Julia nodded at Blaine and opened her notebook, pen at the ready.

"Do you want Kurt in here with you?" She asked softly. When he nodded, she gave an encouraging smile. "Okay. Now, if you want to take a break at any time, just let me know and we'll stop. The same goes for you Kurt; if you need to leave, just go. You're both going to be feeling very vulnerable, and that's understandable."

Kurt nodded to show he understood. He gave Blaine's hand a gentle squeeze.

"Now Blaine, I'd like you to tell me exactly how you're feeling right now."

"H-How I'm feeling?" He repeated, looking up at her. "Um… scared, I suppose."

"Of?"

"You… What's going to happen, now and on Wednesday…I don't know really."

"Okay, so why are you afraid of me?"

"I don't know you. I… I'm not good when it comes to opening up to people. I know you're a professional and all, but I'm just… shit when it comes to talking to people."

"Sometimes, not knowing a person helps. I can't judge you in any way, because I don't know you. Believe me Blaine; anything you say won't shock me. Now, Wednesday is your father's trial, yes?" He nodded. "If he gets sent to prison, how will you feel?"

Blaine was silent. He hadn't really allowed himself to think about what would happen after Wednesday – the only thing on his mind was the fact his father would be there.

"Relieved I suppose. That makes me sound like such a bad person, oh my god," he said, burying his face in his hands. "What kind of person says that about their own father? But… but he hurt me, and he hurt my mamma… he's the reason she's g-gone." His hands balled into fists. "I didn't realise how much I hated him until now."

"It's okay," Julia said softly. "Let it out Blaine. Just talk to me."

So that's what Blaine did. He surprised himself as well as the other two. He spoke for what felt like hours, to him at least. He told her about how much he loathed himself for doing what he did and for hurting Kurt. He hated himself for not being able to stand up to his father and stop him and the years of abuse, how he put on a brave face in school, how he put all of his energies into his studies; that way, by the time he got home, he was so exhausted and was able to take his father's rage without too much hassle. He tried as hard as he could to explain why he'd cut himself – he spoke about how it had distracted him from the ache inside him, the burn of losing his mother. He didn't want to die, only to be in pain.

Kurt was crying at this point, but he chewed on the inside of his cheeks to stop himself from speaking. What Blaine had done was stupid, he knew it. But at the same time, he understood. Kurt had been down the same road as him, and he knew that physical pain was easier to deal with than emotional pain. But it didn't make it right.

Afterwards, Blaine spoke about his nightmares, and how much they terrified him. But he told them how they'd changed. They were no longer about him; now he dreamt about Kurt being hurt, or losing Kurt, or Kurt not wanting him anymore because of what he did, or Kurt just disappearing, without a trace. Blaine stopped, realising what he'd said. All he ever dreamed about was Kurt.

"Oh," he said softly. "Oh."

"Yes?" Julia prompted a small smile on her face. She knew.

"I'm in love with Kurt. That's what they're telling me?"

"Well… yes, in a way. It's natural to dream about someone when you love them, but because of everything that's been going on, you're still getting nightmares. The two of them have combined; if you hadn't met Kurt, then you would be suffering from nightmares about your mother, your father and yourself. But, if none of this had happened, you would be dreaming about Kurt and there'd be nothing bad about it."

"So… because everything's gone to shit, they've combined?" She nodded. "Damn."

"Now Blaine," Julia said, reaching into her bag and pulling out a form. "I'm going to write you a prescription. They're not anti-depressants, don't worry. From what I can tell, you aren't depressed."

"I'm not?"

"No, you're just… well; you're in a really bad place. If you didn't have Kurt and his family, I think you would be suffering from depression." His eyes lit up and she smiled. "These are just sleeping pills. From what you've told me, you're afraid to go to sleep. You worry about what you're going to dream about, and this in itself is a cause of your nightmares. The best thing you can do before you go to sleep is make a mental list of all the good things in your life. Think about your reasons to be happy – you've admitted to me that you like writing songs. I'm guessing music is an outlet for you?" Blaine nodded. "Well, think about the kinds of songs you can write. If it helps, actually write the songs. Tell you what, I'll give you some… well, not homework, but a task. Write a song by next week for me. It can be about anything you want, but I'd like to know you've done one. You don't have to perform it for me, don't worry," she added, seeing his face. "But I'd like to read it. Is that okay?"

"Yes," Blaine said a genuine smile on his face. "Is it weird that I actually feel better?"

Julia laughed. "Oh Blaine, you have no idea how many times I've heard that question. No, it's not weird. These sessions are meant to make you feel better. They're supposed to help."

"Good, because it has," he said.

"I'm glad," she replied, handing him the form she'd finished writing. "Just take this to the pharmacy on Queens Street. They'll give you your tablets and another form for you to hand in next time."

Blaine nodded and took the form from her, scanning it quickly. It didn't seem so scary. He turned to Kurt, smiling.

"You okay?" He whispered. Kurt gave a stiff nod, not quite meeting Blaine's eyes. He was petrified.

"Okay…" Julia said, turning her notebook to a clean page. "Kurt?"

"What?" He snapped.

"It's your turn… how are you feeling right now?"

"Pissed off; this is fucking pointless."

Blaine's heart sank. He knew that voice. Kurt was putting his walls up, the way he always did when he was emotional. He didn't let anyone see who he really was except for Blaine. Luckily, Julia was a patient woman. She scribbled something down in her notebook, and then looked back up at Kurt. She didn't say anything – her years of work had taught her not to. Kurt would speak in his own time. Blaine just sat in silence, looking down at their hands, still entwined.

"I don't understand how this is going to help," he said after a few minutes. "It's just talking. I've spoken to Blaine so many times about this. He knows everything… if talking to him hasn't helped my nightmares, then why would it be any different with you?"

"Because I'm a professional, Blaine isn't. I know he's done everything he can for you, but he hasn't had training. Right now, I can tell you're scared, but you don't want to admit it. You'd only admit it to Blaine."

"How do you-?"

"Professional," she said, smiling. Kurt even managed to smile back.

"Fine… Where do you want me to begin?"

"How about the locker room, when it started?"

"Okay…" Kurt said, closing his eyes. "Karofsky's always bullied me. He always knew I was gay, because it started in freshman year. The bullying I mean… He'd toss me in dumpsters, throw slushies in my face, and shove me into lockers. It was pretty bad. I couldn't walk down the hallways without someone calling me a fag, but it was nearly always him. Most of the school bullied me, but Karofsky was the worst. Um… well one day, after years of it… I'd had enough. I hadn't been doing anything wrong. I was just stood at my locker, texting Mercedes, when he grabbed my phone, threw it to the floor and slammed me into the locker. I followed him to the boy's locker room and I just started yelling at him. I was so angry… I wanted to know what his fucking problem was. Well, that's when he kissed me. I pushed him away, but he shoved me against the wall. Apparently, no isn't an acceptable answer when it comes to Dave Karofsky. I was terrified…" Kurt's voice broke slightly. He was trembling and his eyes were squeezed shut.

"Kurt…" Blaine said, "If you need to stop, we can."

"No," he said firmly. "Well… he f-forced me to his knees and f-forced himself in my mouth… He didn't last very long. It was horrible. He m-made me swallow it all, and hit me when I started retching. He warned me if I told anyone, he'd tell them that I was the one who'd come onto him. So I kept quiet."

"It didn't stop there though, did it?" said Julia in a calm voice.

"No. Every time he could, he'd do it. He didn't even care where it was – the janitor's closet, under the bleachers. He even made me get under the desk in the library once." Kurt shuddered. "Because you can't see under them, except for where the seat goes. I c-can't really explain it."

"I know what kind of desk you mean."

"I was under there for what felt like hours. He m-made me do it twice then. We were the only ones in the library, so he didn't care. When I got home, I was disgusted. I just felt… horrible. I was in the shower for at least an hour. But at the same time, I felt… hopeful. It was nearing the end of the school year. I thought that because it was summer, Karofsky wouldn't be able to get to me – I'd be able to be happy. Maybe even go out with Mercedes and Rachel… I hadn't really seen them since it all started."

Kurt fell silent. He was still shaking and there were unshed tears in his eyes. Blaine's heart clenched – he knew what was coming.

"I'm never going to forget that day," Kurt said, his voice barely more than a whisper. "It was the middle of summer… I'd been shopping with Mercedes and Rachel… I dropped my bags off home and went to the library – there was this book we'd seen that looked good, so I decided to go and get it. I walked there because it was a nice evening… Well, it wasn't exactly late. It was when I was walking back, humming to myself. I heard a car pull up behind me, but didn't think anything of it – I mean, who actually would? But…" Kurt gave a shudder and closed his eyes. Blaine couldn't help but notice the tears that escaped them.

Kurt was happy. He read the blurb of the book again, a small smile on his face. It was just want he wanted – a cheesy romance with a tiny bit of drama. He didn't doubt that he'd finish it in a few days. At least then, he'd be able to give it to the girls and they could gush over it, like they always did when it came to romance books. He hummed tunelessly as he walked. He heard an engine cut off and a car door slam, but didn't look back. It was still light so he wasn't worried… Until he felt arms wrap around him.

"Hey, what the hell do you think you're doing?!"

"Shut the fuck up Hummel!" Karofsky growled in his ear. "Or I'll make you."

Kurt continued to struggled, thrashing out violently. Karofsky clamped a hand over his mouth and dragged him to his car. He threw him in the back seat, climbed in the front and drove off. Kurt tried, in vain, to open the doors.

"Let me out!" He screamed. Karofsky just ignored him. They drove for about an hour. After a while, Kurt stopped trying to open the doors and hugged his knees to his chest, sobbing. He had no idea what was going to happen – he wouldn't put it past this animal to kill him.

Eventually, the car stopped. Karofsky looked around to make sure they were alone, and then climbed into the back seat.

"You scared, fag?" He asked in an eerily-sweet voice.

Kurt didn't answer, making himself as small as possible. A tiny whimper escaped his lips – something Karofsky didn't miss.

"I'll take that as a yes. Well, you should be!"

Again, Kurt didn't say anything. When Karofsky put his hand on his leg, he tried to move away.

"Don't even try it," He spat, pulling Kurt back. "You're going to take this. I've waited for this, you little fucking tease!"

Before Kurt knew what was happening, Karofsky was pulling at his clothes, until Kurt was lying there, naked. He was trembling from head to toe. Karofsky unzipped his jeans and forced Kurt onto his stomach. It was only then that he realised what was going to happen.

"No! Oh my god, please don't do this. I'll do anything, just don't do this!"

"Shut the fuck up Hummel! You're a little slut!"

"No!" Kurt screamed, trying to scramble away. Karofsky hit him hard on the back of the head, but it didn't stop him. Kurt was petrified – he kicked out as hard as he could, barely noticing when his foot landed on Karofsky's chest.

"You're going to regret that!" He snarled. He grabbed Kurt by the hair and forced his face into the seat of the car, using his other hand to raise Kurt's hips. "Just for that, Hummel, I'm not going to use any lube. I brought some with me, because I felt nice. Well, you can go without, can't you?"

"Oh my god, please Dave, don't-"

"SHUT UP!" He roared, twisted Kurt's hair as hard as he could.

Without so much as a warning, he slammed into Kurt, who let out a hair-raising scream. It was a pain like Kurt had never experienced before. He could barely hear anything over his own screams. Karofsky clamped a hand over his mouth, muffling the sounds. It was only then that Kurt heard the deep moans coming from the other boy. The sick bastard was actually enjoying this! There were tears streaking Kurt's face. He was still screaming as loud as he could, but he'd long since given up hope of anyone hearing him, especially with Karofsky's hand over his mouth.

After what seemed like an age, Karofsky gave another load groan and stilled. Kurt realised, with disgust, that he'd finished inside of him. Karofsky pulled out and threw a now-whimpering Kurt to the side. He pulled his jeans up quickly. Then, Karofsky leaned across Kurt and unlocked the door. He opened it and pushed him onto the gravel outside, throwing his clothes at him.

"Thanks faggot!" He yelled as he drove away.

He had no idea where he was. Kurt sat huddled on the ground. He could hear a high pitched whining sound, but he wasn't sure where it was coming from. The pain was intense; he was surprised he hadn't passed out. Eventually, Kurt got to his feet and the whining grew louder. It was only then that he realised the sound was coming from him. But he couldn't seem to stop. He pulled his clothes on, not even caring that they were dirty and torn. He didn't have any shoes. Without any warning, Kurt's stomach heaved. He clutched a nearby tree and emptied the contents of his stomach onto the ground. He continued to heave, even after there was nothing left inside him. After a few minutes, he let go of the tree.

Kurt walked slowly, the pain between his legs making him dizzy. He had no idea where he was. As far around him as he could see was trees – had Karofsky actually left him in the middle of nowhere?! But then he saw a road and his heart fluttered. He made for it as fast as he could, the burn coming from down there excruciating now. As soon as his bare feet touched the tarmac of the road, he breathed a sigh of relief. He knew this road – he was just outside of Lima. At least he wasn't too far away from his house.

It took Kurt two and a half hours to get home. He opened the front door, prepared for the countless questions from Burt that would come. But, to his surprise, the house was silent. He hobbled into the kitchen to see a note, from his father.

Kurt,

Gone to watch a game with Andy from work – there's food in the fridge. Don't wait up.

See you later,

Burt.

Kurt's stomach clenched, but in a way, he was relieved. He could finally allow himself to cry. And cry he did. He stepped into his shower, howling. Not only was he in an enormous amount of pain, but he felt… revolting. Kurt cried harder than he could ever remember crying before – the only other time he'd been like this was when his mother had died.

When Kurt finally stopped crying, he just felt… empty. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep that night, so he forced himself to stay awake. At first, he browsed through Facebook on his phone, trying to distract himself. But when a text from Karofsky came up, thanking him for his 'amazing night', he threw it into the wall on the other side of the room, his agony taking over him again.

"Oh my…" A familiar voice said.

Kurt opened his eyes to see Julia writing something down in her notebook. He was shaking violently – it took him a few seconds to remember where he was… home, and safe. He looked at Blaine, who was crying silently.

"B-Blaine," Kurt said, wiping his tears away. "Are you okay?"

He nodded, his bottom lip trembling. Of course he wasn't okay, what a stupid question for him to ask! Shit, why did he want Blaine there in the first place?! He knew how bad it was going to sound, why the fuck did he make Blaine listen to it all. Forgetting they weren't alone, Kurt threw his arms around Blaine's neck, pulling him into a tight embrace.

"I'm so sorry!" He cried. "I… I should have let you leave."

Blaine just shook his head. "No Kurt, you know I wouldn't have. I'm just s-sorry that this happened to you. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you."

"Blaine there was nothing you could have done, you didn't know me."

"No, but-" He said tearfully

"Exactly… shh honey," Kurt murmured. "It's okay… We're okay. Karofsky can't do anything."

Julia cleared her throat, reminding them that they had company. Kurt looked around at her and gave an apologetic smile.

"So Kurt… you've explained how you felt about it all. What happened after it happned?"

"I didn't really know how to deal with any of it. At first I was just so upset with myself. My phone wasn't broken, even though I'd thrown it across the room… I started ignoring my friend's calls, even Mercedes and Rachel, who were my best friends. Karofsky didn't do anything to me again that summer, b-but I guess once was enough. I know Mercedes came to my house at one point, and she could tell something was up. I just told her I was ill. I don't think she believed it, but she left. I started to h-hurt myself. I thought cutting my wrists helped, like Blaine said. It did for a while – it distracted me from everything that was going on. But I started to feel disgusted with myself. So…um…I went to talk to someone."

"You went to see a counsellor?"

Kurt nodded. "I wasn't honest with her though. I used my wages from working with my dad to pay for it, but I lied to her. I think she knew I wasn't telling the truth, but… She basically told me I had a lot of anger, and suggested I take up boxing to help me cool off."

"And did you?"

"Yes. She was right, it helped. Not with my anger, that was still there. But I could take it out on something other than myself, you know? I stopped towards the end of summer though. I didn't have the money to carry on with the gym membership."

"I see. Now, about Karofsky," Julia noticed Kurt flinch slightly and sighed. "When did you see him again? Was it at school or-"

"Yeah, it was… the first day of school. I was stood next to my locker. I knew what was going to happen. He hadn't come after me since it happened, but somehow I just knew he'd do something again. He slammed me into my locker and asked me how my summer was… then said that I'd had a 'nice hard fuck'. I… I just couldn't believe he'd said that. When I told him to leave me alone, he said that I had some 'fight' in me, not like I had done before."

"What happened then?" Julia asked gently.

"I… I don't really know. I was so angry. Before I even realised what I was doing, I was punching every inch of his body that I could reach. I knew I was hurting him – I could hear it, but… I didn't stop. Everything he'd ever done just seemed to flash before my eyes. I don't even know how long I was punching him. Eventually someone stopped me. It was my teacher, Mr Schue. He literally had to drag me to the choir room and he demanded to know what the hell I was doing. He was really angry. But I never told him. I just told him to fuck off, and that I didn't need his protection. When we went to Principal Figgins, Karofsky dropped the whole thing."

"Do you know why?"

Kurt nodded. "I think so. I think he knew that I could have told them at any time what made me do it. I don't know if Principal Figgins would have believed me, but Mr Schue would have. When I was in glee before, he knew I was open and honest about everything so…"

"But you didn't tell anyone?"

"No. I was too afraid. After we were let go, Karofsky told me to stay the hell away from him. I don't think he expected me to be able to fight him like I did."

"But how did you deal with it? It's a huge thing to keep bottled up Kurt."

"I know it is. I got a fake ID and went to Scandals… I started hooking up with people I didn't know. I can't even tell you how many there were. But for some reason, it helped me. I… I never bottomed though. The one time I almost did, I started freaking out. I guess I knew then that it was still there, inside me."

"Can I ask what made you stop going to Scandals?"

"After my fight with Karofsky, I changed everything about myself. I stood up to the bullies, but I also cut myself off from my old friends. I didn't go near anyone, wouldn't let myself get close to anyone. I managed to give myself a reputation at McKinley as a 'bad boy'. There were so many rumours about me, and I fuelled them all."

"Why?"

"I knew people would be too afraid to want to get to know me. And they were, even the teachers. Whenever someone spoke to me, they'd trip over their words or wouldn't be able to look me in the eye. I knew they were afraid of me. I guess that helped a lot."

"So… what made you stop going to Scandals? What changed?"

"Blaine," Kurt said in a soft voice. "I didn't know him. I was walking to my lesson when someone walked into me – I was so pissed off. I snapped at the kid but I… regretted it. I wasn't sure why. He looked so innocent and scared. He was the first person I actually felt guilty for treating like shit. But I just shook the feeling off and went to maths."

"I see."

"A few minutes into the lesson, that same boy walked in and said he was the new kid. So my teacher had to assign someone to show him around."

"And she chose you?"

"She chose me," Kurt echoed, smiling. "I didn't want to at first – I didn't know him and he'd already managed to piss me off. I think Blaine was a little scared of me at first."

"Damn right I was," Blaine muttered, making Kurt laugh.

"I didn't speak to him for the first lesson though. Afterwards, I looked across and saw how much work he'd done. I just couldn't believe it… so I showed him where his locker was, and it turned out we had a French lesson together. So I stayed with him in that as well. I was actually… happy."

"And that wasn't normal?"

"Not really. I wasn't exactly miserable at school, but because I didn't have any friends, I didn't really smile. But Blaine made me laugh – he wasn't afraid to talk to me, which was nice. I didn't see him until the next day though."

"What happened then?"

"He told me he was auditioning for glee. I couldn't believe it. I mean, I still loved singing but I knew if I joined glee, my reputation would go down the toilet. So I didn't go. I was in shock though – Blaine was a new kid, and there's nothing harder than being the new student at McKinley. When I told him about glee's reputation, he told me he didn't care. That shocked me, because he was so honest about it. He wasn't afraid to speak his mind."

"And you admired that?"

"I did," Kurt said. "He convinced me to join as well. So I did. And I don't regret it. I'm friends with Mercedes again, Rachel, not so much."

"Why?"

"She's irritating," he said, shrugging. "She was before, but I never really noticed it. It's only because I hadn't been her friend, I saw it. I don't dislike her, but I… I just guess I'd rather keep my distance this time."

Julia smiled. She knew someone just like that. "So how are you feeling right now Kurt?"

"Better," he admitted. "Not exactly happy but… well, I'm not upset. Are you telling me that this actually helped?"

"Yes," she replied. "I told you it would. You don't have depression either. But I want you to find an outlet – Blaine's is music, we need to find one for you. What do you enjoy doing?"

"Singing… Um, I like writing, but it's usually short stories. I'm good at writing," he admitted quietly, blushing slightly.

"Why don't you keep a journal?"

"I tried before, it just made me angry."

"I don't mean about what happened to you Kurt, I just mean in general. I'm not saying write every little thing about your day, every single day. No, I'm saying if there's something you're proud of or pleased about, write it down. That way, if you're having a bad day, you can read it."

"You know, you're really good at this."

Julia laughed. "I should hope so after six years at college and four actually doing it as a job."

They grinned at her and watched as she packed her things away.

"So, do you want to do it the same time next week?" She asked. They nodded. "Good. I'll come here again." She glanced at her watch. "That's the end of our session. I don't think they'll last as long as this one in future."

"They won't?" Blaine asked.

"No. The first ones are always the longest, because it's getting every little thing off your chest. Next week we'll talk about your progress. Do you want to do it together again?"

Blaine looked at Kurt, who nodded. "Yes," he said. "We do. I think it helped quite a lot."

Julia smiled. "Well, I'll see you boys next Monday. Have a good week."

She waved and disappeared out of the front door. Both boys relaxed into each other's arms.

"How'd you find it?" Kurt asked.

"It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. What about you?"

He just shrugged. "I did zone out when I was talking. It was like I was watching everything."

"Oh Kurt, I'm sorry-"

"Don't apologise," he interrupted. "It helped, that's the main thing."

Blaine opened his mouth to answer but stopped when he saw Burt stood in the doorway.

"Dad!" Kurt said, jumping to his feet. "When did you get home? Did you hear…?"

"We were only gone half an hour… We…"

One look at his tear-glazed face told Kurt that he'd heard everything. He gave a dry sob and ran to hug his father. Burt returned his son's hug gently.

"I'm sorry I couldn't protect you Kurt. I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"If I hadn't gone to that game…"

"I probably still wouldn't have told you."

Blaine took out his phone to glance at the time, surprised to see it had just gone six. Where the hell had the time gone?

"Kurt, Cooper's going to be here any minute."

As if on cue, the doorbell rang.