Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
-1 Corinthians 13:4-8

The road to love is filled with quite a large amount of patience. You must be patient and wait for the right person to stumble into your path. You must be patient with them when they appear, dance that infuriating yet wonderfully exciting dance to catch one another’s hearts. You must also be patient with them until there is a sort of mutual agreement as to where things are headed.

Kurt feels as if he has been patient for a very long time. He also feels as if he has suffered enough in his life and feels like maybe he deserves a bit of happiness now.

One of the happiest days of Kurt’s life occurred when he came out to his father, only to have his father accept him for everything he is.

Another occurred one month ago when Blaine had admitted that he loved Kurt. To be pining for someone for so long, to wish for someone so many times and then come to find out that they’ve been pining for you as well is utterly remarkable.

It’s kind of fantastic.

Well, it’s fantastic on one level and undeniably maddening on another.

Kurt is trying to be patient, he really, really is. But it’s becoming more difficult day by day to sit next to Blaine or walk beside him and not reach out to hold his hand. Oh they hold hands quite a bit in private. The thing is, private to them at this point exclusively means in the car. At no other time are they completely alone. Kurt knows not to reach for Blaine’s hand when they’re sitting in the coffee shop or anytime when they’re in school, even if they’re alone in a room. He knows that Blaine is terrified of someone walking in and discovering their secret. He knows that Blaine doesn’t entirely comprehend his own emotions. He knows that Blaine is struggling with his own identity because Kurt has been there too. Well, he was never there on the same level that Blaine seems to be on considering his religious family and disapproving friends. But he does know what it feels like to doubt everything and wish life had turned out a little different, a little easier to bear.

The bad thing about this understanding stuff is that, because Kurt has already been there, he is beyond being worried about what other people might think.

Whereas Blaine is not.

In fact, Kurt doesn’t even know if they’re actually in a relationship. Yes, they are friends. They’re very close friends who have admitted to loving each other, friends who occasionally hold hands when they’re completely alone.

But…they haven’t even kissed again.

While Blaine is dealing with his self-identity crisis, Kurt is driving himself crazy thinking that he’s wanting too much too soon.

The first week after break, once they were back on their normal school schedules, Kurt had cherished the long, precious bits of silence between the two of them at the coffee shop. Those silences had been filled with barely disguised love and joy, basking in the glory of young, heart-palpitating emotion. Electricity would thrum steadily in his veins when Blaine reached for his hand once they climbed into one of their cars in the afternoon. The thrill of secrecy, of first-time love had been enough to keep Kurt ecstatic those first few weeks.

Now, even though it’s only been a month, Kurt can’t stare at Blaine too long over their coffee cup without turning away because he’s scared he’s won’t be able to control himself. He’s scared he’s going to leap over the table and claim Blaine’s lips in a fierce, possessive kiss. He’s scared he’s going to hold Blaine’s hand too tightly in the car to keep himself from dragging him into the back seat and claiming what should be rightfully his.

And he can’t do that to Blaine. He can’t do that when he knows how confused and lost he is. He can’t do that because he doesn’t own Blaine, he doesn’t own his body or his heart or his mind. It isn’t even that Kurt wants sex, no. He just – he wants to touch. He wants to slide his fingers into Blaine’s hair, he wants to kiss his skin, and he wants to show him just how beautiful physical love can be. He wants to show him that affection shouldn’t be feared, he wants to show him that it’s okay to feel.

He won’t, though. He won’t cross that line. Blaine has to cross that line first.

So instead, Kurt wakes every morning wrapped in sticky sheets and vague memories of a dream in which two naked forms are hotter than the depths of hell.

“Did you want to come to church with me this Sunday?” Blaine asks one afternoon as they drive to their normal coffee shop.

Kurt rolls his eyes but can’t stop his smile. The question is absurd, really.

“Are you honestly still trying to convert me?”

“No, no,” Blaine says immediately. “No, I know that you don’t – no. It’s just, I mean Sundays are the only days we don’t ever really get to see each other and-”

“Because you’re at church and then we both have to catch up on all of the homework we put off,” Kurt reminds him.

“Yeah, I know. Sorry, it was – never mind. Don’t worry about it,” Blaine says with a squeeze to Kurt’s hand and a half-hearted smile.

They fall into a seemingly comfortable silence, but Kurt can’t help but think it strange that Blaine had even asked. They had purposefully avoided the subject of religion in the past few weeks. Perhaps it wasn’t…healthy, considering they were bridging a massive gap in their pseudo relationship by having polar opposite beliefs, but it’s worked so far.

So why did he ask now?

“Did you get another solo or something in your choir?” Kurt wonders.

“No, nothing like that.”

Hm.

Weird.

Blaine parks in front of the coffee shop. They order their usual drinks and find their favorite table, nestled in a back corner and partially obscured by a large shelf covered in coffee mugs for sale. Kurt loves the smell of coffee. He breathes in the scent of espresso beans as Blaine settles his foot next to Kurt’s beneath the table, as per usual; it’s the only sign of outward affection he feels comfortable with here. Kurt smiles at him.

“My dad and Carole want to know if you want to come over for dinner sometime next week,” Kurt says, fitting the lid onto his coffee cup.

Blaine’s eyes suddenly widen in fear. “You – you told them about-”

Kurt looks on as Blaine’s eyes shift about, as if searching for eavesdroppers.

“No,” Kurt says quickly. “No, they just know that you’re my friend. We spend every day together and my dad asked who I kept hanging around with.”

“So they don’t know. About…”

“No, they don’t know anything,” Kurt says.

There’s not that much to know, he adds internally.

Blaine sighs in relief and takes a long sip of his coffee.

“So do you wanna come?” Kurt presses.

“I don’t know,” Blaine whispers. “I’m worried that there will be, um, questions. Questions I can’t answer or something.”

“About what?”

“I don’t know,” Blaine replies, obviously frustrated with himself for some reason. “From what you’ve said about your dad, he just seems like a very blunt person.”

“He isn’t going to ask anything…invasive.”

“But I don’t know what he’ll ask and that’s the problem.”

“You know, as soon as you meet him, you won’t be so scared,” Kurt says.

“You don’t know that.”

“It’s just dinner, Blaine,” Kurt says, slightly amused.

“Yeah, well it’s just a church service,” Blaine snaps.

Kurt stares at Blaine over his coffee cup.

“…What does that have to do with anything?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…maybe we should just go,” Blaine says with a hard voice, avoiding Kurt’s eyes.

Kurt feels Blaine’s food slide away from his underneath the table.

“Blaine,” Kurt says softly, leaning forward. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Blaine sighs, plastering on a fake smile. “I’m just tired.”

“You’ve just – you’ve never snapped at me like that before.”

“Can we just…not talk about this here?”

Blaine looks clearly distraught for some reason and Kurt finds that he’s more concerned than baffled by Blaine’s sudden emotional blip.

“We can go if that’s what you want,” Kurt says.

Giving Kurt a flat look, he stands.

Kurt can do nothing but follow.

Once in the car with both doors closed, Blaine clasps the steering wheel with both hands and rests his forehead on his knuckles.

“Blaine-”

“Why do we always do what you want?”

Kurt is completely thrown off by the sadness in Blaine’s muffled voice.

“What? What do you mean?”

Blaine leans away from the steering wheel, head falling against the headrest, hands falling into his lap.

“It’s always what you want.”

“I don’t – I don’t understand,” Kurt admits because he doesn’t.

Blaine looks physically pained to be even having this conversation.

“It’s just like what it sounds. We – we go to the movies you want to see, we listen to the music you like, we talk about solos you want in Glee club, we talk about the roles you want to have on Broadway later in life, we go to the restaurants you like, we go-” Blaine cuts himself off with this sad, pathetic sort of laugh. “We get coffee every day after school. I love coffee. I do. And I like getting coffee with you but sometimes I just – I don’t want to get coffee.”

Totally speechless, Kurt stares blankly at the boy in the driver’s seat.

Blaine begins to cry.

He hasn’t seen Blaine cry since that last time in his room among his tattered, destroyed journal.

“It’s not even that, it’s just like – I feel like I’ve given so much,” Blaine continues through his tears. “I changed so many things, I started thinking differently, I don’t – I don’t even believe in the Bible the same way I used to. I did my best to understand everything you were saying and I went and talked to Ms. Pillsbury about it and I went and had this super weird dinner at Rachel’s house with her dads because I wanted to be okay with you and with me and everything about us and…”

Kurt swallows his guilt.

“And?” he encourages.

“I feel like I’ve given everything I have and I can’t – I don’t feel like I’m getting anything from you. And I didn’t even want to mention any of this because I know I should just – just be happy that you’re here and that you’ve been so patient and understanding,” Blaine sobs, turning to Kurt with pleading eyes. “I’m so thankful for you, I am. I’m so glad you’re in my life and that you love me. And I know that I’ve – I’ve had the farthest to come in all of this, I know I had more things to deal with than you so that we could get to this point-”

“Blaine,” Kurt attempts to interrupt, slipping his hand around to cup the back of Blaine’s neck.

“-And I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t be asking for anything at all because you’ve been so good but I just can’t keep – I just – I need you to meet me halfway,” he concludes miserably. “I need you to meet me halfway.”

By this point, Kurt is crying as well and he’s so fucking ashamed of himself because he hadn’t even thought about any of this. He had been taking and taking and Blaine just kept giving. In the meanwhile, Kurt was driving himself crazy with wanting Blaine to give him more. How in the world can he ask for more when Blaine feels like he has nothing left to give?

“I’m so sorry,” Kurt says, the words trembling in his throat. “I didn’t – I’m so sorry.”

“I know that church isn’t your thing,” Blaine says in between sniffles. “I know it makes you kind of uncomfortable but then you just – you asked me to come to dinner and you kept pushing even though it’s something that makes me uncomfortable and-”

“Hush, no, stop,” Kurt says, bringing his other hand up to brush the tears away from Blaine’s cheek. “I am so sorry. I was – I wasn’t even thinking about any of that. I can’t believe I didn’t notice before and…god, I am so sorry. Why didn’t you say anything before now?”

“I didn’t realize it,” Blaine tells him. “Until we were in the car yesterday and a song was playing that I liked. You…changed the station until you found something you liked.”

Kurt wants to take Blaine in his arms and rock him until they both stop crying. Jesus, how many other times had Kurt done something silly like that without any regard to Blaine’s feelings?

“The song you picked wasn’t bad,” Blaine hurries to say. “I liked it too, but-”

“Don’t,” Kurt says forcefully, sliding his hand under Blaine’s chin in order to make Blaine face him. “You’re right. You’re completely right. Don’t try to make excuses for my screw ups, okay? I’ll do better. I promise. And I’ll come to church with you on Sunday. I’ll come to church and you can come to dinner at my house whenever you’re ready. And we’ll go see movies you like and we can go somewhere besides the coffee shop. We can – we can go get frozen yogurt or we can have a picnic or we can go to that Christian bookstore in town that we passed one time or whatever you want. Anything. We can do anything you want.”

At that, Blaine bursts into tears again and leans completely into Kurt’s embrace. It’s difficult and uncomfortable with the car console between them. Sadly, Kurt revels in the fact that Blaine is in his arms once again despite the circumstances. He had missed his warmth and the smell of his hair.

They have to be honest with each other, Kurt realizes. They can’t keep things hidden and they have to stay on the same, leveled playing field. And Kurt has to give a bit more of himself if he ever wants to show Blaine all the other things that are beautiful in love.