Kurt's heart aches.

He hasn't felt this bad since his mom died. Blaine's only been gone for two days and already Kurt feels like someone tore his heart out and stomped on it over and over again.

He knows Blaine will call him when he gets a chance and he can't wait for that because he really misses the sound of Blaine's voice.

Even when Blaine was taken by child protective services, back when they were eight, Kurt didn't feel like this. Because Kurt knows that Blaine isn't coming back and that makes it ten times worse that not knowing anything at all.

Mercedes is there for him. She knows how much Blaine meant to Kurt. She knows they were best friends.

But she doesn't know about Blaine kissing him.

Kurt doesn't tell anyone that, not even his dad.

He wants to keep it a secret for as long as possible because the kisses they shared were something only they had. They were theirs and only theirs and Kurt wants to cherish them.

When he's at home he feels even lonelier. His dad says he's old enough to stay at home while he's at work and Kurt absolutely hates it. He just sits in his room, on his bed, alone. The first day he just sat there and cried. Today he's just staring at his wall, doing his best not to cry.

He misses everything about Blaine.

How's he supposed to go on living like this? How's he supposed to sit here and pretend like everything's going to be okay when it's just not? It's just…not.

The phone rings.

Kurt races out of his bedroom and down the hall to the living room and snatches the phone off the hook.

"Hello?" he answers the phone breathlessly, hopefully.

"Kurt! Hi!"

"Hi, Blaine," Kurt whispers, a huge smile spreading across his face. "Hi."

"Hi."

Kurt thinks he can hear a smile in Blaine's voice as well.

"I'm sorry I couldn't call yesterday, we didn't get to the new house until pretty late. I was really tired," Blaine explains.

"It's okay," Kurt assures him. "How – how's Maryland?"

"It isn't home," Blaine admits softly. "The town's pretty and all but…I miss you."

Kurt's heart leaps up into his throat. "I miss you too."

And how exactly is he supposed to deal with this? 'I miss you' doesn't even begin to cover it. He misses everything and anything regarding Blaine. But now he can't even see Blaine and he can't…there's nothing.

"I wish I was there with you," Blaine tells him. "I don't know – I don't know what I'm supposed to do here without you."

Kurt wants to cry again.

"I feel like part of me is gone," he says to Blaine. "It's…it's really hard."

"I know," Blaine says on the other end of the phone. "But we can – we can talk on the phone and maybe we can see each other over the summer."

"Yeah. Maybe."

"It'll get easier. It – it has to."

It doesn't.

January passes. February passes. March passes. They try and call each other every single day but sometimes they have too much homework and sometimes Kurt misses Blaine's calls because he's out with Mercedes. Blaine misses a few of Kurt's calls one weekend because he's made a couple of new friends and they're all sleeping over at someone's house.

Distance takes its toll.

And Kurt's beginning to think it seriously, seriously sucks because he's jealous. He's jealous of all these new people Blaine's becoming friends with because they aren't him. He has to stop and wonder if Blaine holds hands with them or if he stares at their eyes or if he finds any of them cute. He knows that not ever guy is gay, yeah, he gets that. But it sure doesn't stop him from worrying. The thing is, they're not boyfriends. He and Blaine aren't boyfriends. They'd talked about it and it just wasn't going to work like that. They were too far away and neither of them had said anything to anyone about realizing that they were gay.

Everything was just so hard.

When summer comes around, they don't get to see each other because suddenly Blaine's dad is making much more money so Blaine and his family are spending the summer in England.

Kurt's stuck in Ohio.

By the time they're both thirteen, going on fourteen and in the eighth grade, the phone calls have been reduced to once a week. They email occasionally, but still…it's just not enough.

Kurt can't keep doing this.

The distance, the lack of his best friend (Mercedes is wonderful and they spend huge amounts of time together, but she's not Blaine), the longing, the waiting, it's all getting to be too much for him.

He's trying to be a normal almost fourteen year old boy, he's doing the best he can. But every single day it feels like something is wrong. He goes to the movies with Mercedes, he goes shopping with Mercedes, and they gush over the latest issues of Vogue and every fashion magazine they can get their teenage hands on. He does his homework, he goes to school, he eats dinner, but he just can't shrug the feeling that a piece of him is missing.

By Christmas, the emails are few and far between and the phone calls are even rarer.

Kurt realizes that it's over.

Kurt deletes his email account. He makes another. He doesn't put Blaine's email address into his new list of contacts.

His dad has changed their phone number because they switched services.

Kurt doesn't call Blaine to give him their new number.

He won't hear from Blaine ever again.

It's time to move on, he decides. He has to make a new life and pining for Blaine, hearing from him once in a blue moon is just going to hold him back.

Oh god.

High school blows.

Like…Kurt was not expecting this. This is hell.

Kurt remembers being teased in elementary school. He remembers when he and Blaine were called fags in fifth grade. He remembers scraped knees and scarred egos. In junior high, there wasn't as much teasing, at least not after Blaine left.

But now…what the hell?

He was being ridiculed for his high voice, he was being called a girl, he was being teased for his fashion sense, he was being tossed into dumpsters, and he was shoved down a small set of stairs within the first two weeks of his freshman year. Some jock called Mercedes a fat ass in passing, but she ignored him. She has a ton of self-esteem and Kurt envies her for it. But Kurt's proud of who he is. He's proud of his amazing fashion sense, he's proud of how he can hold his head high despite all the taunts and the harsh words.

That doesn't mean he doesn't feel two inches tall by the time he gets home at the end of the day. That doesn't mean he doesn't race to his basement bedroom (his dad set it up for him when he entered high school) and cry for a few minutes.

But in between all of this, he's actually noticing other boys.

Like Finn Hudson, the guy he used to think had really nice hair.

Turns out, when Finn grew up a bit more, he's got a nice smile and really nice arms too.

Kurt falls hard.

He gets shoved into his first locker the week after Spring break.

He goes home with a sore spine and a bruise on his shoulder blade.

Sophomore year begins and Kurt joins Glee club.

He remembers singing show tunes and Disney songs with Blaine, running around his front yard with a tiara on his head. Singing is the only thing from his childhood with Blaine that he lets himself keep.

The thing is, now he's getting ridiculed even more. He's teased mercilessly and he gets a slushie in the face at least twice a week. But he faces it all with sarcastic remarks and a stoic expression.

Oh, best to point out that he still can't stop looking Finn Hudson up and down like he's a piece of meat that Kurt wants to devour. But he can't help it, he can't stop the thoughts and he can't keep his eyes from wandering up and down that tall, lean body. He can't help how he feels, he can't help that he's not…not normal like everyone wants him to be.

Mercedes ends up having a crush on him.

Her crush crushes him.

He needs to tell her. He should tell her. She's his best friend, the only one that's been by his side since Blaine left and – no.

He refuses to think about Blaine.

Kurt has to tell her.

He tells her.

Somehow the rest of the Glee club finds out and then the entire school finds out.

He eventually tells his dad who reacts far better than he was expecting.

'I've known since you were three.'

Kurt's glad he has his dad.

But then it's all happening so damn fast. The name calling, the shoving, the dumpster tosses, the slushies, everything escalates and he feels like he's free-falling into a pit of fire. He gets phone calls at his house and one time his dad answers.

'Your son's a fag.'

Kurt dies a little bit inside but he refuses the play the victim and he rises from the ashes like a phoenix.

He won't let them bring him down.

Finn's still there. He's in Glee club too. Yeah, he had that not-so-awesome relationship with Quinn, the head Cheerio who ended up pregnant with Noah Puckerman's baby and damn, if there's not enough drama in high school already.

Finn…he seems to get better looking week by week, Kurt thinks. He kind of can't stop looking at him.

An opportunity arises. He introduces his dad to Finn's mom and wow, ha, that worked way better than expected.

'…is this faggy blanket! And that faggy lamp!'

Finn falls from grace with those words.

Junior year breaks him.

He has his hopes pinned on the new kid, Sam.

Yeah, that doesn't work out too well. No need to elaborate.

And now he's going home every day with a sore spine and bruises not only on his shoulder blades because one burly Neanderthal named Karofsky just won't stop It's getting worse all the time and why is his life like this? Why are people so mean? Why won't Karofsky just leave him alone and why won't Mr. Schuester let him sing with the girls?

'…make yourself useful…or visit the Garglers…'

Screw you all, Kurt thinks.

Wow, Dalton is kind of gorgeous.

Like…really gorgeous. Kurt's already in love with the place.

"Excuse me? Sorry, I'm new here…what's going on?" he asks.

A kind looking blonde boy with rich brown eyes turns to stare at him. He smiles.

"The Warblers are doing an informal performance in the senior commons," the boy explains. "Come on, it's about to start."

Kurt follows the boy through the elegant hallways and they end up in a room packed full of other students gathering around a small group in the commons. Boys are settling in chairs or on sofas, some are standing, but they're all eagerly awaiting the impromptu performance. Kurt sees about fifteen boys huddled together, laughing, and then they all start harmonizing. The group turns to face their audience except for a smaller, dark-headed boy in the center of it all.

But then he turns around.

And he's got that smile. And those eyes. And he can sing.

"You think I'm pretty, without any makeup on…"

Their eyes lock. Kurt nearly faints.