again. No one couple, with the history that Kurt and Blaine shared, with the possibility of death and pain in front of them, could deny the love that fizzled between them. Every opportunity was taken to ensure that love was expressed and made known: hugs shared, kisses given and time spent. They distracted themselves with coffee trips and visits to friends and family in Ohio. The week may have quickly passed them by but time was well spent and before they knew it chemotherapy was starting.

They went to the oncology reception, Blaine's parents staying for a few hours to make sure everything started properly. They were told to wait and eventually Blaine's name was called and he was invited to the ward where he was to spend the whole day. He was sent to a comfy chair, a small table with a jug of water and a cup his only furniture.

"Blaine is it?" a lady in a nurse's uniform suddenly said as she approached them all. Blaine nodded.

"Well let's get started Blaine," she said, "My name's Margaret and I'm one of the nurses that will be administering your chemotherapy in the next few weeks." She went through that he would be set up with a cannula, which would be inserted into a vein along his hand or wrist, and he would need to drink regularly, keeping a record of how much he drank and urinated on a chart that would be checked. Blaine grimaced but he soon realised that everyone around him was in the same situation as he was. He was given anti-sickness drugs and a stretchy band tightened on his arm so a vein could more easily be found.

The bags of saline and chemotherapy drugs were found and checked alongside Blaine's details, ensuring that he was given the correct treatment. Margaret inserted his cannula and the process was started with saline to flush out his system first.

Blaine's parents spoke to the nurses for a while then said they would be back in a few hours if Blaine was ok. Blaine assured them that Kurt would still be here and Clarissa nodded in acceptance, realising that her son was all grown up after all.

It was only as the saline solution was being pumped through Blaine's system that they could really look around them. The chemotherapy ward was really just a collection of comfy chairs, most people with just one visitor alongside them.

"How does it feel?" Kurt asked in order to avoid looking anymore.

"Strange," Blaine said, "I can feel the coldness through my veins but other than that, you get used to it."

Kurt looked again, caught glimpses of other people having treatment who smiled in his direction when they saw his eyes. No one was the same age as Blaine; mainly women were having treatment though there was one man who could barely lift his head. Some of the women had scarves on their head; others had hair that was growing back. Some looked positive, smiling when given the opportunity, others were reading or doing a crossword and keeping to themselves. It looked such a sad ward, such a place where people struggled, that Kurt felt tears instantly start in his eyes at the pain of the place where his beautiful Blaine was sitting too. Blaine didn't seem to notice, deliberately took out a magazine to distract himself so Kurt swallowed against the fear and started to talk.

"That Margaret seemed nice, in fact all the nurses seem nice," Kurt started. "I think you'd have to be a certain kind of person to work here, not too dreary." Blaine nodded.

"I think Downton Abbey starts again soon, we'll get to watch that together and mock the servants," Kurt continued. He started doing impressions of Daisy and Blaine smiled. He let Kurt ramble but eventually he placed his hand on Kurt's as it rested on his knee. Kurt didn't say anything, looked down at Blaine's hand and understood. They were in this together and Kurt may ramble all he liked but Blaine knew and he appreciated the incessant chatter, knew it meant Kurt was nervous.

So Kurt discussed all the television they could watch together that night when the treatment was over for the day and Blaine listened.

---

The hours dragged. The saline solution was soon finished, the incessant beeping of the machine that administered it alerting the nurses to change it. Blaine was soon given the etoposide and cisplatin solutions in a big bag and the machine was set for a few hours. All they had to do was watch and wait.

"Did you know that cisplatin contains platinum?" Kurt said when the nurse went away.

"Yeah, I'm really expensive now, worth thousands," Blaine said smiling.

The hours went on and Kurt tried to distract both himself and Blaine with reading various gossip columns in the magazines and discussing the latest fashions in Vogue. They were offered lunch but Blaine declined, explaining he felt sick and didn't want to upset his stomach.

"Are you ok?" Kurt asked.

"Yeah, it's just draining," Blaine said as the last bag was finished. "It makes me so tired just being here but I know if I tried to sleep I couldn't."
The lady they had met a few weeks ago came up to the ward to have what appeared a very short treatment but she waved hello when she saw Kurt and Blaine.

"How have you been Blaine?" Suzanne asked and Kurt was surprised that she'd remembered his name.

"Not too bad thanks," he said, "This is my first treatment, so I'm sure it gets harder."

She simply nodded, knowing that Blaine didn't need to know that it certainly would.

"Make sure you take all the pills they give you, all the anti-sickness and if it doesn't work tell them and they'll give you stronger medication."

Kurt looked alarmed at the thought the medication they had been given might not work but Blaine just showed her all the pills he had been given, including the injections he would need to start later on in the week.

"Well take care Blaine," she said stroking his arm just above the cannula, "I mean it, look after yourself." Blaine nodded and smiled, waving goodbye as she left the ward.

Blaine was given another saline solution to flush out his system and his parents soon came to take him home for a rest before it would be repeated the following day.

---

Blaine went to bed as soon as they came home. Kurt brought him dry crackers and ginger biscuits to ease the nausea and helped him undress.

"I'm just so tired," Blaine whispered as he was laid in his bed, his paleness worrying Kurt who kissed him on the forehead. They lay in the dark for a while, Kurt still fully dressed.

"Will you sing to me?" Blaine whispered, his voice barely audible when Kurt had thought he'd drifted to sleep.

"Of course," Kurt said wracking his brain for a suitable song.

"Sing 'Blackbird'," Blaine whispered and in the darkness Kurt could just about see his closed eyes and a smile gracing his face, as if he was remembering that perfect moment when he had realized.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these sunken eyes and learn to see

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to be free.

Kurt peppered Blaine's face with kisses and Blaine didn't stir, just a happy mumble and Kurt knew he was sleeping. He just hoped he was dreaming about something much more pleasant than the reality.

---

Blaine slept peacefully until early morning when Kurt got up to make him breakfast. Kurt padded downstairs to find Richard reading a paper and drinking a cup of coffee.

"How is he?" Richard asked.

"He slept well," Kurt said, pouring himself a cup of coffee too. He was so tired, not really sleeping well himself that Richard took one look and knew he had been up worrying. Kurt's pale skin looked purple in places, especially under his eyes and Richard gave Kurt one kind meaningful look before Kurt sat down at the breakfast bar.

"I know, I look dreadful," Kurt said placing his head in his hands.

"You don't have to do it all yourself you know," Richard said his voice soft. "We're here for you too Kurt and whenever you need a break we'll still be here."

Kurt looked up, the kindness almost too much after a night of worrying. His eyes started to fill and he nodded.

"I should be able to cope after one day though," Kurt said chiding himself.

"Take it one day at a time and don't expect too much, from either of you," Richard finished. Kurt opened his mouth to say thanks when they were interrupted by the sound of heavy retching. He ran up the stairs to find Blaine's head over the toilet bowl, his back drenched in sweat. Kurt kneeled instantly by his side.

"Oh Blaine, are you ok?"

Blaine lifted his head weakly and Kurt pushed a sweaty curl away from his forehead. He closed his eyes under Kurt's care and let him mop his brow with a towel. Blaine rested back, still remaining on his knees, his bottom now on his feet, taking a few steady breaths.

"I know I don't have anything more in my stomach but I still feel sick," he moaned, his eyes still closed as if it took that much concentration not to be sick.

"We can just wait here for a moment if you like, then I'll get a bowl and you can sit in bed," Kurt said. Blaine nodded imperceptibly.

After a while the nausea seemed to subside and a bowl was fetched so Blaine could sit in bed. Kurt said nothing, just stroked his forehead and kissed his cheek. Just as Kurt thought he might be better, Blaine started retching again, this time only bile coming up. The sickness was so violent that Blaine's eyes started to pop slightly with the pressure, which started a nosebleed. Kurt rushed to get a tissue to stop the flow but Blaine kept heaving, bile now mixed with blood in the bowl and Richard rushed to help when he heard Kurt's cry.

"I'll call the helpline," he said immediately when he saw Blaine and Clarissa came with tissues and water.

There seemed nothing Kurt and Clarissa could do but wait, stroke Blaine's back while the retching continued. As it stopped, the blood continued and eventually Kurt was able to place a tissue under his nose and pinch the top so the blood could stop. Clarissa cleaned the bowl as Kurt stroked his face, Blaine getting his breathing back under control.

"They said when he comes in today they'll give him anti-sickness medication that is stronger. We need to monitor his temperature to avoid infection."

Clarissa placed the thermometer in his mouth and waited for the beep. It was high but not too high.

Blaine eventually lay back and closed his eyes. Clarissa and Richard getting ready for the hospital, Kurt lay on his side to face Blaine and watch as his breathing evened out.

"I can't go back," Blaine whispered, "I can't do it again."

Blaine's voice hitched and Kurt pursed his lips in an effort to keep it together. Blaine's eyes remained closed but Kurt could see the tears fall along the side of his face as he lay on his back.

"You can do it Blaine," Kurt whispered, "I'll be right here and you are brave and beautiful. You can do it."

Blaine nodded in acceptance but the tears continued to fall.