Chapter 2

Song used in this chapter:  The Wreckers - Tennessee

Blaine stands in line, patiently awaiting the security guard to reach the wrapped-around, treacherous line by screaming “next!” and groping every part of him so he can be deemed unsuspicious enough to fly on an airplane safely to Ohio.  He had jumped at the first opportunity of mending Kurt, buying a first class ticket on the next flight to Columbus without a second thought, and now that he thinks about it, it's so clear that he's just desperate for Kurt to love him again as he did before and that's ridiculous for Blaine to still wish for that, two years after he walked out on Kurt. 

This is crazy.  There's no reason for Blaine to run to Kurt's side, and over a marriage proposal gone wrong (or right?) with another man or for the mourning of a brother Blaine's never met.  They're not together anymore; they will never be together again especially with Kurt moving on enough to put himself in the position to be proposed to, so Blaine is officially off the hook in the “saving Kurt from himself” department.  He has absolutely no obligation to be there for him, especially when he's the one who willingly walked out of Kurt's life in the first place. He doesn't want to, not really, not when someone else entirely is proposing to him and promising him forever the way that he should have when they first moved to New York.  Not when someone else has a better shot of being Kurt's husband than Blaine ever would.

Kurt's not his anymore; he has no right to still want him.  Blaine left Kurt, so Kurt's heart may have been broken but it's because of him and that's why there's no need to comfort him.  Besides, Kurt has moved on. 

As much as Blaine willingly left, Kurt could have chased after him.  They clearly gave each other up years ago and now he must mend his own heart and not give a damn about Kurt Hummel.

Reality is something strange.  Instinct is even weirder.  Blaine huffs and slouches into his shoulders, stopping dead in a moving line, picking up the carry-on bag at his feet and pushing backward through the queue of travelers waiting to be groped and onward to their final destinations.

When he escapes the line mostly unharmed, he takes off in a run straight to baggage claim, directly out into the taxi line and gives the next available his home address.  He sits back in the cab, watching the airport disappear through the window and sighs a heavy breath of relief. He needs to protect himself.  He's all he has. 

xK&Bx

Kurt wakes up late.  He has exactly ninety minutes to get ready and dressed, to the airport a half hour away, through security, and onto the plane.  There is no way he is going to make it, but he's determined to try.  He panics, miraculously pulling up to JFK with precisely twenty minutes to spare.  He is greeted to an empty line at security (never happens) and he actually has a few minutes to get something mediocre at the Starbucks in his terminal.  He wants to think it might have something to do with fate, but that idea is quickly pushed out of his head because the “fate” he'd be experiencing right now would only have to do with the fact that Blaine is currently on a plane coming from the complete opposite side of the country just to support Kurt in a difficult time and that idea is otherworldly to him.  He sits, sipping his somewhat-burnt brew, and gets up to make it a little bit lighter and a little bit sweeter.  He never makes it to the condiment counter because there is a sight haunting him directly in his path that will never leave him for all the worst reasons.  He stops dead in the crowd of people, watching the pair as if he could be watching his very own life, a fictional scene from a movie that will never, ever happen, at least not with him as a main character.

Standing dangerously close to Kurt is a giggling little girl no more than three years old, holding a Starbucks cup that is simply too big for her.  She's waddling like a tiny drunk person behind a tall figure that can only be her father and Blaine Anderson's obviously long lost twin.  They are both complete with curly, black hair and sparkling green eyes, miniature kaleidoscopes dancing to every angle of the airport around them identically.  Her father turns to kneel down to her, brushes a piece of hair out of her eyes and kisses the tip of her nose.  He whispers something in her ear and she laughs her adorable giggle that never really stops as she tries to balance the huge Starbucks cup in both of her hands and walk at the same time.

The little girl's other father, complete opposite of this version of Blaine but also complete opposite of real-life Kurt somehow, stands up by the row of seats he's reserved, guarding the pile of luggage at his feet while his family had gone on a coffee run and waves frantically to his daughter.

In this moment, Kurt can only see him and Blaine and his daughter – their daughter – traveling home to Lima, visiting Grammy and Grandpop, leaving their perfect New York life for a while.  This sight of strangers triggers something delicate inside of him and he swallows the lump in his throat.

Kurt realizes he immediately thinks of Blaine, not Oliver.

Kurt loses it, inhaling air harshly and as if he can't get enough into his weak lungs.  He's shaking, on the verge of a serious panic attack.  He fitfully escapes from the terminal faster than he knew was possible and he's curled in the fetal position on his bed before he can even think about what he's doing, what he's throwing away, what it will mean when he doesn't show up to greet Blaine at the airport in Columbus.

He sobs, into his pillow, all of the tears he's refused to cry over Blaine in the past years of his life without him.  He cries for yet another loss, yet another someone he has to let go of, another again.  Like his mother, like Finn, Kurt vows to always remember Blaine's soul and the happy times they had together.  He has to write him off.  He has to think of Blaine as dead.  Time heals all wounds; why isn't time healing this one?

xK&Bx

Blaine builds the foldable walls and he retracts as needed.  He doesn't trust easily but he's trying to get there with the friends he's made over the past two years.  Any friends he's made in San Francisco are held at the end of a leash, as he needs to concentrate hard on his schoolwork and ruthlessly fucking any man that would willingly walk out of his apartment directly following an orgasm.  There are days that seem unworthy, like there is no sense in socializing, like no one is worth his time anymore but he quickly pushes that thought away every time for the sake of his libido and to forget about Kurt for just a few more minutes.

As far as staying in touch with the family, he feels it's awkward most of the time.  He occasionally speaks on the phone to Burt and Carole and even Cooper down in Los Angeles although he's sure Coop talks to Kurt more than he talks to him. Since Blaine left Kurt alone, high and dry, he's pulled back from everyone who cares about the both of them.  He wants Kurt to have a happy life and is willing to sacrifice his relationships to give him that.  He'd do anything for Kurt except, apparently, live in New York City.

When he doesn't show in Lima, Burt is the first to notice.  They haven't seen each other in person for nearly a year, but this doesn't ever stop Burt from being the consistent father figure he must know Blaine needs.  Blaine answers on the second ring, sniffling and trying to hide the fact that he's been uncontrollably sobbing for hours.

“Hey.”

“Hey kiddo.  Where are you?  Everything okay?”

“I'm okay.”

“Really?  Because I haven't heard from you since the infamous ‘not coming' text you sent when you were supposed to be on a plane.  Figured I'd let you have some time to yourself, but now I need an explanation.  We miss you, you know.”

“Yeah, I just… this is so crazy, Burt.”

“He did the same thing.”

Blaine lets go of all the air in his lungs.  He's not sure why there's another tear escaping or why he's shivering.  He no longer questions the unexplainable reactions his body has to the mention of Kurt, even if no one seems to say his name to him anymore.  He's nervous, as crushed as he was two years ago when he received loud beeping in his ear from the operator, notifying him that the subscriber has changed his number.  He's as anxious as he's been since Kurt first texted him again, suddenly attached to his phone for any purpose having to do with him.  He's scared because he finally feels like things could be taking a turn for the better and then he goes and fucks everything up. 

“What?  He's not in Lima?”

“He's still in New York.  Flying in for Finn's thing in a few days.”

“I miss him.”

“I know you do, kid.  Maybe… do you think it's time to move on?”

“I don't know how to do that.  Listen, I have a study group I need to get ready for.  I'll talk to you soon.”

“Blaine, your semester got out three weeks-”

Blaine hangs up, immediately navigating to Kurt's contact information.  He wants to delete it so bad, move on as Burt so eloquently stated.  Like the magnet is only connected to the thing it's attracted to the most, his fingers are typing out a message instead of swiping the delete button.

Blaine:  I'm such a douchebag.
Kurt:  Don't.
Kurt:  I'm not there either, but I will be.  I can't see you, though.  Stay where you are.
Kurt:  Please.
Blaine:  Kurt…
Kurt:  I'm so sorry.  There's no other way. 
Kurt:  Take care of yourself, okay?

xK&Bx

June

The Class of 2018 graduates.  All of Finn's friends come and go; there are tears and annual reunion dinners. 

Kurt has thought out the whole suicide plan, and he's decided to put it on hold for now.  The hope in Blaine's text a few weeks ago gave him the motivation he needed to carry on and be okay and although he's the one pushing Blaine away this time, the fact that he answered the phone call and didn't hang up immediately after realizing it was Kurt calling about a proposal gives him enough hope to stick it out and try to live without him some more.

He visits with Julie a few times during his time in Lima, energetically helping out in any way he can at the coffee shop.   He confides in her that he has officially started the process to open a second store back in New York after coming to a realization that although his calling was something else entirely only a few years ago, he really loves the business of coffee and thought it would be beneficial to expand the business a bit.  As expected, Julie is beyond enthusiastic about the new store and even slips in that maybe they could talk further about expanding even more.  She may have a few ideas for their own brew. 

He returns home after saying goodbye for now to Julie and the two new kids they hired.  Now that he's decided to stick around as a living member of society, at least for longer than originally planned, he's been weighing out a detailed list of why he should and why he shouldn't marry Oliver.  He opens his laptop to read through it and concentrate on the decision again.  He stares at both sides of the list, both the pros and cons columns smoking and flaming with fire in the shape of Blaine's name. 

He slams the laptop down and huffs through his frustrations.  How is he supposed to decide what to do when he can't stop thinking about Blaine moping around at California at the thought of Kurt with someone else.  If he's even doing that at all.  Which he's probably not.

Stumbling down the stairs in the most distracted manner Kurt Hummel has ever possessed, he bumps his hipbone directly into the banister at the bottom of the stairs.  Knowing that he is both beyond distracted and that the run-in with the staircase is clearly going to leave a bruise on his hip the shape of Africa, he rubs at it and winces with pain.  Mumbling curse words under his breath, he pads into the kitchen where his father is standing haphazardly with the refrigerator door propped open with his elbow.

Kurt stares at him fondly for a moment and clears his throat.

“Don't even think about that old bowl of spaghetti in there that looks like it might be growing fuzz, Dad.”

Burt groans as a response and slams the door closed before turning to his son.  “Let's go out to eat.  Breadstix?”

“Only if you promise we get salads.  Come on, I'll drive.”

They situate in the car, fully prepared for a serious father-son conversation.  Both can feel it deep in their bones.  It'll end well – it always ends well – but getting it to be manageable will require some substance and fighting the good fight. 

“So.  I'm going to say yes.  I'm going to marry Oliver.”

“Who the fuck is Oliver?”

“He's umm, he's a British stockbroker's son whom I have been dating for the past four months or so and he wants me to marry him.  He asked me in Central Park right before I came home and… I think he could potentially be the one for me.  He's thirty-four, lives in the Village, works on Wall Street-”

“Kurt.  No.”

“You married Mom after a few months.  You just knew, right?”

“Yes.  I knew.  You're settling.  Kurt.”  His father's voice cracks on the delivery of his name and Kurt just knows that he won't be able to get any straight opinion from anyone in his life. 

“Dad.”  He sighs, drumming a rhythm out on the steering wheel at the red light.  “This has nothing to do with Blaine.”

“The fact that he is who you automatically thought of when I said you're settling for someone else shows me that this has everything to do with Blaine.  I know he just came back into your life after so long.  I think you're panicking so you don't run right back to him like you want to.”

There goes that unbiased opinion.  “Just because he stayed in touch with you after that whole mess does not mean we should be back together, Dad!  You don't understand.  He left when he promised he wouldn't and he ruined me completely.  I just… don't you want better than that for me?”

“Kurt, I want the best for you, and frankly I think that's Blaine.  You have to understand that people, even Blaine, are not perfect and he made a mistake and he's been paying for it in the worst way for two years now by not being able to get you back, let alone keep in touch.  Now you're going to marry someone else?”

“He never tried to get me back.  I changed my number.”  Kurt allows a single tear that he wipes away madly.  “I wanted to be over him so desperately, but now I realize that I never gave him the chance to fix it.”

“You don't have to get over him, Kurt!”  Burt sighs and rubs his fingers together.  Kurt watches at the red light.  “You know I didn't even notice that you were with anyone new.  Remember that day years ago when you came to dinner right after you met Blaine?  I could tell something in you changed, even then.  This Oliver guy hasn't made you come out of the depressed shell you've been in since Blaine, which tells me he's not worth it.  Why haven't you spoken about this guy before?”

“I don't know.”  Kurt's shoulders sink into themselves; he's not winning this one.  Not when it's anyone up against Blaine.  He doesn't care what anyone says, even himself.  

“I'm not saying you should marry your ex out of the blue, kiddo.  I'm just making sure that you know that as soon as you say yes to this Oliver kid, or anyone else, you are shutting out every other opportunity that is currently available with the one person you've ever loved in that way.  Right?”

“Maybe Oliver is the one I'm supposed to be with.”

“No, Kurt.  Oliver is not the person you're supposed to be with.”  Burt sighs.  “My opinion doesn't matter.  Just promise me you'll think about any other… people you might be throwing away by saying yes to this kid your father hasn't even met.  You can't say nevermind later on and run back to Blaine once you realize you've made an awful mistake.”

“Okay.  Whatever.  I knew you'd take his side.”  Kurt pulls into a parking spot close to the door at Breadstix.  Several memories come flooding back, all clearly involving Blaine.  It seems like he can go nowhere within Lima city limits and not be reminded of all the good and bad times they shared here.  This is where Kurt brought Blaine for lunch on his birthday, the very first day they were officially together.  This is where they got their pizza every time they came back from the hospital for all of Kurt's check-ins after the attack.  This was the meal, although take-out, they were eating together when Kurt first told Blaine that he loved him.  The restaurant is a monumental part of what used to be their relationship, and he'll be damned if he's ready to give that up just yet.  When he allows a few more tears to fall as he holds the door open for his father, he doesn't try to hide it; Burt Hummel notices everything.

“I'm not taking his side, bud.  He's just as miserable as you are though, and that tells me that you're both resisting each other.  It's not fair to either of you.  You know I consider him my son as much as you are.  I want you both to be happy.”

“Okay, Dad.  Sorry I brought it up.  I clearly have to think about everything a little bit more.  I'll let you know what I decide.”

xK&Bx

The rest of dinner and the following morning in the car to the airport is tense to say the least.  Burt knows how obviously his son wears his heart on his sleeve and he knows when he's made a decision.  He's settling, there's no doubt about it, but he's stubborn enough (just like his mom) to not listen to anyone else about it. 

Father and son adhere to a teary goodbye, a see you soon, and a kiss on the cheek with a promise to return for the holidays.  Kurt will call Burt when he lands and then his busy life will take him over again and Burt will fight off his loneliness with help from Carole and keeping up the tire shop and even checking in on Julie at the Lima Bean a few times a month, all under the teasing pretense of checking to make sure she's doing it all correctly.  This is his fatherly duty and his commitment to his son. 

He watches Kurt's back as he waltzes into the airport and until he can't be seen any longer.  He pulls away, beginning the process of circling around until he's following the “Exit” signs of the airport.  He presses and holds the “B” key to dial the speed dial saved under the letter.

“Burt?  I was just about to call you.”  There is noise in the background and Burt thinks that maybe Blaine is out of breath.  “Hey, hold on.”  The background noise is cut off and Blaine clears his throat.  “Hey.”

Maybe I was much too selfish
But baby, you're still on my mind
Now I'm grown and all alone
And wishing I was with you tonight

“Hey son, listen-”

“Can you pick me up?  I'm at the Columbus airport.  Carole called me last night and she told me he…” He gasps, trying to get his breathing under control before a sob has the chance to escape, “she told me he was still here and so now I'm here and I'm gonna get him back, Burt.  I have to.”

Burt nearly crashes the car into the teenagers driving next to him, half-heartedly trying to navigate their way out of an airport they had clearly never been to before.  “I'll be there in about five minutes.  Let me just circle back around.  What terminal?”

“Uhhh, why are you here already?”

“Dropping off someone.”

“Wait, what?  Burt… what flight is he on?”

“Let him go, Blaine.  Visit with us tonight and give him time to get settled in.  We'll figure out what to do next, I promise.”

“But if he's here now…” Blaine trails off. 

“Blaine.  We need to talk before you see him for the first time in two years.  Do not go looking for him, I'm circling back around now.”

“Yeah, okay.  Call me back when you're outside Terminal B.  You realize I'm chasing your son across the country, right?”

“And I love you for it.”

xK&Bx

Blaine storms out of the bathroom with his luggage trailing behind him.  He frantically runs to the arrivals/departures board and scans for any flight leaving for New York in the next few hours.  There's only one so he practices his stealthiest moves by heading over to gate eight as smoothly as he possibly could handle.

He spots him, his beautiful Kurt with perfectly golden hair and sad eyes downcast seemingly picking out music for the next four minutes of his life.  He digs his headphones out of his pocket and connects them, plugging them into his ears and heart. 

He's even more beautiful than Blaine remembers.

Blaine watches him and can't help himself when he starts typing out a quick message.  He needs to see Kurt's reaction and what better way to do this without him knowing he's being watched in the first place. 

Blaine:  Hey, babe.  I hope you're having a good day.  Wish I was with you in Ohio.  Everything went ok?

He watches as Kurt clearly feels the vibration then stares at the text notification before pointing to it.  A faint smile stretches across Kurt's lips and Blaine knows that there is finally some hope into what he's doing here. 

Kurt:  I'm sorry I said you shouldn't have been.  I'm just sorry.
Blaine:  Me too.  I'm going to fix everything, you watch.  Don't lose any hope in me, yet. 
Blaine:  I know it took longer than you might have expected, but let me just iron out the wrinkles or whatever that stupid saying is.  Okay?
Kurt:  Whatever you say, Anderson.

Blaine watches the dazzling smile Kurt presents to his phone before pocketing it.  With feet like lead, he walks away from Kurt to meet Burt at the curb. 

xK&Bx

Blaine watches as Burt pulls to the curb to meet him from his position crouched down on the ground sucking in a cigarette.  He throws it down and stomps on it, opening the door and smiling at the closest thing he'll ever have to a father. 

After the obligatory fluff talk of how are you and how was your flight, Burt lays it on him.  He explains the argument he and Kurt had at lunch, and how he's actually considering spending his life with Oliver, although Kurt swears up and down that he's not settling for second best. 

Shell shocked and pale, Blaine deflates in front of Burt for upwards of a minute before saying the words that he needs to release, if only for a sense of confirmation.

“He's going home to say yes to Oliver?  That can't be, he looked-”

“I told you not to go look for him.”

“I creepily watched for his reaction while I texted him.”  There's a beat.  “I can't believe I just admitted that to you.”

 Burt looks at him and laughs a full chuckle, committing his shoulders to the movement. 

Blaine continues with a heavy sigh.  “He called me right when he ran away when the dude proposed.  Told me everything in kind of a panic.  I don't think he was consciously calling me, to be honest.  It's gonna be too fucking late!”

Burt nods, wringing his sweaty hands with one another.  “You really want him back?”

“I don't know.  I mean, if he wants me.  But if this is the man who can make him happier than I could… then I'm going to let him go.  It's been two years; I think I'm too late.”

“How'd he look when you were texting him?”

“Like I should still try.  Like he was egging me on to fight for him.”

“Shit.  You're in as much love with him as you were when you were together.  You'll never not love him.”  Burt whirls into the driveway with a screech inches before he plows through the garage, clearly distracted.

Blaine looks at Kurt's dad and nods.  He hops out of the car and throws his small carry-on over his shoulder, waiting for Burt so they can walk inside together.  The pat Burt gives Blaine on his back doesn't go unnoticed.  It's welcomed with a smile and a small shrug.  It's an unspoken word of promise to make Kurt happy again.

They walk up toward the house but Carole pulls the door open like a child waiting for Santa before they're even to the stairs.

Carole is so surprised to see her Blaine, she's squealing in delight.  They catch up a bit as they always do, but by the time he's ready to turn around and follow Kurt to New York, there are no flights for another sixteen hours.  It would kill him to wait, so Blaine climbs into the Navigator and promises a safe return in a few days.

Blaine drives all night, hopefully straight into the arms of his Kurt for the rest of their lives, full to the max with love in their hearts.

xK&Bx

The pounding on the door coincides with the pulse taking residence in his head.  He sits up slowly, trying to remember how he arrived snuggled and warm in his bed, rain molesting his window like summer hail in Oklahoma.

He shuffles to the door and pulls it open, sleep still in his eyes.  His hair is thrown to most angles with one piece being too long and capturing his eyeball with every blink.  His naked chest shows off the still-boyish figure, the perfection of the thickness of his shoulders to the hourglass shape of his waist and the bulge where his hips lie high on his pelvis. 

The noise out of his mouth at the realization that a soaked-to-the-bone Blaine Anderson is standing in front of him can most definitely be classified as a squeak, an inhuman and birdlike sound, high-pitched in all its feminine glory. 

They haven't been face to face since Kurt kicked him out of his life, seemingly saying “goodbye” forever, and frankly, the sight of Blaine makes Kurt feel like his heart is imploding right there in his chest.

Time stills to an abrupt halt, souls dancing around each other aimlessly, a magnet being reenergized.  Their heartbeats synchronize to a fast-paced rhythm they used to be familiar with and the piece of thread ties itself back together again at each end, suffocation of a slipknot around each body.  It's been a long time since they've stood in front of each other.

“Blaine!  What the hell are you doing here?  It's like four in the morning!”  His eyes are thrown wide, shocked stiff into the wood beneath his feet.

“What I should have done years ago.”  Blaine drops his bag right there in the hallway and strikes one giant step to Kurt.  “I heard you're saying yes to lover boy.”

“Now is really not the time-” Kurt rubs his eyes.

“Don't write me off, Kurt.”  Blaine captures Kurt's bottom lip between his teeth and pulls slightly, an invitation of a kiss literally at the tip of his tongue.  “Do not marry him, Kurt.  Please, don't marry him.”

Kurt succumbs to all of his fear in this moment and becomes the cheater they warn you about.  He kisses back, pouring all of his love into Blaine's mouth and breaks it seriously too soon.

Kurt gives him a tiny smile but backs away, contradicting his heart and his head.  “Come inside.  You're freezing.”

Blaine looks at him and nods, but can't feel his legs enough to move.

“Wait, what you should have done years ago?  What does that even mean?”

“It means, pretty boy, that I'm here and I'm fucking fighting for you because I need you to really think about this Oliver guy before you say you're going to marry him.  You want to spend the rest of your life with him?”

“You're drenched, B.  Come in, sit down.  I'll find you something dry to wear.”  Kurt takes Blaine's suitcase and rolls it into his apartment.  He turns back to Blaine, still standing in the doorway.

“I don't have a good feeling about him, Kurt.  I know this is the first time we've seen each other in a really fucking long time and all but… fuck!”

“Blaine… use your words.”  Kurt rolls his eyes fondly and smiles.

“Does this mean we're really over, when you say yes to him?” 

“I don't think I'm-”

“I just feel like you're totally over me, and I guess you have every right to be, it's been forever since we've been together and… and just so you know… I didn't go to Lima when you asked me to for Finn's memorial because I was terrified of seeing you and there being no electricity.  Or Rachel hating me for showing up.  Things have been so awkward since you called and like, it's been non-existent between us for so long, I was so scared you moved on; I was so scared of you just being another guy to me, but I should have realized that you're never gonna be anything less than the love of my life, Kurt.”

“Blaine.”  Kurt tilts his head, his heart on his sleeve shattered completely down his arm, sharp shards of organ sticking through the veins on the back of his hand.  “Come inside.”

As they dance awkwardly through the kitchen and behind the curtain across the loft and into Kurt's “room,” Blaine has a sneaky suspicion that he's going to puke all over the place any minute.  Blaine follows his ex-lover sheepishly, not quite feeling like he even belongs in his life anymore, and so nervous that he'll get the confirmation.  He watches Kurt bend to retrieve some pajama bottoms, placing them on the bed before he turns back to Blaine. 

Blaine's eye catches a picture framed on Kurt's nightstand of Kurt looking more beautiful than ever with a skittish man he's never seen before.  It must be him.  He picks up the photo and stares.

Kurt comes up behind him and puts a hand on his shoulder, leaving it there through the question.  “It's been… two years.  It's really nice to see you.  How are you?”

“You look… radiant in this picture.  Happy.”

“Quite the contrary.  Santana had just been yelling at me about my poor decision-making skills for men who apparently fall all over me at the drop of a dime.  I was really pissed off and distant in that picture.”

Blaine turns and shrugs, framed photo still in hand.  “Your dad told me you're actually considering this whole engagement now.”

“I talked to my dad about a decision I was considering, yes.”

“I'm here to kindly drill it into your head that this isn't right.  What are you thinking?”

“I don't know.”

“I thought you thought it was wrong it wasn't me, Kurt.  I thought that all you wanted it to be was me in front of you that day in the park?  In the park, Kurt? That's ours, pretty.  If you were going to say yes all along to him, why did you make him wait until after your triphome?  What about us, Kurt?”  Blaine huffs.  He's on a tangent that he can't control, voice raising with every word spewing out into the open.  “Do you know that I have a ring?  Your finger is supposed to wear my ring, Kurt.  It's always been for you.  It's taped behind a picture of us on my graduation day.”  It's really an insanely unfair situation to throw that information in, but it appears that Blaine is pulling out all the stops to try to stop Kurt from thinking he needs to do this, to accept another man's proposal.  “I'm sorry.”

“Jesus, Blaine.  You sure do talk a hell of a lot more since we last saw each other.”

Blaine doesn't validate Kurt's snarky remark with a response.  Instead, he continues.  “I'm so sorry I broke your heart two years ago by stomping out of your life like a child.  But you can't just come back into mine and tell me that you miss me, whispering it like the fucking gospel, and then I hear you're saying yes to him.  You can't just flip my entire world upside down like that, Kurt.”

“Flip your world upside down like that.  Like the time when I found out you were moving a day and a half before you actually did?”

“I'm sorry, okay?  I fucked up so bad and I'm sorry, I wouldn't be here if I wasn't.  You know how much I hate New York.  It's in your best interest to forgive me, baby.”  He steps forward toward Kurt again, but stops himself when Kurt allows a tear to fall and puts his fist to his mouth, probably to silence a sob.  Blaine sighs.

Kurt takes a deep breath and looks far away, maybe into another galaxy.  He speaks barely above a whisper, his voice getting louder as the speech goes on.  “Remember how you broke my heart and how, in two years, it has never mended and now when I try to find love again, of which I deserve and I finally fucking believe that, I can't because you suddenly ask me what about us?  I thought I did something wrong to you, B.  I thought I let you down and that's why you left.  I still don't really know what happened.  I will never be able to breathe properly again because there will always be a void of exactly you in every single one of my nightmares.  Nightmares that include your father too, who left me for dead because I knew you, because I love you?  You don't know heartbreak until you witnessed me a year and three-hundred something days ago.  So screw you and your ring.  You should have given it to me when you first bought it instead of ruining my entire life!”  He's flailing his arms around his body as Blaine stands frozen in front of him, shirtless from peeling off his soaking clothes.  The wet jeans hang low on his hips, his jaw set open. 

Grinding his teeth, Blaine opens his mouth again to spew venom.  Instead, he breaks down, hiding the sobs the best he can.  Everything he's lost is standing right there in front of him, in Kurt.  With a scowl on his beautiful lips and a hole in his heart that Blaine stabbed through himself, Kurt stands in front of Blaine as a reminder of what he doesn't have.

“I'm sorry.”

“Yeah.  Me too.”  Each word out of Kurt's mouth comes with spit; he can't stop the spewing mess this conversation has become. 

“Shut up, Kurt!  Would you let me finish a fucking thought?”

“Mmmm, why should I?  You still don't care what I think.  You didn't even ask me what I thought.  I was your lover, Blaine, of almost four years, your best friend, your fucking quote unquote soul mate and you just… left me with no regard.  We could have had a whole plan to fix you.”

“No, Kurt!  You know I've always been a major fuck-up who runs from any conflict I can.  It's what I did, that was who I was.  I needed to do that so I can grow from it, Kurt!  You really don't see how well I'm handling this conversation compared to how I would have handled it years ago?” 

Blaine sits on Kurt's bed, if only to center his swaying and shivering core.  He lowers his voice.

“You know, I thought love was this abstract concept that everyone always talked about but never experienced and then I met you, Kurt, and honestly?  I thought you'd get off on having a high-schooler in your bed a few times and then let me go.  I never expected to be reeled in like this, to be in love so passionately, urgently, because the only fucking example I had of it were my own fucking parents who stopped loving me when I told them how gay I am.”  Blaine tilts his head upwards to look at Kurt.  “Everything fucking hurts without you, and time is not making it any better.  You were like that prize at the end of Christian and now I can't help but feel like I went through all of that for nothing.”  Blaine breathes.  “Everything reminds me of you and what I could have had, and maybe I'm too late because someone beat me to a promise, but God dammit Kurt, I will never stop loving you and I won't be able to deal with it if he wins.”  He twirls and picks up the picture, thrusting it into Kurt's chest.  “Do you love him?”

Kurt blinks.  The silence is promising.

Blaine continues.  “I'll always have your heart, at least part of it, and you can't stop loving me either and it fucking kills you because there is nothing more that you want than to just get over me because I fucked up and you forgiving me would be letting yourself down, right?  You think that doesn't hurt?  You think I haven't wanted to call you?  Do you know how many times I threw my phone across the room?  Because you don't know fucking heartbreak until it stares at you from a phone call in New York City with the love of your life telling you he's just been asked to get married to someone entirely different than you.  And you don't know heartbreak until you finally work up the guts you never had to suck it up and call Kurt Hummel only to find out his fucking phone has been disconnected, and none of your mutual friends will give you the new number because you were clearly the reason why he dumped the old one in the first place.  And you know that you said exactly the same thing at the Lima Bean that day before my birthday when you decided to stop fucking playing games and just be with me.  You tried for me then, why can't you try for me now?  Kurt, baby…”

They're both sobbing now, Blaine fallen to his knees with his head in his hands and Kurt, over-dramatically wailing in the corner.

Kurt stands up and wipes his tears, putting on a strange but powerful front.  He knows Blaine isn't used to this type of body language.  “Blaine.  Do not embarrass yourself and propose right now.  I haven't even-”

Blaine laughs through his tears.  “Shut up, it's not a proposal.  I'm just saying that marriage is such a fucking game-changer, and something you should only share with someone you truly love above everyone else in your life.  What does this Oliver douche mean to you?”

Kurt says nothing. 

“I love you, Kurt.  I'm not going to stop loving you, and maybe the timing fucking sucks right now, but if I had to compete for your heart against this random guy you hardly know?  Really?  I will do anything to make all of this right again, I think you know that.”

“Fuck you both and your damn drama, holy shit.”  Santana comes into the section of apartment allotted for Kurt, rubbing her dark eyes clearly woken up from a deep slumber.  She falls shamelessly across the bed and snuggles up with the pile of pillows.  “Hey Anderballs.  Happy you've finally got your head out of your ass and you realize how much Hummel Doll is worth.”

“Shut the fuck up, Stripper.”  Really, he's ecstatic to see one of his closest friends but he can't pull away from the conversation at hand with Kurt yet.  It would be in bad taste, and would ultimately lead to something unresolved.  He keeps his eyes locked on Kurt, furrowing his brow deeply in an effort not to cry.  “Kurt, I-”

“I think you need to go, Blaine.”  Kurt's words cut like a knife.  “Oli's supposed to come over in the morning, and I need to have a really important conversation with him, one where you, of all people, shouldn't be lingering around to hear.”

“Me of all people.  It's me who's about to save you from making the worst fucking mistake of your life, Kurt!  You just up and marry whoever the fuck asks, now?  Why?  Because you've had fucking wedding fever since we were together? Where the fuck have you been through all of this, Lopez?”

A muffled “sleeping” comes out from under the pillows as the only logical response from Santana in this moment.  Blaine huffs and strips down until he's naked right in front of Kurt, lingering for a few extra seconds before he slips on the borrowed flannel bottoms.

Kurt watches him change, blushing high to the tips of his ears.  “She's not my babysitter, Blaine.”

Blaine scoffs.  “Somebody needs to put you in check, Kurt.  You are acting like a disgusting little boy and it's not cute.  Why are you settling when not one month ago, you were crying to me about how you wanted me on my knees?”

“Wanky.”  Santana props herself up and raises an eyebrow.

Kurt and Blaine both ignore her as Kurt answers the question as if it's the driest conversation to have ever been held.

“Maybe because you were the only fucking person who could ever ground me; you're the one person I could ever love properly.  I'm out of control and belligerent because you're not here to stabilize me.  Don't you see I'm completely lost without you?  Because you are the only one I'll ever want and second best is the only way I can live a life now?”  Poking Blaine harshly in the chest, Kurt screams, his voice giving out halfway through the sentence until he cries.  “I hate you, Blaine Anderson.  I hate you so fucking much!  Go back to California and have an awesome fucking life surfing or smoking pot or getting HIV in the fucking Castro.  Fuck you, get the fuck out of my life and out of my apartment!” 

Ringlets of hair soaked and dripping, Blaine opens his arms and tilts his head, a shadow of a smile hanging loosely on his mouth.  Kurt responds by punching at his chest hard, trying to push him away and cursing his very existence.  Blaine wraps his arms around Kurt with a tight hold until Kurt gives it up and cries into his hands resting on Blaine's chest. 

Blaine kisses Kurt's hair.  “Feels good to get everything out, huh?”

Kurt slouches in his arms, faintly nodding against Blaine's chest.  “How do you still know me so well?”  Kurt pulls back to look into Blaine's eyes.  “I know nothing about your life anymore.”

Blaine brings his voice down to a whisper as he pulls Kurt back to rest against him again.  “You know you don't hate me, pretty boy.  You can't, and that's why I think you might be really mad at yourself.”

“I don't hate you.”

“I did what I needed to do at the time, and I'm sorry that I broke you like this.  That was never my intention, but I want to make it better for you.  It's kind of my thing to protect you from everything terrible, and that's what I have to do to put your pieces back together again, okay?”  Blaine rubs Kurt's back in small circles until there are only a few sniffles evenly spaced out and under control.  “Now, I have to call Burt and let him know that you're okay.  He was really concerned, so I figured I'd check up on you.  Said you admitted to settling but never said you were gonna say no to Oliver.” 

“Don't you dare say his name.”

“Kurt, please.  You know where I stand; the only person stopping you is you.  I know how stubborn you are, but I also know how worth it you are in the end.  So I'm going to keep trying, and I'm not giving up.  It's not like I haven't been through the unholy wrath of Kurt Hummel's resistance plan before, right?”  Blaine squeezes him harder and holds him against his chest.

They detach from each other and Kurt walks straight across the room to the window, staring out at the rain outside, at the city below him waking up.

“I borrowed the Navigator.  Hope that's cool.”  Blaine sits at the foot of the bed and looks up at Kurt, complete with puppy dog eyes and a pout to match. 

Kurt turns to face his ex-boyfriend.  He wipes a tear and can't help but twitch his lip upwards at the slightest of angles.  “You drove?”

“All night,” Blaine says with a shrug.

“But from Ohio; that's where the car was.”

“You know when I texted you about how I wished I was in Ohio with you?”

“Mmm.”

“I was on the other side of the terminal watching your reactions from behind a pole.”

“Oh my God.  Why didn't you-”

“Because that crazy conversation we just had in the comfort of your own home would have been laid out harshly at the Columbus International Airport.  I protected your dignity, pretty.”  Blaine grins when Kurt rolls his eyes and smiles.

“You were coming for me anyway, though.  You came to Ohio for me.”

“I went to Ohio so that my Kurt…” Blaine approaches him and grabs his hand. “So that my Kurt didn't ruin his whole life.  Evidently, I was about twenty minutes late.”

Kurt looks into his eyes.  Kurt really look at him; his newly pronounced jaw line, his eyebrows that make him almost resemble a cartoon all the time, his shining, glistening, hopeful, eyes looking back at him as if he's taking in all the details he's missed, the shadow of scruff.  He's grown up, a year away from being a college graduate, and he's not nearly as closed-off to the world as he was.  Kurt's eyes soften; Blaine smiles shyly and looks away.  “Kurt…”

“You're not too late.  You're exactly on time.”

Blaine intertwines their fingers and leads them back to Kurt's bed.  They sit next to each other at the foot, turned toward each other.  He looks up to the ceiling and sighs.

“You do know it was New York and not you, don't you?  That's why I left.”

Santana sits up and groans.  “If Blaine moves back, I'm moving to the Upper West Side with you assholes.  I cannot risk being mugged on the daily to save Kurt Hummel's dignity.”

Kurt and Blaine both startle, Santana having gone unnoticed for more than a few minutes.

“I have to finish school in California.  But you guys can move back there whenever you want.  You know that.”

“Kurt here would rather we pay rent for a shit hole in the ghetto than live for free in a high rise five-hundred feet from the train!”

Kurt feels the need to explain a bit deeper than Santana's stupid reasoning.  “It wouldn't be right to live there.  Without you.”

“It's safer there, babe.  I'd be surprised if the Navigator is still there when I go downstairs.  Santana's right, you don't need to save face and risk your life every day on my account.”  Blaine looks at Kurt again, who is rolling his eyes dramatically, probably in an effort to stop the tears.  “Pretty…”

“Stop it, Blaine.”

As if on cue, Santana takes the hint and pads away and back into the area she consumes.  There's silence throughout the apartment.

Kurt lies back and groans.  His knees are bent at the foot of the bed and his feet are slighted, cemented to the ground.  “It's weird to have you here.  I'm surprised I'm not shaking.”  He's still gripping tightly to Blaine's hand.

Blaine lies back so they're connected from their knees, through their thighs and torsos, to their shoulders.  He shifts their hands to rest on Blaine's stomach.  “I think you're punishing yourself because I'm not here anymore.”

“It's affordable.”

“I know you sold the diner.  You don't need to do affordable.  Besides, you could do free on 70th street.  Everything is how we left it.”

“You weren't supposed to find out about the diner.”

“We bought it together.  I needed to sign all the transfer paperwork for the new buyer.  I'm not gonna lie, that broke my heart.”

“I'm sorry.”

“We can get something else.  No big deal.”

“Blaine, I-”

Blaine shakes his head frantically and cuts him off.   “I'm sorry it took me so long to come running for you.  I don't know what's going to happen, but-”

Kurt turns his head to look at Blaine already looking at him.  “B, I have a boyfriend.”

“I know you do.”  Blaine shrugs.  “But-”

Kurt jumps up and paces the length of the makeshift room.  “No.  Please don't make me do this.  Blaine, you have to go.  I'm not saying yes to Oliver, I'll never say yes to him, but I'm not breaking up with him either.  We'll talk, let's try to be friends, but you can't be here.  Not now.  You have to go.”

Blaine stands.  “You're kicking me out.”

“Yes.  You need to go.”

“You're kicking me out again.  Like that night I lost my fucking virginity to you.”

Kurt finds his cuticles incredibly interesting.  He whispers.  “Yes.”

“Okay.”  Blaine shrugs and throws Kurt a sad smile.  “Have a good night, then.  I'll go sleep with Santana.”

“Okay.”  A whisper, a crack in mutual hearts, and just like that…  Blaine's gone. 

xK&Bx

Blaine pads out into the living room and toward his suitcase.  He sneaks around the kitchen for a while, finding random pieces of paper with Kurt's handwriting scribbled, only phrases of what love means, or hurt, or loss.  He sighs and tries to predict where Santana is sleeping.

He finally finds and creeps into Santana's area and slides in under the covers next to her.  She stirs and mutters a phrase that is not even remotely English. 

Blaine laughs and kisses her cheek, climbing into bed with her.  “Can I crash here?  Hummel hates me.”

“Awww, go fuck him raw so he has no choice but to make up with you.”

“Can't.  Need to sleep with my Striptease.”

“Fuck off.”

“Love you, baby.”

“Fuck off.”

“Missed you.”

“Me too, lover boy.  He's been miserable.”

Blaine sighs.  “I know.  I have been too.”

Santana gets right back on to sleep, snuggled up with Blaine for the remainder of the night.  Blaine, however, tosses and turns until it forces him into unconsciousness, only with the knowledge of Kurt less than a hundred feet away, most likely wide awake as well.

The apartment is eerie and Blaine's connected to the wrong person in it.  He's going to get Kurt back if it's the last thing he does.