The ride back home is long and silent. Blaine doesn't even try to cheer himself up by turning on the radio. It's like there's an emptiness in his heart. He left Kurt there alone. He's a terrible boyfriend. He should have done more, tried harder to fix Kurt. Even though he knows Kurt really needs this, it hurts to be without him. He knows it will be hell. He hasn't slept one night alone since they moved to New York.

He takes a deep breath and smells Kurt - the coat helps. It calms him down a bit. It reminds him that this is necessary for Kurt's recovery.

When he gets home, he curls up on the couch, without taking the coat off. He stares at the wall for quite some time. The phone rings and it takes a moment until Blaine registers the sound. He picks up the phone, slightly confused.

"Hello?"

"Ah, Blaine, it's Burt. Is everything alright there?"

"I- Burt.. Hi.."

Blaine panics. He doesn't know if he's allowed to tell Burt anything. He digs up his phone from his pocket and sends a quick text to Kurt.

'Babe, your father's on the phone. Can I tell him?'

The reply is almost instant.

'No!'

He sighs and returns his attention to the other phone.

"Yeah, everything is fine. Are you okay too?"

"I'm alright, kid. Could I speak to Kurt?"

"Er.. Well.. Kurt's not home right now. Do you want to leave him a message? I can write it down for when he comes back."

Blaine feels terrible and hates himself more with every word he speaks, because it's all a lie. Kurt isn't fine. He isn't fine. Kurt's not coming home for a longer time than Burt will imagine. But he has to lie for Kurt, even though he doesn't want to. He knows he has to keep it a secret and do this alone. If Burt will ever find out, Blaine will probably get killed, but he's just doing what he thinks is best for now.

"No, it's okay, I just wanted to know how he's doing. You know, after Christmas. You seemed worried too and Kurt wasn't really himself."

"Oh, that. No, he's fine. Like I said, he was just tired. Needed a break, I suppose. Christmas was good for him."

That isn't exactly a lie. Christmas was good. Blaine found out about Kurt's disorder and now he was getting help. Would he have had to visit Kurt in the hospital if he hadn't found out before? Or would Kurt have stayed more careful not to let him know? Or maybe it would have happened and they had to tell him about Kurt's condition at the hospital. Would he have believed them? Or gotten angry and told them they don't even know Kurt and that he surely would know if his boyfriend was underweight and starving himself? The thought scares him a bit.

"Hmm, alright. Well, I'll call back later to talk to Kurt. Take it easy, Blaine."

"I will.. Thank you, Burt. Maybe you can reach Kurt on his own phone."

"I'll try that then. Are you two okay?"

"Of course we are. We barely ever fight. Everything is fine."

"That's very good to hear. Well, talk to you later, alright?"

"Yeah.. Yeah, sure. Bye, Burt."

"Bye, kiddo."

Blaine hangs up the phone and stares at it. He can't believe how Kurt turned him into a liar within seconds. Blaine was never a liar. He believes in telling the truth, no matter how painful, because lies make everything worse in the end. And now he lied to Burt. Twice, even. That time after his fight with Kurt, he played along with Kurt's little lie about the lock being broken. Blaine hates liars.

He sighs in frustration and puts his hands in the pockets of Kurt's coat. They aren't empty - Blaine is lucky. He gets out a package of Kurt's favorite chewing gum, that will surely smell and taste like Kurt's mouth. He finds Kurt's keys, which unsettles him a bit, because Kurt should have the keys to their house. Even though he won't get home for some time.

That's almost everything inside the pockets. Kurt doesn't like trash and he's highly protective of his clothes, that need to be clean all the time. Only things that are really necessary stay in the pockets. And the thing Blaine put in it a few hours ago.

Blaine's fingers close around the plastic case, clenching it hard. It was a bad idea to take this home with him. He should have thrown it away at the clinic or on the drive home, so he'd never see it again. It brings back memories and needs that he pushed out of his minds years ago - that weren't allowed to return and wash over him. Blaine feels scared. He can't go back, especially not with Kurt gone. It's dangerous and wrong and totally unfair towards Kurt. It would be like betrayal; self-destructing while he sent Kurt away to get better.

He gets the case out of the pocket and opens it again. Kurt had no idea. He doesn't know everything about Blaine's past and the evidence had faded away long before Kurt got to see his body. The scars are only visible if you know where they are - if you even know they exist. Blaine takes out one of the razors and stares at it. The urge hadn't come back from the scars, cuts and blood on Kurt's body. That sight had only hurt him, shocked him, made him remember, but not feel any desire or jealousy. Watching the razors, holding them, feeling the familiar cold metal against his digits, it makes him long for the feeling he swore he would never get addicted to again. He stopped because of Kurt. Kurt is gone. But he will come back. Blaine just doesn't know how long it will take.

He shakes his head and puts the razor back in the case, closes it and lets it fall back into the pocket of Kurt's coat. He should throw it away, but he can't. Putting it away is hard enough already. It takes a lot of self-control, but he refuses to let his past get him again. He's not going to betray Kurt.

Kurt picks up at the second ring, sounding tired, but awake.

"Blaine?"

"Hey, baby. How are you feeling?"

"Full and.. big.. I just.. I had dinner. They allowed me to eat half of the food on my plate, because it's my first day."

"I see.. You're beautiful, Kurt. Did you meet some other people yet?"

"Not really. Only my roommate. Evan is really nice, like Emily said. He's.. He's just.."

"Hmm? Babe?"

"Nothing, really. Anyway, I'm tired, but I can't sleep.. I'm scared, Blaine."

Blaine wonders what's upsetting Kurt about his roommate, but decides he shouldn't put too much pressure on Kurt. He knows that the boy will probably tell him if it's important for Blaine to know or if it upsets Kurt a lot.

"It's okay, baby. Are you in bed?"

"Yeah.."

"Lie down and close your eyes. Get comfortable."

"Hmm.. Okay."

"Okay. Now I'll sing you to sleep, beautiful."

Blaine softly begins to sing, turning it into a soft, half-whispered lullaby, while concentrating on Kurt's breathing and casually changing the lyrics from 'she' to 'he'.

"My eyes are no good, blind without him,
The way he moves I'd never doubt him,
When he talks, he somehow creeps into my dreams.
He's a doll, a catch, a winner,
I'm in love and no beginner,
Could ever grasp or understand just what he means.

Baby, baby blue eyes,
Stay with me by my side,
Till the morning, through the night.
Oh baby, stand here holding my sides,
Close your baby blue eyes,
Every moment feels right.
And I may feel like a fool,
But I'm the only one dancing with you.
Ooooh.."

He lets the song slowly fade away into silence when he notices Kurt's breathing has evened out and gotten slightly louder. A soft mumble sounds from the phone. Blaine smiles and closes his eyes, while he ends the call. He puts his phone down on the nightstand and curls up in the empty twin bed. He sighs softly and smells at Kurt's pillow.

"I love you, Kurt. God, I miss you.. Please, be able to come back home soon."

He closes his eyes as a tear slides down his cheek, onto his pillow.

"I think I need you to save me too.."