'I've got a new disease in me,
I've got a friend that's losing sleep.
I take it hard, it's hard to take,
I'm wide awake, I'm wide awake.'

After receiving Kurt's text and later the call from Emily, Blaine feels both happy and a bit sick. He really can't wait to see Kurt again and he's relieved his boyfriend has made progress, so he's able to come home for the weekend. But his arms are a mess – after his slip, he tried to quit, but it was so much easier to just fall back into his old pattern. So he decides to just wear long sleeves for the entire weekend and focus on cleaning up the house instead. There's trash everywhere, stains and weird smells. Blaine picks up as much as he can, until the trashcan is completely full. Then he gets the vacuum cleaner and starts to clean up the rest. He attempts to do the dishes as well as he can manage and walks around the house with water and soap.

When everything smells like flowers and not like rotting food or sweat, Blaine lets himself fall down on the couch and closes his tired eyes. He curls up with one of Kurt's vests, takes in the scent and tries to picture Kurt laying on top of him. It's a nice thought and it calms him down. He takes a deep breath and gets up to shower and change into his pyjamas. The water stings his newest cuts and he bites his lip, to keep himself from cursing out loud.

When he gets into his bed, covered with his warm blankets, tears start to sting his eyes again. He hits himself, against his arm, cuts stinging again. "Stop fucking crying, Anderson." He hisses to himself. He has to try to be strong again, for Kurt. Kurt would come home tomorrow. For the first time in five weeks. And he's making progress, so Blaine can't ruin it by letting him know how fucked up he's gotten while Kurt was away. He will make this weekend perfect. Kurt needs to get better.

"Hey, you." Kurt is biting his lip, apparently feeling a bit nervous. Blaine feels the tension. It's been so long. Still, Kurt doesn't seem to want to keep it like that for too long, because he puts down his bag and shuffles closer to Blaine, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his cheek on Blaine's shoulder. He sighs softly.

"I missed you." He breathes. Blaine smiles weakly and wraps his aching arms around the frail body. He can feel less bones than the last time he held Kurt, which makes him feel relieved and less depressed.

"I missed you too, baby." He replies gently, as he pulls Kurt a bit closer. The boy whimpers softly and Blaine loosens his grip. "What's wrong?"

Kurt shakes his head, blushing lightly. "Just want to go home." Blaine blinks and then smiles as realization hits him. Well, he wouldn't say no to a needy Kurt, would he?

The ride home is silent but comfortable and when Kurt enters the house, Blaine can't help but notice how nervous his boyfriend is. So he wraps an arm around Kurt's shoulders and smiles at him. "Welcome home."

"You cleaned for me." Kurt replies with a smile. Blaine nods, not adding how he's been living in a complete mess for the last few weeks. Kurt carefully sits himself down on the couch and Blaine curls up next to him. There's a short silence.

"Wanna watch a movie?" Blaine asks, feeling slightly awkward. Kurt looks up and his beautiful eyes meet Blaine's. "I'd love to. Disney?"

Blaine smiles. "Disney."

He gets up to pick out a DVD from their stash and Kurt is humming softly on the couch, grabbing a blanket and wrapping himself in it. "Are you cold?" Blaine asks.

Kurt shrugs. "I just want to cuddle."

Blaine smiles and puts on Beauty and the Beast. It's one of Kurt's favourites. He joins Kurt on the couch, underneath the blanket and holds him close. "Is this okay?" He asks, feeling a bit nervous.

Kurt nods and nuzzles closer against Blaine. "It's good to feel you." He replies softly.

Blaine feels exhausted, especially after driving to the clinic and back, so when they're only about ten minutes into the movie, he slowly dozes off to sleep.

When Blaine wakes up again, Kurt is asleep in his arms, breathing softly. The movie has ended and the soft music of the title menu is playing in the background. Blaine yawns and checks his watch. It's 5:30pm. He curses inwardly and softly strokes Kurt's arm to wake him up.

"Hmm.. Evan, lemme sleep.."

Blaine instantly retreats his hand as if he burned it. Evan? Wasn't that Kurt's roommate? A weird feeling builds up in his body. Jealousy and paranoia. He bites his lip to keep himself from screaming, but then he shakes Kurt a bit harder than planned. "Kurt. Wake up."

The boy groans and slowly blinks his eyes open. "Blaine?"

"Yes. Blaine." Blaine repeats, feeling upset. The paranoid feeling won't leave his body.

Kurt turns around to look at Blaine and frowns. "Blaine, what's wrong?"

"You called me Evan." The words have left his lips before he can stop himself. Kurt's eyes widen. Then the boy smiles at Blaine. "I've gotten too used to sharing a room with him." He says.

Blaine glares at Kurt and clenches his fists. "Oh." Is all he says.

Kurt blinks and then shakes his head. "Blaine, don't think that. I didn't cheat on you, alright? Evan is straight. He has a crush on Emily. Please, don't look at me like that."

Blaine looks away and tries to process Kurt's words. He tries to swallow, but his throat feels dry. Then he shakes his head and gets up. His eyes find Kurt's again.

"What do you want to.. eat? I mean.. I thought of taking you out to dinner or ordering pizza or whatever, but that wouldn't be appropriate, would it?" He forces a smile on his face and Kurt looks away, pulling at the sleeve of his shirt. "I don't think I can handle that, no.." He replies softly, sounding a bit embarrassed.

Blaine sighs and strokes Kurt's cheek – he's still a bit stuck in his habit to trying to touch Kurt without making him feel uncomfortable. "It's okay. I understand. We can make something together, like we used to?"

Kurt's eyes light up and he nods. Blaine leads Kurt to the kitchen and starts to look through the cupboards and the fridge. He finds different kinds of vegetables, but they don't look too great, since Blaine hasn't had a proper meal in days. He hasn't even bothered to buy anything. Now he feels stupid for forgetting to get food, while he knew Kurt would come home.

He clears his throat and scratches the back of his head. "Er.. I forgot to go to the store.. I could go get something now, they should still be open."

Kurt makes a soft, scared noise and Blaine hisses in pain when the boy grabs him by his arm. "Blaine, what's wrong? There's nothing to eat here. Haven't you been eating?"

Blaine tries to ignore the burning feeling in his arm, while he attempts to stop clenching his teeth. "I skipped a few days, because I was too tired after work." He confesses. "I mostly ate pizza the other days."

He doesn't dare to look at Kurt, he can feel his boyfriend's eyes on him - judging and confused. "Blaine, look at me."

"Kurt, don't. I was alone and I'm not that good at planning and keeping everything in order as you." He says a bit angrier than he intended.

Kurt sighs and wraps his arms around Blaine. Blaine flinches slightly at the contact.

"I'm sorry, Blaine. I know it must have been hard.. But you need to take care of yourself for me, okay? I'm getting better, don't skip eating."

Blaine shrugs and slowly pries Kurt's arms from his waist. "Come on, we're going to get some food. You help me find something healthy, okay?"

He feels guilty for snapping at Kurt. He should be gentle and careful, not act emotional and angry. He grabs his keys and helps Kurt into his coat. He puts on his own, while Kurt ties his boots.

"Alright, let's go."

Kurt helps him pick out some fresh vegetables and seems to be enjoying himself, spending time in the grocery store with Blaine. It makes Blaine happy to see Kurt a lot more relaxed than before he got admitted to the clinic.

After about half an hour, they're back at the apartment. With some help from Kurt, Blaine manages to make them a decent meal, even though it's already about 7:00pm at this point. Blaine is worried he's messing up Kurt's eating pattern like this, but is glad to see the boy finishes the plate Blaine has put down in front of him. It makes him so happy, he pulls Kurt into another tight hug and whispers praises into his ear while kissing his neck. Kurt remains quiet, but blushes slightly. He's smiling.

When they've finished washing up, Kurt drags Blaine with him to the bedroom. Blaine is surprised by the sudden need of his boyfriend and doesn't struggle when Kurt pushes him down onto the bed and crawls on top of him. Over a month without getting touched has apparently made both of them hungry and desperate.

Blaine groans when Kurt starts to kiss him and lets his hands slip up underneath his shirt. Suddenly he panics, because Kurt is trying to take off the piece of clothing and he's slapped back into reality as he remembers the disaster on his arms. So he struggles away from Kurt's hands, earning a confused whine from the taller boy. Kurt's hands are back, tugging up his shirt and Blaine pushes him away with more force, accidentally almost pushing Kurt off of the bed.

Wide, glasz eyes meet his – filled with confusion and doubt. "Blaine, what are you doing?"

Blaine quickly shakes his head. "Sorry, I- I'm just really tired."

"No, you're not." Kurt replies. He lifts Blaine's chin, forcing the boy to look him in the eyes. Blaine simply closes his eyes, unable to look at his boyfriend. "Blaine, talk to me."

Blaine bites his bottom lip, remaining silent. Kurt is still sitting on top of him, unmoving. "Blaine?"

Blaine knows he can't keep on hiding and slowly lifts his arms, so Kurt can take off his shirt. He refuses to open his eyes to see his lover's reaction, while Kurt slowly pulls the shirt over his head. A small gasp is audible and suddenly Kurt is gone. Blaine opens his eyes, panicking. Kurt is next to him, his hand pressed against his mouth, eyes filled with tears and shock. "Blaine, what-"

Blaine curls up on the bed, his eyes on Kurt, but avoiding his gaze. "I probably can't explain this without upsetting you even more, so do you want me to explain?" He says softly.

"Please, explain." Is Kurt's short, slightly snappy answer.

Blaine curls up further into himself, feeling a bit scared, still unable to look Kurt in the eye. "I used to.. do this before I met you." He starts carefully. "I guess I let the hate get to me. I believed I was wrong and deserved to die. But then I met you and your strength made me stronger, Kurt. And- I-" He glances down at his arms. "It was so hard with you gone and I had those razors that I took from you and I- I couldn't-"

Tears are streaming down his face and suddenly there's two thin, but strong arms around him, pulling him close. Blaine lets himself get comforted by Kurt's chest, scent and voice. "Sht, Blaine, breathe. It's okay. I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me? I would never have let you leave with those razors if you told me."

Blaine shrugs and lets out a soft sob. "I guess I thought I was stronger. I didn't even think about it when I took them. When I got home, I saw them and I tried to ignore them, but I couldn't keep ignoring them, so one day I just-"

Kurt's fingers are in his dark curls, massaging his neck, soothing him with his body and voice. "Oh, Blaine.. Please, don't do that anymore.. God, I'm sorry. I love you, Blaine. Please, you need to stop."

Blaine can only nod and move closer to Kurt, who is now stroking the wounds on his arms. It hurts a bit, but at least it doesn't burn. Then Kurt pulls up his arm and presses his lips against the cuts.

"I love you.. I love you.."

'I don't patronize, I realize,
I'm losing and this is my real life.
I'm half asleep and I am wide awake,
This habit is always so hard to break.
I don't want to be the bad guy,
I've been blaming myself and I think you know why.
I'm killing time and time's killing you,
Every way that I do.'