Chapter 22

Blaine got off his plane to walk across the terminals in New York and was bowled over by Kurt running towards him in excitement.

"Blaine!" he said excitedly, "I'm so happy to see you, I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too," Blaine said quietly, brushing Kurt's cheek tenderly when they parted, though he fiercely kept Kurt close with his arm around his waist.

They got back to the apartment in record time, hastily discarding Blaine's suitcase and nearly tripping over Kurt's shirt as it was taken off on the way to his makeshift bedroom. Blaine had never undressed so quickly and was very grateful that Rachel had agreed to go out for the night so he could be as loud as possible. They lay there afterwards, Kurt stroking nonsensical patterns over Blaine's arm while he snuggled on his chest.

"What happened to my little wallflower?" Kurt whispered near Blaine's ear, sending shivers down his spine.

"Oh I'm still here," Blaine said smiling, "But someone has corrupted me." He winked and leant upwards for a kiss.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

---

The day before Christmas Eve was spent with Adam, Rachel and Santana watching movies and Blaine watched carefully. Rachel and Santana were spending the holidays with their families, both returning the following day, so today was for lounging and relaxing. Santana was quickly voted out as everyone wanted to watch Moulin Rouge and apart from Santana everyone assembled on the sofa, snuggled together. Kurt was in the middle, between Blaine and Adam and although Kurt eagerly came closer to Blaine, their arms linked together, Blaine kept worrying about what Adam was doing on the other side. Kurt seemed oblivious, completely absorbed in the film especially when problems started arising between Christian and Satine and they started singing. Blaine noticed that Adam had got closer and closer and it didn't seem to bother Kurt at all. Blaine felt his stomach start to twist in worry but Kurt was soon broken out of his reverie by a comment from Adam.

"Are you crying Kurt?"

Blaine instantly retracted his body, moving to inspect Kurt and could indeed see tears in his eyes and almost wanted to punch himself that he hadn't noticed first.

"What's wrong Kurt?" Blaine said. Kurt tried to blink but it only caused a single tear to fall and Blaine tried to cuddle him closer.

"It's nothing, just my contact lenses," Kurt started.

"You wear contact lenses?" Blaine asked, confused.

"Yeah I have a stigmatism," Kurt muttered, a slight blush rising on his cheek and Blaine could tell he was lying.

"I would have thought it was for a different reason," Santana suddenly said, looking like she'd caught Kurt in his lie too.

Kurt looked at Blaine, like he couldn't avoid it any longer and he smiled.

"I wanted to sing that at my wedding and it's just such a sad song," Kurt said, smiling sadly at Blaine. Adam looked taken aback at their closeness and sat further away from the couple.

"I want to sing that at my wedding too," Blaine said, a smile spread over his face at the thought.

"Urgh, get a room," Santana said, getting up to make herself a drink. Rachel just laughed.

---

Christmas Eve was finally a day for just Blaine and Kurt. After waving goodbye to Santana and Rachel off on their holidays, they set off to walk the city to see its Christmas decorations and wonders.

"I can't wait to live here too," Blaine said as they walked by Times Square. He was looking upwards, nearly bumping into people as he saw the massive structures and posters for Broadway. He dreamt of one day seeing either his face or Kurt's on such a poster and he smiled at the thought.

"Oh that'll be great," Kurt said as he steered Blaine away from an elderly couple before he bumped into them.

They ate breakfast outside Tiffany's in the morning, walked the river and skated on the rink. It was a perfect day and Blaine couldn't believe he was here with Kurt, the love of his life and with the whole of their lives in front of them.

The next day they got up early to open presents that they had received through the post or Blaine had brought with him and started preparing dinner. Adam would be joining them later as he had nowhere else to go.

"Do you think Adam will spend the whole day with us?" Blaine asked quietly while Kurt's back was turned to chop vegetables.

"I don't know," Kurt said, sensing the tone and turning to face Blaine. "Is that ok?"

"Oh yeah, it's fine," Blaine said, shrugging his shoulders, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Blaine, do you like Adam?" Kurt asked after a pause.

"Oh yeah, he seems nice," Blaine said quickly, "I didn't mean anything by the comment, honestly."

"Blaine?" Kurt only needed to raise one eyebrow for Blaine to collapse under pressure.

"Well I just thought he was a bit close to you yesterday, a bit touchy-feely, I just thought you might be getting closer while I was away and now I'm rambling," he said, his voice getting quicker and higher as he progressed. Kurt's face seemed to change from slightly amused to annoyed in under three seconds.

"You don't trust me while I'm away?"

"Of course I do, Kurt, it was just Sebastian said…"

"Oh Sebastian said did he?" Kurt interrupted, "I could have guessed he might be behind this." Kurt seemed disgusted and turned his back to return to cutting the vegetables.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Blaine said, wandering to the other side of Kurt so he could see his face.

"It means you've been seeing an awful lot of him too. He's all you ever talk about when you mention Glee and rehearsals and I know you see him outside of school. What am I supposed to think?"

"You're supposed to trust me?" Blaine said his eyes wide and his hands raised in annoyance.

"Like you trust me?" Kurt said, sneering.

"I do trust you," Blaine shouted, "You don't seem to trust me."

He went back to the sport on television while Kurt returned to his cooking. Adam knocked on the door to enter an apartment full of a stony and awkward atmosphere, like a cloud hovering. He took one look at Kurt then Blaine and seemed to realise he had stepped into a war zone.

"So what's happened here?" he asked a little too jovially, with a little smile on his face. It seemed to irk Blaine more so he walked to Kurt's bedroom without a word. Kurt filled Adam in on the little argument and after a while they started serving dinner. Kurt, upon lifting the turkey out of the oven burnt the top of his hand on the oven and dropped the turkey dish back on the shelf of the oven.

"Ouch!"

"Quick, get it on some water," Adam said. He gently took Kurt's wrist and led him to the sink where he started the tap and poured water on top.

"Oh god that feels good," Kurt moaned, not realising Blaine had started to come into the kitchen after hearing the commotion. He watched them interact for a while and realised Kurt was slipping away and that he could do nothing all the way in Ohio. He coughed to indicate his presence and Kurt jumped.

"Blaine…"

"He burnt his hand," Adam said lamely, knowing what it must look like but not removing his hand from Kurt's wrist.

"Are you ok?" Blaine said quietly, "I heard the noise."

"Yeah should be ok," Kurt said, slowly removing his hand from the water, "It's only a little burn."

Adam and Blaine continued to serve dinner in silence as Kurt sat with a bag of peas on his hand by the kitchen table. He knew the atmosphere could be cut with the knife that Blaine happened to have in his hand but he didn't know how to solve the problem. He realised his time with Blaine was already coming to an end.

They ate their dinner in awkward silence for a while until Adam insisted on talking, mentioning things that Blaine had no idea about so he was instantly excluded from the conversation. He looked at Kurt, who seemed to notice Blaine's pain at first, then at the mention of Carmen Tibideaux or another fierce mentor at NYADA, Kurt would laugh or pull a face of understanding. All of a sudden he seemed to forget Blaine was there and Blaine could only watch and push his food around the plate.

Adam left after pudding, seeming to realise that Kurt and Blaine wanted to be alone but silence reigned again as they cleaned up and washed the dishes.

"How is your hand?" Blaine asked after they had finished.

"It's ok thanks," he said.

"That's good," Blaine said as he settled on the sofa with a cup of coffee.

"Look this is ridiculous Blaine," Kurt suddenly said, exasperated, "There is nothing going on between Adam and I, I promise." He sat facing Blaine on the sofa, one of his legs tucked under, his face so earnest that Blaine wanted this to all go away. If this was what growing up entailed, Blaine wasn't so sure he wanted it all.

"But you want there to be something going on?" Blaine asked. Kurt was taken back. He had never thought about it, never wondered whether he found Adam attractive or had spent too much time with him. Only one guy had ever been interested, he just assumed that Adam wanted friendship too.

"No of course I don't want something to be going on," Kurt said, "I love you Blaine, only you."

"But while I'm away," Blaine continued determined to be understood, to finally say his piece, "Do you find yourself forgetting me, and spending time with Adam is the next best thing?"

Kurt paused. Maybe he had been spending too much time with Adam. Was it too complicated to be a friend with a gay guy if your boyfriend was so far away? The pause was enough.

"I see," Blaine said, getting up and walking to their bedroom.

"Blaine wait!" Kurt said following him.

"No Kurt," Blaine said turning suddenly, "I get it, I'm not hurt, I get it." He continued on his way to the bedroom, got his pyjamas to change in the bathroom.

"No you don't," Kurt said, taking his arm so he was forced to face him. "You don't get it. Adam means nothing to me, nothing is going on."

"I know that Kurt," he said quietly, "I completely trust you but what I know is that, if things were different, if I wasn't here, Adam would be. Adam would spend more time with you, he would get closer on the sofa and you would get coffee together. Maybe if you're honest with yourself, that's what you want too."

"Can you honestly tell me Sebastian means nothing to you?" Kurt asked.

"Yes, I can," Blaine said confidently. "I know he wants more but I will never like Sebastian in that way. He's reptilian Kurt."

Kurt believed him but knew he would never be trusted in the same way by Blaine and he felt his stomach sink. Blaine looked so hurt, with his eyes so brown that Kurt knew he could say nothing to make a difference. He turned, let go of Blaine's arm and let him get changed in the bathroom. By the time Blaine returned Kurt had changed and got into bed, deciding to skip his moisturising routine. The light had been turned off, only the little light by Blaine's side remained and Blaine soon plunged them into complete darkness, leaving only the white's of Kurt's eyes visible as he cried himself to sleep.

---

Blaine decided to make his visit shorter, no mention of their earlier argument, just a slight excuse about his father needing him. He flew home and Kurt was left to wonder what had happened and how it could be rectified. He felt a little like he had died and it seemed, as Rachel returned a day later that he had been sitting in the big chair for the whole time. She demanded to know what had happened and he couldn't really say, didn't know how to explain it himself but as she made him tea, he cried again and suddenly started to panic that this was it. They were over.

Blaine remained in the same daze he had left in, not quite sure what to do with the time he suddenly had. He moped in his bedroom, listened to songs and watched films that reminded him of Kurt. He thought back to their conversations, what he had imagined between them. He did know that Kurt had been completely faithful, would never cheat but watching him with Adam, the fear that he would one day forget Blaine really scared him. He knew he didn't want to split up with him, was not entirely sure how he had left it between them but could see no way to get over this. His phone suddenly buzzed.

To: Blaine [5.09pm]

Are you back from the old ball and chain at last? Wondered if you wanted to come out and play? ;) Fancy that bar I was talking about? I can get us fake IDs….

Sebastian. The thought that he had never lived, never experienced anything, really got Blaine to thinking. How could he know if Kurt was the one? Surely he was young, they both were, how on earth could they know? Kurt had obviously gone out in New York, singing, dancing, laughing with other people - people just like him. He should get the same opportunities. He sent a reply to Sebastian before he regretted it and he went down to start dinner for his dad. He needed at least one night he could be spontaneous and fun. He was sure it would be fine. Sebastian knew what he was doing.

---

The night was fun. They got in easily, the bouncer only looking briefly at their IDs, well aware they were fake but too bored to care. It was a seedy place, dark with a duke box in the corner, but after a couple of beers Blaine loosened up and Sebastian commented that this new Blaine was much more interesting. They danced, Blaine seemingly oblivious to his surroundings, and Sebastian enjoyed the company. He chatted to a few guys but no one looked as enticing or as fun as Blaine on the dance floor so he kept returning. They finally made it to closing time, stumbling to the car and thinking it would be best to call for a taxi. As they waited, Blaine wobbled and Sebastian laughed, propping him up against the wall of the bar.

"Woah there," Sebastian said laughing, "Look at you."

"I just want to live here," Blaine started, "And make art and…"

"Don't start with all that crap," Sebastian laughed, looking out for a waiting car. Blaine suddenly seemed to realise who he was with and stopped talking, resting his hand on Sebastian's arm.

"You're not Kurt," he said and Sebastian turned to face him.

"I know, well done Sherlock," Sebastian said.

"No I mean Kurt would never say that, he would never make me feel stupid, even if I am a little tipsy."

"Well old Betty White does give good face, I'll give him that. I wonder who he's banging now," Sebastian smirked, starting to turn towards the road, looking out for the taxi. Something clicked in Blaine and he yanked Sebastian's arm back, causing Sebastian to nearly fall backwards.

"What…"

"Just listen to me," Blaine started, embarrassingly slurring his words, "Kurt would never do that to me and I let you persuade me, I let you worm your way in, I let you try to break us up – well that ain't happening." He started to walk off.

"Where are you going?"

"Home – I'm not getting in the car with you. I'll walk."

"Blaine, don't be an idiot," Sebastian started walking in his direction.

"No I'm done being an idiot," Blaine said, almost spitting the words out, "I need to tell Kurt."

---

Dear Kurt,

I know we're not really talking, I know I've been an idiot and I'm really sorry. I did something really stupid tonight and I'm really sorry.

You see I forgot what you mean to me, I forgot how much we love each other and where we've come from. I know you would never do anything to hurt me, I know you would never let a friendship get too close. I did that tonight and I'm really stupid for believing him, for letting him cloud my judgement, when I know you so well.

I went to a gay bar tonight with Sebastian. I had images of you enjoying your time in New York, of laughing, dancing and singing with Adam and your friends, maybe drinking and I couldn't stand it. I wanted to do anything to erase that image of you enjoying yourself without me. I tried to enjoy myself without you.

I danced, I drank a few beers, I laughed but it wasn't half the fun it would be if I was with you. As I waited for the taxi with Sebastian and he said the rudest things, I realised. He didn't know you, he didn't know how much I love you, how much I know you love me. He can't shake us Kurt and what we have.

I know this is way too early but you're it for me, you're the one. I've often dreamt of us together forever, maybe making art, maybe on a lighthouse. We'll sing 'Come What May' to each other on our wedding day and have loads of great sex. We'd have a little family and so much love and music that everyone would be happy. I know I'm a little merry but I do mean this, I do want this. I want forever with you Kurt, if you'll let me. Please forgive me.

Love you most, love you only,

Love Blaine xx