Something has shifted between them.

They're not back to where they were before - the distance is still there and Kurt doesn't think that's likely to change anytime soon: he feels like he owes it to Blaine not to lead him on until he's absolutely, completely sure where he wants things to go between them. Still, the change is there: in Kurt letting Blaine tell him how his day had been instead of asking about it, in Blaine adding a little more detail to his stories than he used to.

So when they go to pick up Brittany and Santana from the airport early on Wednesday morning the week after their argument, Kurt feels a bit more confident yet, and he only hopes it will be enough for Santana not to pick up on the remaining tension between him and Blaine - the possibility of Santana meddling is not one he's particularly looking forward to.

To Kurt's frustration the two girls have brought a disproportionate amount of luggage and they end up splitting cabs - Blaine pairing with Santana while Kurt shares with Brittany. The arrangement seems ideal until Kurt arrives at their apartment to find Blaine in the kitchen and Santana in his bedroom, luggage and all.

"Did you even try to stop her?" Kurt hisses at Blaine as soon as the girls have retreated to the room to freshen up for a day of sightseeing. "Or, you know, get her to take your room?"

Blaine winces, smiling a bit sheepishly.

"I didn't really have a say in it," he says with a glance to Kurt's bedroom door, "your room was the cleanest and she just went for it. And I put my... stuff... in mine, so it seemed like the better option. But, I mean, I can sleep on the couch, you can have my room, it's not a problem."

Kurt sighs, rubbing his hands over his face.

"Nah," he shakes his head, resigned, "I can do the couch, I'll survive."

"Or we could share," Blaine offers off-handedly. He turns around, but not quickly enough for Kurt to miss the blush that's crept on his cheeks, and Kurt can't help but feel a little mollified. He knows Nick will have a field-trip when he says yes, but that's about the only reason he can think of not to. It's not like they haven't done it before, even before they dated, and there is no doubt it would be the most comfortable option for both of them. Nightrest-wise, at least.

"Ok," he says, smiling a little bashfully when Blaine spins around in surprise, looking at Kurt as if he's sure he didn't hear it right.

"Ok?"

"Ok," Kurt nods again, and he lifts a finger. "But I get to sleep on the right side."

He doesn't see the big grin that appears on Blaine's face at his silly demand because Santana enters the room again, closely followed by Brittany, effectively putting an end to their conversation.

"All right!" she says brightly. "Where are we going?"

.

One of their first stops is the Rockefeller Center. It takes more than a little persuasion to convince Santana that standing on an ugly building to look at a pretty one makes more sense than standing on a pretty building and looking at an ugly one, but she finally gives in, although she keeps mumbling protests under her breath all the way through the elevator ride. But when they arrive at the observation deck even Santana has to admit the view is breathtaking. The clear autumn day allows them a fantastic overview of the New York skyline, and they can easily make out Central Park, the Empire State Building and the Chrysler Building, and both Santana and Brittany immediately rush forward to start taking pictures.

Kurt smiles as he sees them go, pointing things out to each other and making silly poses. Brittany in particular seems not to be able to get enough from the view, constantly finding something new to bounce about. It reminds him of the first time he visited himself, a little over a year ago. The weather hadn't been as great as it was today, although it had been earlier in the year, somewhere in September, but Blaine had insisted they go anyway.

"You seem far away."

Kurt startles when Blaine suddenly moves to stand beside him, but quickly recovers, smiling up at him.

"Just thinking," he says dismissively as he turns back to enjoy the view. "We're really lucky with the weather. Though I maintain you should have brought a scarf - it's windy up here."

Blaine doesn't reply and for a couple of minutes they just stand there, looking out over what they both have come to see as 'their' city. Despite the hustle from the traffic below and the constant talking and shouting from the tourists behind them there's an obvious silence between them -but not uncomfortable, it never is uncomfortable with them, not even after last week's fight-, and it feels soothing, almost, so much so even that Kurt is almost disappointed when Blaine starts talking.

"Remember the first time we came here?"

Kurt's not surprised both their thoughts have gone in similar directions - after all, it had been one of the first things they had done together when he had arrived in New York, and it was one of those things he knew he would never forget. He had taken picture after picture, fruitlessly attempting to catch the sense of space and freedom he had felt at that moment, still reveling in the fact that he had made it, was actually starting a new life in the city he had always dreamt of. When he finally gave up, Blaine had moved behind him, wrapping his arms around Kurt and leaning his chin on Kurt's shoulder.

"Welcome to New York," he had whispered, and for a split second Kurt had been convinced Blaine would spin him around and kiss him. He hadn't, of course, but Kurt would never forget that tension, that fleeting moment of imaginary hope that had haunted him long after that day.

"You mean the first time you took me here," he says, casting a sideways glance. "And yes, of course I remember."

"It was the first time coming here for me, too," Blaine admits quietly, and Kurt's head snaps up in surprise.

"It was?" he asks, incredulous. "But... you'd been living here for over a year!"

Blaine shrugs.

"I wanted to come here with you." He chuckles when he continues. "I had to keep myself from kissing you so much that day - you were so excited and happy about everything I showed you and it was all just so... adorable."

It's enough to make Kurt speechless, unsure of what to do with this little tidbit of information, whether he wants to hug Blaine for confirming that what he had felt all those months ago had been real, or kick him for... for what exactly? For making things harder?

Not counting their hug on the bridge the week before Kurt has kept his promise, this past month. They usually kiss each other goodbye in the mornings and hello in the evenings, and there are glances and brushing hands, but apart from that Operation Keep-Your-Distance-From-Blaine has been a success. In theory, at least, because it hasn't brought Kurt the answers he had hoped it would, not in the least because the whole ordeal requires a massive amount of energy and self restraint, and even more so after the aforementioned hug.

Kurt has been fighting the urge to hug Blaine, to kiss Blaine almost as long as he can remember, but it seems so much harder now, somehow - even if just the idea still freaks him out a little, he can't deny the want he's hiding. Because he knows exactly how it feels, now. He knows the way his head fits perfectly in the crook of Blaine's neck. He knows the little humming sound Blaine makes in the back of his throat after every kiss. He knows the softness of the skin right above Blaine's hipbones. He knows all that but even though it's right in front of him he can't have it, not before he figures things out, not before he's sure. But despite his best intentions he is not even a little closer to knowing how he's supposed to get to that point than he was three months ago.

He can feel Blaine standing next to him, so close their arms almost touch, but Kurt forces himself to keep looking straight ahead because he shouldn't. He can't.

Apparently, though, Blaine can.

Kurt draws in a sharp breath when he feels Blaine take his hand, squeezing it lightly as if he knows what is going through Kurt's mind, and he hesitates before he squeezes back, unsure of what signal he's sending with that. He doesn't get the chance to think about it further, though.

"Can we go down now?" Brittany pipes up behind them and Kurt spins around, letting go of Blaine's hand quickly as if it was burning him and he only hopes Brittany hasn't seen it - it would be hard to make her understand she couldn't tell Santana.

"Of course," he smiles at her, walking away from Blaine without a glance, as if they hadn't just held hands for the first time in weeks. "Where do you wanna go next?"

Chatting excitedly, Brittany shows him all the things she's circled in her tourist guide, and he lets her lead the conversation and the way as they walk first along Times Square and then down to Central Park to hunt for trolls. He takes them to Broadway and down to the West Village -one of his favorite neighborhoods in the city- laughing when Santana complains loudly about the complete lack of order in the street grid and snapping a quick picture of Brittany's face when what she thought was a statue suddenly pulls her pony tail in Washington Square Park. It isn't until he notices Blaine getting nervous that he even looks at the time - a quarter to six.

"So, ladies, how about dinner?" he asks after exchanging a quick glance with Blaine. "There's a small pizza place a few blocks from here - I promise it'll blow your mind."

There's the inevitable sneer from Santana -"Are you sure it's our minds that are going to be blown?"- and confusing comment from Brittany -"Do they have banana pizzas?"-, but they manage to agree anyway, and barely half an hour later three pizzas and a goat cheese salad are brought to their table. They're not even five minutes in when Blaine excuses himself to go to the bathroom and Kurt is left alone with his high school friends.

"You should stop being with other people."

It's Brittany who makes the blunt statement as soon as Blaine is out of earshot, and Kurt is not sure exactly what makes his mouth fall open - the remark itself, or the fact that Brittany actually had the sense of mind to wait until Blaine was gone to bring it up. Whatever she thinks 'it' is.

"I'm... not sure I'm following," he replies uneasily, and the look Brittany shoots him is even more confused than he is feeling.

"Blaine looks sad when he looks at you," she explains matter-of-factly, "like San looked at me when I was with Artie. Then I stopped being with Artie and only be with San and then she wasn't sad anymore. So you should just be with Blaine, so he will stop being sad."

Oh.

Kurt casts a quick glance at Santana, but the blank look she gives him makes it clear he shouldn't expect much help from her.

"I'm not with other people, Brittany," he says carefully, "And... and I'm not with Blaine either."

It takes Brittany a couple of seconds to process the information, eyes widening on the realization.

"Why not?" she asks, the genuine curiosity in her voice only increasing Kurt's uneasiness. "Is Blaine with other people? Because you look sad, too, when you look at him."

It's all Kurt can do to not gasp in bewilderment. That Brittany claims that Blaine looks at him as anything else than a friend is already a bit of stretch, even if it causes Kurt's heart to jump in his chest. But for her to state Kurt looks at Blaine the same way, when he's still unsure about how he feels about Blaine, when he has been fighting for weeks to put some distance between the two of them trying to clear his head... it's nothing short of unsettling, and the way Santana is looking at him now -arms crossed, head cocked slightly to the side, looking as if she's found a mouse stuck in a trap and wonders whether it will be able to get out on its own account- doesn't help in the least.

He's still trying to gather his thoughts when Blaine returns from the bathroom.

"Everything ok?" he asks when he notices the heavy silence hanging between the three former classmates. "Did I miss something?"

"Not at all," Santana replies airily, shooting a quick glance at Kurt which leaves him without doubt they are not done talking about this. "Actually, Kurt was just saying you've been applying for an internship in L.A. - you should tell me more about that."

For a moment, Blaine hesitates, but when Kurt gives him a reassuring smile, he complies, giving the short, censored version of the position he's trying to get in Santana and Brittany's new hometown. Kurt quickly zones out - he had to hear most of the details when Blaine was calling Gary a couple of days earlier, and he really has other things to worry about now, like exactly what the two girls had seen -or thought they had seen- and what Santana would have to say about it.

He sighs.

It was going to be a long weekend.

-o0o-

After that first day the girls mostly go their own way, and much to Kurt's surprise Santana doesn't once try to bring up the issue of him and Blaine. So when Kurt prepares to go to bed on Saturday evening, the feeling of dread and anticipation that has haunted him for the past days has finally dissipated somewhat. Just one more day, and they'll be having the apartment to themselves again. And more importantly - Kurt will have his room to himself again.

It's strange, though, he thinks, stepping into Blaine's bed, how quickly the mattress has re-adapted to his shape. Quicker, certainly, than he has adapted to sleeping next to Blaine again for the first time in months. Being this close to Blaine, literally, had been harder than he had imagined it would be, but to his relief -even if the feeling was mixed with an unexpected, conflicting sense of disappointment- there hadn't been any unconscious night-cuddling or awkward waking up in each others arms in the mornings.

He tries not to look when Blaine steps out of the bathroom, dressed in nothing more than a pair of sweats - although even those are a concession to Kurt sleeping here, he knows: Blaine runs perpetually hot in his sleep, and usually doesn't bother with pajamas or the like. It's one more thing that Kurt is unable to assess his feelings about, and so, if he is really honest with himself, 'trying not to look' is actually more like 'pretending not to look'. The lights are out, but the blinds are still open and the New York City lights dress the room in a twilight atmosphere that both hides the flaws of Blaine's body Kurt knows for a fact are there -like the scar on his side from when he fell off his bike in second grade- and brings out his assets. His shoulders, for example. And his abs.

"I will never understand how you can sleep like that," he comments when Blaine slips next to him under the sheets, "especially in winter. I would be freezing."

Blaine shrugs.

"What can I say? I'm hot."

There's a second of silence, but then the cheesiness of the comment has both of them shaking with laughter.

"Oh god, I can't believe I actually said that," Blaine shakes his head when they finally calm down, still grinning.

"It's true, though."

The words have slipped out almost unnoticed, and Kurt draws in a sharp breath when he realizes what he's just said. But when Blaine turns his head at him in surprise, he chances a smile. If he's doing this he can just as well do it right, after all.

"You are."

There's a short moment of silence in which Blaine seizes Kurt up, and Kurt can feel his heart pound in his chest until Blaine finally smiles back and returns to look at the ceiling.

"Thanks."

Blaine's profile is outlined sharply against the background, and Kurt can't help but look at him: his thick, bushy eyebrows, the slightly-too-big nose. His gaze skims over Blaine's lips, determined not to linger there, and he lets his eyes trail further down along Blaine's neck and Adams' apple, his chest, the chest hairs softly glistening in the street light.

"You're staring at me."

Kurt's head immediately snaps back, and he swallows uneasily.

"I'm sorry."

"I don't mind."

It takes Kurt a couple of seconds before he gathers the courage to turn his head again, and he can feel his breath hitch in his throat when he sees Blaine looking back at him.

"How does this come so easy to you?" he asks before he can stop himself. "Us, I mean. How come you fall back in this... relationship... so effortlessly while it takes me weeks to make one small baby step?"

"I don't." A pause. "It doesn't."

Blaine looks away.

"You're here, Kurt. I was stupid and irresponsible and selfish and still you're here. Believe me, that will never, ever come easy to me."

There's a tremor to Blaine's voice, an undertone of guilt that makes Kurt's stomach twist.

"It wasn't your fault, you know," he says softy, and he means it, too. He reproaches Blaine a whole number of things -the lies, the secrecy- but not that. "What happened that night. It wasn't your fault."

"Now you sound just like Brad."

Kurt flinches at the name. He's still not sure how he feels about Brad, still doesn't understand why Blaine wants to build a friendship with a guy that seemed to be nothing but trouble if Blaine's medical file and their fight last week were any indication - but if he was on Kurt's side for this, Kurt would take it.

"Well then, maybe I should revise my opinion of him," he smiles before returning his gaze to the ceiling, suddenly more contemplative. "I was the sober one, Blaine. You don't even remember what happened you were so drunk. I was sober, and I knew you had issues with sex, even if I didn't know why. And still I took advantage of you being drunk to take something you weren't prepared to give me."

"I shouldn't have gotten that drunk in the first place," Blaine counters stubbornly. "And anyways I should've told you earlier."

That, at least, Kurt can't deny.

"You should've," he says, glad when he manages to keep the judgment out of his voice. He pauses for a moment, wondering if he can ask the question - if Blaine's ready to have that conversation. If he's ready.

It takes him several minutes to gather the courage.

"Why didn't you? I mean, you didn't... you didn't genuinely believe I would walk out on you, did you?"

For a few long seconds there doesn't seem to be any response from Blaine, who remains still, looking up, and Kurt starts wondering if he even heard the question.

"Not as a friend, no." Blaine finally breaks the silence. "But I... I didn't want you to be my friend. I wanted for you to be more than that. And... as long as I didn't tell you, I had a reason why we weren't together. And it sucked, but at least I knew it was my own doing. Telling you would mean I wouldn't have any excuse not to... I don't know... pursue you, I guess, for lack of a better term. And I didn't think you wouldn't want to be my friend anymore, but... I wasn't- I wasn't so sure if you would want to be... more. And the thought of you turning me down because of th�t... I don't- I'm not sure if I would've been able to be friends with you then."

"But... we're friends n�w, aren't we?" Kurt asks, a little ill-at-ease, because even if the reasons behind their break up were slightly more complicated than just Blaine's HIV status, he had never considered the option that maybe staying friends was hard on Blaine, too. But when he sees Blaine smile back at him, he relaxes.

"Yes. Yes, we are," Blaine says.

Kurt nods, and they lay together quiet for some time as Kurt thinks back of what Blaine had said, how he was scared Kurt would have walked out on Blaine if he had known. He's almost disappointed in his 16-year-old self, to have come across so narrow-minded and prejudiced for Blaine to think such a thing, but he can't keep away the memories his mind conjures up for him, of the way he still flinches when he sees Blaine take his meds, of the words he'd so carelessly flung at his head last week, of his reaction to Blaine challenging him to kiss him. He's all too aware of his ever-present worry about Blaine - whether he eats well, doesn't go out with wet hair, doesn't forget his meds, and he moves his hand, exploring the space between them until he feels Blaine's arm, and he trails his fingers along it to grab Blaine's hand.

"I understand why you didn't, though," he says as he squeezes gently, relieved when Blaine squeezes back. "Tell me, I mean."

"I'm glad you know," Blaine whispers, his eyes glistening in the dark. "Even if that was the last way I wanted you to find out. But I'm glad you know, now. And I'm glad we're still friends."

Kurt swallows hard, pushing away the memory of Brad pinning Blaine against the hall wall, focusing on Blaine's earlier words instead, on whatever it was Brittany thought she had seen.

"Do you still want us to be more?"

He hasn't been able to stop thinking about it since Blaine's night out, if maybe Nick was wrong, if maybe Blaine wouldn't wait for him but replace him with someone who didn't freak out over something a trivial as an internship application. And maybe it wasn't Brad, but Kurt was sure there were tons of other guys out there who would be happy to take Blaine, HIV and all.

It takes Blaine a couple of seconds again before he answers, and he strengthens his hold on Kurt's hand as he speaks.

"You're here, Kurt," he repeats what he'd said before. "You've seen me at my worst, you know my biggest secret, and you're still here. That's more than I ever hoped for. Hell, it's more than I deserve. And I will never again jeopardize that. Never."

He feels he doesn't deserve me, Kurt realizes with a shock, and before he even knows what he's doing he's rolled on his side, facing Blaine, reaching out to try to reassure him, to tell him they will be all right. But his hand stills mid-air when he sees Blaine looking back at him - eyes shiny from withheld tears, one corner of his mouth lifted in a shaky smile. And he can't do this. He can't tell Blaine it's going to be all right, can't give him that hope if he's not 100% sure it won't be false.

Still, in a way, it's reassuring to know he's not alone being scared of disturbing the careful balance they've built out over the last couple of weeks, that Blaine isn't always as confident on the inside as he appears on the outside. And so he drops his hand, taking hold of Blaine's once more instead.

"Goodnight, Blaine," he says, softly rubbing his thumb over the back of Blaine's hand.

"Sweet dreams, Kurt," Blaine replies, returning the gesture.

The next morning when they wake up neither of them comments on the fact their hands are still locked together.