“You okay?” Brandon asks in concern.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Why are you standing here all alone?” his boyfriend whispers, placing his hand on Kurt’s waist.

Kurt instinctively sets one hand on Brandon’s shoulder while Brandon grasps the other with cool, tender fingers.

“I – I was dancing with Blaine. Thomas ran out and left him to go look at some math thing.”

“Ah, so that’s what that was all about. I saw him running down the hallway before I went outside.”

“Yeah,” Kurt replies, suppressing the urge to look around and see where Blaine had gone.

They cease their conversation but Brandon continues to lead him around the dance floor. His stomach doesn’t know whether to untwist the knots that have suddenly taken up residence in his insides or if he should be nervous and on edge.

“You sure you’re okay?” Brandon asks softly, brushing away a lock of hair that had fallen into Kurt’s eyes. “You look sort of pale, babe.”

“Just starting to get a headache,” Kurt replies, which is true because the loud music is pounding too harshly in his ears at this point.

“We can go after this next song. A lot of people are starting to leave anyway.”

“Thanks,” Kurt mumbles.

Brandon begins to massage the back of Kurt’s neck, pressing his fingers ever so gently into the little hollow at the top of his spine, just above his hairline. The pressure feels nice and the pain in his head begins to fade. Worries begin to wash away and Kurt tucks his head under Brandon’s chin, relaxing against his chest. It’s nice here, Kurt thinks.

He tries his very best not to tense up when he sees Blaine dancing with Thomas, who’s positioned almost identically against Blaine’s body.

I've been led on
To think that we've been
Trying for too long
Every time we drift
We're forcing what is wrong
At last that voice is gone

Blaine’s eyes look heavy and tired as he stares at Kurt while stroking the back of Thomas’ blonde head. Everything about this is wrong. They’re making a terrible choice. They shouldn’t even be looking at each other like this.

Please take your time
But you've got to know that
I am taking sides
Oh, you look good
with your patient face and wandering eye
Don't hold this war inside

Kurt and Brandon shuffle slowly, feet barely moving. He feels Brandon around him, feels his strong arm against his waist, feels his breath on his hair.

Come back when you can
Let go, you'll understand
You've done nothing at all to make me love you less
So come back when you can

But…he feels Blaine inside him.

You left your home
You're so far from
Everything you know
Your big dream is
Crashing down and out your door
Wake up and dream once more

Kurt can’t decide if he’s safe here, with Brandon who trusts him blindly, or if he’s better off with Blaine who has seen him at his absolute worst.

Blaine, who has participated, enabled one of the worst decisions he’s ever made.

Come back when you can
Let go, you'll understand
You've done nothing at all to make me love you less
So come back when you can

What do you do when two people have your heart? Do you choose? Do you run from both of them? Do you stay with the person who had your heart first? It’s a decision Kurt simply cannot make because while Brandon was his first boyfriend, Blaine might have had his heart from day one.

There’s nothing for it, really.

Because Kurt knows that he honestly cannot choose.

“You look beautiful tonight, Kurt,” Brandon whispers while Kurt’s eyes are trained on Blaine’s face. “I know I said that you looked hot earlier but you just…you take my breath away sometimes. I wish I could dance with your forever.”

How is he supposed to choose when Brandon says things like that? How is he supposed to choose when Blaine looks devastatingly handsome over there, eyelashes shimmering in the light with perfectly kissable lips?

Come back, I'll help you stand
Let go and hold my hand
If all you wanted was me, I'd give you nothing less
So come back when you can

Kurt stops, causing Brandon to stop dancing with him. He looks up into Brandon’s wide, sparkling green eyes and there’s so – so much there, so much inside him, so much emotion and it’s all for Kurt, all for him and Kurt just wants to cry.

“You look beautiful too,” Kurt says softly.

Brandon smiles down at him and places a chaste little kiss to Kurt’s forehead.

“Come on. You look tired,” Brandon says, hand tight around Kurt’s, dragging him away from the music and the dance floor and Blaine.

They walk back to the dormitory hand in hand, shivering a bit in the cool night air. Brandon drapes Kurt’s suit jacket that he had retrieved at the last minute around his shoulders. When they enter the dorm, Brandon leads him up the stairs and they stop outside Kurt’s door.

“Should I just let you sleep?” Brandon asks, stroking Kurt’s knuckles.

“Yeah. I’m sorry, I’d let you-”

“Hush. Get some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Kurt nods tiredly. “Goodnight.”

“Night, babe,” Brandon says before pressing his lips to Kurt one last time.

He leaves. Kurt watches him disappear around a corner just as Blaine comes through the stairway door. Kurt’s chest tightens.

“Where’s Thomas?”

“Staying up with some of the math club guys.”

“Ah.”

Blaine nods and moves in front of Kurt to unlock the door. He allows Kurt to precede him into the room and then he follows silently, unresolved tension heavy in the air as he locks the door behind him. Kurt immediately slips his suit jacket off his shoulders and tosses it on the end of his bed. Beside him, Blaine pulls off his tie and kicks off his shoes.

“Sit,” Blaine instructs.

Unable to fight anything anymore, Kurt sits on the edge of his bed. Blaine kneels, holding one of Kurt’s legs up as he slips off his dress shoe. He then peels off the sock, ever so slowly, and tosses it near the closet, repeating the action with Kurt’s other foot. Slipping off his own suit jacket, Blaine settles on the floor and places one of Kurt’s feet in his lap.

“You look exhausted,” Blaine comments. “Relax.”

Oh wow and he begins to work some kind of dark magic on Kurt’s feet, digging his thumbs into the tender flesh and working away the tension.

He does this without a word. Kurt watches him through sleepy eyes.

The air is too silent and the silence is too long so Kurt pulls his feel away from Blaine’s hands.

Blaine glances up at him, lashes dark and pretty around his golden hazel eyes. He stands slowly and backs away, unbuttoning his dress shirt. Kurt watches his fingers work the buttons through their holes, watches the shirt slip off Blaine’s shoulders and onto the floor.

And then Blaine is in front of him again. He pauses, only for a second, but he leans down and begins undressing Kurt as well. His fingers almost tremble as he drags Kurt’s dress shirt off his body. There’s an energy in his hands, an energy being smothered and restrained as he traces Kurt’s collarbone. He slides those hands down Kurt’s pale shoulders, down his arms. Ever so lightly, his index fingers tickle along Kurt’s forearms.

Their fingers entwine.

“Dance with me,” Blaine whispers.

Kurt stands on shaky legs but Blaine’s there, solid and beautiful, holding him closely. They dance in the dim light of their room to the sound of their nervous, young heartbeats. They dance barefoot, ankles brushing against their dress shirts on the floor. They dance, chest to the chest, the way they wished they could have at the Spring formal. Blaine sighs sweetly when Kurt slides his fingers into the base of his hair.

“I can’t leave him,” Kurt says, breaking the spell.

“I don’t want you to. He makes you happy.”

“And you don’t want to leave Thomas.”

“No. I don’t.”

“But you want me, too.”

Blaine nods against his shoulder. “I want you, too.”

“If anyone finds out, everything is ruined. No one will trust us with anything.”

“That’s quite a dramatic statement,” Blaine says, kissing Kurt’s neck.

“It’s true and you know it. You know how important reputations are around here. We’re all supposed to be upstanding young gentlemen.”

“Yeah, who fuck a lot.”

“This isn’t about sex anymore,” Kurt points out.

“I know,” Blaine says quietly. “I know it’s not.”

“…We’re going to have to choose eventually. We can’t play both sides like this forever.”

“But we don’t have to choose tonight,” Blaine says.

“No. Not tonight.”

Or tomorrow, Kurt thinks, because he knows he can’t decide who he wants more, not so soon.

“So we just…keep it a secret. We keep seeing them but we – we have each other, too.”

“Basically we’re having an-” Kurt swallows around the word, “an affair.”

“God, it’s not like we’re married. We’re still teenagers.”

“We’re dating two other people, supposedly exclusively, while still seeing each other behind their backs. It isn’t just sexual in nature, there are romantic feelings involved. That sort of screams affair to me,” Kurt concludes.

“…Yeah. I guess you’re right.”

Kurt breathes deeply and takes a small step away from Blaine.

His…other boyfriend? His…lover? What the hell were they?

“Can we lay down now?” Blaine asks, yawning widely.

They strip down to their underwear, Blaine shuts off the light, and they both climb into Kurt’s bed. They face one another, moonlight casting silver shadows on their cheeks. They’re breathing in each other’s air, soaking up each other’s warmth end everything feels so right, so perfect, so unbelievably amazing.

“Why – why don’t you want to leave Thomas?” Kurt asks, his hand stroking Blaine’s cheekbone.

“Because he…means a lot to me. I care about him. He’s loving, he’s sweet, he’s smart. He’s a good person. But I can’t – I can’t stop what I feel for you.”

Kurt nods, tangling their legs together.

“Why don’t you want to leave Brandon?”

“Because he’s the first person to ever want me for me. And he’s done nothing wrong. It isn’t his fault that I – that we’re like this. I won’t break his heart when I know I could choose him in the end.”

“When will the end come?” Blaine wonders.

It’s a really deep question; when does anything end? Where does anything begin? When does the world exhale and when does the world dissolve pain or confusion or love or strife? When is a decision made and who bears the brunt of heartbreak?

“When it’s over,” Kurt breathes against Blaine’s lips before leaning in for a slow, sweet, forbidden kiss.

Sometimes, the heart is unkind. Sometimes, you have to fight for what you want, even if the path you take is dark, dangerous, and immoral. But who needs morality when there are miles of soft skin and dark hair? Where is morality when Blaine Anderson has an ocean of golden eyes that see every ugly side of you but his hands still bring your blood to a boil?

What is morality, anyway?