Chapter 3

The following morning, Blaine awoke and turned in bed to find the other side empty and cold, so he ventured out to the living room in the hunt for Sebastian, who he presumed hadn't made it to bed after his night of fun. He didn't find him on the sofa or curled up by the door like other occasions, nor did he find him sleeping on the breakfast bar or by the toilet. It was rare that Sebastian didn't make it home to at least one of those places so Blaine started frantically ringing some of Seb's friends with no luck. Just starting to contemplate ringing Sebastian's mother, only as a last resort, Sebastian walked through the door, half his T-shirt torn, no jacket and a black eye blooming nicely on his left side. He could barely open his eyes as he walked through the door and the tirade of worry threatening to explode out of Blaine's mouth, subsided and left him upon seeing the pathetic specimen before him.

"What happened? Where have you been?" he asked, as Sebastian nearly crawled to the sofa and sat opposite Blaine, his head gingerly in his hands.

"Please don't Blaine…" Sebastian said weakly, not looking up, "I can't talk right now."

"But something must have happened. Who did this to you? Have they been arrested?"

"You should have seen the other guy," Sebastian laughed with only little humour.

"I'm serious Seb, what happened?"

"I don't really remember, I think we got into a fight then we slept it off. I woke up next to Lee propped up by a tree down some street." Sebastian didn't look at Blaine, too afraid he would see loathing and hatred in his eyes. Blaine only looked weary.

"You think?" Blaine whispered, "How much did you drink?"

"Not that much… I just lost count, we were having a good time, letting loose. No harm."

"No harm?" Blaine scoffed, "Look at your face. This has got to stop Seb, you can't keep doing this to yourself." He tried touching his shoulder to catch his attention but Sebastian shrugged it off and stood shakily on his feet.

"No Blaine, what I need to do right now is sleep. I'll see you in the morning."
"But it is morning," Blaine said to the retreating back that was hobbling on uneasy legs to the bedroom.

To: Kurt [10.05]

Hi Kurt, really glad you came last night. Free for lunch or a coffee break today?

To: Blaine [10.07]

Hey, yeah that sounds good, meet you at 12 outside my office?

To: Kurt [10.10]

Awesome! See you then x

xXx

The kiss had flummoxed Kurt a little. Had he not been friendly enough in his texts? Had Blaine only meant it casually? Was he already seeing him too soon after last night? But when he looked again at the text messages his heart beat calmed down a little. Blaine had text him this time and he was just a friend. Dave didn't know because they still weren't talking but he had nothing to hide. He was sure.

Kurt met Blaine a few minutes after 12 o'clock outside his office building as agreed and Blaine smiled in greeting, instantly putting Kurt at ease. It felt good to have a friend other than Rachel for once.

They agreed to try a new coffee shop this time and spotted a lonely place, out of the way that was still relatively quiet during the lunch rush. They settled with their medium drip and mocha in a corner and Blaine sighed, warming his cold fingers on the large mug.

"Bad day already?" Kurt asked, raising an eyebrow but smiling pleasantly.

"You could say that," Blaine smiled humourlessly into his coffee, taking another sip.

"Care to elaborate?"

"Oh it's not really worth spoiling lunch with the details," Blaine said, looking out of the window.

"I don't mind Blaine," Kurt said gently, "I hardly know you but sometimes that's easier."

Blaine looked at Kurt carefully and reaching a decision, he smiled lightly.

"I guess that's true, but sometimes I feel I've known you for ages. Strange…" Blaine picked at his muffin and started to explain his morning and how Sebastian had remained asleep when Blaine had left to meet Kurt.

"So he has a problem?" Kurt asked kindly.

"Yeah but he won't admit it. Every time I even broach the subject he retreats like a scolded child, won't listen to anything I say."

"How long has it been going on?"

"I guess he's always liked his drink. I mean we've been together nearly five years, since high school and I've never seen him at a party without alcohol, it's just become a bit more excessive recently. Ever since he lost his job I suppose."

"What did he do?"

"He was a marketing operative for a newspaper but they didn't need his role anymore when they merged with another paper, so he was made redundant. I keep looking for jobs for him, trying to help but he just throws any suggestions in my face. I'm left paying the bills on my measly pay from the bars and living here ain't cheap." Kurt nodded in agreement.

"Anyway I'm done moaning about my life," Blaine said, sitting up straight and looking at Kurt directly. "Tell me about your morning." And Kurt filled him in on the tedious admin stuff at Vogue but regaled Blaine with stories of boardroom meetings he had had this week with the legendary Daphne and her lack of medication induced inspiration. He soon had Blaine laughing and thoughts of Sebastian were long gone.

Two hours soon flew by and Kurt suddenly panicked, looking at his watch.

"Oh my gosh! I'm so late," he said rushing up and nearly throwing coffee dregs all over his half jumper, slashed diagonally. He said a quick goodbye to Blaine, promising he would text soon and dashed out of the coffee shop, Blaine sitting dazed.

It was only as he walked home, knowing it would be a particularly long walk, long enough to put off dealing with Sebastian's hangover, that he realised he already missed those blue eyes looking his way and telling him stories to lighten his mood. He missed Kurt's giggle as he wrinkled his nose cutely. He already loved that Kurt had actually listened to him, really understood and, although knowing there was no advice to be given, he was there. He cared.

He thought of Sebastian, at home nursing his hangover, taking any pills he could find to dull his thumping headache and trying to scrub at his tongue to remove the taste of wet carpet in his mouth. They hadn't had a decent conversation in months, neither taking the time to really listen and Sebastian wasn't willing to improve the situation. Blaine felt hopeless, not sure how he had ended up in this mess, not sure how to get out of it. But he realised, he had not thought about his problems for nearly an hour, had only enjoyed someone's company, laughed, felt at ease. The fact that it wasn't his boyfriend making him feel this way wasn't really Blaine's fault; it was just the way it was.

Before he thought anymore about the wrongness of the situation he text Kurt asking if he wanted to check out this new club he had heard about tonight. Blaine only had one night off a week and why should Sebastian get all the fun?

xXx

They decided to grab breakfast first at the cafe from the other night, Brenda in her usual garb of pink pinny and fish nets. The place was busy and Brenda could only wave and nod in agreement to their orders as Blaine mouthed them across. They sat chatting about their days until Kurt heard his phone tinkle with a new message and his face fell.

"Someone you don't want to hear from?" Blaine asked quietly, trying not to pry but feeling exposed after the conversation about Sebastian earlier.

"No, it's not that, just awkward," Kurt said. He hadn't meant to be so dismissive of the message, hadn't meant for his face to show so much. He read it hastily and sent a simple reply. He turned it on silent and pocketed it quickly.

Blaine looked carefully at Kurt not sure why he was suddenly being secretive. He started to wonder what this was, why he was here. He dove right in.

"Was it someone important?" he pressed.

"My boyfriend, so I guess." Kurt shrugged his shoulders and laughed mockingly.

"Look Kurt, you don't have to say anything, I get it, just…"

"No, I want to, you said so much earlier," Kurt said as he sat up straighter as if he was about to say a speech he had prepared. "I guess it's hard, I haven't told anyone actually, not even Rachel or my dad, I just need to process it, deal with it. Dave doesn't get why I can't move on, he tries to talk about it but…" He took a deep breath as he tried to stop his rambling. Blaine only nodded, promised he was listening.

"We've been together for just over a year, haven't even said 'I love yous' or anything but when Rachel came round for wine one evening and she joked about marriage and children he flinched. We discussed casually later in bed and he flat out refused, said he never saw that in his future, like it wasn't an option."

"Never?" Blaine asked incredulously.

"Exactly and I don't even picture that with him but just knowing it's never an option, I don't know…"

"I can't imagine that never being an option…" Blaine said, "I mean we've fought so hard for the same rights, at least with marriage. I know some people aren't suited to be parents but I couldn't imagine a greater gift than to have children and to give them a great home."

Kurt's heart soared as Blaine spoke, he even felt lighter. He hadn't realised how he had blamed himself over the last few weeks, felt it was an unnatural expectation or hope that he shouldn't be allowing himself. He wanted to get married, it should be a big deal, love was important. He suddenly felt validated, someone understood.

"We haven't spoken properly since. He tries but I leave early, arrive home late. I don't know, I just can't bear to be near him now and I know he's not really done anything wrong, just shared his opinion but I feel, I just…" Kurt's voice got quieter as tears appeared in his eyes. He had done so well to keep his opinions to himself, not share with anyone, thinking he was letting himself process the decision but really he was in denial, almost pretending he didn't have a relationship to worry over.

Blaine gently placed his hand over Kurt's and smiled trying to impart warmth into Kurt's cold fingers.

"You deserve more than that Kurt."

Kurt looked up into Blaine's warm eyes, suddenly feeling lost and the only thing that mattered were those eyes and as long as they were there, Kurt would be ok.

"Do you mind if I ask you something personal?" Blaine looked worried but Kurt nodded acquiescence. "Do you love him?"

It was such a loaded question and Kurt had tried to dismiss any thoughts about the subject for weeks. He looked at Blaine, thought of David at home and knew where he would rather be, knew whose company he preferred. Blaine smiled kindly and Kurt never answered but it wasn't needed. They both knew the answer.

xXx

They found themselves entering the heaving club, lights almost dimmed too low, bass beat bouncing in their veins, a little later and they wove their way to the bar. Blaine ordered drinks and Kurt looked around at the dance floor, darkened corners, seated areas. It was a place for young people and despite Kurt's 22 year old body, he felt 50. Blaine handed him a drink with a wide grin and clinked his glass, shouting 'cheers'. He looked so happy and excited to be there that Kurt couldn't help but grin too. They drank a few drinks and chatted by the bar but as soon as Katy Perry's Firework came on, Kurt felt his hand being tugged and he only had time to place his empty glass on the bar before he was tugged onto the dance floor.

Kurt felt light-headed on only a few drinks and found himself bouncing along to the music, everyone lifting their hands up in the air as soon as the chorus hit, all pretending to be fireworks. Blaine had never looked happier and Kurt could only grin stupidly too.

The song morphed into more club classics after that, Heaven by Emeli Sande an obvious Blaine favourite as he sang along and Nicki Minaj's Superbass surprising Kurt into a fit of giggles.

"I never saw you as a fan of hers," Kurt shouted in Blaine's ear as he leaned in close.

"She's awesome," he shouted back, dancing away, his cares all gone. Several songs passed and all breathless Blaine suddenly said he needed another drink. Kurt followed him and they leaned away from the bar, taking in the spectacle of the dance floor in front of them.

"Are you having fun?" Blaine asked, talking in Kurt's ear again, though the need had disappeared.

"Yeah, it's great here. Just what I needed I think." Kurt smiled.

"Good," Blaine smiled too, then knocked back his drink. "I need another." More drinks were ordered and Kurt felt his worries trickling away. Blaine made him feel good and there was no pretence, there was no worry about the future and decisions that didn't need to be made.

"Thanks for coming Kurt," Blaine whispered warmly in his ear, "I love hanging out with you, you make me feel fuzzy." He rubbed his chest in circles to emphasise his point and Kurt laughed.

"You make me feel fuzzy too," Kurt closed his eyes and sighed. "I just want to have fun, that's not too much to ask is it?" Kurt asked Blaine, suddenly serious.

"No, that's not too much to ask," Blaine's eyes were wide with fierce agreement, "We should all be able to have fun and not have to worry about stupid boyfriends."

"Exactly," Kurt nodded, as if Blaine had said the most profound statement and he was in the presence of a genius.

Lady Gaga suddenly came on and Kurt exclaimed, "The Edge of Glory! We need to dance to this!" And he almost ran off, Blaine following him just as eagerly.

They did silly poses as the beat started, steady and intoxicating, singing along and jumping when the chorus hit. Kurt felt like he was on the edge of something as he danced closer to Blaine as the crowd jostled around them. Blaine suddenly grabbed his waist, pulling him ever closer and Kurt grinned, feeling Blaine's pulse almost matching the bass line and Kurt felt dizzy. As it got quieter, the saxophone kicking in, Blaine's hand still warm on his lower back they wove closer together and Blaine smiled. Kurt closed his eyes, letting it all wash over him and he opened his eyes to find Blaine's dark eyes greeting him, seeming to ask for something silently but then the chorus started again and bouncing ensued, the moment lost. They were tossed together, people bumping into their backs and the beat mimicking their hearts. Kurt suddenly felt overwhelmed as the chorus continually repeated and when the music came to an end, there was a moment where Blaine looked at him, implored him for something but then the song changed and Kurt returned to the bar.

Blaine followed a while later, Kurt already finishing a glass of water and watching the heaving bodies on the dance floor. He felt sick and warm and wanted to get out of here.

"You ok?" Blaine asked quietly as he approached. Kurt just shook his head and indicated he was leaving. Blaine followed silently as they grabbed their coats and the cold breeze hit their faces as they walked past the bouncers.

It was silently decided they would walk for a while rather than catch a cab and there was an uncomfortable silence as they stayed locked in their own thoughts, wishing the other would speak first. Blaine took the first step.

"You ok? I mean you looked kinda sick back there, near the end."

"Oh yeah, just needed some air, I'll be fine in a moment." Kurt looked resolutely at his feet as he walked, not noticing Blaine's sad expression.

"Did you like it though?"

"Yeah, definitely," Kurt finally faced Blaine, "I mean it's been a while since I've drunk that much but I feel surprisingly sober in the cold air now." Kurt continued walking, hands fiercely in his pockets, braced against cold air and awkward conversation.

"Do you wanna catch a cab or maybe get a coffee somewhere?" Blaine had started off hopefully but then found his hope dwindling as he looked at Kurt's pained face.

"Maybe we should just get a cab, I mean you need to get home to Sebastian and I should…"

"Yeah," Blaine muttered, "Maybe, I mean I don't think Seb will be home yet but still…"

Kurt had stopped, not knowing why and suddenly looked to Blaine's face finding such sadness and defeat that he didn't know how to cope with it, wanted the expression to disappear, happiness to return. He walked closer to Blaine, who edged closer to the wall of the building behind him, and realised his lips had found Blaine's, warm with alcohol and his hand brushed his cold cheek, stroking gently. Blaine sighed into the kiss and kissed back, feeling whole again after so long pretending and holding things together. Kurt stood back and surveyed Blaine's face, eyes closed, cheeks already flushed with cold and felt a warmth settle in his stomach, where only coldness had been before.

"Kurt…" Blaine said as he rushed towards him, eager to kiss those lips again and he was met with open lips, an eager tongue licking gently on his bottom lip to start exploring his mouth. Blaine tasted sweet and warm and Kurt could melt. He hadn't been kissed like this in so long.

After several minutes they parted and Kurt's face fell, not with guilt, not with any realisation that what he had done with Blaine was wrong, more with the knowledge that it couldn't last, that the moment wasn't to be repeated. Blaine looked at Kurt's kiss swollen lips and tried to stroke his cheek, tell him without words that it would ok but Kurt knew this was the beginning of the end. That in the cold light of day, this wouldn't continue.