Kurt is slowly making progress. The therapy sessions with Cameron help to clear his head a bit, even though he still has some trouble opening up to anyone. It's mainly when he's laying in bed, waiting for Blaine's call, when he starts to think about his past. He tries his hardest to tell Cameron about it. In his third week, he's able to open up a bit, when she asks him when he started to pay attention to his body shape. After some thinking, Kurt can remember it pretty clearly.

"Porcelain, get your ass over here!" Sue Sylvester's voice sounded through the hallway of McKinley High. Kurt turned around and walked over to the coach, his hips swaying a bit in his Cheerleader uniform. A confused expression was visible on his face.

"Yes, coach?" He replied as politely as possible, as soon as he had reached the woman.

"You need more practice and you better get yourself some good work out. Your body looks the same as those of the girls. It's a joke, Porcelain. If it wasn't for the fact that you're not wearing a skirt, I might confuse you for a girl. So you better shake your ass a bit more at your Glee club, no matter how stupid it looks. My cheerleaders need to be in shape. And I don't mean the pear kind."

Kurt blinked and opened his mouth to reply, but Sue had already walked back into her office and slammed the door shut. With a frown of confusion, he shuffled towards the nearest bathroom. Curiously and slightly upset, he studied his body in the mirror. He didn't exactly see anything wrong about it. The tight pants actually looked nice on his ass and legs.

He turned a bit and concentrated on his hips. Maybe they were slightly broader than those of other guys his age, but he had never really paid that much attention to his shape. As long as he could combine the right clothes to look good, it didn't matter what shape he had. Or did it? Did he look too female?

He made another turn and shook his hips a bit. Nothing wrong with those, was there? He smiled and shrugged. Maybe if he just tried a bit harder at practice and ate more vegetables, he'd be fine.

"So, your coach told you your body was wrong?" Cameron asks Kurt. He nods, staring down at his folded hands. The woman shakes her head, dark curls bounce at the sides of her face. She reminds Kurt of Blaine a bit, even though she doesn't have his brown eyes, or his tanned skin. Apart from that, she could have been his sister, with her patience, gentle tone and even her height.

"I wanted to please her, because I wanted to impress her and my father. I liked being one of the Cheerios. I didn't really get bullied anymore and I had a pretty solid schedule, with both Glee Club and Cheerios practice." He tells her. Cameron nods and smiles gently at him.

"So, that's where it started, isn't it? Tell me a bit about what happened after. You did as she asked?"

"Yes.. Yes, I did."

Kurt worked hard and actually dropped quite a few pounds from dancing and cheerleading. His muscles started to show and he loved it. Kurt had noticed there had been some baby fat in his face, only because it was disappearing. He felt healthy and gorgeous. His body was getting perfect.

When Kurt quit the Cheerios, he didn't really think about how it would affect his body. It was only after some comments ("Are you sure that's healthy?" - Burt, "Dude, you eat more than I do." - Finn, and "I knew your baby fat was just hiding somewhere." - Santana.), Kurt was getting more and more self-conscious about his body, especially his hips.

His hips, it started with his hips. The more he looked at them, the clearer he could see the pear shape Sue had ben talking about. It never fully disappeared. Kurt wondered if he was just born with a more feminine body. But then he started to inspect his whole body, checked his weight and decided that he could lose some more weight.

So he started to sport again, worked out in his room, trained his flexibility and strength. After dropping about 11 pounds, Kurt was satisfied. He did just enough to make sure he stayed around that weight, but stopped pushing himself to lose more. But then he met Blaine.

Because of the damn blazer, Kurt couldn't really see Blaine's body until Rachel's party, where he was wearing a normal sweater. Even then, he couldn't make out that much.

The first time they started to explore each other's bodies more, Kurt was completely blown away by Blaine's muscles. He'd always had a thing for men with muscles, but combined with the warm, tanned skin and dark, curly hair, Blaine was just perfect. Kurt loved touching his arms, tracing his chest with his fingertips, letting his eyes roam over Blaine's ass. But suddenly, Kurt was pulled back into his insecurity. If Blaine had this perfect body, wasn't he be terribly disappointed with Kurt's?

Incidents from the past started to hit him again - people calling him lazy or squeezing his cheeks and arms. He tried to push them out of his head, because he was sure Blaine loved him the way he was. He kept calling Kurt beautiful and perfect, even though Kurt didn't ask for it and it felt good. He forced himself to accept his slightly feminine hips and legs, because Blaine didn't mind touching them and even though Kurt felt like Blaine deserved better, he wasn't going to bring it up, in case Blaine would really leave.

When they moved to New York together and Kurt started his study, he found himself judging his body again. The fashion industry was holding up this image of the perfect body, both for men and women. Long and thin was good, short and chubby or fat wasn't flattering at all. Clothes were made to make you look as skinny as possible. Models were forced to eat healthy and weren't allowed to gain a single pound.

Kurt wasn't thin. He was frail, yes. But not thin. He was still stuck with his pear shaped body. It made him desperate. He read articles about people starving themselves, about diets with weird foods, about reaching the perfect weight. They were all over the magazines that he had to read for his study. He read about eating disorders, felt bad for the people who have one, then judged them and swore he'd never be stupid enough to fall into a disease like that. Never.

But he kept judging his body, his weight, his shape. Every time he went out with Blaine, he'd get jealous of guys with muscles and perfectly shaped bodies. And he got paranoid. Scared that Blaine would leave him for one of them. So he made up his mind. Maybe if he just ate less, he'd lose a bit more.

But it was never low enough, because the damn pear shape wouldn't go away and Kurt could swear his body wasn't changing at all. Still chubby. Still replaceable. Still not perfect.

Cameron reaches over the desk and takes Kurt's hand in her own. He flinches slightly and stares at her. "Kurt, I'm really proud of you for sharing this. You need to know that. You're making great progress, alright?"

Kurt smiles at her and nods, feeling a bit better, even though there's still tears stinging his eyes, from reliving the memories. "It- It feels good to talk about it." He chokes out.

Cameron pats his hand. "That's a good thing, Kurt. Go have a break now, okay?"

It's been about 5 weeks since Kurt arrived at the clinic and he's getting healthier, stronger. He's gaining weight and with some force, he has picked up a normal eating pattern of three meals a day. He has managed to stop Evan from throwing up his food almost every day, only failing one or two times, because the boy locked the door to the bathroom, ignoring Kurt's pleading words. After another short, encouraging conversation, he manages to talk Evan into leaving the door open, so he can help him.

Kurt is confused and a bit afraid, when Emily asks him to come to her office for a conversation. He doesn't feel like he did anything wrong, but maybe they don't approve of him trying to help Evan, because he has to do it by himself. After entering the room, Emily motions for him to sit down. Kurt does as he's told, his eyes wide with worry.

"Kurt, how do you feel?" She asks him, as soon as he's sitting down. Kurt blinks and shrugs.

"I suppose I feel alright. My head doesn't hurt anymore and I'm less tired." He replies, quietly. He's a bit embarrassed, because they're signs that he's eating enough. Signs that he's had enough calories. Calories that make him gain. He resists the urge to slap himself. He needs to stop thinking. Thinking is bad. Thinking pulls him back.

Emily nods and write something down. "Alright, we want to keep you here for a few more weeks, but you're making great progress, so we have decided you can go home for the weekend, if you're okay with that."

Kurt stares at her, his heart beating loudly in his chest. He wants to go home, he hasn't seen Blaine for over a month and he misses his boyfriend so much, it makes his heart ache. Just the sound of his voice every night isn't enough. But he's scared he's not strong enough and he'll fall back into his old pattern. He digs his nails into his arm, where the pink, faded lines are still visible.

Then he remembers it's almost Blaine's birthday, meaning he has to get over his fear and try to get back to his old life, outside the clinic. So he nods and smiles at Emily. "I'd absolutely love that. I can't wait to see Blaine again." He replies.

Emily returns his smile. "Very well, I'll contact Blaine, so he can pick you up tomorrow, alright?"

Only then, Kurt realises it's Friday already. He can see Blaine tomorrow. His heartbeat speeds up again. "Yes, please. Thank you so much."

Emily shakes her head. "It's fine, Kurt. You did this yourself. You're smart and strong. I'm very proud of you. We all are." She tells him.

Kurt smiles and gets up. He then almost runs back to his room to text Blaine. He can't keep it to himself any longer.

'Blaine? I'm allowed to come home for the weekend!

Tomorrow I will finally see you again!

x Kurt.'