Kurt is terrified. His body is aching and trembling and he doesn't know what to do. He's sitting at the table, Carole is putting mountains of food on his plate and his father is smiling at him, encouraging him to eat, even before his wife has put the plate down in front of him. He stares at the food, pretty sure he's about to have either a panic attack or he's going to gain a hundred pounds, by only breathing in the scent of his food. Blaine is sitting next to him, apparently waiting for him to take the first bite. At the other side of the table, Rachel is watching Finn stuff his face, with a slightly disapproving frown on her face. Both his father and Carole, have started eating too. He notices his father is watching him, though.

His whole body is trembling as he reaches for his knife and fork, the objects feeling strange in his hands after such a long time. They're almost as cold as his fingers. He decides to go for the salad, even if it's just to make his father lose his interest and to get Blaine to eat. He pricks some salad on his fork and forces his hand to move the food to his mouth, his mouth to open and his tongue to meet the cold and slightly bitter tasting piece of lettuce. He chews slowly, carefully, his heart beating weakly but loudly in his chest. He feels exposed and a bit betrayed. Why were they making the fat kid eat?

He swallows the bite, his stomach making another noise. He curses his body as he feels the hunger growing. His hands are shaking. He hasn't eaten all day and he's so, so hungry. He looks next to him and notices that Blaine has started eating too. He turns to look at his father, who is no longer keeping an eye on him, because he's trying to support Carole in her lecture to Finn about table manners. No one is paying attention.

That's when he loses it.

He's shoving the food into his mouth, barely chewing before swallowing the bites, the sensation of the flavours on his tongue feeling wonderful. This tastes so much better than dry cornflakes and rice crackers. And even though it's a bit greasy and it feels like bricks are hitting his empty stomach each time he has swallowed a bite, it feels so good. He's unaware of the soft moaning sounds he makes, until he catches Blaine looking at him with a mischievous smile. Kurt blushes and is suddenly too aware of his almost empty plate. He quickly drops his fork and pushes the plate away. Finn is loading a second plate, but Kurt feels sick. His stomach is turning, he feels swollen and full. He nervously plucks the sleeve of his oversized shirt, which he wears to cover his embarrassing body.

"You sure were hungry, kiddo." He hears his father say and Kurt wants to disappear. Sink through his chair and the floor and stay there until he's suffocated and dead.Too bad he's only fat enough to fall through his chair. The floor wouldn't be able to swallow him. So he just smiles at Burt and nods, while he can feel his body growing. His stomach is swollen and full, but Carole puts a bowl of vanilla ice cream down in front of him. He starts to protest, his eyes wide and scared, but his father won't have any of it and neither will Blaine.

"You're going to eat that, Kurt. It's good for you. You're too thin."

Kurt feels tears stinging in his eyes, but he gives in to the sweet temptation. Blaine even puts whipped cream on it for him and guilt washes over him at every bite of sugar, fat, calories.

As soon as every has finished dessert, Kurt excuses himself to the bathroom once again. He lifts his baggy shirt and stares at his reflection. His swollen, fat stomach is clearly visible. He starts to tremble and tears are sliding down his cheeks. He's scared and so, so desperate. Almost frantically, he turns to the toilet, kneeling down in front of it, his knees hurting against the tiles that are pressing against his aching bones. He's sobbing as he parts his lips and forces his fingers inside, pressing them into his throat until he starts to cough and feels as if he can't breath, instantly retreating them again. But nothing is coming out but saliva. He pushes them in again, coughing more, his sight blurred with tears, his knees hurting. Still, nothing is coming out. Kurt feels himself getting slightly hysterical. Why won't the stupid food come out? He's so full. So full. He has to be empty. Empty was good, pure. Right now, he is a sinner. A fat pig.

He's almost choking on his own saliva that is dripping into the toilet from his lips and fingers. It's getting hard to breathe, especially because his own fingers are choking him every few seconds. He tries to push them in deeper, but his gag reflex won't allow it. "Fuck.."

He feels so small and stupid. He has never tried this before and now he knows why. Not eating was so much easier than choking on your own saliva.

He wipes his mouth and fingers with toilet paper and flushes the toilet, even though there isn't much to hide. Then he sinks down onto the floor and continues crying, his arms wrapped around his swollen belly. He's so cold, tired and nauseous. He remains on the cold floor, trembling, crying and hating himself.

"Kurt, everything okay in there?"

He freezes at the sound of Rachel's voice. She is the last person he expected to come look for him.

"I'm fine, Rachel. Where's Blaine?" He replies, his voice a bit hoarse.

"Oh, he's helping Carole clean things up in the kitchen! I actually came to give you your Christmas present."

Kurt takes a deep breath and pushes himself up on the toilet seat. "I'll be there in a bit." He says, while returning to the mirror to fix his face. He washes his hands and then opens the door, instantly greeted by Rachel Hudson-Berry, who is dressed in one of her old animal sweaters. Probably because they're warm. Kurt can't help but wish he had one of those things. They aren't fashionable at all, but he's so cold right now, he would kill for a damn animal sweater. It can even be knitted for all he cares.

He forces a smile on his face as she pushes a box into his hands that is wrapped in gift paper and decorated with a giant bow. "Thank you, Rachel." He mumbles. "Why don't you wait for the gift sharing we have later, though?"

The tiny girl smiles. "You seemed a bit uncomfortable at dinner and I thought I could cheer you up, so you would feel more like the event."

Kurt swallows the lump in his throat and tries hard not to cry again. At times like these, he just loves Rachel. Or having a female friend around in general, who pays attention to his reactions. He doesn't want her to find out about his secret, but he feels a bit more loved than before. So he gives her a kiss on the cheek as she leans in to hug him and then sits down on his bed with the box, leaving Rachel a bit shocked, before she follows him to sit down next to her friend. "I hope you like it."

Kurt unwraps the box and opens it, revealing a dvd box set. Before he has time to even read any further, Rachel is talking again.

"I got you a Barbra movie collection, including Funny Girl and Yentl. I thought it was nice to give you something that will always remind you of me."

Kurt stares at her with half open mouth, speechless and touched. "Rachel, this is-"

"Don't worry about it, Kurt. I'm glad you seem to like it. Now, let's go to the others. Blaine should be done in the kitchen too. If Carole hasn't pushed him out herself yet. I swear, Kurt, your boyfriend is so clumsy, it's a miracle he hasn't broken anything yet."

Kurt can't help but to chuckle at the thought of Blaine attempting to clean the kitchen. Rachel was right about him being rather clumsy.

"Thank you so much for all this, Rachel. Not just the present, but also for noticing I felt bad at dinner." He tells her, honestly.

The brunette smiles at him. "It was the food, wasn't it?"

"W-What?" Panic starts to build up. She couldn't know. That would be insane. He wasn't-

"It wasn't healthy enough for you." Rachel explains.

Kurt takes a second to catch his breath, relieved.

"Oh, yes.. Yes."

"But you ate a lot."

Kurt bites his lower lip and wraps his arms protectively around his body again. "Yeah."

"That must have taken a lot of courage. I'm glad you had something. You look like you've lost weight."

"Well, with Blaine I'm not forced to eat unhealthy." He replies, carefully.

"True. Well, we should get going. They must be waiting for us."

Rachel hooks her arm into Kurt's and drags him back towards the living room, while Kurt is just trying his hardest not to cry. This was going to be a long evening.