Vena Amoris
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June 19, 2013, 7:47 p.m.


Vena Amoris: Confusion


K - Words: 2,054 - Last Updated: Jun 19, 2013
Story: Closed - Chapters: 7/? - Created: Dec 11, 2012 - Updated: Jun 19, 2013
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Kurt was freaking out. Emotions that he swore weren’t his flickered randomly throughout the day leaving him confused. For example, on Thursday night he sat at the table completing his math homework when out of nowhere all he wanted to was laugh with bubbling joy. He didn't even get the question right and the smile just forced its way through. The next day, while taking a shower, anger came and he barely kept from yelling.

Furthermore, a constant undertone of frustration coursed through his body making him constantly on edge. But Kurt had nothing to be frustrated about. Was it due to the stress of tryouts? He sat down next to Blaine as Wes banged on the gravel to announce those that would be singing.

There it was again. Kurt felt nervous, but he really, truly, wasn't. Automatically, his hand reached for Blaine and he squeezed in support, finding their clamminess disappear instantly. Almost as instantly, the nerves drained out, and were replaced by calm. He looked over to Blaine, concern crossing his features.

"Blaine will be singing Raise Your Glass. For the duet, Kurt and Blaine will be singing Candles by Hey Monday. Nick will end with Uptown Girls. Congratulations."
Blaine looked up and right at Kurt smiled at him. Kurt mouthed, "I told you so."

Blaine turned a slight red and shyly looked away, but very clearly pleased with himself. Kurt chuckled at him for his friend was certainly adorable when flustered.

"Okay, everyone, split off into your groups," exclaimed Wes.

Blaine and Kurt went into an adjacent room to practice Candles. Blaine fingered the sheet music gently. "I don't know if I can do this," said Blaine quietly.

Confused, Kurt addressed him, "Of course you can, Blaine. You have a wonderful voice. I really don't understand why you think you don't. I wish you could see how amazing you really are."

Worry wrote itself on Blaine's face, "But what if we lose because of me?"

"You are insane, Blaine Anderson, we'll win because of you... and me. I know it. Ok?"

Blaine felt Kurt's confidence in him through the bond and nodded, "Ok. Let's practice."

Kurt gave Blaine his part thinking about how he had never trusted someone so much in his life. Being with Blaine was like drowning and a breath of fresh air all at once.
Blaine started singing the first two stanzas.

The power lines went out
And I am all alone
I don't really care at all
Not answering my phone

All the games you played
The promises you made
Couldn't finish what you started
Only darkness still remains

He was sitting in class when he felt terror beyond imagine. Immediately, he knew something happened. Something horrible happened to his soul mate. He tried to send comfort, but then there was nothing. No feeling, no hurt, no pain, no love. No soul mate.

Blaine started to breath heavily , the room spun, and his face went pale before everything went black.

When he woke up in the nurses office, there was that same dull ache. Everything felt empty, lifeless, nothing mattered expect that he couldn't Feel his soul mate anymore.

Tears streamed down his face on their own accord.

"Blaine, what's wrong?" asked the nurse.

He tried to speak, but the hysterical sobbing covered up any words that tried to come out. He hugged the pillow on the bed closer as if it could fill the ache in his heart.
When his mom came and picked him up he clung to her tightly.

"Sweetie, what's wrong?" she asked when Blaine stared listlessly out the window wrapping his arms around himself rocking slightly back and forth.

"My soul mate. I can't feel my soul mate. Something happened and I can't feel him. Why can't I feel him?"

"He probably put up a Block, sweetie," she said softly.

"Why?"

"I-I don't know."

"I'm not good enough. I'm a horrible person. I'm not good enough," Blaine said whimpering before he burst into tears again.

"That's not true."

"Then why would he Block me. Why, mommy?"

"I don't have the answers."

His first solo night Blaine curled up into his bed. He left the light on because he couldn't handle suffering through the darkness alone. He hugged his teddy closely, and stared at his closet. He didn't fall asleep until five that morning. All he could focus on was the darkness inside him and cried until there were no more tears left to fall.

He had been suffering through solo nights ever since.
He choked out, "Only darkness still remains." And he clutched the table only thinking about how Kurt was right in front of him, but how it hardly mattered.

"Blaine?" Kurt looked worriedly after Blaine stopped singing, "are you okay?" He touched his arm to Blaine's shoulder, but Blaine shrugged it off barely managing to breath.

"I-I'm not feeling well. I think I need to go to the nurse. I'm sorry, Kurt. Can we postpone this for another time. Please?" Blaine backed away even though what he really needed was Kurt to hold him and let him know that he wasn't going away ever again.

"Wait, Blaine, please," begged Kurt. And Blaine turned around tears still falling.

Kurt pulled Blaine into his arms while Blaine sobbed into Kurt's shoulder.

"What's wrong?" asked Kurt.

Blaine shook his head.

"Please, please tell me. Is it me? Did I do something?" Kurt asked.

All Blaine could do was cry harder, shaking through the sobs.

Kurt continued to hold him, tracing soothing patters on his back until Blaine's quieted.

"I'm here." whispered Kurt. "I'm here, and I'll always be here for you."

-

It was late at night when Kurt’s phone rang signaling a phone call.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Kurt, its Nick. I know it’s kind of late but I spilled tea all over my notes and I’m really nervous about our test next Friday and I was really looking forward to this weekend to go over them. Could I…”

“You want to borrow my French notes?”

“Please?”

“You are so lucky that…” and then a wave of sadness hit Kurt actually knocking him back a couple of steps. His arm reached out for the table to steady himself. Out of nowhere all he wanted to curl up into a ball and cry. Trying to keep his voice even despite the powerful onslaught of emotion Kurt continued, “That I am good at F-French and h-have everything memorized.”

“Are you okay, Kurt?”

“I-I don’t know what’s going on,” he stuttered. "This past month I" he trailed off. " don't know what's going on."
A pause on the other line then, “You should call Blaine. I’ll get the notes from someone else on Monday.”

“Huh?” asked Kurt.

“Call Blaine,” he said firmly and hung up.

Blaine had been sitting on his bedroom floor trying to Send Kurt his love for the past hour. Please feel it. Please. In answer only the emotionless suppression of ever surrounding silence greeted him. All he managed to gain was a pounding headache and sore legs. Why was he not good enough? Why was he such a bad soul mate that Kurt couldn’t receive. The loneliness confining him to a cage of blackness for which only Kurt held the key. But Kurt was a phantom that could not be reached. A phantom without eyes or ears beyond what he wanted to see and hear. And phantom Kurt was deaf and blind to Blaine.

Would Blaine ever be enough to take the blindfold off? Doubtful of his own inner integrity, a restless river of tears began to fall.

Then ringing from his nightstand brought him back.

“Kurt!?” he answered surprised.

Happiness coursed through Kurt while he heard a sniffle on the other end. “Uhm, hi.”

“What’s going on?”

“I don’t really know. I was talking to Nick when I felt… sad? He told me to call you?” said Kurt finishing awkwardly.

“Oh, uhm, do you feel better?”

“Strangely a little bit. What about you? It sounds as though you have been crying. Are you alright?”

“Yeah. I will be. Thanks, Kurt.”

“Sure. But for what?”

“For being there.”

“I told you, I’ll always be there for you, Blaine.”

As much as he tried to hold them back, another sob escaped at Kurt’s words.

“Blaine, what’s wrong?” he asked now extremely worried.

“I- I,” Blaine tried to answer only managing to cry harder.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me. I’ll come over right now. We’ll have a Friends marathon until you feel better,” said Kurt already stuffing the DVDs into his backback.

“Kurt, it’s almost midnight. You’ll get into trouble if your aunt and uncle find out.”

“If I get into trouble it will be worth it knowing you feel better. You are my best friend, Blaine. Now, what is your address?”

“Kurt,” said Blaine.

“Blaine,” Kurt mimicked. With a sigh and a slight smile, Blaine told Kurt his address.

“Hey, Kurt,” said Blaine opening the door. “You really should not have come here so late. If your aunt and uncle find out…”

“I left a note if they wake up and find me not there. I’m planning on being back early in the morning anyway and they’ll never know.”

“Okay. You said something about Friends?”

Kurt smiled and patted his bag. “I also brought apple slices to dip in caramel and some rocky road ice cream.”
Blaine almost melted on the spot. “You are the best.”

Kurt smiled while butterflies danced in his stomach, “I do try.”

Blaine snatched the ice cream from Kurt and headed to the kitchen for spoons. He came back with blankets.

“Which episode?”

“Let’s just start from the beginning.”

Blaine put in the first season and sat next to Kurt with the caramel dip between them. Slowly they ended up curled together with Blaine resting his head on Kurt’s shoulder and Kurt’s arms around Blaine.

"Blaine?" Kurt asked.

"Hmmm?" mumbled Blaine contently, Kurt could feel the rumble of Blaine's chest.

" I'm really worried about you. My happy furniture-climbing boy hasn't been smiling too much lately. If you need someone to talk to , you know I'm always a willing ear, right?"

They fell asleep like that with the television softly speaking in the background.

In his dream, Kurt saw Blaine vividly; however, things around the two of them were not. They were in a forest with ill-defined trees and birds whose calling songs were faint. But Blaine stood before him beaming bright and real. Seemingly unable to help himself, he enveloped Kurt into a hug, burrowing his face into Kurt’s shoulder like he so often did during hugs.

This even felt real.

When Kurt pulled back, he did something he wanted to do ever since he really looked into those warm hazel eyes. Kurt pulled him in for a kiss. Blaine appeared startled, and sure enough Kurt could almost feel it as if it were his own. But that wasn’t right. This was Kurt’s dream, why would Blaine freeze as if in shock? So Kurt leaned in deeper sucking his lower lip. He ran his fingers through the curly hair. Blaine, finally, wrapped his arms around Kurt kissing back enthusiastically.

Kurt pulled back to see a beaming blushing Blaine, and he giggled. But no sound came out.

-

“Good morning, Blaine. And who is this?” asked his mom sternly with a hint of curiosity.

Rubbing his eyes clear of morning haze, Blaine woke up with his parents standing before him. “M-morning,” he said through a yawning stretch promptly wrapping his arms around Kurt again. “This is Kurt,” he said a soft smile overtaking his features. With a gentle kiss to Kurt’s forehead, the boy woke up.

Kurt detangled himself from Blaine, “I had the weirdest dream last night.”

Blaine frowned, “But, Kurt, that wasn’t…”

“What time is it?” he interrupted and pulled his phone from his pocket. “Oh no, Blaine, I have to leave right now. They called twice and my aunt texted to be home immediately.”

“Can’t you stay for a little bit?” Blaine asked his eyes going wide and a pout forming on his lips.

“No, are you insane? And, urgh, I’m so gross right now.”
“Kurt, you’re perfect.” Blaine reached out to Kurt.

“Oooookay,” piped in Mrs. Anderson with a clap of her hands, “Kurt, honey, can I call your aunt? I’ll explain everything and, at the very least, you can eat and shower before heading out.”

Kurt nodded and hesitantly dialed the number before handing the phone over to Blaine’s mom. Yelling could be heard on the other end but then Blaine’s mom interrupted, “Hi, this is Blaine’s mom. Can I speak with you for a moment? Yes? Excellent, thank you.”

She took Kurt’s phone outside turning back to the boys, Blaine mouthed to his mom ‘Thank you.’ She nodded her head in understanding.


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