“But...”

“The answer’s no, Blaine.”

“Kyle, please...”

“I’m sorry.”

(I can’t.)

-o0o-

Kurt stared down at his phone, rereading the text he’d just received for what had to be the tenth time.

From: Blainer32;Sent: February 3 2011 21:46:36r32;Are you home? Can I come over?
His fingers flicked over the touch screen, quickly composing a reply saying that yes, he was home and yes, of course Blaine could come over. Actually, Kurt wasn’t sure how his dad would feel about the late night visit, but there was simply no way he would let Blaine down if he could help it.

Well, that, and he really, really wanted to see Blaine again.

Ever since Kurt had returned to McKinley, the closeness that had grown between Blaine and him over the previous months had slowly started to dissipate. Sure, Blaine had called him first thing after Kurt’s first day, and they had gone for coffee after school once or twice, but Blaine had been notably more distant. He had been as caring and as supportive as ever, but there was something about the way he phrased his sentences, something about the way he behaved around Kurt - as if he was scared he was going to hurt him in some way. But as much as Kurt missed the quick touches and flirty remarks, he had to admit it made it easier to be around Blaine, to relax, to slowly... let go.

He had just opened the doors of his wardrobe to pick out something less casual than what he was wearing when the doorbell rang. Kurt cursed silently under his breath as he checked the time - barely three minutes had passed since he’d replied to Blaine’s text: the boy had had to have been really close to have gotten there that quickly. But there was no time for pondering or cursing, and Kurt all but ran to get to the front door before his dad did. He got there just as the bell rang a second time and as he put his hand on the lever, he took a second to close his eyes and breathe. It was Blaine, he reminded himself - just Blaine.

But it wasn’t.

It was a tiny, wet heap of human that vaguely resembled Blaine, but it wasn’t Blaine. It couldn’t be Blaine, not with those puffy eyes, that red nose, and that look of complete and utter devastation. That wasn’t Blaine - not the Blaine Kurt knew, at least.

“Come in, come on, you must be freezing!” Kurt pulled him in when he finally recovered from seeing his friend looking so lost. “What the hell even happened to you?”

“Who’s there?” Burt’s voice came from the living room.

Kurt hesitated a moment, giving Blaine a once-over before calling back.

“It’s Blaine! He’s just... dropping off some stuff! Come on,” he turned to Blaine, “let’s get to my room before my dad sees you.”

He pushed the boy in front of him towards the basement, silently closing the door behind them as they entered the room. They’d barely reached the bottom of the stairs when Blaine started sobbing, collapsing on the bed as he did so. Kurt stood frozen as he took in the strange sight. Usually he was the one crying, with Blaine comforting him - now that the roles were reversed, he wasn’t too sure what to do.

Carefully, Kurt sank down on the bed next to Blaine, tentatively placing his arm around the boy’s shoulders. To his surprise, Blaine immediately leaned into the touch, curling up against his chest. He could feel Blaine’s tears soaking his t-shirt, hot and cold against his skin, but it didn’t seem to be the right moment to be complaining about something as trivial as a ruined shirt when Blaine was in the state he was in. Instead, Kurt just held him, softly stroking his hair, waiting for the sobs to subside and Blaine to calm down.

“Oh God, I’m so sorry...”

Blaine straightened himself and Kurt let him go, watching as the other boy took out a handkerchief to wipe away his tears.

“I’m so sorry to spring this on you, Kurt, so sorry, I know this is hard for you, but I... I didn’t know who else to go to.”

“You don’t have to be sorry, Blaine”, Kurt said, softly touching Blaine’s arm, “we’re brothers, remember? Don’t apologize.”

Blaine smiled faintly and nodded.

“Thanks.”

They sat there for a couple of minutes, silent, until Kurt found the courage to ask what he’d wanted to ask ever since he’d gotten Blaine’s text.

“So... what happened?”

Blaine huffed, smiling - but not convincingly.

“I’m an idiot, that’s what happened. A stupid, love-struck, na�ve idiot.”

Kurt felt his stomach twinge at the words and instinctively, he knew. Blaine hadn’t once mentioned the other boy whenever they had gotten together, but it seemed that didn’t mean he had forgotten about him.

“Kyle?”

“I asked him out,” Blaine said, nodding slowly, staring at the floor, “for Valentine’s Day.”

Kurt couldn’t help himself - he felt his jaw drop.

“He turned me down, though, in case you were wondering.”

“Well of course he turned you down!” Kurt all but yelled. “He has a girlfriend, remember?!”

Blaine’s head snapped up, his eyes dark.

“Had. He h�d a girlfriend. They broke up.”

“That doesn’t make him any less straight, now, does it!”

Kurt could barely believe what he was hearing. He knew all too well the temptation of false hope -last year’s crush on Finn still fresh in his memory- but even in his wildest dreams and grandest fantasies would he never even have considered asking Finn out.

“Look, Kyle’s a great guy, and I get what you see in him, but Blaine... he’s straight! And I know it’s hard -trust me, I do- but you’re just going to have to accept it. We t�lked about this!”

“I know! I know, but... ,” Blaine sighed, his head dropping into his hands, “I tried to forget, I really did, Kurt, and it was kinda working, it was, I swear, but then he came back from holidays and he said he’d broken up with Jennifer and he let me comfort him and we started hanging out more again because you weren’t there anymore and I remembered how we used to be and I just thought that maybe-”

“Maybe what, Blaine?” Kurt interrupted him incredulously. “‘Maybe if we hang out enough he’ll switch sides?’ You can’t turn a straight guy gay any more than you can turn a gay guy straight! So why do you keep holding on to this... delusional idea that you actually have a shot at him?”

“Because he kissed me!”

Blaine spat out the words, not even trying to hold back the tears that were welling up once more.

“He kissed me, Kurt! He! Kissed me!”

“Alright, alright, no need to yell,” Kurt said indignantly, scooting back a little, “I heard you the first time.”

He shifted uncomfortably in his spot, avoiding Blaine’s eyes. He knew he didn’t have the looks or the charm Kyle had, he knew he was being ridiculous -falling in love with the first gay guy he’d ever met (well... not counting Karofsky...)- but it didn’t make it any easier. Falling in love with someone who would never return his feelings was hard - having to comfort said someone after he had his heart broken seemed nothing less than a cruel twist of fate.

But however horrible it felt to know Blaine didn’t care about Kurt the same way Kurt did about him, it was even worse to see him the way he was now: devastated, lost, and completely hopeless. And so Kurt shuffled a bit closer, putting his hand on Blaine’s arm.

“Maybe he was just... experimenting.”

“No,” Blaine shook his head determinedly, “that wasn’t an experimental kiss. I know what an experimental kiss feels like - and it was nothing like that. You weren’t there - you don’t know how we got there, you didn’t... feel it.”

“Then tell me,” Kurt whispered.

Blaine looked up at his foster brother - he had expected to find hurt in the other’s eyes, and sadness, but all he saw was curiosity, and support. And for a moment Blaine wondered what he had done to deserve a friend like this, a boy who put aside his own feelings to listen to a story that was bound to be hurtful. But he would do it, because he genuinely wanted to hear, because he felt how important it was to Blaine to be able to tell this to someone.

And Blaine told him. How Kyle had been assigned to be his mentor when he first transferred to Dalton, and Blaine had taken an instant liking to him. They hadn’t been close that first year, but had bonded the next summer when they’d both gone to some horse riding summer camp.

“He was just... it had been so long since I had met anyone that liked the same stuff I did. And he was so... alive. So vibrant.”

Blaine laughed, the first genuine laugh Kurt had heard from him that evening.

“And he just made me feel that way too, you know?”

Kurt feigned a smile and nodded. He knew.

“He knew, of course,” Blaine continued, “at least, I think he knew. We never talked about boys -or girls for that matter-, and I never asked if he was... well... . Not that it mattered, I was way too chicken to try anything anyway. But then, last summer...”

Blaine bit his lip, closing his eyes and smiling a little at the memory.

“We’d gone riding. He’d been bugging me for over a year about it and I’d finally... I’d finally given in and he was so proud of me, so proud, and he hugged me. And then when he let go, he was just looking at me with that... look. And he kissed me.”

Blaine looked up at Kurt, taking his hand.

“God, Kurt, when you get your first kiss -your real first kiss, I mean-, I hope it will be like that. True. And loving. You deserve that. It was... ,” Blaine closed his eyes again, “heaven. It was heaven.”

Kurt felt a sting of jealousy when he saw the happiness on Blaine’s face as he relived the memory of his kiss with Kyle. He wondered how kissing Blaine would be like. Would it feel like heaven, too? And what did heaven feel like, anyway?

“So... why didn’t you guys... get together, or something?” he asked.

Blaine shrugged, all traces of happiness wiped off of his face instantly.

“He ignored me for a week. Phone calls, texts, e-mails, ... nothing. Like I didn’t even exist. When school started again and he couldn’t avoid me any longer he told me it had been a mistake, that he was dating this Jennifer-girl and that I had to forget about him. That it would never work out between us.”

He paused, trying to organize his thoughts.

“I got terribly depressed at first. And then terribly angry. But I kn�w what I had felt in that moment, and I had seen his eyes: I kn�w he had felt the same. And I figured that maybe he just needed time, to figure things out, to come to terms with it all. And he was my best friend, I didn’t want to screw that up. And so I waited. We pretended it never happened, and I waited until he was... I don’t know... ready, I guess.” He huffed. “Guess I haven’t waited long enough yet.”

Kurt put his hand on Blaine’s shoulder, rubbing lightly.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

But Blaine shook his head.

“Don’t be. Maybe I d�d read it wrong and it was all a big mistake.” He smiled at Kurt sadly and shrugged. “Maybe it’s a sign we’re just not meant to be.”

“Or maybe he just needs more time,” Kurt said. “It’s not an easy thing to come to terms with. And I’m sure he cares about you a whole lot.”

It hurt him to say the words, but seeing Blaine’s face light up in a small smile somehow made it worth it.

“You,” Blaine said as he pulled Kurt in for a hug, “you are the best brother I could ever have asked for.”

Kurt wasn’t too sure if, as a ‘best brother’, he was entitled to feeling what he felt, but he did know one thing - if Kyle thought he could play with Blaine’s feelings like that, he was terribly mistaken.

The following day Kurt parked his Navigator in his usual spot, noticing that the sign with his license plate was still there. It made him smile, for some reason, the sign a little proof that the two months he’d spent at Dalton had not, in fact, been a dream. As he walked around the main building, there were several students who recognized him, raising their hands to greet him.

“Back already, Hummel?” David yelled.

“You know I could never stay away!” Kurt called back, waving.

He could hear them laugh but didn’t stop to talk. He had a feeling Blaine wouldn’t approve of what he was planning, so he didn’t really want to run into him before he’d gotten a chance to talk to the person he was here to see.

.

“Hey Blaine, where’s your little brother?”

The lead Warbler looked up from where he was sitting in the common room, a puzzled look on his face.

“What?”

“Kurt,” David explained, dropping into the couch next to him, “I thought he would be here.”

“Why would he be here? It’s a school day, and last I checked McKinley’s two hours away.”

David shrugged. “You tell me - I ran into him in the parking lot like 10 minutes ago.”

Blaine looked genuinely surprised. “You saw Kurt?”

David shrugged.

“As I said, I saw him in the parking lot, I figured he was here to see you.”

“Then where is he?” Blaine asked, ignoring the wink David gave him. Westerville was way out of Kurt’s way, so if he was at Dalton, there had to be a good reason. He quickly checked his mobile to see if he’d missed any texts of calls - nothing.

“I saw him going to the back,” a small voice suddenly squeaked.

Blaine turned around to find Nate standing in the doorway, cheeks flushed, looking at his feet. Something about the other boy’s posture made him uncomfortable, and he tried to ignore the nauseous feeling that was quickly coming over him.

“Where?” he asked.

Nate shifted uneasily in his spot, knowing very well that what he was about to say would most likely cause the other boy to throw a fit. There was one subject everyone at Dalton knew to avoid whenever Blaine was around - but he couldn’t not say it.

“The stables,” he said softly.

As if on cue, all Warblers’ heads snapped to look at Blaine, whose face was now white as a sheet. Nate barely had the time to jump aside to avoid getting run over as Blaine spurted out of the room.

.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

Kyle stepped away from the horse he was currying to look at Kurt. The boy was balancing himself on a small patch of grass to avoid getting his boots too dirty - with little success.

“I was wondering if I would see you here anytime soon,” he smiled, “seems I was right.”

“You... were expecting me?” Kurt asked, taken aback. He had planned to put Kyle in his place for treating Blaine the way he did as quickly and with as much drama as he could, but the other boy’s calm demeanor kind of threw him off track.

“Expecting is a big word,” Kyle replied, stepping back to continue what he was doing, “but I had a feeling you might. You like Blaine, Blaine likes me, I turn down Blaine, you make me feel your wrath for hurting him... it would make for a nice little drama story, wouldn’t it?”

Kurt huffed.

“I wasn’t going to... ‘make you feel my wrath’.”

To his surprise, Kyle started laughing.

“Interesting,” he said, “so what are you here for?”

“Talk,” Kurt said. “Hear your side of the story. Making sure you realize I won’t let you play with Blaine’s feelings.”

He stepped a little closer to the fence the horse was tied to, recognizing the drop-shaped spot on her head. He held his hand out tentatively, and the animal raised her head, softly sniffing his hand before she nudged against it.

“Wow,” Kyle said, casting him a sideways glance, “you really do like him, don’t you?”

“I think I’m not the only one,” Kurt replied, matter-of-factly.

Kyle didn’t respond, a small hesitation in his strokes the only visible sign he had even heard Kurt.

“You kissed him.”

This time, the brush Kyle was holding came to a sudden stop and the boy closed his eyes, inhaling deeply before he replied.

“Ah yes... I should’ve guessed he would tell you that.” He paused before he continued. “Best ten seconds of my life. Worst decision ever, too, come to think of it.”

“That doesn’t even make sense,” Kurt said, confused.

“There’s a lot that doesn’t make sense to me when it comes to Blaine,” Kyle said softly, more to himself than to Kurt. “Then again, I guess that’s to be expected when you... like someone.”

He let out a surprised huff.

“I’ve never actually said that out loud, you know. That I like him. I’ve barely even let myself think it.” Kyle slowly resumed the brushing, still avoiding Kurt’s eyes. “‘I like Blaine’. It sounds weird.”

This was not the way Kurt had expected this conversation to go, that was for sure.

“Why... are you even telling me this? Shouldn’t you rather be telling Blaine?”

Kyle shrugged.

“I’m sick of trying to ignore that huge elephant that’s threatening to trample me. And I’m telling you because I think you might understand. Blaine is too involved - he would only try to make me change my mind. He’d probably succeed, too. But you - you know how it feels. Not getting what you want. Although you might actually be closer to it than I am.”

Kurt leaned back against the fence, making a face.

“Blaine doesn’t even like me like that.”

“Maybe he just doesn’t know it yet.”

“You mean he doesn’t know how you feel about him. And I don’t know why you would turn down a boy you like and who you know for a fact likes you back.”

Kurt’s voice was filled with anger and frustration. How Kyle could first so calmly admit he liked someone and then just as calmly say “no” when said someone asked him out was beyond him - especially when the someone in question was Blaine.

“Have you ever heard of SOFIA?”

Kurt frowned at the out-of-the-blue question. “What do they have to do with this?”

“Have you?”

“Well, yes, of course,” Kurt said, the disdain on his face more than obvious. “Stabilization Of Families In America. Pro-life, anti-preconception, anti-gay, ... safe haven for conservatives all over the country. Their vice-president is the worst, though - we had her as an invited speaker at school last year after Quinn Fabray got knocked up. She was a teenage mom herself, but now she’s preaching abstinence and what-not... hypocrite.”

“Most people react like that,” Kyle said, a sad smile on his face, “but I promise she’s not so bad once you get to know her. It wasn’t easy for her - single teenage mom, and all that. She tried her best. Still does.”

It took Kurt a couple of seconds to grasp the implications of what Kyle had just said, and as the comprehension dawned, his jaw fell.

“She’s... she’s your mother?”

“Heart of gold,” Kyle winked at him, “not nearly as though as she sounds in her speeches.”

He gave Meryem a few long strokes before he turned to Kurt, his face suddenly grave.

“You know what would happen if I said “yes” to Blaine? I’d fall in love with him. I’d fall in love with him and I’d start believing that love would conquer all. That I could tell my mum and she’d accept it and we’d all live happily ever after. Only we wouldn’t. I know her. She’d take me out of Dalton, send me to therapists and conversion camps and make me go through every single possible ‘cure’ she could lay her hands on.”

“But... but you’re her son! And you deserve to be happy!”

“Yeah, well, so does my mum,” Kyle said dryly. “Do you have any idea how guilty she feels? How hard she worked to give me everything I needed? How proud she was to be able to send me here, to Dalton? She was fourteen when she had me, Kurt, fourteen, and her parents simply threw her out. She did it all by herself - raised me, got a degree, built out a career. And all it would take would be for me to come out and it would all have been for nothing. She’d feel like it’s her fault, like she didn’t do enough for me, and there won’t be anything I’ll be able to tell her to convince her otherwise. It would kill her. And I will not let that happen.”

“So you’re just gonna build your life on a lie? For your mom’s sake?” Kurt could barely believe what Kyle was telling him.

“And mine. And girls are not all that bad. If you close your eyes you could almost imagine you’re kissi- oh shit.”

Kyle’s face dropped as caught eye of someone behind Kurt, and the younger boy barely had the time to turn around to see who it was when he felt a flash of pain through his upper arm.

“Aauww! Blaine! You’re hurting me!”

But Blaine didn’t seem to hear him, a mix of anger and relief in his eyes when he pushed Kurt back.

“You get away from her! Now! Go, get to your car, I’ll see you there.”

“I was just talking to him!” Kurt yelled, clasping his arm. “I was just trying to help!”

Blaine rolled his eyes at him - Blaine rolled his eyes at him.

“You are completely missing the point,” Blaine all but shouted, “so just get out of here! Now. GO!”

Kurt stumbled back. The sight of Blaine, angrier than he’d ever seen him, terrified him to no end. He didn’t understand - he hadn’t done anything wrong, had he? He’d just wanted to talk.

He watched as Blaine pulled Kyle aside, away from the fence and away from Kurt. It was obvious Blaine wanted to talk to Kyle without Kurt overhearing, but through all his anger he was talking so loud Kurt could easily follow at least some of the conversation.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Blaine hissed.

“Talking to Kurt, what’s it look like?” Kyle replied, ripping himself free from Blaine’s grip.

“Here?”

“Well he came to me, what was I supposed to do? Drop everything and take him to the Lima Bean?”

“For example, yes! You kn�w I don’t-”

Blaine paused, glancing over at Kurt. He dropped his voice.

“I don’t want her near him. You kn�w that.”

Kyle rolled his eyes, not in the least impressed.

“Not that again, Blaine, please. You act like she’s a walking liability or something.”

“She can’t be trusted!” Blaine called out, voice rising again. “You know that as well as I do.”

“Actually I don’t,” Kyle sounded almost bored. “It was one time, Blaine. One time! Get over it already!”

“Get over it!?” Blaine shouted indignantly. “I lost a brother because of her, thank you very much, and I’m not about to lose another!”

“Well, you seem to trust her enough to be around me.”

“That’s different,” Blaine said stubbornly, avoiding Kyle’s gaze.

“Why?” Kyle asked defiantly. “Because I’m such a great horse whisperer? Or because-” he dropped his voice, glancing over his shoulder at Kurt, “or because you’d care more if something happened to him than to me?”

Blaine’s jaw dropped.

“What?!”

“You heard me.”

Kyle stepped aside, trying to make his way past Blaine, but the younger boy grabbed him by the arm once more, spinning him around.

“Are you trying to insinuate there’s something going on between Kurt and me? Because I think I made quite clear where my heart is, and has been for over a year - not that you could be bothered, of course.”

Kyle cringed inwardly at the hurt in Blaine’s voice. For a second he wondered how it could be -would be- if he gave in. If he would apologize to Blaine for what he’d said the day before, defy his mother and do the selfish thing.

But he knew he couldn’t - and it wasn’t just because of his mother.

He braced himself, bringing his face close to Blaine’s.

“I’m not insinuating anything,” he said, ignoring Blaine’s last remark, “I’m stating a fact. Look, you can fool everyone, including yourself, saying that you care this much about Kurt simply because he’s your brother, but you can’t fool me. You’ve known him for what, three months? I see the way you act around him, Blaine. Maybe if you would take your mind off of your stupid obsession with our little experiment last summer, you’d see it too.”

He yanked himself free from Blaine once more and walked away, praying to God and anyone who’d listen that Blaine wouldn’t come after him and see the tears that were welling up from his eyes.

He’d done the right thing, he told himself. If he couldn’t make Blaine happy, maybe he could have Kurt do it for him - he might have exaggerated a little bit in what he told Blaine, but there was no denying the chemistry that Kurt and Blaine shared. So maybe, with a little push on both sides...

Yes, he’d done the right thing. But it didn’t feel right - not at all.

.

Blaine watched Kyle walk away, the thoughts in his head tumbling and turning. To say the conversation hadn’t gone the way he’d expected it to was an understatement. That it had taken Mercedes to slip up for him to realize how Kurt felt about him, hadn’t been a surprise. But for Kyle to suggest Blaine was misinterpreting his own feelings... that was pushing the envelope.

He turned around to find Kurt still standing there, looking lost and confused, and suddenly he felt the annoyance grow within him.

“I thought I told you to wait in the car,” he said, walking up to Kurt and turning him around by the small of his back.

“Yeah, well, I’m not your dog,” Kurt snapped back, backing away from the touch, “you can’t just tell me what to do.”

Blaine didn’t reply, continuing his way back to the main building with big, angry steps. It wasn’t long before he noticed Kurt wasn’t following anymore though.

“What the hell is going on, Blaine?” the younger boy called at him as he turned around. “What did I do wrong?”

Blaine sighed.

“Nothing. You didn’t do anything wrong. Now let’s go.”

“Oh no.”

Blaine heard quick footsteps and then Kurt was right in front of him, eyes blazing.

“No no. It doesn’t work like that, Blaine. You owe me an explanation. And an apology.”

“Me?” Blaine asked, eyebrows rising. “You are the one who went to talk to Kyle behind my back.”

“And you are the one who barged in into a private conversation only to make a big scene and then walk away as if nothing happened. I was trying to help you, what’s your excuse?”

Blaine rubbed his temples.

“Look, Kurt, I’ll show you to Kyle’s dorm, you can wait for him there and continue your little lady chat about me. Now - let’s go.”

But Kurt didn’t move, eyes transfixed on Blaine’s.

“An apology, Blaine. And an explanation.”