April 14, 2013, 4:20 a.m.
Letters from a Wallflower: Chapter 23
E - Words: 2,841 - Last Updated: Apr 14, 2013 Story: Complete - Chapters: 24/24 - Created: Jan 05, 2013 - Updated: Apr 14, 2013 99 0 0 0 0
This was the first time Kurt had received a letter from Blaine without wanting to instantly reply. He had been hurt at the suggestion that he had been inappropriate with Adam or too close, nothing had happened and even if Adam wanted something more, Blaine needed to trust Kurt absolutely otherwise their long distant relationship would never work. Kurt had worried at the mention of Sebastian in the letter, his attempts to lead Blaine astray, his disregard for their relationship. Kurt knew he needed to let Blaine know that he was loved and trusted completely but as he read the letter again, he also knew that Blaine would have to make decisions for himself, without Kurt's constant presence.
It was actually Cooper that brought the boys together again but for reasons completely unrelated to their recent trouble. Blaine hadn't forgotten his mother, often wondered where she was but was also very hurt that she hadn't contacted any of the family or taken care of her son. Blaine's relationship with his father was still silent and awkward, Blaine making sure he cooked his own dinner and looking after himself as Richard spent even more hours at the office. Blaine often looked at the ceiling of his room wishing that he had all this time when Kurt was still in Lima.
Cooper rang the day after the gay bar escapade with Sebastian, while Blaine was desperately hoping for a call or something from Kurt. School had been dreadful as he text Kurt with no reply and he sat trying to distract himself with a movie while watching his phone. As soon as the ring could be heard, Blaine's desperate voice reached Cooper's ear.
"Blimey you're eager to hear from me," Cooper said, sounding surprised.
"Oh, Cooper," Blaine said quietly.
"Great to hear from you too Squirt," Cooper said.
"Sorry, I was just hoping to hear from Kurt."
"You had a row?"
Blaine proceeded to explain to Cooper what had happened, using the edited version.
"Well don't worry about that for the moment. I found mum."
There was a beat of silence until Blaine realised what he had said.
"Yeah she wasn't hard to find really," Cooper continued. "She almost made it too easy, so maybe she wanted to be found. It seems she's living with a man called Mike that she's been seeing for a few months. I have an address."
And just like that Blaine and Cooper were planning how they would approach her, deciding against mentioning it to their father. They made plans for after school the following day and Blaine was left to stare at his ceiling as the world went to sleep around him, wondering what he would say to his mum and how he could possibly make it up to Kurt.
Dear Blaine,
I'm pretty sure this will be the hardest letter I will ever have to write to you and I think that's why I've hesitated for so long. I should have replied yesterday but I was still hurt I guess and I needed to think. After I've posted this letter I will reply to your message, so forgive me for ignoring you today.
I guess I need you to know first of all that I love you and only you. These past few months have been torture but only because I couldn't see you and reassure you like I was able to last year. My senior year was perfect because you were there and I loved coming to school to see you, to sing with you, to have all my special moments with you.
This year has been harder. Trying to make it on your own is tough and I never realised how strong I was until I went away. I had forgotten that I stood up to bullies before you came to McKinley, that I sang songs written for girls and wore fierce outfits, never scared to be who I am. I was happy to be part of a couple, happy to be with you because you complete me Blaine. If ever I thought that I was missing something, that hole was a Blaine shape in my heart. As sappy as that sounds you are my missing puzzle piece Blaine. I don't want to pull the pieces apart.
I know you were drunk when you wrote that letter and I hope you don't regret anything you wrote to me that night. You are the one for me too Blaine, I have never known anything more securely, but I know that relationships take work and our biggest test will be the distance we have to travel to see each other.
I know I can live out here on my own, I know that I can make it in New York because this is my dream and I will work really hard to achieve it. I need to know that you support me with my dream, I need to know that you trust me to stay here and fulfil it.
I want you to know that although I distrust Sebastian, I do trust you. I know you would never hurt me but I do fear the stupid things anyone can do when they are lonely or scared. I never want you to feel that way.
Know that you are loved and cherished. Know that you are trusted and admired. Know that you are perfectly imperfect and I love you most.
Never forget,
Love Kurt xx
Kurt rang Blaine straight away after sending the letter but it rang with no answer. Suddenly worried he had no idea what was happening at the time in Lima between Cooper, Blaine and their mother.
"Cooper…" She said as soon as she opened the door, her eyes wide, her mouth almost comically open. Blaine came into view and his mother finally seemed to crumple, opening the door wide fully expecting them to follow her to the lounge.
It was a beautifully decorated house and she made no pretence of being the perfect hostess here.
"What are you doing here mum?" Cooper asked once they were seated.
"I had to leave," she whispered, avoiding their intent gazes searching for answers. "Mike treats me with respect and I know he loves me by his actions."
"Who's Mike?" Cooper sneered.
"My boyfriend," his mother said, her head low with shame.
"Wow," Blaine said and Cooper gave him a look as if to say he was handling this.
"So how long's this been going on for?"
"I never cheated on your father," she said, quite adamant she wanted to speak only the truth and be fully understood. "I met Mike at the farmer's market and he was charming, polite and he knew I was married but we would take walks, go shopping during the day, just spend time together." Her face suddenly reflected all kinds of light as she realised she still had that treatment and that it had never waned. "We've been meeting for nearly three months now but I suddenly knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and that the life I was living with your father was no life at all. Mike works hard but he takes me out, we have all the time in the world for each other and he makes me happy. Please understand."
"I do understand mum," Blaine said kindly, "But why didn't you tell anyone, why do I feel like the parent – being responsible, trying to find you. What about dad? He deserves to know the truth."
"I could never tell him Blaine," she said, "I tried so many times to improve things between us but he was never interested. To him I will always be the woman that cooks and cleans his house and brings up his sons. Well I hoped I would be able to come back and do that but I was worried he would be angry with me. He won't want anyone knowing that I left him for another man, even if I was completely faithful while we were together."
"And what about us? Were you never going to try to get in touch with us?" Blaine couldn't hide the hurt etched on his face and his mother's face softened.
"Oh Blaine, I'm sorry," she said, tears in her eyes, "I was going to come find you when things had calmed down, maybe try to contact you secretly. I don't know."
"You know we have to tell dad," Cooper said, suddenly the voice of reason. Madeline looked slightly scared at the thought but nodded in understanding.
Luckily for Blaine, Cooper explained everything and Richard seemed to take it all in. His eyes flickered from side to side as if trying to think of something to do, anything to win her back. Cooper agreed to stay the night but said he would need to leave for New York early the following morning as Blaine went to school. Blaine turned on his phone as he went to bed only for it to bleep incessantly with missed calls and messages from Kurt, who he rang back immediately.
"Blaine!" Kurt exclaimed on answering, "Where have you been? If this was your way of showing me you were pissed…."
"No Kurt, I found my mum," Blaine interrupted and he began the long story of where she was now and how his father had reacted.
"Oh gosh Blaine, I'm sorry. What happens now?"
"I think we'll keep in touch but I know she doesn't want to see my dad. I don't really know how he's taking it."
"Give him time, it must be quite a shock to know your wife left you."
"Yeah," Blaine murmured and then he realised this was the first time he had spoken to Kurt since his time in New York. "How are you?" he asked timidly.
"I'm ok thanks," Kurt said, understanding his true meaning. "I got your letter."
"Oh god Kurt I'm so sorry," he started babbling, "I mean I was drunk, really stupid but I meant everything I said, I'm really sorry I was such a doofus."
"Doofus hey?" Kurt said laughing, "You may be a doofus, but you're my doofus."
Conversation continued long into the night and as Blaine went to sleep he knew they would be ok and that a few months was all they had left before they could live together. They could manage, he knew they were strong together and this was just one of the challenges. Blaine didn't know as he drifted off to sleep with a smile on his face that Richard would never understand how much he truly loved Kurt because he didn't know love himself.
Cooper woke Blaine early the next morning to leave for New York, asking Blaine to promise to ring or contact him if he needed anything. He already knew that Richard would be hard to live with now, even more so because he would be so detached from Blaine. He looked worried as he waved at Blaine from the doorway but Blaine tried to reassure him with a confident smile, not quite reaching his eyes.
School dragged but as soon as Blaine got home he checked the mail and noticed the letter from Kurt which he read avidly in the hallway, dropping his satchel by the door. He didn't notice that his dad was already at home but Richard was by the kitchen door, watching his son read eagerly.
"What's that?" Richard asked.
"God dad, you made me jump!" Blaine exclaimed clutching his chest with the letter still in his hand. "It's a letter from Kurt," he said beaming, the letter containing all that he hoped Kurt would write and more. Something seemed to flicker over Richard's face as he took in Blaine's face, his body language one of a small excited child off to Disneyland. Richard couldn't understand how anyone could feel that for a boy, or anyone for that matter, so burned and hurt in his own relationship. He snapped, coming closer to Blaine, who moved back in surprise at the change in his father's expression.
"What are you doing?" Blaine's voice trembled which seemed to anger Richard even more.
"Give me that," Richard said snatching the letter from Blaine's hand. Completely taken aback Blaine didn't realise what he was going to do until it was too late. Richard started to manically rip the letter in half, then again and again until it was just little flutters of paper on the floor by the door.
Blaine looked at the paper littering the floor then at his father's face who looked like it hadn't been enough and Blaine was suddenly worried that he would hit him. Richard seemed to come up with an idea and took the stairs two at a time to reach Blaine's bedroom door.
"Dad what you are doing?" Blaine shouted and followed him, tears streaming down his face at what was happening.
"You need to know Blaine that love doesn't last and these letters," he was saying as he went into Blaine's room and saw a bunch of letters on his dresser, "These letters are a waste of time." He held them aloft threatening and manic, his eyes bulging and sweat appearing on his temple. He started to tear one on the top until Blaine grabbed his wrists in desperation.
"Please dad," he begged, "Don't do it, please don't…" He was full on sobbing now, desperate to stop what his dad was doing. As Richard finished ripping the letter in his hand, something clicked behind his eyes and he saw Blaine's face. He stopped and seemingly exhausted he sat on Blaine's bed.
Blaine couldn't speak and watching the flutters of paper of one of his most treasured possessions hitting the floor, he finally crumpled and slid to the carpet, hugging his knees to his chest and sobbing. After a while, Richard flushed red with dissipated anger and shame, left Blaine's room without a word and closed the door behind him. Blaine looked at the paper surrounding his feet and started to assemble it together and taking his time he stuck it together with cellotape until it slightly resembled the letter he had received from Kurt. Fresh tears came as he saw the pitiful letter in front of him and he went to the doorway to retrieve the paper there. He found it in the state he had left it in and he lovingly stuck it back together in his room and rang Kurt.
"Blaine?" Kurt said when he heard no greeting and suddenly a fresh sob left Blaine's lips as he tried to explain what had happened.
"You need to ring Cooper," Kurt said urgently, "Come to New York Blaine, you're not safe there, you shouldn't have to put up with that."
"I don't know Kurt," Blaine said quietly, not sure what he wanted anymore. Maybe he could ring his mum?
"Ring Cooper," Kurt said again firmly, "Please."
Blaine agreed and as soon as Cooper heard what had happened he booked Blaine's flight and asked him to pack a bag.
"You're staying with me squirt," Cooper said, "You can finish school here I'm sure and you've only got a few final exams now anyway and you'll be near Kurt. Please Blaine, write a letter to dad if it'll make you feel better but you need to leave."
Blaine agreed to pack that night and take an early flight to New York the following morning. He had no time to explain to people at school but he was hoping he would see them again maybe in the future. He rang his mum to inform her of his decision and she wired him some money, asking that he ring when he got into New York. His decision made, it seemed everything else seemed to fit into place and rush by him. He barely had time to sleep and he wrote a final letter to his dad explaining what he was doing. Managing to sneak out of the house after leaving the letter on the coffee table, he made his way to the airport, feeling lucky he had money of his own saved away.
The flight was tough as he worried his lip, thinking of what had happened and the decision he had had to make. He knew he couldn't stay with his dad anymore but the idea of leaving him on his own, with his obvious heartache felt unnatural to Blaine too. Cooper and Kurt met him at the airport, obviously meeting beforehand and Blaine sank into Kurt's arms, warm and so comforting after such a night. He was finally here and safe, right where he belonged.