January 4, 2013

As soon as Kurt was out of sight, Blaine’s resolve crumbled and he started to sob violently. Burt was quick to react and caught the boy before he hit the floor. He wrapped Blaine in strong comforting arms and guided him to a bench. Once seated, Blaine clung to the front of Burt’s shirt, shaking with the tears. Burt rubbed circles on Blaine’s back and whispered soft “shhs” into Blaine’s ear.

After a few moments, Blaine realized where he was and forced himself to stop crying. He pulled out of Burt’s arms and wiped at his face to remove the tears. “I’m sorry. I—it’s just—I hate this.”

“I’m gonna be straight with you, kid. Why’d you do this if it’s tearing you apart so much?”

Blaine looked into the older man’s eyes and sighed. “I just want Kurt to be happy. I won’t have time to talk to him much this semester. I don’t want him to get bored and leave me while we’re apart, so I figured if we take this break he can find someone who can give him the attention and love he needs. He’s such an amazing person and he deserves all the good things in life.”

“You don’t think you’re a good thing for him?” Burt asked incredulously. When Blaine looked away Burt shook his head and took the opportunity to continue. “You have no idea how good you’ve been for him. You didn’t see him before he met you. He was miserable, lonely, and bullied so bad he was terrified to tell anyone. Then he met you and he told you everything.” Burt placed a hand on Blaine’s shoulder. “You helped him through the Karofsky situation, you got me to give him the talk; you were great for him even while you guys were just friends. Then, when you two finally got together, boy, I’d never seen Kurt as happy as he was when he came home and told me that you were together.”

Blaine smiled slightly but didn’t look up. “But I hurt him so bad last year when I was trying to be friends  with Sebastian. I don’t deserve him.” Blaine sniffed once.

“You both made some mistakes. So what? I know Kurt has forgiven you for what happened. Isn’t it about time you forgive yourself?”

Blaine shrugged. “Besides, the chances of us working out are so slim anyway. High school sweethearts almost never stay together, add that to the fact that we’re gay teens from Ohio and trying to work out a long distance relationship—the chances of us being together for the rest of our lives are tiny.”

“The way the two of you look at each other, I have no doubt that you two are in it for the long haul. I’ve only seen one other couple look at each other the way you two do.”

Blaine looked up at Burt. “Who? You and Carole?”

Burt shook his head. “Nah. I love Carole so much, she’s one of the greatest things to happen to me, but I’m talking about me and Kurt’s mom. Elizabeth and I were high school sweethearts. If she hadn’t gotten sick we woulda been together forever. Every time I see you and Kurt together, I think of me and Lizzie.” Burt smiled to himself. “She would’ve loved you, you know? She was so smart; she knew when he was just a little boy that Kurt would end up falling for a guy like you. She told me to protect him and to make sure that he didn’t settle for anyone unworthy of him.” He smiled at Blaine and ruffled his hair. “You think I woulda let you stick around this long if I didn’t think you guys were meant to be together? Kurt’s gotta make his own decisions, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t put in my two cents.”

“You really think his mom would’ve liked me?” Blaine whispered.

Burt chuckled. “Kid, she would’ve loved you just because of how happy you make our little boy. But she also would’ve loved you as a person. You’re everything she loved in a person: compassionate, open-minded, loving, kind, funny, talented, smart, genuine, and stubborn.” The last adjective got a chuckle out of Blaine. “Actually, you’re a lot like her. I wish she could’ve been around to meet you.”

“So do I. I wish she was around to see the man Kurt is. He’s so wonderful and it’s so hard on him not to have his mom around.” Blaine looked up at Burt and smiled sadly.

“I know, son. It’s always been hard on him; especially now because he would love to show you off to her. He’s really proud of you. I hope you know that.”

Blaine nodded. “I do. I’m so proud of him, too. Everything he’s done. Everything he’s been through. He’s so amazing.”

Burt looked at his watch quickly. “Do you need to get home right away for anything?”

Blaine shook his head. “Why?”

Burt smiled and stood up. “Why don’t you and I go pay a visit to my Lizzie? It’s been too long since I was out there last.”

Blaine stood up and smiled, letting a tear fall from his eye. “I’d love to.”

The two men walked back to the car in silence. The trip was short and soon they pulled into the cemetery. Blaine felt himself getting nervous as he followed Burt out of the car and to the plot that held Kurt’s mother.

When they walked up to the headstone, Burt cleared his throat. “Hey, Lizzie,” he began. “I just dropped Kurt off at the airport. He’s on his way back to New York. He won’t be back until March.” Burt looked up at the sky. “It’s hard without you, Lizzie. I know you sent me Carole to help me and Kurt, but sometimes I just wish you were here to tell me what to do.” He wiped a tear from his eye. “Anyway, I brought someone I thought you should meet. It’s Blaine, Kurt’s…well, he’s really important to Kurt. So I’m gonna let him talk to you and introduce himself, okay?” He looked at Blaine and jerked his head as a way of telling him to start talking.

Blaine cleared his throat and rubbed his neck with his hand. “Hello, Mrs. Hummel. I’m Blaine.” He looked at Burt. Burt nodded encouragingly and so Blaine continued. “I met Kurt at the beginning of my sophomore year, he’s a year older than me. I took one look at him and knew that I had to get to know that boy better.” The words were starting to come easier to Blaine. “We quickly became really close friends even though for the first few weeks we knew each other we went to different schools. Then, when he transferred to my school we became even closer and I found myself with an amazing new best friend.”

Blaine heard Burt chuckle slightly. “At the time I was too oblivious to realize that I was in love with him, but all it took was him singing Blackbird for me to realize just how much I needed him. He told me that that’s your favorite song. So I guess I should thank you for playing it for him and encouraging him to learn the words and melodies. He transferred back to McKinley right after we got together, but we made it work. We fell in love hard and fast and soon it was my junior year and I knew that I had to transfer to McKinley because I couldn’t bear to go without seeing Kurt every day after the amazing summer we shared.”

Blaine smiled shyly in Burt’s direction. “But right after I transferred I hurt him really bad, Mrs. Hummel. I was so stupid to think I could be friends with Sebastian even though I knew he was interested in me. I can’t forgive myself for how badly I hurt your son.” Blaine started crying softly. “Talking to Sebastian was one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made and I hate myself for it.” Blaine looked over to Burt.

“Son, you have to stop beating yourself up about that. Kurt has forgiven you. He doesn’t hold grudges, you know that.”

Blaine nodded and turned his head to look back at the headstone. “Anyway, now it’s been over two years since he stopped me on those stairs and I still find something new about Kurt to fall in love with every day. But we’re hundreds of miles apart and I’m so scared that he’ll find someone else and leave me behind that I did the only thing that made sense to me: I broke up with him to prevent the heartache.” He looked at the ground and shed a few silent tears. “I love your son so much, Mrs. Hummel, but I don’t think I can give him everything he needs in the long run. What if he gets tired of me? I’m not crazy and exciting like the guys in New York are. I’m small town and he’s in a big city full of other gay guys that are going to fall for him constantly. He says he doesn’t need anything but me now, but what if that’s just because he’s never known anything but me?

“He’s the love of my life and I don’t want to lose him. But the odds aren’t good for us. I was thinking one day and that old phrase popped into my head: ‘If you love somebody, set them free. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.’ So I decided to let Kurt go until I graduate and see if we end up back together in the end.” He looked at Burt. “I’ll always love him no matter what, but I think I need the reassurance of fate on our side to make sure we are meant to be together forever. I need to make sure that faced with a hard situation we can make it through and come out on the other side a stronger couple.”

Blaine looked back to the headstone. “Thank you for letting me talk to you, Mrs. Hummel. You really helped me get everything off my chest. It was very nice to meet you. I hope to come back here sometime with Kurt.” Blaine paused for a moment and then continued. “Thank you for giving me Kurt. I know you’re watching out for him and made sure that it was me that he stopped on the staircase that day. I’m sure I don’t have to ask, but could you keep an eye on Kurt? He’s really missing you right now. If you could send him some kind of sign that you’re watching over him I think it might help a little. Also, let him know that it’s okay for him to move on. I don’t want him to stop living because he’s waiting for me to finish high school.”

Blaine stopped and looked at Burt. Both men had tears in their eyes. “Alright, Lizzie. We should get going. I have to get Blaine home and Kurt should be touching down in New York in about half an hour. I should get home so Carole can talk to him when he calls, too. I miss you, Lizzie. I’ll try to be better about getting out here more often. See you later, love.” Burt turned away from the grave and headed back to the car.

“Don’t worry about Burt, Mrs. Hummel. We’re all keeping an eye on him to make sure he doesn’t eat too unhealthy. Kurt still needs his dad. Thank you for making sure he got him back after that little scare. Goodbye, Mrs. Hummel.” Blaine turned and followed after Burt to the car. They got into the car and Burt made the drive to Blaine’s house.

When they pulled into the driveway of Blaine’s parents’ house, Burt turned off the ignition and looked at Blaine seriously. “You got a lot off your chest today. Do you feel any better?”

Blaine nodded. “It helped getting everything out in the open. I was able to process everything and I still think I’m making the right decision.”

“Well, I guess I just have to accept that. And so does Kurt. Don’t let him talk you into changing your mind if you really wanna stick to your guns.” Burt lightly punched Blaine on the shoulder. “Don’t be a stranger, son. You’re welcome to stop by the house for dinner anytime. And if you want to stay some weekend while your parents are out of town, you can always stay in Kurt’s room. Carole and I think of you like a third son.”

Blaine smiled broadly. “Thanks. I’ll be sure to stop by as much as I can. It must be lonely with both Kurt and Finn gone.”

“Yea, but on the plus side our food bill has dropped significantly since Finn left.”

They both laughed loudly. Blaine opened the door and climbed out of the car. “I’ll see you soon, Dad,” Blaine said as he closed the door. He quickly walked to the front door and fished out his key. He slid it in the lock as he turned to wave to Burt. Burt waved back and tried to wipe a tear from his eye without Blaine noticing. Blaine smiled, opened the front door and stepped inside his house. He headed straight up to his room and threw himself face first on his bed.

“I’m glad I did all of my homework early,” he mumbled into the pillow. He quickly drifted off to sleep and dreamed of his graduation and being in Kurt’s arms again.

His phone rang a few hours later and he was jarred from his sleep. He picked up his phone and checked who it was. Kurt. He hit the answer button and murmured hello.

“Hey, Blaine. I was just calling to let you know I made it back to my apartment safely.”

“I’m glad. How was your flight?”

“Fine. Pretty much the same as any flight.”

“Good, good.”

There was an awkward silence between the two.

“Oh my god, this is so stupid. We used to be able to talk for hours and now we can’t even talk for two seconds without it being awkward. I don’t like this, Blaine. I want my best friend back.”

“So do I, Kurt. I’m sorry. I’m just really emotionally drained from talking to your dad and visiting your mom and I was actually asleep when you called so I’m a little groggy. I promise we won’t be like this all the time.”

“Wait, wait, wait. You went to visit my mom?”

“Yeah. Your dad thought it might be helpful. It actually really was. Your dad’s really smart.”

“What happened?”

“Well, your dad talked to her for a little while and then I started telling her all about us and about how we met, when I fell in love with you, and why I transferred. I even told her about the Sebastian thing. And then I told her why I thought it would be a good idea for us to take a break. It was really therapeutic.”

“I’m glad talking to her helped.” Kurt paused. “It’s the funniest thing, when I was in the taxi on the way back to my apartment, the driver had the radio on and Blackbird came on and it made me think of my mom. And then the next song was I Have Nothing. It was almost as if she was trying to tell me something.”

Blaine was quiet for a moment. “Maybe she was.”

“Maybe.” Kurt sighed. “So how was the rest of the trip home?”

“It was fine. While we were driving we didn’t really talk. But when we got to my house we talked for a little while. He told me not to be a stranger and that I was always welcome over for dinner or to stay when my parents are out of town. Would it be weird if I stayed in your room a couple of nights?”

“Not really. You’ve slept there plenty of times before.”

“True.” Blaine glanced at his clock and saw that it read five o’clock. “Kurt, I’d love to talk more, but my parents and I are going to some fundraiser thing tonight and it starts at seven. I need to shower and get ready.”

“Okay.” Kurt sighed. “How uncomfortable would you be if I told you I loved you?”

“Not uncomfortable at all, Kurt. I love you, too.”

“That will never change?”

“That won’t ever change.”

“I’m glad.”

The two remained silent for a few minutes, neither one wanting to end the conversation.

Blaine broke the silence with a sigh. “I really need to go, Kurt. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“That sounds nice. Rachel’s going to be home in a few minutes anyway.”

“Tell her hi for me.”

“I will. Bye, Blaine.”

“Bye, Kurt.”

Blaine ended the call and fell back onto his bed. He sighed loudly before getting up and heading into his bathroom.