July 30, 2013, 9:39 a.m.
Danger!verse
The danger inside of me: Chapter 20
E - Words: 7,023 - Last Updated: Jul 30, 2013 Story: Complete - Chapters: 26/26 - Created: Jun 05, 2012 - Updated: Apr 13, 2022 644 0 8 0 0
'Heymmmppphhhhhh' is about all Blaine manages before Kurt cuts him off, pressing his lips against Blaine's and pushing him back until Blaine's back hits the wall off the hallway with a soft thud.
"Kurt... Kurt I- Kurt, Kurt stop!"
Blaine laughs, pushing back Kurt who keeps trying to bridge the gap between them, eyes closed and lips pursed as he leans his full weight against Blaine's hands.
"Kurt, what are you doing?"
"I've missed you," is Kurt's only reply, and Blaine laughs again.
"It's only been like... 16 hours."
"I still missed you."
Once again Kurt pushes forward and this time Blaine's arms give out, leaving Kurt to collapse on top of Blaine. Blaine lets him, wrapping his arms around him and pressing a kiss against Kurt's hair, kicking out his leg to close the front door and keep out the cold December wind.
"How did things go with yo-"
"I don't want to talk about it," Kurt interrupts Blaine determinedly, burying his face a little deeper in the crook of Blaine's neck. "I was watching movies with Finn all night yesterday, and this morning I only got up after he left for the garage and I left before he got back for lunch. Which is why I'm early."
"Kurt..."
"I know!" Kurt pushes himself back a little so he can look at Blaine. "I know. He's just being an overprotective parent and I'm just being a stubborn brat but today is your day and I don't wanna think about me or my dad so just let me be a stubborn brat for one more day and then we'll talk, okay? Please?"
He's momentarily out of breath, having talked too fast, and from the way Blaine's looking at him Kurt can tell he's not too happy about Kurt's unwillingness to talk, but to his relief Blaine nods anyway.
"All right," he finally says, pressing a small kiss on the tip of Kurt's nose. "We'll talk later. So, what do you wanna do? Have you eaten already?"
"No..." Kurt says slowly, teasing with his finger along the row of buttons of Blaine's shirt. "But my stomach can wait. I haven't seen you in 16 hours and we have the house to ourselves - we do have the house to ourselves, right?"
"Gary and Ben are off to visit Ben's grandmother in Columbus," Blaine confirms with a nod, "and my parents left about two hours ago for dinner with my grandparents at The Royal Court, which means they're probably enjoying the 'Shell fish bouillon with lemon verbena and oyster leaves' as we speak. Well, either that or something equally expensive and tasteless."
"Perfect..."
Kurt leans forward just a little and Blaine immediately responds, parting his lips to kiss Kurt back eagerly, and they probably wouldn't have stopped any time soon if Kurt's stomach hadn't chosen that exact moment to make clear exactly where its priorities lay, making Kurt drop his head against Blaine's shoulder in frustration. But Blaine just laughs.
"Seems like your stomach can't wait after all," he teases, ducking expertly under Kurt's arm. "Come on, let's grab a bite."
"But I'm not hungry," Kurt whines feebly even as he grabs Blaine's outstretched hand, but another growl of his stomach and Blaine's subsequent eye roll don't leave him much choice, and he lets himself be dragged to the kitchen.
The kitchen turns out to be at the other side of the house, and as Kurt follows Blaine's lead he allows himself to take a look around: even though he's dropped Blaine off and picked him up on a number of occasions, he's never actually been inside his house before. It's big, although not as big as he'd had expected it to be, and even though it's clear good money has been paid for perfect color schemes and high-end furniture, it doesn't look uncozy at all.
"Want something to drink?" Blaine asks, already pulling the fridge open, and Kurt nods.
"Do you have juice or something?"
"We... should have," Blaine replies, suddenly hesitant as he pushes some bottles aside. "But as it appears we don't. I'm sure we have some in the basement, though, just a sec."
"Sure," Kurt says absently, still looking around at the kitchen which looks sadly unused, already imagining himself cooking here. It's not so much the appliances -which are surprisingly low quality in comparison with the rest of the furniture- but the sheer amount of space that appeals to him.
Well, that, and the marble counter top.
He's just lamenting the absence of any family pictures on the fridge when the door opens again - although it's not the one Blaine disappeared in.
"Blaine! Blaine, honey, we're back! You'll never believe wha-"
Kurt has only ever seen Blaine's parents once, at Blaine's graduation, but even if he hadn't there would have been no doubt in his mind as to who has just entered the kitchen: the woman in front is basically a shorter, female version of Blaine, while the tall, grayish white man that enters behind her reminds Kurt very much of Gary. Conversely, however, Blaine's parents don't seem to have any clue as to who he is, and for a few long, uncomfortable seconds, the three of them stare at each other in silence.
"Kurt! Kurt, we're out of orange juice, but I- Mom! Dad! What are you doing here?"
Blaine has stopped short in the door opening, his hands, each carrying a carton of juice, falling limply by his side when Mrs. Anderson sends him a reprimanding look, and he continues in a much smaller voice.
"I- I mean, I didn't expect you to be home so soon?"
"Neither did we," Mrs. Anderson replies simply before she gestures at her husband whose white dress shirt sports a huge orange stain. "But there were some unforeseeable circumstances and we thought it best to deal with those before continuing our meal. I didn't expect you to be inviting guests over."
The tone of her voice, like her words, is formal, though not unfriendly, and Kurt only wishes he could see her face so he could get a better idea of what she's thinking. But she's keeping her eyes fixed on Blaine, who's writhing under the attention.
"Oh- yes... it's not- I mean, it wasn't-..." Blaine stumbles through his sentences, trying to apologize and explain himself all at once whilst simultaneously trying to get rid of the juice cartons he's still holding, and it's all Kurt can do to step up himself.
"Pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Anderson, Mr. Anderson," he says, voice clear, although he's sure the tiny quiver doesn't escape Mrs. Anderson's attention. Then again, it doesn't seem like there's much that escapes her attention. "I'm Kurt- Kurt Hummel, I'm Blaine's..."
He hesitates for a moment, suddenly not sure how to introduce himself. Because even though he knows Blaine's parents are aware that Blaine and he are dating -and it was only yesterday Blaine had told him his parents wanted to meet him-, he also knows there's quite a difference between wanting to meet your son's boyfriend, and actually meeting him.
He needn't have worried, though.
"... boyfriend," Mrs. Anderson finishes his sentence for him, her face breaking open in a wide smile as she returns his handshake more firmly than he had expected from such a small, frail-looking person. "You're Blaine's boyfriend. It's very nice to finally meet you, Kurt. I wish I could say I heard all about you but unfortunately our Blaine isn't much of a talker."
She shoots a meaningful look at Blaine, who looks like he's about ready to sink through the ground, but she's not finished yet.
"I would also like to apologize on my son's behalf for yesterday. After such a long drive-"
"Mom!"
"After such a long drive," Mrs. Anderson repeats after another stern look at her son, "the least he could have done was invite you in for a cup of coffee. I like to think I raised him better than that, but ever since he went to live in that big city..."
"Mom, I told you: he didn't want to come in! And Gary-"
"It's not Gary's responsibility to take care of your boyfriend, Blaine," Mrs. Anderson interrupts him stringently, and Kurt has to bite his lip to keep himself from giggling - the whole scene is so ridiculously domestic it feels like he's walked in on the set of some bad 90s sitcom, and it's only the sight of an obviously embarrassed Blaine that gives Kurt the resolve to keep his face straight.
"Actually, Mrs. Anderson," he lies, though his heart is beating hard against his chest, "Blaine did invite me in. But it was getting late and I really wanted to see my family, and Blaine was kind enough to give me a rain check. I really didn't intend to insult your hospitality."
"Oh no, honey, of course you wanted to see your family!" The change in Mrs. Anderson's demeanor is immediate, turning from official spokesperson to overconcerned grandmother, and she puts her hand on Kurt's arm. It only makes Kurt feel all the more guilty for lying to her. "Blaine said he'd asked and you didn't want to, but between you and me I thought he might have made it up just to appease me. Don't look at me like that, Blaine, we both know you would."
She says the last sentence directly to a grumbling and still fiercely blushing Blaine, but before she can continue her husband taps her on the shoulder, pointing at his shirt and then towards the hallway, dragging her attention away from Kurt and Blaine for a moment, to the relief of both boys who exchange an exasperated look.
"... don't bother soaking this one," Kurt hears Mrs. Anderson say softly to her husband when he tunes back in, "it's ruined anyway. And I'm not letting you wear white again - take the grey one, it's-"
Maybe Kurt could have stopped the small gasp even if he'd tried a little harder, but the fact of the matter is that he hadn't, and he didn't, and so suddenly he finds himself at the end of that very same stern look he'd been pitying Blaine for just moments ago.
"I-eh..." he starts, glancing at Blaine who is looking down, fiddling with his fingers and of absolutely no help. "I mean, I assume you were going for a cool, silver type of gray, which of course would be an excellent choice."
He fully intends to keep it at that, but one look from Mrs. Anderson makes it clear she knows he was going to say something different and will not move until she hears it, and he takes a deep breath. He already told Mrs. Anderson one lie, it was probably better to stick to truths for the remainder of the conversation.
"Alternatively, if you would for example like to complement your dress," Kurt gestures at Mrs. Anderson's outfit, though he quickly drops his hand when he sees how much it is shaking, "you could maybe consider a more yellowish tone of shirt, a vanilla or cream color, perhaps? You could of course still combine with a gray tie, if you'd like."
He's suddenly trembling - he honestly doesn't know what he'd imagined his first conversation with his future mother-in-law would have been about, but he's pretty sure it didn't include him giving unsolicited fashion advice. By the looks of it, Blaine's mother has about the same idea, but there's nothing much else Kurt can do but to force himself to keep smiling, and stand up a little straighter.
"William," Mrs. Anderson says to her husband, without breaking eye contact with Kurt. "You should really go change. Take the Raf Simons shirt, you know: the one you wore at-"
"-senator Wilkins' third-"
"-fourth-"
"-fourth wedding. Yes, I know."
It's the first time Kurt hears Mr. Anderson speak, surprisingly soft for a man who easily reaches 6 feet, and oddly reminiscent of the way Blaine talks to him when he's trying to appease him.
Soon enough though Mr. Anderson has disappeared into the hallway, and Mrs. Anderson reclaims Kurt's full attention, asking him questions about school and his dad's stance on a bill Kurt honestly wasn't even aware was up for voting. And even though it can't be longer than five minutes before Mr. Anderson reappears with a new, perfectly ironed cream-colored shirt, it feels like an eternity has passed when finally -finally- Mrs. Anderson seems to remember they still have a lunch to finish, and they make to leave.
"Bye Blaine," she tells Blaine, pressing a kiss against his cheek. "Kurt - it was nice meeting you."
She holds out her hand and Kurt takes it, although he gets a little distracted when he sees how next to him Mr. Anderson squeeze Blaine's shoulder.
"Good luck tonight, son," he says, and Blaine nods. "Don't forget the camcorder - it's on the table in the hall. I charged the batteries last night so you should be good. Did you explain to Kurt how it works? Kurt, did he explain to you how to work the camera?"
"Eh- he... no, I mean-," Kurt stumbles over his words, feeling himself grow smaller under Mr. Anderson's amber gaze. "He-eh... he was just about to show me, actually."
Blaine's eyes widen, but there's nothing Kurt can do now, especially not when Mr. Anderson is beaming at him.
"Thank you," Mr. Anderson says gratefully, grabbing Kurt's hand, "I had a feeling he'd try to get out of it, you know, but I know I can count on you, right, Kurt?"
"Oh- a-absolutely," Kurt stutters. "It was nice to meet you, Mr. Anderson. Mrs. Anderson."
A final wave and smile, and then both Blaine's parents are finally out the door, and Kurt lets himself fall back against the counter.
"Oh. my. god," he sighs, chancing a smile at Blaine. "That was... intense."
"It was," Blaine confirms with a relieved sigh as he walks over to Kurt, wrapping his arms around his waist. "You did great though."
"I did?" Kurt makes a doubtful face. "I mean, it started out ok, but when I corrected your mother's choice of color I was sure she was ready to shoot me."
"Are you crazy? My mom loves you already. She does!" Blaine reiterates when Kurt looks at him skeptically. "My dad ended up with the cream shirt, didn't he? She never would have taken your advice if she didn't like you at least a little - trust me."
"I don't know," Kurt says hesitantly, feeling less confident about his first meeting with Blaine's parents the longer he thinks about it. "They didn't even, like, correct me on the whole 'Mr. and Mrs. Anderson' thing."
But to Kurt's surprise, Blaine starts laughing.
"Oh dear, if that's going to be your reference to determine whether you're considered part of the family, you're going to have to wait a looooooooong time," he grins, tucking a stray strand of hair behind Kurt's ear. "Ben still calls them 'Mr. and Mrs. Anderson'."
"But he's been seeing Gary for-"
"-over four years," Blaine confirms, smiling at Kurt's astonishment. "So just... don't take it personal, it's my mom - some respect thing, I don't know. Either way, prepare to call her 'Mrs. Anderson' for the rest of your life."
Somehow the knowledge that even Ben, who Kurt knows gets along great with the Andersons, is still stuck in the formalities-phase, is mildly reassuring to Kurt. But even if he's still doubtful about Mrs. Anderson's opinion of him...
"I think I may have scored a point with your dad..."
"Yeah, what'd you do that for?" Blaine immediately exclaims, untangling himself from Kurt's embrace and giving him a playful push. "I told you I don't want it taped and then you pull that!"
"Well, what was I supposed to do?" Kurt yells back. He's laughing though, even if he still feels pushed a little into defense. "Basically the first thing I said to your mom was a lie, I wasn't gonna lie to your dad as well! I was just trying to be a good son-in-law..."
"Son-in-law?" Blaine smirks, laughing when Kurt sticks out his tongue in reply. "Why, Mr. Hummel, that's awfully forward of you wouldn't you think?"
"Too forward?" Kurt teases, pulling Blaine closer by his sides while Blaine himself puts his finger against his lip, pretending to think.
"Not necessarily," he says slowly, "although I'd advise you to put the wishes of your potential husband before those of your potential father-in-law."
"Oh really?"
"Really," Blaine nods gravely. "Which leaves us with one question... however shall we solve the camcorder problem?"
"Well..." Kurt lets his finger trail down the row of button's on Blaine's shirt. "I know one thing we could tape all afternoon which would cause the batteries to not last until tonight..."
It takes Blaine exactly half a second before he gets it, and Kurt bursts out laughing when he sees Blaine stare back at him, his eyes widened comically.
"Seriously?"
"No," Kurt hiccups, still laughing, "but it was worth it to see your face. So maybe- I should... remember that for... future... reference."
The words bring a deep blush to Blaine's cheeks, rivaled only by the heat Kurt can feel tingling under his own skin - not to mention the increasing tightness in his pants. They don't often do this: even if they're slowly getting more and more comfortable with the physical aspect of their relationship, sex is still a serious issue, something that needs to be discussed rather than joked about, and so the teasing that has so casually slipped off of Kurt's tongue suddenly hangs heavy between them.
"F-food!" Blaine breaks the impasse, stepping back and trailing his hand through his hair. "We were- we were going to have some food. Before... before my parents... came in."
"Food! Yes- yes... right- food."
They're both too embarrassed to really look at each other, but when Kurt catches Blaine peeking at him from under his arm as he pretends to look for something in the fridge they both burst out in a giggling fit. And just like that the tension between them is broken again, and Kurt bites his lip as he discreetly tries to rearrange himself. The mention of Blaine's parents and the idea of them showing up unannounced a second time was enough to chase any and all inappropriate thoughts and plans away, but just the fact they were able to joke about it makes him feel like he's floating on air. Either way he's sure they'll find other things to fill their afternoon with.
And they do.
They eat, of course, and then Blaine attempts -and fails- to teach Kurt how to play snooker, which leads Kurt to demand they watch The Notebook as compensation, which in turn leads to them watching some jazz documentary which happens to be on when the movie ended and which Blaine insists on watching.
All in all it's a relaxing day, but as they start getting ready for the Christmas Spectacular Blaine is getting increasingly nervous, and Kurt cringes when he hears Blaine yell.
"Stupid stupid t-"
"Everything ok?" he asks, leaning around the corner of the bathroom door.
"The stupid tie just. won't. tie," Blaine says angrily, tugging at the offending item with every word, and Kurt dashes forward, turning Blaine away from the mirror and towards him as he swats away Blaine's hands to fix the tie himself.
"There," he says barely thirty seconds later, giving a small pat on Blaine's chest, "done."
Blaine mumbles something indistinguishable under his breath and then turns back towards the mirror, leaning forward to inspect Kurt's handiwork although his attention is quickly diverted to his hair, his eyebrows, his cheeks.
"You look fine, Blaine," Kurt says, dragging him away from the mirror once more and putting his hands on his shoulders to steady him. "And you're going to do great. I really don't see why you're so nervous about this all of a sudden, you've spoken in public plenty of times before."
"I've sung in public plenty of times before," Blaine corrects him, "I don't usually speak. This isn't like... copy-pasting a song that somebody else made into a success already, this is me. In front of almost all of my friends. And the joke of course is I can't even show them it's me..."
He's writhing, trying to escape Kurt's grip to check himself in the mirror, check whether the paper with his written down speech is really in his pocket, check whether his cufflinks are still shining - check everything just one more time, just one more time.
"Of course you can show them it's you!" Kurt exclaims. "You care about this project, right? You want to educate people and inform them, don't you? Well, then? You may not show them all of you, but it's still gonna be you. I mean, you sang Teenage Dream to me in your usual register even though you have a mean falsetto, but that doesn't mean it wasn't an honest performance, now does it?"
"No..." Blaine grumbles unwillingly, and Kurt leans forward, using one finger to turn Blaine's face towards him to kiss him. It's just a simple touch of their lips, but Kurt can almost feel Blaine relax next to him.
"You'll be great," he whispers, pressing their foreheads together for just a second before he pulls back. "Just... stick to what you've written, be your charming, dreamy self, and everything will be fine. Now come on... we don't want to be late."
-o0o-
They're still late, although not fashionably so, and the Central Hall is already buzzing with laughter and voices, each trying to overpower the other as the attendees exchange stories of the past year, anecdotes that aren't really funny but that everyone laughs at anyway.
One boy, his Dalton uniform clearly fresh from the dry cleaners, takes their coats while another offers them a drink, and Blaine can't help but stare at them. It's been only three years since he was in their position, a senior student proud to help at the big event, but it feels like a lifetime has passed since then. So many things have happened, both good and bad, but as he glances at Kurt he knows he can honestly say the good outweigh the bad by far.
Their arrival doesn't go unnoticed - the headmaster stops by for a second to confirm some details of the evening, but also their former classmates and even some of the older Warblers soloists come say 'hi'. Whether the news of their relationship has proceeded them or they really are that obvious, Blaine doesn't know, but everybody seems to know he and Kurt are officially together now and he quickly loses track of how many 'Finally!'s and 'I always said you would end up together!'s are directed at them. It's enough to almost makes him forget about his nerves, and it's only a few minutes before he finds himself joining in with the conversations around him, acknowledging the comments with his usual broad smile, now and again snaking his arm around Kurt's waist for good measure.
The only -or rather, first- hiccup of the night comes when Jeff quite literallycomes running up to them and all but throws himself around Blaine's neck.
"I just heard, man," Jeff says when he finally untangles himself from Blaine, gripping his shoulders, "and I just wanted you to know I am so proud of you. You're an inspiration to all of us, Blaine, you really are."
"Well, that's... very nice of you to say," Blaine laughs, only half succeeding in hiding his confusion. "It's just a presentation, though, to get me some extra credit, it's really not that big of a deal."
The reply seems to throw Jeff off for just a second, but he quickly recovers, giving Kurt a tight hug before excusing himself and leaving both men to frown at each other and then shrug - after all Jeff has never needed a rational reason to behave the way he does. Later though, Blaine will wonder whether it was thanks to Jeff that he even realized something was off.
Because after he gets whisked away from Kurt by the Dean to meet some of the main benefactors, and he finds himself being dragged from one influential alumnus to the next, that's when he starts noticing the other things - the looks and the stares and the whispers. It's nothing big - there's nobody pointing at him, nobody calling him names or going out of their way to avoid him. But he can't ignore the increasing nervousness that is building up in his body, can't shake the uneasy feeling that's come over him ever since Jeff's strange greeting, that constant awareness of being judged and scrutinized that he had gotten so familiar with the months before he transferred to Dalton. It's not the same, obviously: everyone here is perfectly polite to him, laughing at his jokes at all the right times, but there is something in the way they look him over when he is introduced to them - curiosity, unease, and even fascination, and even if Blaine rationally knows that there is no possible way that what he's dreading is true, his gut tells him differently.
He has to find Kurt.
.
After Blaine has left him to mingle with the more opulent part of the night's attendees -and really Kurt doesn't mind, the whole point of the evening is fundraising after all- Kurt finds himself standing a bit forlorn in the middle of the hall, until he spots Nick leaning against the opposite wall, a dopey smile on his face as he's typing away on his mobile phone.
"Who's the lucky one?" Kurt teases as he goes to stand beside him, but when Nick starts blushing and immediately puts away his phone, Kurt gasps.
"Oh my god, there IS a lucky one!" he exasperates, automatically reaching for Nick's pocket even as Nick turns away and tries to shush him. "How long has this been going on? Oh god, I can't believe you didn't even tell me! Where di-"
"Will you just shut up?" Nick hisses, blushing even more furiously than he was before, trying to hold on to his phone. "Not everybody needs to know, all right?"
Kurt does lower his voice a little at that, although he doesn't let go of the phone.
"Well, I need to know," he insists. "How long have you been going out? Where did you meet? Come on, Nick, at least tell me if it's a guy or a girl!"
Nick laughs - a little, bashful laugh that reminds Kurt of when they'd first started dating, and even if he's more than happy with Blaine, he feels a small jolt of jealousy for whoever it is that managed to bring back that smile on Nick's face.
"There's nothing to tell, really," Nick finally gives in, although the way he bites his lip contradicts his words. "We met through a mutual friend a couple of weeks back, and then we kind of ran into each other again in the club last weekend. We haven't even gone on an actual date yet."
"But you like them," Kurt says, states, and he smiles when he sees Nick duck his head and bite his lip.
"I do," Nick nods. "I really, really like him."
"Oooo... so it's a 'him'!"
Kurt can't help himself: he throws his arms around Nick's neck. Because Nick hasn't really had a relationship to speak of since he and Kurt broke up; and even though it's not something he ever complained about, or even looked for, claiming he was happy to enjoy his single life as long as it lasted, it makes Kurt all the more excited to actually hear Nick talk this way about another person.
"Oh Nicky I'm so happy for you!"
"Hey, we're not married just yet." Nick laughs, although he gladly accepts Kurt's hug. "But I'm happy for me too."
"So, do you have a picture? Can I see? You have to introduce us, don't you let him touch you before he gets the Kurt Hummel seal of approval, you hear?"
Kurt's bouncing up and down, so absorbed by his own excitement he doesn't notice the shadow that falls over Nick's face.
"No, I-eh... don't," Nick says slowly. "Have a picture. Yet. But you'll eh... you'll meet him. Sooner or later. Promise."
"I'm gonna keep you to that," Kurt winks. "But talking about boyfriends, have you seen mine? In all my excitement I seem to have lost sight of him..."
He's tip-toeing, holding on to Nick for support, and they both catch sight of Blaine at almost the exact same moment.
"There he is!"
Kurt sighs, smiling as he watches Blaine work his charm on the Dean's wife.
"Look at him," he says dreamily, "he's getting nervous for his speech again, I can tell. But god, I am so proud of him. He's gonna do great, don't you think?"
"Definitely," Nick agrees. "And he's certainly come a long way. I mean - I really didn't expect him to be so open about the whole thing: less than a year ago he was afraid to even talk to you about his status, and now he'll be talking about it in front of an auditorium full of friends and former classmates. But that's Blaine Anderson for you."
He raises his glass in a toast, but when he sees Kurt stare at him in shock he frowns.
"What?"
"Blaine's not gonna talk about himself," Kurt finally manages, his heart racing in his chest, praying to every god he doesn't believe in that he's misunderstood. "He's just giving a speech for his internship, he's not disclosing. Who did you tell he was disclosing?"
"Hey, I didn't tell anyone anything!" Nick throws up his hands defensively. "But like, Trent came up to me and-"
"Trent told you?" Kurt cuts him off, incredulous. "How on Earth would Trent know anything about Blaine?"
Nick shrugs.
"Hell if I know, he said heard Logan and Kyle talk about it. But what did you m-"
"Kyle?"
Kurt knows Logan -everyone knows Logan- but the name of Kyle doesn't sound anywhere near familiar.
"Yes, Kyle," Nick says impatiently. "You know? David's little brother? Now how do you mean 'Blaine's not disclosing'?"
But Kurt's not even listening anymore, his ears ringing as his mind connects the dots and the panic and guilt start rising in his chest.
Because he was the one who convinced Blaine to step up tonight.
He was the one who promised Blaine nobody would find out.
"I have to find Blaine."
-o0o-
"They know," Blaine hisses at Kurt when he suddenly pops up at his side. "My status - they know. I don't know why, or how, but they know. Most of the Warblers, at least, but word is going around."
He bites his lip as he leads them to a more quiet corner of the room, forcing a smile and a wave when they pass the headmaster.
"I know you're gonna tell me I'm crazy and that it's just my nerves and that I'm imagining things, but Kurt, I swear, there's s-"
"I know."
There's something definitive about Kurt's tone, a sad sort of finality that makes Blaine stop short, because that isn't what Kurt was supposed to say. As much as Blaine just denied it, Kurt was supposed to say that Blaine is crazy. He was supposed to comfort Blaine, to say he's seeing ghosts, that it's all just a product of his imagination.
He wasn't supposed to say-
"I was just talking to Nick; he heard it from Trent, who apparently heard it from Kyle, who I'm gonna guess got it from David. Blaine- Blaine, I'm so sorry, I-"
"Fuck!"
It's not true. It can't be true - it simply can't be, but when Blaine looks up at Kurt he can see it in his eyes anyway: the guilt and the panic and the worry, the undeniable reality of the fact that it's out.
His secret -his biggest secret- is out.
And so Blaine swears. He can't even remember if he's ever really sworn before in his life, but he's swearing now; under his breath, as silently as he can manage so as not to draw too much attention, but still, he's swearing, and contrarily to what he's been told it's not helping in the least.
"God, Kurt, what am I going to do?"
But his only answer is silence, and two strong arms holding him.
.
The next hour passes in a haze for Blaine. He talks, and eats, but it's as if it's someone else doing all those things. Because all he can think about whenever someone instigates a conversation is 'This person knows. They know I'm HIV positive. They know I messed up. They know who I am.'. He knows to anyone else it might seem silly, but not having control over who knows his best-kept secret is unsettling to say the least. He remembers all too well the stares and the whispers, the accusations of 'slut' and 'whore' that had followed him through the halls of his first high school.
"You look like someone took all your bow ties, dunked them in hair gel and then set them on fire."
The words are whispered into his ear; the tone light but the underlying concern clearly present.
"That good, ha?" he tries to joke back, sending Kurt a wry smile, and he closes his eyes for a second when he can feel Kurt's hand on his thigh.
"Don't worry so much," Kurt tells him. "You're going to do a great job, I know you will."
"But they know, Kurt," Blaine says, exasperating a little. "This was supposed to be just a fundraiser that I was speaking at but now they know and it's turned into poor little Blaine Anderson scraping money together to save his ass and I-"
"Hey!" Kurt interrupts him firmly, pushing his chair back a little so he can turn more fully towards Blaine. "Stop thinking about that! Who cares if they know - that's not what's important. What's important is that in five minutes you're going to be on that stage, speaking out for a cause that's very near and dear to you. What's important is that everyone in this room is gonna see you up there - someone who's successful, and happy, and healthy, regardless of his HIV status."
But Blaine shakes his head.
"That's not what they're gonna see, Kurt. They're gonna see a guy who was stupid enough to have unprotected sex and is now asking them for money so he can clear his conscience by doing some small-scale prevention project."
"No, they're not," Kurt says, holding up his hand when he sees that Blaine is about to protest. "They're not gonna see that because that's not what this is about. This isn't about you, Blaine. This is about HAPE. This is about that teenage girl that doesn't know how to work up the courage to tell her boyfriend she wants them to use a condom. This is about the dad who doesn't know what to do when his son refuses to take his pills anymore. And you're nothing but the spokesperson. A very handsome and charming spokesperson who happens to have personal experience on the matter, but a spokesperson nonetheless."
Blaine smiles and ducks his head at the compliment, not looking up until he feels Kurt's hand cupping his cheek.
"You don't need to convince them to give money to you, Blaine, you need to convince them to give money to HAPE - to those kids, and their parents, to the schools and the projects. Look, there's what... a thousand people here? Fifteen hundred, maybe? There's no way word has traveled that fast, not even here. I bet half of them still have no idea. And you know what? Even if they do, it will probably only give them confidence that you know what you're talking about, and that you know what you're doing. So... don't worry, all right? You're amazing, you're gonna do great, and they're gonna love you."
"What did I ever do to deserve you?"
The wonder in his voice surprises even Blaine, and when he looks back up he can see his own starstruck gaze reflected in Kurt's eyes.
"You started being honest with me," Kurt tells him smiling, adjusting his lapel. "Even if it took you a while. Now... go get them."
A short, but firm press of Kurt's lips against his own is all the time Blaine gets before he realizes that, behind him, the headmaster had been giving his introductory speech and is now announcing Blaine's presentation.
"... so may I ask you to bring your hands together for our main speaker of tonight: Blaine Anderson!"
There's a warm applause and Blaine gets up almost automatically - for all his nervousness he would never feel out of place in the center of the attention. He rolls his eyes at the wolf whistles of his former fellow Warblers, but there's a smile on his face when he climbs the stage, and he forces himself to calm down a little as he takes his place at the microphone and folds out the papers with his speech.
He's lost count of the number of times he's been on this very stage as a Warbler, but things are different now. There are no other voices to guide him, there's no choreography to focus on when he starts feeling lost. It's only him, his speech, and the people in front of him, looking at him expectantly.
"Good evening," he starts. "And thank you, Mr. Davis, for inviting me here tonight."
He nods at his old headmaster before returning his attention to his audience.
"Currently in the US, there are about 1.2 million people living with HIV/AIDS. Over 200,000 of them are not aware of their infection, and every year, 50,000 new diagnoses are made. Almost 40% percent of those are young people, between 13 and 29 years old. The age group of 20-24 even has the highest rate of HIV diagnoses out of all age groups. Not only young people, but in particular, young, gay African Americans and Latinos and youths of all minorities and ethnicities are disproportionally affected by HIV. Unfortunately, these are also the groups with smaller support systems, both financially and psychosocially, which, in combination with a general climate of stigmatization, can often result in patients not receiving the help they need, patients unwilling or unable to follow therapy, or even patients unaware of their infection."
Blaine lets his eyes trail over his audience, and as he catches sight of Kurt he sees him stick up his two thumbs right in front of his stomach. It gives him a little boost of confidence, but he still takes a deep breath before glancing back down at his papers to continue. He's used to audiences that cheer and whistle, that let Blaine take them with him into a song, but his current audience just sits and listens politely, and everything about it feels wrong.
Then again, maybe that's the difference between singing and talking on stage.
"Prevention of HIV/AIDS in young people is lacking for several reasons. Firstly, the age of sexual initiation has decreased substantially. 46% of high school students report having had sexual intercourse, and over one third of them admits to not using condoms. This situation is particularly serious for young gay and bisexual men, since information on sexual orientation is often excluded from sex education programs. This, in combination with increasing rates of substance usage and an astounding lack of awareness, puts young people at an exceptionally high risk of HIV infection."
It's not working. Blaine is not even sure anymore what he was trying to achieve with this speech, but whatever it was, it's not working. His words sound flat, and he's sure half of the people in front of him have not taken in even a word of what he's been saying. The expectation he'd seen on so many faces when he'd walked up on stage is mostly gone, replaced by polite smiles and bored stares, and he struggles to understand what he's doing wrong - he's never had a problem to get an audience on his hand before.
But this isn't what they had expected, he realizes suddenly. Because if they know... if they know then what they'd expected was a testimony. Instead he's giving them a lecture; which would have been perfect had he given it for his fellow students at NYU, but not so much for an audience consisting of middle aged alumni looking for a good cause to spend their Christmas bonuses on.
Still there's one face in the crowd that stands out: Kurt is still beaming at him, either unaware of Blaine's miniature crisis or choosing to ignore it, and Blaine can't help but wonder again how he managed to get him to give him a second chance.
You started being honest with me. Even if it took you a while.
But being honest was hardly a tactic he could use now, was it? Because who knows what they would think about him, what they would say about him behind his back? Who knows how they'd start treating him, how they'd judge him?
This isn't about you, Blaine.
Kurt's words resonate in his head, and even though right now it doesn't feel like it Blaine knows they're right: it isn't about him. It could be about anyone in this room, though; keeping in mind the statistics Blaine just rattled off there is no way that not a single person in front of him has never had unprotected sex. Glancing over at the Warblers' table and seeing Kurt and David, he knows for a fact there's at least two people who have.
Blaine had played and lost, but the people in front of him had played and won, afforded the luxury of thinking that the risk they had taken was negligible, rather than realizing they had lucked out.
As he starts slowly rolling up his speech Blaine holds Kurt's gaze, hoping that he will understand what Blaine wants to do - what he needs to do if he really wants this evening to be a success.
And he does. He really, really does.
It takes Kurt a couple of seconds to catch on, his eyes widening just a little when he sees the fumbled paper in Blaine's hands, but when their gazes lock again, Blaine sees nothing but support, and a single question.
Are you sure about this?
Blaine hesitates for only a moment before he nods, almost imperceptibly, but Kurt must have seen it because the corners of his mouth lift in an encouraging smile and he sits up a little straighter, his eyes shining and radiating so much love and confidence Blaine has to forcibly remind himself this is not the time to go running at his boyfriend and ravish him. And so he clears his throat, letting his gaze trail over the audience in front of him before he lifts his voice, bright and clear.
"I was diagnosed with HIV at the age of 16."
Comments
I adore this story and literally an hour ago I thought maybe it was abandoned I'm so glad you proved me wrong. This is a terrific chapter and Im so glad that Blaine decided to fess up and Kurt is so supportive. I love the you tied it in with the statment about honesty.
I could never abandon this story - not with a character as courageous and wonderful as Blaine! ;) Glad you enjoyed the chapter!!
The next chapter will be another little roller coaster, and believe me I'm looking forward as much as you are! Also - yay for Blaine! ;)
I thought this chapter was great, and Blaines growing as a person! I am so looking forward to the next chapter! :)
Great chapter, I also think getting Blaine to disclose is the right choice, I am sure he will be surprised at the support :-)Condolences on your apendix, wishing you a speedy recovery.
Thank you! To be quite honest with you I'd had it with the little bugger, and then he had the nerve to burst before they got to him, so I'm glad to see the back of him ;). And thank you for the comments on the chapter as well, of course :).
I really enjoyed this chapter. It was nice to see Kurt's introduction to the Anderson parents and seeing how they reacted to him. I also really enjoyed seeing Kurt comforting and supporting Blaine while he was nervous and then when he was worried about everyone knowing. I know it is just a story and they are just characters but I found myself feeling proud of what Blaine had the courage to do. This chapter was truly awesome and I can't wait to see where the story goes from here.
Well, if you feel involved enough with the story to feel proud of one of the characters, I've done my job as a writer! Glad you liked it, and I hope you continue to enjoy the rest of the story, even if it's only a couple of chapters left... Thanks for reading and for leaving a wonderful review! -Lis xx