The waiting seemed to be endless but the day of the oncology appointment had finally arrived.

Since the operation, Blaine had been told to stay as sedentary as possible: no sudden movements, no heavy lifting and definitely no strenuous activity so bed rest and sofa sitting was the most directed activity. Kurt never allowed him to lift a finger; his favourite meals were provided quickly, his drinks brought to him swiftly. Blaine watched movies downstairs curled up in his favourite fleecy blanket and wearing his blue monogrammed pyjamas and Kurt went to and fro as Blaine's parents had returned to work. It was an hour after Kurt had made Blaine pancakes with his favourite toppings when Blaine quietly made him halt his step as he dashed around the house.

"Kurt, you need to stop."

Kurt paused, mid-step and swirled around to face Blaine as he rested on the sofa.

"What do you mean?" he asked, looking confused.

Blaine's expression softened. Kurt looked so fiercely protective in that moment, his desire to give Blaine his every wish so evident on his face that Blaine's heart ached that he had caused such worry.

"Come and sit here," Blaine said, indicating the place on the sofa next to him.

Kurt eyed the spot suspiciously as if it was personally responsible for wasting his time when he had fresh tea to make before their doctor's appointment later as well as dishes to clean. He slowly made his way to his place next to Blaine.

"You need to take a seat and relax, Kurt."

"No, I'm ok, I need to make tea," Kurt began as he tried to rise from his seat. He was stopped by a gentle hand on his wrist.

"Kurt, stop," Blaine said kindly and Kurt gave up. He looked at Blaine, made direct eye contact for the first time that morning and dropped his gaze as tears threatened to appear. "You need to stop worrying and dashing about the place. You're making me nervous."

Kurt looked up a little in shock; that definitely hadn't been his intention.

"I know you're worried but you can't fix it with making tea and pancakes." Blaine smiled, his pale tired face showing such kindness that Kurt wanted to cry. "You just need to be for a moment."

He opened his arms wide, as his lower torso and his legs remained wrapped in the cosy warmth of the blanket. He smiled invitingly, silently begging for Kurt to give in and he did.

"I shouldn't be doing this," Kurt said and he could feel the rumble of laughter in Blaine's chest.

"Why? Because we're not together anymore? We've had loads of hugs since then, you can't escape that."

"No, I meant because of today," Kurt said.

Blaine was silent, letting the weight of today rest on his shoulders, making his arms feel heavy. Kurt let himself be hugged for a few minutes then he nodded to himself and stood up.

"I'll make tea then," he said, his stance becoming straighter, his head higher. He walked to the door then decided he had more to add and turned to face Blaine again.

"You'll be fine today Blaine," he said nodding to convince himself. "The doctor will tell you it hasn't spread and everything will be ok." He nodded again and left to make tea.

---

The doctor's waiting room was devoid of hope. Kurt avoided looking at the patients that approached the reception desk: women in headscarves, others wheeled in and people much older than Blaine. Kurt spoke incessantly as if the very act of talking might prevent any thinking or realising what everything around him meant. Blaine was silent.

"I mean I told him I needed a parking ticket but I expected a refund," Kurt was saying, "Surely you get free parking here Blaine? It really is an outrage and I plan to make a full complaint."

Blaine wasn't really listening but he nodded his head in agreement anyway. He was looking around at the loved ones that were with the cancer patients in the bright waiting area and wondering what they were thinking. People weren't really talking, though everyone seemed polite enough, smiling at Blaine every so often. The sympathetic glances his way showed Blaine they weren't expecting someone his age to be in the waiting room too. There were people of all races, all stages of cancer, Blaine was sure, and that was the terrible thing really. Cancer could take anyone, it had no qualms about who it affected or troubled.

There was one particular woman who walked in with a light blue headscarf, her face slightly puffy with the steroids she had been taking. Her husband walked by her side and they announced their presence to the receptionist who asked them to take a seat. They walked to the back of the waiting area, a smile on their faces as they saw people they recognised, kind words of enquiry exchanged and they finally sat down. The woman reached over when she saw Blaine and stretched her hand out.

"Hi, I'm Suzanne," she said smiling, "This is my husband Jeff."

Kurt was startled, his conversation abruptly stopping.

"Blaine," he said smiling widely, "And this is Kurt."

"Nice to meet you both," she said sweetly, "Of course it would be much better if we met elsewhere." She looked around the room, smiling ruefully but seeming to accept where life had taken her.

She left them to their wait and eventually they were called to the doctor's office, Blaine's parents coming back from their car.

"It's an outrage that you have to pay for parking here," Richard was saying as they walked to the office and Clarissa merely stroked his arm soothingly while Kurt agreed quite vehemently. Clarissa gave Blaine one fleeting smile before they were ushered into the office and asked to take a seat.

"Hello Blaine," Dr Clarke said as he saw their expectant faces looking back at him. "How are you feeling after the operation?"

"Not too bad thank you," he said politely, "Kurt has been looking after me and making sure I don't lift anything heavy or anything at all actually." He smiled with affection. "The area is sore but nothing to worry about I guess."
"Good, good," Dr Clarke said, smiling, "I'm glad to hear it."

He shuffled through some papers in Blaine's file and seemed to take an age to get to the right parts. Kurt couldn't take it any longer.

"Please just tell us," Kurt said loudly, causing Dr Clarke to look up in surprise.

"Are you Kurt?" he said softly. Kurt nodded. "Blaine's boyfriend?"

"Ex-boyfriend." Dr Clarke nodded in understanding.

"Well let's get to it then," he said. "Blaine, you spoke of pain in your side before the operation? That was unfortunately caused by your lymph node. If you look at your scan it shows a 32mm tumour has developed there as well as several in your lungs."

The scans of Blaine's chest and abdomen were placed on the luminous board behind him and all faces turned to the depressing pictures.

"I don't understand," Richard said, "Are the white parts his lungs?"

Kurt looked a little closer. The scan showed a blackness where the outline of Blaine's ribs could be seen and faint lines of capillaries and areoles. Dotted around were small areas of white.

"No they are the tumours," Dr Clarke said quietly. Clarissa gasped and her eyes instantly watered.

"There are so many," Blaine whispered apparently to himself but Dr Clarke answered anyway.

"With chemotherapy Blaine we're quite confident we can get rid of them all but it would need to be aggressive. We're hoping that would be the only treatment necessary but the tumour in your lymph node might need to be removed through surgery."

Blaine nodded but avoided his gaze.

"The tumour we removed was a common seminoma so we are quite confident that it won't come back in that area. You have been fully diagnosed with stage 3a cancer."

"How many stages are there?" Clarissa asked.

"With this type of cancer, as the success rate is so high, stage 4 has been removed. If it has spread to the brain or liver it would be diagnosed as stage 3c."

"The success rate is high?" Kurt asked with a tremble to his voice.

"Definitely Kurt," Dr Clarke said kindly, "Even though it has spread the success rate is still 80%."

"But there is a 20% chance I could die?" Blaine asked.

"Yes but that is a very low figure and with the tumour we removed, it really does suggest it is not a rare cell formation. Rare cell formation in a tumour would make it more likely to spread or resist control."

"What does treatment entail?" Richard asked.

"Blaine will undergo three courses of BEP chemotherapy, each course taking three weeks." He handed a timetable to Richard who showed it to his wife. "The first three days of a cycle are very intense but then the treatments get easier before it starts again."

"What are the side effects?" Richard asked.

"Hair loss, sickness, tiredness, there are many. The treatment is very fierce and aggressive so we can remove it all. Blaine will need to go for a hearing test and a lung function test before it starts so we can assess any lasting damage afterwards. In the worst case it can permanently cause hearing problems and scar tissue can form in the lungs. We will also need you to go for sperm banking as chemotherapy reduces fertility."

"Oh," Blaine said a slight blush forming on his cheeks, "I was told the other would compensate."

"It is the chemicals in the chemotherapy Blaine," Dr Clarke explained, "They attack the DNA in a cancer cell causing it to destroy itself instead of replicate but the fallout causes damage to other cells. That is why you will feel so ill. It will feel worse than the cancer but in the long term, you should be cured.

"The side effects vary from patient to patient so we will monitor you during the chemotherapy and give you drugs to combat most of the side effects. Steroids will also help your body to cope."

Blaine, Richard, Clarissa and Kurt all nodded at once, taking in the huge amount of information just given to them.

"Will I be ok?" Blaine asked, the silence around him deafening.

"I think so Blaine," Dr Clarke said with a small confident smile, "Based on cases I have had in the past you should make a full recovery and lead a normal life afterwards."

"Thank you," Blaine said.

---

The ride home was silent, filled only with the sounds of the road and the mad whirring of thoughts. No one knew what to say, the appointment going against everyone's hopes and not really allaying any fears. Blaine watched as cars sped past in blurs, clouds hovered ominously in the sky, threatening rain and all he could think was how it reflected his life.

"Are you staying for dinner Kurt?" Clarissa asked as soon as their front door was opened. The warmth of the house enveloped them as they entered, allowing them to feel just a small amount of comfort. Kurt politely accepted and said he'd just be a moment on the phone to let his Dad know. Blaine knew he meant to tell him so much more.

Blaine sat down at the sofa as Richard and Clarissa went to the kitchen, no doubt to discuss the appointment as well as to make dinner and Blaine was left with just his thoughts. He switched the television on, turned up the volume slightly and let it drown out everything else. When Kurt returned to the living room, it was to see Blaine staring fixedly at the television screen, as if he was almost hypnotised by the colourful advert that was promising customer satisfaction. He sat down next to him, touched Blaine's knee where it was already covered by his fleecy blanket.

"Are you ok?"

Blaine looked at Kurt as if waking out of a dream.

"I don't know."

"80% is good Blaine," Kurt said forcing a smile. "That is positive."

Blaine only nodded.

"I know chemotherapy will be hard but at least you know that you will get through this, that everything will be ok," Kurt continued. Blaine continued to stare at the television screen.

Kurt gave up and just came closer, his arm touching Blaine's, his fingers coming to intertwine with his where they rested on the blanket and he watched the television too, his eyes out of focus and his mind elsewhere.

It seemed an age when Blaine replied, so quietly and so long after the conversation that Kurt wasn't entirely sure what he was saying.

"But I was hoping for better," Blaine whispered. He continued to look ahead, avoiding Kurt's kind gaze, not bearing to see the pity that rested there. Kurt felt his eyes fill but instead of saying anything else he clutched Blaine's hand tighter and came closer, resting his head now on Blaine's shoulder and there they stayed until they were called for dinner.