Chapter 18

The remainder of Thanksgiving night goes off without a hitch.  The conversation between Kurt and Burt causes some tension between father and son, but nothing they can't fix tomorrow or over the weekend. 

Blaine keeps his distance from Burt for the rest of the night, in an effort to not piss him off.  He faintly heard him arguing with Kurt in the kitchen and feels bad now that he can't be more of what Burt expected in a boyfriend for his son.  He wants to be on his boyfriend's father's good side, and isn't sure how to fix something he can't control.  He decides that he'll lay low for now.

The boys reel in the night by watching Christmas classics (Home Alone and Home Alone 2, and Blaine knows every word), drinking too much after-dinner drinks, nibbling on too many leftovers, and flirtingly arguing about shopping the next day.  Blaine makes the mistake of questioning the need to wake for the Black Friday sales over their second helping of tiramisu and finds himself passionately being screamed at, of course in a playful manner.  Kurt tries to explain, in layman's terms, that fashion makes him feel absolutely alive, and without it he wouldn't be able to express himself the way he truly is destined to do through his clothing.  The designers inspire him because it's an art, but Blaine can't seem to understand because he's lacked passion about everything in his life with the way he was raised.  The only passions he has now are Kurt and staying the hell out of Christian Anderson's path. 

Before they know it, it's late and they are drifting so hard into a slumber that they are knee deep in spending the night.  Instead of going home to the apartment after more than a few cups of hot cocoa with homemade marshmallows and Bailey's and more tiramisu, they find themselves snuggling on Kurt's father's couch he's had since Kurt was in high school and it just feels right.  Together, at the house Kurt grew up in, they're happy as Kurt reminds Blaine frequently that this holiday is only the first of many, whispering into his ear with hot breath that jolts a shiver down Blaine's spine.

Sweet whispers are exchanged. Kurt, reminiscing on past holidays when his mother or Finn were still alive.  Blaine, openly expressing that he's never felt any type of family dynamic in his past holidays.  They're drifting, slapping each other out of sleep to talk and cuddle a little longer.

When it's time, they sleep separately. This is not because Kurt or even Burt lays down the law; it's one hundred percent Blaine's idea.  For the first time in a long time, he is actually aware of someone else's comfort, and the fact that he wants to impress Burt Hummel for reasons he doesn't fully understand himself.  Of course, he hopes his boyfriend's family approves of him, and as much as he'd love to be fucked straight into the mattress in the morning, he pushes Kurt off of him and insists they sleep with walls separating.  He tries to explain that the last conversation he had with Burt wouldn't necessarily be filed under “respectful,” and that combined with the fact that Burt is still not comfortable with the idea of his son dating a teenager on probation (could he blame him?) it's proven fact that Blaine needs to work hard to gain Burt's trust.  He wants to do anything he can to redeem himself from the embarrassing talk in the Lima Bean, and he wants to become friendly with Burt, if only to make the whole thing easier for Kurt in the future.  After another mockery of an argument, and even a pout that Blaine was killing himself to resist, Kurt sadly shuffles to another bed made up just for him.  Blaine teases him and texts him a quick goodnight from no more than a hundred feet away, and Kurt texts back immediately that he hates him, instantaneously followed by a “love you” and a “miss you. This was a very stupid idea.”

xK&Bx

Blaine feels like he's only slept for three and a half minutes when the squeak of the door into Kurt's old room wakes him suddenly.  He peers into the darkness with an unstoppable fear, still unacquainted with his surroundings and a bit frightened given his past living with his father.  He's not sure if that initial startle will ever go away.  When he determines where he is, or more importantly where he's not, he calms and works in pain to shuffle his head higher on the pillow.  He'll never be comfortable enough with any surrounding to trust the darkness completely.  He takes a deep breath at the sink of the mattress, but then there are lips on his and all of his uneasiness disappears.  Pretty boy.

“Morning.”  Kurt smiles into the kiss he places, now harder than the last one.

“Time is it?”

“Oh, you know… like, seven-thirty.  It's Black Friday, baby!  Get excited!”  Kurt's already impeccably dressed, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed on the brink of the year's best shopping day.  He's completely awake when he doesn't have to be.  This part of Kurt will always be a mystery to Blaine; the fact that he's more of a morning person sometimes makes him weary of Kurt, like he's up to no good… like everyone else in the world awake before the sun rises.  It's ridiculous, he knows it's absolutely ridiculous, but Blaine just can't help having a little smudge of doubt in the back of his mind.  Snapping Blaine out of his distraction, like it was nothing, Kurt mentions that his plans include the Easton Shopping Center in Columbus because that's the only mall in Ohio one might be able to find French-made accessories.  Blaine thinks it's stupid to go there on Black Friday; Louis Vuitton does not have a sale day, ever. 

“Kurt, please let me sleep.  Let me just take you to Paris and we won't have to pay the import tax or whatever.”  He sits up and rubs his boyfriend's cashmere-covered arms.  “Mmmm, you're soft.”

Kurt raises an eyebrow.

Blaine's eyes widen and he laughs, pulling Kurt down on top of him.  “Love you.  Is this the same bed you slept on in high school?”

“Last chance to come shopping with me.”  Kurt knows exactly what lines to ignore from Blaine in the morning.

“I was warned, though.  Officially, fervidly cautioned against accompanying you to any clothing establishment between now and Christmas Day, Kurt.  And by your own father!”

Much to Blaine's dismay, Burt cornered him last night while he was trying to avoid him at all costs after Kurt was drifting a bit on the couch for some “guy talk.”  Really, the only thing they spoke about was the fact that Blaine should not go with Kurt shopping on Black Friday.  Something about if he wanted to survive the day, resist it regardless what Kurt promises… or whatever.

“Don't listen to him.  He has no idea what it means to have passion about color palettes and one-of-a-kind designs and dressing a gorgeous boyfriend with eyes that I literally still don't know how to describe.”  Kurt whips out the puppy dog pout and nuzzles their noses together.  “Please?  Every color looks incredible on you and you are depriving me of my most-loved pastime.  Please!”  Kurt bucks his hips to grind with Blaine's for more incentive, just in case he needs it. 

“Your most-loved pastime.  I beg to differ, old man.  You said just last week that me under you with a fistful of mattress is your-” He cuts himself off and looks to the door.  He's so paranoid with parents around.  “Oh my God, fine.  But I'm going to be napping by three at the latest, swear to me.”

“Uh huh…”  Kurt kisses him again and gets off of him. “Come on!  Get up!  We need to be on the road by eight though, it's a two hour drive.  Let's go!”  Kurt grabs both of Blaine's hands and pulls him up, folding him at the waist.  When he doesn't budge, he takes his ankles and gently drags him off the bed.  “Blaineeeeee!”

Kurt's hand brushes up against the anklet ever so eloquently attached to Blaine's leg.  Fuck.

Kurt's eyes bulge out of his head, but he's trying to hide his shock of remembering that Blaine can only go so far.  “Meh.  On second thought… Columbus is overrated.  Lima Mall, and I'll even succumb to Starbucks!  But first, let's just lie here.”  He falls back on Blaine and snuggles into his shoulder.

“Kurt.”  It seems as though Blaine got lost in the young love enough to forget about his four-mile problems just the same way as Kurt did.

“Why would I go to a place that is never going to offer sales?  Besides, Carole doesn't need that Burberry handbag, and honestly the pattern doesn't even match with anything, Victoria Beckham!  Add that to the list of seriously deranged and overrated before the Harry Potter series was even over, God.”  He's rambling; he doesn't want to make Blaine feel bad for changing their plans because of his own restrictions.  He kisses his boyfriend hard.

“Kurt.  You can go.  You were just going on and on about I don't know what, but you obviously want to go.  Just go?  Aren't your friends home from wherever for the holiday?  I'll probably still be sleeping by the time you come back.  And don't buy me anything!”

Kurt pauses to stare at him and exhales hysterically.  He smiles a curve that doesn't quite reach his sad eyes. 

“Let's just go home and figure out what we can do on your day off.”

Blaine sighs and nods sheepishly, too tired to argue more about shopping of all things.  He takes his hand, and leads Kurt down the stairs.

Kurt leaves a note on the kitchen table explaining that they've gone shopping locally.  Kurt makes Blaine sign his own name for the sake of personal touches, thank you very much, love Kurt and Blaine.  It seems like Kurt already has Lima-based backup plans for him and his delinquent boyfriend. 

Blaine kisses the backside of his shoulder and stares at their names together, something in his heart twanging and jumping as a reaction. 

“I love you so much, Kurt.”

“How much?”  Kurt leans back into Blaine's body.

“Sooooo much.”

“Mmmm, you already know how much I love you.”  Kurt replies naturally.  He offers his hand and they disappear into the painted sunrise that's not quite showing its full features yet, smiling shyly and sleepily at each other, like this all is still new. 

Kurt starts up the car and lets it warm up a bit.  He looks over to Blaine, already with his eyes shut leaning back on the headrest. 

“Are you okay?”

Blaine snaps his head over to Kurt.  “Yeah, just sleepy.”  He smiles.  “Are you okay?”

“Do you think we got too serious too quickly?”

“Hm?  Do you?”

“I just mean that it's only November, and we already had this talk about slowing it down and I feel like we did for a while after that but I feel like it didn't really help too much, and it's… it's only November, B… and I'm already asking you to move in, but like… you need to, Blaine… shit…”  Kurt trails off and sighs.  “Forget it, I'm being stupid.”

“No you're not.  Maybe we are moving too fast, but it feels like, natural, too, right?  I really tried to stay away from you like you wanted.”  Blaine opens his eyes and turns his head to look at Kurt.  He smirks and flutters his eyelashes.

Kurt looks at Blaine.  He sees so much in him, like everything is okay when he's near.  “You're right.”  He sighs.  “Of course you're right, baby.  Forget I mentioned it.  I'm just… scared to go all the way in and then fuck it up and then I'll just be alone again.”

“Babe, hey.  We're already… I'm not going anywhere.”  Blaine tilts his head, truly concerned that this conversation just took a turn for the worst.

“I don't know what I'm feeling.”  And Kurt doesn't.  He's not sure why he feels the need to back off again, after the official move-in and after the mutual “I love you.”  He chalks it up to Blaine's age for now, and aims to think about it when he's gotten more than four hours of sleep. 

“Quarter-life crisis plus three years?”  Blaine asks.  He's actively trying to lighten the mood.

“Blaine.”

“Seriously, though.  Should I back off?  We never really talked about any of the issues you had with us getting together in the first place.  We're really fucking complicated, pretty boy.”

“I know.”

“Maybe talking about that would make you feel better?  You didn't want to get with me because I'm way younger, but how do you feel now that you know the first time we had sex wasn't illegal?”

“That all… escalated quickly, too… regardless of how old you are.  At that point, I'd been alone for so long that I was just used to being alone.”

“What about now?  Do you feel weird now that you have me?”

“Not weird.  Overwhelmed, maybe?”

“Overwhelmed.”  Blaine repeats, nodding to himself.  He's not mad, only a bit disappointed that they're having relationship problems so early.  They've only been dating a few months.  “Have you, um… thought of how we can fix this?  Do you want to fix it?”

“Nothing's broken.  I think it's just going to be the continuation of natural progression.  We'll just keep growing and evolving until we're both…  that's how we'll work.”

“And I'm not doing anything wrong?”

“Of course not.  I'm not necessarily putting the brakes on anything here.”  He grabs Blaine's hand over the console.  “I just think we need to just… date, and not be completely obsessed with each other.  I'm guilty of that lately.”

“Kurt?”

“Hmm?”

“If I was like twenty-five, would we be having the same conversation right now?”

Kurt pulls into the parking lot behind the Lima Bean, shuts the car off and turns to face his boyfriend.  His heart jumps erratically, and he takes a deep breath.

“This has nothing to do with our age.  This is me being completely crazy cautious to make sure we're not getting in too deep before you change your mind.”

“I'm not… Kurt, I'm not changing my mind!”

“You're so young–”

“I knew this had to do with my age!  Kurt, I'm not going anywhere, I want you.  I can't explain it any other way.  If you don't believe me then maybe we should just… whatever.  I can't keep trying to convince you if you're not going to fucking listen.”  In this moment, Blaine wishes that he were able to move even remotely faster than a snail so he could appropriately storm off to demonstrate his anger.  His ribs are throbbing with every step toward the front door and he has to stop for a fraction of a second to catch his breath.

Kurt catches up with him after locking his car door with the click of the keychain remote.  “Blaine…”

Between the words Blaine heard out of Burt's mouth last night and now everything that's being said to him from his own boyfriend, he's spent.  “I'm sorry, okay?” He stops and turns to his boyfriend. “I'm sorry this isn't the ideal relationship for you and you do deserve someone your own age who won't be immature and fucking childish and is so much of a fuck-up that he's headed off to jail or whatever.  I'm sorry, Kurt, okay?  I'm sorry I am who I am and you can't see past the year I was born.”

“Okay, relax.  You're not going to jail and I do want to be with you, I'm only suggesting that we're still moving too fast.  I don't know.”

“You asked me to move in, you hired me at the coffee shop, you helped me all those times with my dad.  I didn't initiate any of this Kurt, as much as I wanted to, because I didn't want to disrespect you if you didn't want me in the same way.  You kissed me first, you didn't stop me from fucking you the first time, not really!  Why are we still dealing with these mixed messages?  What did I do to make you still unsure?”

“Nothing, honey.”  Kurt steps into Blaine's space and wraps his arms around his waist.  He rests his chin on the top of Blaine's head.  He pulls away and looks Blaine in the eye. “Please, let's go inside and put everything you're feeling out on the table and I'll do the same.  Okay?”

Blaine nods.  It's not a bad idea and maybe they could finally move past this.  “Yeah.  I'm freezing.”  He nudges Kurt so he's walking backward, still attached to Blaine.  He pulls on Kurt's jacket to halt at the sight of the open door.

The door on street level isn't pulled all the way closed when they arrive, although Kurt's habit of locking and pulling twice to make sure is one he adopted from his time in New York. 

Kurt turns around and follows Blaine's line of vision.  “Um, Blaine?”  Kurt's brows are creased deep with worry; he reaches out for a hand.  

Blaine positions himself in front of Kurt and leans back to take his hand as they sneak up the stairs slowly in case an assumed intruder is still in the apartment.  It turns out that he's not, but he's left it wrecked with pillows ripped apart and goose-feathered contents splayed wherever they've landed.  The custom furniture and drapes are slit, like Kurt's wrists only a few years ago with perpendicular lines, bitterly crisscrossed and unattractive.  The plush cotton of the cushions is seeping out of the gashes like blood would.  There's no use trying to repair this. 

“Stay here.”  A wash of protective boyfriend falls over him, regardless of the argument they have yet to finish.  Blaine breaks away from Kurt, jaw-dropped and in shock, to examine their shared bedroom.  He's still cautious, in the event that they're not alone.  He peaks into the room, wishing he had a baseball bat or 2x4 in his hands.  At the repugnant sight, a revolt zaps through his veins and he knows exactly who must be responsible for this.  The spray paint displayed so disgustingly across the rug in neon pink seals the deal and Blaine crashes to the floor unable to move for three full minutes. 

Die, Faggots.

He doesn't realize he's sobbing until his hands rub at his eyes and they come away wet.  He's always thought he hated his father, but the brand new dagger in his heart confirms that nothing before was pure, fawning malice because that is precisely what he's feeling at this moment and nothing before it could have ever been compared.

“Kurt?”  He comes out of hiding and finds his way back to his boyfriend, who's furiously trying to stuff feathers into a pillow lining, turning purple in the process because they just. won't.  stay. 

“I just… we can fix this.  All of this.  Us, and the apartment, we're fine Blaine.  Okay?”  Kurt's eyes flash to Blaine's and then back to concentrate on the pillow.

Oddly enough, nothing was stolen.  Just scattered.  Blaine shifts his eyes to take the living room's state into consideration.  What he decides next is completely terrifying for him.

“Baby, we need to… call the cops.”  His own breath hitches with anxiety and he approaches Kurt slowly.  Blaine takes the pillow out of Kurt's hands and drops it to the floor.  “Come on, pretty boy, let's go sit and call someone.”  He leads the way into the kitchen and turns when he sees Kurt nervous, looking in the bathroom off the hallway. 

Kurt runs into the room and slams the door behind him.

He's so fragile and Blaine knows nothing of how to fix him in this moment.  He knows that all of this is bringing back slammed backs to locker grating and showing the signs on his body.  They'd talked in the past about their pasts, enough to know that they were similar but not enough to fully understand the scars it left on Kurt's heart.

Kurt resurfaces suddenly, slamming the door to the bathroom shut behind him with a distant look spread across his face, like he was trying to hide something.  He is trying to hide something; a very important something that Blaine absolutely cannot know about.  “Umm, I need to go.  I need to go check on downstairs.”  He hates lying; especially to the people he loves, and definitely under pressure.  He doubts that Blaine will buy it, specifically his shifty eyes and the inability to look anywhere near his boyfriend at all, but he's betting on the fact that it's early enough to be true and neither of them have had enough sleep to be coherent. 

“Julie is there.  You're not going anywhere like this.  Come on.”  He could fucking kill his father for hurting Kurt the way he has; his beautiful lover is on the verge of a breakdown and it's all Christian Anderson's fault.  He has no right.  He approaches his boyfriend again and rubs at his forearm with his knuckles.  “Baby.”

“No, Blaine!”  He rips his arm away like it's been burned.  “I need to go make sure the shop is okay and Julie is not there alone with some couch-slitting creep right here somewhere!  I pride myself on being a good boss, B.  You know that.”  He looks at him finally with broken eyes and a quivering lip.  “I'll be right back.” He whispers the last sentence and Blaine swears he's talking to a fourteen-year-old, post-ass-kicking for bringing a boy to the dance.  It's like someone punched Kurt in the gut repeatedly.  It's like Blaine is looking at himself in a mirror. 

Blaine is livid that his father could affect the one person he loves the most.  He would do anything for Kurt; even if it is moving too fast and he is becoming too obsessed with him, he still would because he loves him.  There's nothing that he wouldn't do to see Kurt happy.

Blaine nods; Kurt's won this time.  He's speeding to the foyer and turns back to take Blaine in.  His eyes rake from his ankles to the tip of his head; Kurt is getting a final look.

This wreck of his living space, though, is bringing all of Kurt's feelings from years ago, from high school, back to the surface and although he vowed to never look back, he can't help feeling as miniscule as he did back then.  The only difference is that this time, he knows he's not alone.  Sure, it's not like he can choose who he is attracted to; and if it just so happens to be a seventeen – eighteen – year-old gay boy, then so be it.  So what if they're moving a bit fast?  They're both eager to have each other in every sense of the word, and maybe after Kurt goes downstairs, they can reenter the conversation they were just having.  Nevermind about the slight obsession, let's do this full speed ahead. 

Kurt is so confused.  He wants to spend the rest of his life loving Blaine, but he doesn't want to jump into the deep end without making sure that his heart would not be broken.  He's nervous that Blaine will find a hot boy his own age to love, and he'll be left to rot, alone for eternity. 

He just doesn't know.

He puts those thoughts on hold, because he is now going downstairs to meet with Blaine's monster because of his virtually unconditional love for Blaine, for his need to protect the people he cares for.  It never even crosses his mind that he might be stepping away from the comfort of his Blaine's arms and straight into nothing but negativity and danger.

Kurt hands off his phone to Blaine and goes to the door.  “Call my dad and ask him over here, then call the cops.  I'm just going to check on Jules.”

“You are seriously stubborn, Hummel.  Why can't I come with you?”

“Love you.”  Kurt's smile is half-hearted. “Love you so much, Blaine.”  He opens the door and turns back to look at him.  Stalking back to Blaine, Kurt presses a soft kiss to the direct center of his lips and smiles brighter this time.

“Me too, pretty boy.”  Blaine's already scrolling through Kurt's contacts to find Burt Hummel's number so that he can try to explain the findings to the best of his ability, without letting Burt hear what he really feels about his own father and the situation they found themselves in this morning.

Blaine's certainly been dealt a terrible deck of cards in his life when it comes to his family, but it's nothing that he can help, just like he can't control what decade he was born into.  He decides to leave out the fact that he believes the break-in was at the discretion of his father when he calls Kurt's dad to ask him over.  He knows that Burt is already unpleased with the boys' budding relationship, and this is not the right way to win over his approval, no matter how incredible his Pumpkin Tiramisu was last night.

xK&Bx

Kurt sighs and tries not to rush out of the apartment.  The note written in eyeliner on the bathroom sink was short and scribbled, and absolutely something that Blaine cannot be aware of.  Did Kurt think that already?  It feels like déjà vu.  Kurt needs to keep himself and his boyfriend safe in the wrath of Christian fucking Anderson.

If he's trying to keep himself and his boyfriend relatively unharmed, he probably should not be doing what the note suggested.

Pretty Boy – Meet me between the buildings next to your business on the right side.  Don't bring the boyfriend.  - CA

Kurt turns on his protective front he's had stashed away since high school and flies down the stairs and into the alleyway, ready to give Christian fucking Anderson a piece of his mind.  He doesn't care if this man could possibly, maybe, hopefully be his father-in-law one day (this is the exact thought he should not be having three months in), the level of hatred he has for Blaine's father is off the charts and he'll be sure to tell him just that and more.

Kurt knows better than anyone in the entire world that words can hurt more than fists, and he hopes to get in enough of his beautifully crafted speech he's been saving for exactly this moment before the inevitable brawl he knows he's walking into.  He doesn't know, however, that Christian Anderson has very large and muscled friends that were probably actual hit men in another life.

Kurt is an adult; sometimes he is as ignorant as a child. 

He thinks of only Blaine – it's better him than Blaine, this time.  And maybe he'll get through to Christian.  Maybe it'll take a thought-out speech for him to rethink just how much he's been breaking Blaine.  

xK&Bx

He waits, pinned and attempting to fight off a crew of large men with ski hats plastered to their faces.  He freezes under them in the alleyway for fifteen minutes until he sees the Cadillac SUV pull up and block the driveway.

“Fancy meeting you here, faggot.”