The danger inside of me
aworldoflies
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Danger!verse

The danger inside of me: Chapter 1


E - Words: 3,550 - Last Updated: Jul 30, 2013
Story: Complete - Chapters: 26/26 - Created: Jun 05, 2012 - Updated: Apr 13, 2022
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Author's Notes: I apologize to all Mercedes fans. I really do. It's just the way it had to be.
"Okay, guys, I'm gonna get going," Mercedes says as she lifts herself from the picnic blanket. There's a vague murmur of protest from the others, although nobody seems inclined to actively try to stop her, lazy as they are from lying around in the sun all afternoon on the roof of one of the NYADA dorms, bellies full after what Rachel had pompously dubbed their annual end-of-summer-barbecue - even if in reality it had been one of Blaine's spontaneous ideas.

It isn't until Mercedes walks past them to grab her bag, that David realizes she's serious about leaving.

"Come on!" he all but whines, reaching out to grab the hem of her pants. "The party's only just starting!"

But Mercedes just starts laughing, pointing towards the others who have barely moved an inch in the last hour.

"I don't know if you've looked around you," she says amusedly, "but I think the party's actually over."

She giggles when David tugs at her pants again, trying to swat away his hands as she struggles to keep standing and not lose her clothes in the process, but David's not about to give up that easily.

"Just half an hour more then!" he pleads. "We haven't even talked yet, come on, what harm can half an hour do?"

"First of all, we've been here since 11 - we've talked plenty," Mercedes sticks out her tongue as she finally manages to get out of David's reach. "And secondly, seeing as Sam is getting up early just so we can Skype before he has to go to work - a lot."

It's the mention of Sam -maybe far away in Australia but clearly not forgotten- that shuts David up more than anything else. It's hard to say which is more painful: the silence that follows or the look in David's eyes as he watches Mercedes gather her things, and Kurt, who's been watching the exchange from the corner of his eye, feels his heart go out to David, who seems to have been cursed with falling in love with unavailable girls for as long as Kurt can remember.

But Mercedes' remark about the time makes him look at his own watch, and when he sees it's already past 5 o'clock, he pushes himself up on his elbows, sticking out his foot to poke at Blaine who's lying on the other side of the blanket.

"Come on - up, you!" he says. "Mercedes is right, we've been here for ages. And we really need to do some shopping, our fridge is about as empty as Sarah Palin's head."

Blaine groans, crossing his arms over his head, obviously reluctant to get up.

"Can't we do that tomorrow?"

"Not unless you're planning to miss the McQueen exhibition you promised to take me to," Kurt says sternly, "and besides, that wouldn't solve the dinner problem we have for tonight."

The mention of dinner finally gets Blaine moving, but Rachel gasps.

"You're seriously going to have dinner after this? God - I'm still so full I can hardly move!"

She winces as she puts her hands on her stomach, and Kurt rolls his eyes in response.

"I would agree, but you're going to need more than a late barbecue to get Blaine to skip dinner," he tells her.

"What?" David bursts out, temporarily forgetting about Mercedes as his eyes dart between Kurt and Blaine. "You mean he still hasn't grown out of his '6 o'clock dinner time' obsession?"

He rolls back in laughter as Blaine throws himself at him, leaving Rachel to shoot confused looks between them, a grinning Jeff, and a resigned-looking Kurt.

"6 o'clock dinner time?" she asks hesitantly, a clear look of confusion on her face.

"It's a good time to have dinner!" Blaine tries defend to himself as he looks back at Rachel over his shoulder, but he quickly regrets it when David uses his moment of distraction to turn him over and pin him down, putting an end to their struggle.

"Maybe so, but it's no reason to take a whole bus hostage!" he tells Blaine mockingly before he turns his head towards Rachel, who looks positively astonished by now.

"Blaine is very particular about dinner," David starts explaining. "Case in point: one time we were coming back from some competition and we were supposed to be back at Dalton by dinner time, but there was some accident or something, I don't even remember. Anyway - we got stuck in traffic. It turned half past five, and then six, and Blaine started freaking out big time."

"I was hungry!" Blaine squeals from below David, but it only earns him more laughter.

"Hungry?" David asks him. "Hungry? Blaine, you forced the bus driver to take the nearest exit and get you to McDonald's, I think you were more than a little bit hungry!"

The whole group bursts out laughing and even Kurt, who's heard the story more than once before, can't help but grin along.

"I still don't understand how you even got him to do that," Jeff says, shaking his head.

"Serenaded him with Katy Perry?" Mercedes offers, and she winks at Blaine as he finally manages to crawl from under David.

"Threatened to serenade him with Katy Perry, more likely," Kurt corrects her, smirking. It earns him a not-so-playful push against his shoulder from Blaine.

"Oh come on, pretty, that's just mean!"

For a split second, the whole group sits paralyzed, and it takes Blaine not even half that time to realize his mistake. But the words are out, and Kurt can feel the burn in his cheeks rise when he sees everybody slowly turn to look at him. The girls seem just as shocked as he is, but both David and Jeff are grinning, their eyebrows raised in amusement as if they're finally seeing one of their suspicions confirmed. Which, Kurt realizes, they probably think is the case. Because with only Mercedes, Rachel and Nick knowing the whole story behind their break-up, it had proven hard to explain to the rest of their friends exactly why their relationship had ended. 'We just didn't work as a couple' didn't seem to cut it, especially since they were still living together, and even now, five months down the road, insinuations and references to him and Blaine either dating secretly or getting together again sooner or later were never far away. That things weren't always that simple, that you couldn't just find out your boyfriend and best friend of three years never mentioned the fact that he's HIV positive and move on as if nothing happened, is something he can't explain to them without revealing Blaine's secret. And despite everything that has happened between them, he simply can't do that to Blaine.

"Well, guys, I'm going!" Mercedes suddenly breaks the awkward silence, sounding overly cheerful, and Kurt shoots her a grateful look.

"Right," he gladly takes the cue, "so are we. Rachel, thank you for having us!"

He stands up and quickly hugs Rachel goodbye, desperate to cleanse the air after Blaine's slip-up. Blaine is scrambling up too, he sees, and he moves on to say goodbye to the others before he grabs his bag. He turns around just in time to see Blaine saying goodbye to Mercedes - and freezes.

The two of them are standing almost three feet apart, shaking hands as they exchange polite smiles, and it takes almost more willpower than Kurt can muster to keep himself from throwing a fit right there and then.

.

"What the hell was that about?" he all but yells at Blaine as soon as they're out of earshot.

"I'm sorry!" Blaine immediately starts pleading, arms open and palms facing upwards, a guilty look in his eyes. "It just slipped out, I'm sorry, it won't happen again, promise!"

But Kurt pushes at his shoulder impatiently, causing Blaine to almost bump against the lady who was walking next to them. It earns him a poisonous look from her, but Kurt ignores it.

"Not that- Mercedes!"

Surprised, Blaine raises his eyebrows, and Kurt sighs as it becomes clear he has to elaborate.

"What was with the handshake?" he repeats insistently. "Ever since when don't you guys hug anymore?"

In an instant the apologetic look on Blaine's face is gone, and he looks away, increasing their pace just a little.

"I'm not that much of a hugger," he says, but even though his voice sounds indifferent, Kurt can see his jaw clench.

"You're a cuddle whore and you know it," he points out. "And you hugged Rachel."

"Only because she would throw a fit if I wouldn't," Blaine retorts. "Besides, she always gives me a heads up before, makes all the difference."

They round the corner towards the little supermarket they usually go to, and Kurt shoots Blaine a dubious look. There's something Blaine's not telling him, he knows it, because between his unwillingness to give Kurt a straight up answer and the way he seems to try to defend Mercedes, things simply do not add up.

"I thought we were past the secret-keeping stage here, Blaine," he says as he feels his annoyance slowly turn into anger. "So don't lie to me here - I distinctly remember you hugging Mercedes on more than one occasion. So seriously, what was up with that handshake?"

If the way Blaine rushes into the supermarket, still avoiding Kurt's gaze as he takes a basket doesn't make it clear how desperately he wants to avoid the subject, his next question certainly does.

"Eggplant or asparagus?" he asks, holding both items up.

But Kurt is all but impressed.

"Blaine," he says warningly, folding his arms. "Handshake. And asparagus isn't in season right now. "

"I don't know," Blaine shrugs simply, but he still refuses to look straight at Kurt. "I think she just hasn't quite forgiven me yet for lying to you, you know? Eggplant it is then. Did you want tomatoes too?"

"I don't care about tomatoes, Blaine!" Kurt exclaims, taking Blaine by the wrist and forcing his hand down to prevent him from grabbing a box of tomatoes anyway. "Did Mercedes tell you she was still mad at you?"

Kurt can see Blaine bite his cheek, obviously debating with himself whether or not to tell Kurt the truth, and it takes a couple of seconds before he replies.

"No," he admits softly.

"But she told you something, didn't she?"

It's not a question, not really. Even if Blaine had been able to keep secrets from him before, Kurt can still tell if something is wrong, can still feel it if Blaine is trying to avoid talking about something. And it's exactly Blaine's reluctance to talk about it that scares Kurt, because Blaine acting like this can only mean one of two things: either he knows that Kurt won't like what he has to say, or he's afraid Kurt won't like what he's about to say. The problem with the latter option is that Blaine knows him so well he's rarely wrong.

It only strengthens Kurt in his conviction that he needs to know.

"What. did she. tell you, Blaine?"

A beat, and then Blaine finally looks up, taking a deep breath.

"She asked me to keep some distance between us. Physically," he adds when he sees Kurt frown in confusion. It still takes Kurt some time before the reality behind the words sinks in, though.

"She... what!"

"Please, Kurt, keep your voice down!" Blaine hisses at him, eyes darting around to see some of the other customers looking at them curiously, but Kurt hardly cares, because for all the scenario's that had been playing around in his head, this had not been one of them.

"Are you telling me she's afraid to hug you?" he hisses back, although the lack of volume does nothing to hide the anger in his voice. "She honestly told you tha-"

"No, she didn't, she simply asked to keep some distance between us, that's all," Blaine tells him, holding him by his forearms, eyes pleading. "Just let it go, please, it's not a big deal."

"Not a big deal? Not a big deal?" Kurt shrieks, now causing more than just a few people to turn their head at them. "She flat out told you she doesn't want you to touch her! Just because... because... no reason! She has no reason, Blaine!"

"Actually, she does," Blaine says with a calm Kurt simply cannot wrap his head around right now, and he lets himself be pulled into a quiet corner where they will draw less attention. "Sure, you can discuss its validity, but she does have a reason. She has every right to set her own boundaries, Kurt, and if she prefers to say goodbye to me by shaking hands instead of giving me a kiss or a hug, that's perfectly fine."

But Kurt is fuming, and he can't imagine Blaine believes his own words even for just a second.

"It's not fine, Blaine, how can you say that? It's discrimination, that's what it is!"

"It's human, Kurt," Blaine tells him patiently, and Kurt can't decide he's more angry with at the moment - Mercedes for asking Blaine not to hug or kiss her, or Blaine for seemingly refusing to acknowledge it as a problem. But Blaine's still talking. "You're making a rational issue out of an emotional one and you're blowing it out of proportion. It's not like she doesn't want to be friends anymore, or refuses to talk to me. She just..."

Blaine hesitates, licking his lips.

"... doesn't want to touch you?" Kurt supplies helpfully, his voice dripping with sarcasm. He remembers Blaine telling him about the people at his old school finding out, about his own parents shying away from him, remembers how his heart had gone out to Blaine for having to suffer through that then, and he can feel his heart break now, too. But it's worse this time, because they're not talking about some abstract parents he'd barely met once, they're not talking about a bunch of stupid sixteen year-olds who didn't know any better - they're talking about Mercedes, one of his best friends, who most certainly knows better, and for a moment he wonders if she would have asked him the same thing if he had ended up positive, too.

He shakes his head in determination. "No way, I'm not letting her do that to you. I'm gonna talk to her and-"

"No," Blaine cuts him off before he can finish his sentence.

"But-"

"Tell me you would kiss me."

Blaine has let go of Kurt, but he's looking at him so intently it's impossible for Kurt to look away.

"You've read the pamphlets," Blaine says calmly, almost defiantly, "you talked to the doctors. There's no harm in kissing, you know that. Rationally. So tell me, honestly, that you would not hesitate to kiss me, right here, right now."

"B-but we're not-" Kurt protests weakly.

"Irrelevant," Blaine cuts him off again.

It's all Kurt can do to simply stare at Blaine as the words slowly sink in, and he finds his eyes drift towards Blaine's lips.

He knows how they feel. Even if it's been five months since he's kissed them, he remembers exactly how Blaine's mouth felt against his own, how easily it moved together with his, and suddenly the want to kiss Blaine is almost overwhelming. The flushing pink of Blaine's lips seem to invite him in, but even as he starts to lean in he knows he can't do it. Because it's there. Right there, just below the surface, in the very blood that's responsible for that warm, familiar shade of pink, right there is where the virus is hiding, separated from Kurt by nothing but a thin layer of skin.

Kurt looks back up, opening his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out and he closes it again, tears swelling in his eyeswhen he sees the look that crosses over Blaine's face. It's not so much anger as it is disappointment, as if he'd expected Kurt to react this way but had still hoped he wouldn't. Somehow that only makes it worse, and Kurt tears his gaze away from Blaine's, defeated.

"It's not..." Blaine starts, taking Kurt's face in his hands to make him look at him when he sees the crushed look in Kurt's eyes. "It's okay, you hear? It's okay."

But it's not okay - Kurt knows it, and Blaine knows it. It's far from okay, and Kurt wants to scream, because this wasn't how it was supposed to go. Things were supposed to be easier, now that everything is out in the open, now that they know that Kurt's no longer at risk of seroconverting. But instead it seems things only get more complicated with every day that goes by, where decisions that had once seemed simple and straightforward suddenly grow into life-altering dilemmas.

Blaine seems to understand what's going on in his head, because he strokes his thumb reassuringly over Kurt's cheek before he continues.

"You have to know this, Kurt, and you will have to learn to deal with this. When people find out about me, they will have some kind of reaction. It may be good, or bad, and yes, when it's bad it hurts. But the point is - it's their call. You can't make them react good. Remember when you came out first, and when people reacted badly you got all upset? What would you do if that would happen now?"

Kurt shrugs and huffs at the ridiculous question, sticking his chin in the air.

"Please, I'm fabulous. If they don't want to see that it's their loss, not mine."

"Exactly," Blaine smiles. "And this, this is coming out all over again. Although contrarily to being gay, HIV actually is contagious."

The bluntness of the joke -and was that even a joke?- makes Kurt's breath hitch in his throat, and suddenly he realizes that this had to be one of the reasons why Blaine had never told anyone about his status, why he had been so scared to even tell Kurt. The worst part is that Kurt cannot in all honesty say he wouldn't have reacted the way Mercedes is if Blaine hadtold him earlier.

"I don't need to hug someone or kiss them to be able to be their friend, Kurt," Blaine interrupts his thoughts. "So you're not gonna say a word about this to Mercedes, she's gonna continue to make me cry with that massive voice of hers, and we're all gonna live happily ever after, ok?"

Kurt's smile is a little hesitant, and not completely genuine -the way Blaine called him out on the hypocrisy of his anger towards Mercedes still stings-, but it's a smile nevertheless, and Blaine seems to take it.

"Now," he says, linking his arm through Kurt's as he leads him towards the freezers, "as far as I remember, we haven't actually decided on dessert for tonight, so... what would you say about some Chocolate Fudge Brownie?"

"Ben&Jerry's?" Kurt gasps, swatting at Blaine's arm. "Why do you have to remind me of the existence of Ben&Jerry's?"

"Because it's delicious," Blaine replies, bringing them to a halt in front of the B&J freezer, "and because it's the best way to distract you."

"It's also the best way to get greasy skin," Kurt protests, although he doesn't make any attempt to stop Blaine when he opens the door to take out a large container of their favorite ice cream.

"Aha, but I have been told that greasy skin is a shortcut to no wrinkles, so where does that leave us?"

Blaine winks at Kurt, wiggling his eyebrows as he lets the box of ice cream dance temptingly in front of Kurt, and Kurt smiles back at him fondly.

"With too much ice cream," he tells Blaine with playful patience, taking the container out of Blaine's hands to replace it with a smaller one, sticking his tongue out at Blaine's pout as he walks away to go find their abandoned basket. He puts the ice cream in it, adding some lemons and a box of tomatoes on the way before he returns to Blaine, who's still standing exactly where Kurt had left him two minutes earlier, strangely unmoving.

"Blaine?"

But Blaine doesn't seem to hear him, seemingly frozen on the spot as he's staring at the other end of the aisle where a blond man is crouched on the floor, engrossed in the apparently incredibly difficult task of choosing between two bags of crisps he's holding, unaware of Blaine's attention.

"Blaine?" Kurt tries again, a little louder this time, but strangely enough it's the other man who looks up. For a moment Kurt thinks that, by some strange coincidence, his name must also be Blaine, and his suspicion seems confirmed when the man simply looks Kurt over before averting his eyes - until he catches sight of Blaine.

There's something in the way the two men are watching each other, never once looking away even as the blond stranger puts down the bags and slowly rises to his feet. He's tall, Kurt sees now, his blond curls surrounding a sharp but friendly face. He must be about their age, a little older maybe, but he's obviously a more frequent user of his fitness membership, and even if he's undeniably handsome, Kurt thinks vaguely he's more Blaine's type.

He looks back at Blaine, whose face shows a mixture of disbelief, hope and fear, as if the man is someone Blaine thought he'd never see again and he can't quite decide how he feels about running into him again. An ex-boyfriend, maybe? Kurt rejects the thought almost automatically, but when he sees a small smile appear on each of the men's faces, his heart skips a beat, and he knows who it is a fraction of a second before Blaine says it.

"Brad?"


Comments

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no need to apologize for how you wrote mercedes. mercedes' reaction/behavior was to be expected; it was just human nature. although i have to say, it made me quite sad that she went from being touchy-feely with blaine to just handshakes. but if that's where her comfort zone is with blaine, he seems to be very willing to accept it. because it seems like blaine has accepted that this is his lot in life now. it's better to keep the friends he has, even if the relationships are not as physical as they used to be, rather than not having any friends at all.

:) I know Mercedes' reaction wasn't all that out of the ordinary, but I like her character on the show and in this fic she's a bit of the bad guy -this is really only the beginning- and I don't like the person I make her out to be. All's fair in fanfic and AU? But I think you describe Blaine's pov pretty well - he's fairly pragmatic in that way: it definitely won't keep him up at night.

Oh damnn he's back. First off Mercedes is a bitch and why won't Blaine let Kurt tell her anything and yes I am glad Blaine made Kurt see it would be hypocritical of him to get mad at people (Mercedes) because he would react the same but correct me if I am wrong Blaine asked Kurt if he would kiss him right here right now without being hesitant and Kurt was hesitant and like I said on the other story he would always think about the virus being just right there and what if, but when Kurt got his results in the first story he threw his hands around Blaine's neck and kissed Blaine full on the lips and when he backed up he said sorry but still smiled and didnt't freak out or get all scared wondering if he can catch it so why now? But I still think Kurt should tell Mercedes because that isn't right. Why the hell would Blaine talk to him again? I know it was magical and he didn't know and he was his first but I would think he would want to leave that in the past. I love how Blaine calls Kurt pretty. Did he ever call him that in front of the others because they were all shocked or was it just because he only called him that when they were together?