Chapter 5: You Do Not Lie To The Ones You Love

For a moment Kurt considers just letting it ring.

But in mind that It could be Carole or Burt, and that no matter who it is in the end, it wouldn't be fair to leave anyone hanging, worrying, not with all that has been happening, it does not take more than two rings for Kurt to decide that he needs to answer his phone. It takes a while longer to actually do so though.

xxxx

"I'm so sorry, Baby," Kurt whispers, placing a kiss to Blaine's forehead, as he gently untangles them from each other.

Blaine does not move one inch on his own accord, so Kurt gently takes hold of one limb after another, and tries his best to place them on Blaine's bed in a comfortable position.

Blaine is still letting out soft noises of protest when Kurt gets up to grab his phone from where it has been placed, in plain sight, on Blaine's desk.

Kurt had had the suspicion earlier on, that he might need easy access to it at some point in the evening or night.

As Kurt turns back around, hoping Blaine will search out his eyes while they are physically apart, he instead finds Blaine curled up on himself completely - head buried in his arms, legs tucked to his chest, Blaine looks heartbreakingly tiny.

Kurt fears more than anything that it is how he feels too.

Blaine can feel fragile on his best of days, hiding usually behind a mask of anger. But that requires strength Blaine cannot master today. Left with only his body to shield him Blaine makes use of it, as best he can.

It takes a moment for Kurt to react. His mind taking him on a painful detour past and through the memories collected last night, kneeling on the cold, hard, dark ground of an empty parking garage, next to the boy he loves so much not holding himself unlike now.

Kurt wants to forget the red dye, looking so much like blood, stabbing at his mind then and now, as much as it had stung in Blaine's eyes.

The answer button has to wait as Kurt shaking himself out of his thoughts climbs back onto the bed, phone still ringing in his hand.

He lies down on his right and scoots as close as he can, opening his arms, wide, his left hand gently coming to rest against Blaine's right side, drawing his attention and waiting for Blaine to bury himself in his warmth.

There is a moment of hesitation before Blaine's head comes to rest against Kurt's upper right arm, resting on the bed, while Kurt switches the phone from his right ear to his left and, finally pressing the answer button, says, "Hello?", as they both slowly begin to relax back into each other's embrace, Blaine burying his face in Kurt's chest.

"Dude, is Blaine still at our place?"

"Hello to you, too, Finn. And no, he isn't. Neither am I for that matter."

"Oh," is Finn's only answer, then there is a slight commotion on the other end of the line, and what would sound distinctly like an argument did Finn get in any word at all against Rachel? I thought he was at Puck's?

Kurt has a feeling Finn has learned it by now, what Kurt himself had taken a while to realize.

After months and months of dating Rachel, Finn finally knows, it seems, that the best reaction to give Rachel, sometimes, is no reaction at all.

It is trying, always, to wait for Rachel to make her point, or better yet stop talking altogether. But the patience required can be achieved. Granted, hallucinogenic drugs would likely be of considerable help, but it can be done without. The result is a headache barely varying in degree either way.

Kurt is shaken from his thoughts a moment later.

"Hey Kurt. Finn says you are at Blaine's. I made something for him. I will bring it by in thirty. See you then."

Before Kurt has the chance to bring out so much as the 'But,' his sentence would surely have started with, Rachel has hung up on him.

Kurt leans back a little and places the phone on the nightstand next to the bed as he says, "Blaine, Love, Rachel and Finn are going to stop by."

Turning his head slightly and burying his face in his boyfriend's left shoulder Blaine lets out a muffled groan.

"My feelings exactly. But you know Rachel. The next days will be much quieter for the both of us, if we allow her fifteen minutes to see us today."

"Fifteen?" Blaine whines half-asleep.

"Ten?" Kurt tries to sound cheerful about it.

"Okay," Blaine lets out with a deep sigh.

They both know it will at least turn out to be twenty minutes in the end, and only if everything goes smoothly. Neither having any clue what this everything could possibly entail with Rachel involved.

If he were not on drugs Blaine would make Kurt bet on how often Barbra will be brought up. Today he does not, other thoughts on his mind.

"Can we stay like this some more, please?" Blaine's voice sounding watery and broken, the boy himself looking like he is feeling lost.

And Kurt is reminded of the ups and down the medicine has had Blaine feeling all day. One minute there being a smile on his face, the next seemingly never ending tears. Not that he has not had reasons to cry, more than enough.

"Of course we can. Rachel said half an hour, so she'll be here in twenty. So we have plenty of time."

Blaine shushes him, "Just hold me, please."

"Always."

xxxx

"Rachel, do you really think it is a good idea to...."

The glare Rachel shoots him has Finn rethink his approach.

"I mean, Kurt sounded tired. Shouldn't we give them...."

Rachel silences him once more, by simply holding up her right hand as she screws the soup container, standing before her on the kitchen counter, shut with her left - and in a surprisingly apt way for someone not left-handed.

If Kurt were here he would make a sarcastic comment about how well trained Finn is.

If Blaine were here he would have to bury himself in Kurt's embrace wholly, to hide how hard he would be laughing.

"It will be good for them to see someone else than each other all the time."

But they hardly had a moment to themselves since the attack, what with all the doctors and the whole night spend at the hospital where anyone could walk in at any second, Finn wants to say, but does not.

He has met Blaine's mother too.

That is if you can ever really meet the distant woman.

She won't make this easier for them either, Finn thinks looking sad.

While Finn is still trying to figure out how exactly to break all this to Rachel, and that not all parents are her dads, Rachel talks on.

"Besides, I won't allow for this soup to go to waste. I sacrificed my daily read of ten pages of Barbra related material to make this."

Finn is about to point out that she could catch up on that now instead of keeping Kurt and Blaine awake, after all it is almost eight already and there is no way they have had enough rest in the short time since the attack.

Rachel's keen expression though when Finn finds her eyes says it all. And Finn realizes he is just making this hard on himself.

"Okay, Rachel, let's go. If it gets much later Blaine's mother might not let us in anymore."

"Oh. How do you know?"

"Overheard Blaine and Kurt talking in our living room when I came home from football practice one day a little earlier than usual," Finn answers already ushering Rachel towards the front door.

xxxx

Blaine is terribly tired.

He does not really take in any of the magazine article Kurt is currently reading to him - as much in an effort to keep himself awake as Blaine.

They are waiting, for Rachel to storm in, Finn to probably trod in slightly behind her.

Kurt is just done with rushing through the article, hoping the next he picks, too at random, will be something better suited to shock some life back into the both of them, when the bedroom door opens, revealing Rachel and Finn.

Blaine - too polite to say anything about how tired he really is, and simply send the two of them away again after pleasantries have been exchanged - uses the moment to properly congratulate Kurt on his spot as a NYADA finalist.

He completely misses the saddened - or on Kurt's part rather concerned - look exchanged between Rachel and Kurt as he fills the glasses, with the drink originally meant for Kurt and himself alone, way back when there had been no eye injury at all.

No one could have known for sure Kurt would make it, but that had never been reason enough for Blaine to not be prepared ever since Kurt had told him the chatrooms had started talking about the first letters having been send out.

xxxx

Blaine is smiling, happy, more than anything, about the steadying, reassuring feeling of Kurt's hand in his as he tries once again to focus on his visitors.

"You guys, I'm really upset that I'm missing Michael week. It just totally sucks."

It really is not the worst thing in the world to have those three people, who care about him, sing to him in response to this off-hand remark.

xxxx

Finn and Rachel leave after almost forty minutes, when Blaine simply cannot keep his eyes open anymore and almost hits his head on the headboard dozing off. But Kurt is there in time, moving to sit on the bed, taking Blaine into his arms and guiding Blaine's left cheek to rest against his left shoulder.

Gently running a hand over Blaine's curls he turns his head to face Rachel and Finn, and looking between them says in no more than a whisper, "I see you at school. Thank you for stopping by."

"Bye," Rachel whispers back, as she gets up and walks over to the door, Finn following behind waving his goodbye to them.

xxxx

Kurt sits holding Blaine like this for some more minutes. The room settling into a calming quiet around them.

His insides twist when there is a knock on the door, and Blaine - his breathing just having evened out in his state of half-sleep - stirs in his arms and forces his eyes back open at the sound.

Blaine's mother does not wait for a reply from the occupants of the room, instead just flings the door open and steps in.

Kurt briefly wonders if that is her version of parental care, it feels more like control, and blatant disrespect for her son's privacy.

"I just received a call from the doctor who will be operating on you. He wants to move the surgery to tomorrow." And Kurt feels Blaine tense in his arms at this announcement. "Well, I asked him to. The earlier this is done and over with the better. He said from the way the swelling had gone down over night already it should be just fine. I just thought you should know. Kurt, you know where the guestroom is."

Yeah, sure, like I am going there anytime soon. Like you are going to check on Blaine tonight, or on where I am for that matter, Kurt thinks, reassuringly tightening his embrace, I am not going anywhere tonight, Love, don't worry, please don't.

Even in the safety of Kurt's arms it takes a moment for Blaine to let go of the tension again.

As Blaine's mother talks on, Kurt is more grateful than ever before, that loving touches can never be drowned out by words.

Blaine's mother seems an expert at suffocating every alive and loving thought. And Kurt would be surprised if anyone could even so much as hear themselves think while having to listen to her.

That woman's voice, Kurt thinks annoyed, it has to be the explanation why Blaine never asked for that puppy, the one Kurt has learned Blaine had always wanted so much as a small child, still does.

Something alive and warm, Kurt thinks sadly how much he too would have missed that, having to live in this house, how much he missed it in his own in those years that he feared rejection from his own father. But even then Burt had still been so much more caring in the everyday meetings two people living together can never avoid than Blaine's mother could probably ever be.

"And I am flying to Seattle for business tomorrow. You will be fine on your own Blaine."

It feels like an order, not like a question, certainly not an inquiry or request for permission. She does not even pretend to wait for a reply of any kind, and completely ignores Blaine's shocked and hurt, and Kurt's outraged and angry expression.

Kurt had thought before he could really not dislike the woman any more, She cannot really not care at all! She can't!

Her next words show Kurt how wrong he can be.

"I already inquired with the hospital, you can stay there for a whole week. So your eye and you will be taken care of. It does not even cost as terribly much to have them keep you as I thought it might."

Kurt really wants to scream at her now, but holding Blaine he can feel the devastation and hurt cursing through Blaine, his breathing terribly shallow and labored. Blaine needs him to stay calm, rational.

Blaine's every muscle feels tense. Kurt cannot begin to imagine how deep the pain is cutting into the core of the gentle creature in his arms.

Nothing feels anything but heartbreakingly wrong.

Kurt's warmth to retreat into in this dark frost surrounding them - filling every single inch of the room, this house - is the only thing that keeps Blaine from collapsing into a sobbing mess.

After taking a deep breath, trying, reaching for focus in between all his twisted, jumbled thoughts, Kurt says, "I talked to my father earlier today. He made it clear that it would be no trouble at all to have Blaine stay at our place." LIE! Kurt's insides are practically trying to scream his resolve down.

Kurt cares but fights to ignore his instincts, particularly the one that has gotten him into trouble with bullies all his life, the one to tell the truth, no matter what.

Burt does not endorse lying, Kurt knows.

But Kurt is sure, too, that his dad would be all for Kurt thinking on his feet like this right now, given the circumstances - even surer how much his dad wants for Blaine to be and to feel loved and safe.

So Kurt talks on, lies on. Sometimes being completely honest is risking too much harm coming to someone you love to be worth it.

You don't lie to the ones you love, that has been Kurt's goal for himself for quite some time now, luckily he feels nothing remotely related to warmth towards the woman standing in his boyfriend's room.

"The guestroom is free, and we are not expecting anyone to visit in the next weeks."

Kurt knows she won't allow this simply out of the goodness of her heart so he adds, "It won't cost you anything this way."

What other parents might take offence at being told makes her smile almost happily.

Kurt cannot remember a single time the woman has ever looked truly happy to him, though, and wonders if Blaine ever knew happiness before Dalton, before the Warblers.

Kurt shudders at the thought that Sebastian has taken so much more from Blaine last night than the use of a healthy eye, for several weeks.

Waiting for her reply, hoping, Kurt concentrates alone on not ever letting go of Blaine, not letting his hold slack at any moment, fearing what it might do to Blaine.

Blaine is so quiet, Kurt grows more and more scared by the minute, then he remembers Blaine's words, spoken one night when they had lain together, wrapped in each other's arms in the safety of Kurt's home, "She does not appreciate the display of affection. She thinks it shows weakness."

It is more Carole less his own mother Blaine thinks about, buried in Kurt's embrace, waiting for this to be over, having learned as a small child already, there is nothing else he can do but keep down his head and take whatever comes. Carole cares about me, she loves me. More than my own mother ever has. And Blaine finds himself wishing he could hate her, just so he would not have to care anymore, hurt anymore.

But wishing is wishing and...Blaine is Blaine.

And Blaine being Blaine, even after all this, cannot bring himself to let go of the hope that one day she might actually care. Blaine, even after today, cannot deny the truth that he is nevertheless still full of love, even for her.

And the thoughts rampaging in his mind are all too clear, and sharp. Love should not hurt like this. Loving you should not hurt me.

It is something he has been feeling for a long time but Blaine only really learned to understand after meeting Kurt.

xxxx

Chasing Jeremiah for that short period of time, had not been about the boy itself at all, but about trying to make someone who quite obviously did not, love him. About winning that fight with uncertainty...and doubt. About trying to proof to himself that yes, he Blaine Anderson could make someone love him.

Of course in the weeks after the GAP fiasco Blaine had come to realize, thanks to Kurt, that he himself had been blind to love, unable to see, to recognize the thing so unfamiliar at the time.

Letting Kurt in more and more had slowly changed everything. Being accepted, welcomed into the family by Carole and Burt even more so.

xxxx

Blaine wonders if unanswered love always feels like this, has always felt like this, and maybe he had simply forgotten to remember, until tonight.

Boarding at Dalton, finding first Wes, then...Kurt finding him, this pain had been surprisingly easy to at least not consider.

In these moments, these minutes, Blaine can think of nothing else, can feel nothing else, his whole body running cold with ache.

No matter how much Kurt loves him, sometimes the thought still takes hold of him, takes over all of him, it is the worst feeling Blaine can remember, How can anyone ever love me if Mommy can't?

The thought is a ghost, twelve years old, so is the feeling haunting Blaine - too old to feel truly familiar, too familiar to not be felt at all. With Kurt's help, with Kurt's love, Blaine will make sure his children, their children, hopefully, will never have to doubt love like this, fear like this that love might not be real.

Only how much Blaine is in shock at all this old dark being stirred in him will ever suffice to explain why Blaine is not dissolved in tears yet.

He suppresses the whimper pounding in his throat, reaching across his tongue, for his lips to be let out, to make itself heard, as he hears his mother's emotionless consent given to Kurt's request.

xxxx

"Fine. If your father already agreed. I will drop the two of you off at the hospital tomorrow morning on my way to the airport. The operation is scheduled for 10am, I will drop you off early, around eight, otherwise I might miss my flight. Be ready to leave at 7:20am."

She is already turning to go when Kurt stops her, "Mrs. Anderson?"

"Yes?"

"Would you fill out a consent form that allows my parents and I to be with Blaine throughout all of the time he spends at the hospital tomorrow?"

"Is there such a thing?"

"I saw it on the hospital website. I can print it out right now and tick the boxes for you. You will only have to sign it. Nothing more."

"If you get it to me straight away, I can do that."

"Thank you," Kurt says, swallowing all else; his voice distant as he adds, "I will stop by your study in ten minutes then."

"If you insist," she says, already pulling the door shut behind her.

Blaine, still frozen in his spot, instantly misses Kurt's touch, his warmth, grounding his emotions, preventing his inner tremor to take over all of his body, as Kurt jumps up and hurries over to Blaine's desk.

Blaine expects him to start up the laptop. He is taken by surprise when he finds Kurt kneeling down on the floor and rummaging through his overnight bag lying there instead.

"Baby?"

"Yes, Blaine?"

"Didn't you want to print out the form?"

"Actually...no," Kurt says turning back around to face Blaine, a smile on Kurt's lips that slides as soon as he sees Blaine's worried and devastated expression, "Oh, no, Love, no. Not what I meant. I want you with me so bad. Don't ever doubt that, please," Kurt is saying while already climbing back onto the bed and pulling the boy looking so close to tears deep into his arms.

"I guess we are not the only ones who have trust issues when it comes to your mother," Kurt says, scooting back a little and holding up a folder, Blaine had not noticed Kurt must have taken from the overnight bag.

Kurt, opening the folder, goes on with a soft smile, "Carole is so going to get flowers from me once a week for the next two months at least. She already printed out the consent form, even ticked the boxes too."

Kurt had been waiting and the tears finally arrive. Flow thickly from Blaine's left eye as he says, "My mother is practically a stranger to her and even she knew my mother would drop me the first chance she gets. One way or another."

"I would never leave you at that hospital alone. Never. Not for a day, not a single hour. And for the record," Kurt says softly, gently wiping away Blaine's tears, "I don't think anyone understands or knows your mother." Kurt's voice turns softer still with the next sentence, "And you know that is not why Carole did it."

Blaine's mind feels too messed up to find any thought he might be looking for right now, so he has to ask for the comfort of Kurt spelling it out for him, "It isn't?"

Kurt shakes his head, smiling at Blaine softly in reassurance, "I know she did not waste one thought on your mother while smuggling that form into my bag. It's about you, it's for you. Loving me means you will always have to put up with Dad and Carole loving you. Deal with it."

It is a chocked breathless laugh Kurt receives from Blaine for that blunt remark, but unmistakably a laugh.

And Kurt takes it gladly. "Carole wants to know you are cared for, and safe. She told me before I left for school today, that if it was up to her, you'd stay with us until you are all healed up, and beyond that...if you want to."

"She really said that?"

"More than once."

"I do," Blaine says, eye still glistening with tears, but the rest of his face lit with real happiness.

"Different conversation," Kurt says with a warm smile, cupping Blaine's left cheek, thumb tracing softly along the skin.

Blaine smiling back leans closer.

His lips brushing against Kurt's as he says, "Different question, yes - Same answer though, for me."

Kurt's hitching breath is caught up in the kiss that neither will remember who started when they part.

It is this kiss that Blaine will do his best to recall the whole of the next morning whenever he gets separated from Kurt by hospital staff.

xxxx

It is hard leaving Blaine alone, nerve wracking really.

But it is a relief, Kurt was in desperate need of, to be back on his way to Blaine with the hospital consent form signed by Blaine's mother.

Kurt stops at the opposite end of the hallway leading to Blaine's room, and takes out his phone, glad that it has become a reflex for him to pocket it whenever he so much as briefly leaves a place, any place. Even if it is only one room to step into another fairly close by.

He gets an answer at the third ring, "Hummel."

"Dad."

"Kurt, are you okay? Is Blaine okay?"

"I...yeah, alright I guess, both of us. I have to make it quick though."

"Shoot."

"Thank you. Blaine needs a place to stay after surgery."

"Done." Burt can hear it in his son's voice without having to ask so simply says, "There is more, Kiddo. Go ahead, tell me."

"Yeah," Kurt answers with a soft smile, when did his father learn to read his voice so well? Maybe I have my perfect pitch from Dad after all. "The surgery is tomorrow, now. At 10am. His mother is leaving for business again, and wants to drop us off at the hospital at 8am, because she needs to get her flight."

"Carole and I will pick you up at the hospital and take you to get some breakfast, sound good? Blaine is allowed to eat, right?"

"Yes, from what I have read, yes he is. He might be too nervous to actually eat anything though. But getting to spend some time with you, Dad, and Carole, will do us both some good. A lot, really."

Kurt hears Carol's voice in the background before he hears an answer from his dad, and smiling thinks, Of course she is right there with him.

"Carole is asking about a consent form?"

"Yes, Blaine's mother singed it. Tell Carole thank you so much for putting it in my bag. And thank you, Dad. I love you. Can you...Can you stay with me tomorrow at the hospital?"

"Of course. Carole wants to come and stay too. We love you, Kiddo. See you at eight."

"Goodnight, Dad."

"Goodnight, Son. Give my love to Blaine," Burt says and a second later he hears Carole's voice in the background louder than before, "And mine."

"I will, thank you Dad, Carole. I love you both so much, see you tomorrow."

xxxx

Blaine has been alone only a couple of minutes when Kurt comes back into the room.

With Kurt and Mrs. Anderson having literally nothing to say to each other he had been on his way back to Blaine in under three minutes.

The call home had not taken long either, but as Kurt closes the door behind him and takes the first steps into the room he finds Blaine curled up on himself in the fetal position, looking small and hurt.

Lying under the red and black checkered blanket Blaine is facing away from the door.

Kurt hears the sniffles as he takes the last steps towards the bed. After taking off his blazer and belt - so the buckle won't press Blaine uncomfortably into the back, when he holds Blaine almost too close, as he almost always ends up doing - Kurt crawls unto the bed.

Scooting up behind Blaine and gently offering his warmth, both arms wrapping around Blaine, Blaine takes hold of them, hugging himself tightly with both their arms before Kurt even gets the chance to tighten his hold himself.

Minutes full of heavy tears pass before Kurt says, "Your mothe...,"

"No," Blaine interrupts Kurt. "Surgery."

xxxx

While Kurt hadn't been there with him to comfort, to focus on, the reality had sunk in, Tomorrow. And all the ugly what ifs had reared their heads.

"I'm scared too, but I will be right there with you, every step of the way," Not like this morning, Kurt quietly adds to himself alone, not wanting to steer more pain and misery in his boyfriend's mind.

Blaine replies by lifting Kurt's right hand up to his lips and placing a kiss into the soft skin of Kurt's palm.

It is an 'I love you' spoken with more than words, and Kurt's reply in holding Blaine tight until he falls asleep, and beyond, is loud and clear to Blaine, easing Blaine into sleep he had not thought he could find today.

xxxx

Kurt does not once loosen his hold on Blaine until he feels Blaine's breathing truly even out, Blaine's grip on his arms shifting slightly and finally...easing.

After tugging Blaine safely under the covers of his bed, and placing the red and black blanket on the armchair next to it, Kurt himself moves to sit to Blaine's right, back against the headboard.

One hand tenderly travelling up and down Blaine's right arm over and over - easily accessible now that Blaine, no longer wrapped in Kurt's arms, has shifted onto his back in his sleep - Kurt lets out a heavy sigh. "Everything will turn out okay. Everything. I got you, Love. I got you."

The next twenty minutes he glances over at Blaine, again and again, while flipping through the magazine he had in hand earlier, now resting on his knees, never allowing his left hand to stray from Blaine's right arm.

With Blaine on his mind, the whole magazine, every single page Kurt turns, looks like nothing more than a blur of colors and letters to him.

Kurt knows the bandaging cannot be left like this over night, drenched in tears, mostly. But he does not have the heart to risk waking Blaine, so decides to try and stay awake at least another hour and then change it before turning in himself. Hopeful that Blaine will be so fast asleep by then, that he won't wake him while changing the bandage.

xxxx

Kurt eventually, still flipping through the pages, eyes always more on Blaine than the magazine itself, finds a picture that expertly draws his minds focus by means of its exquisite hideousness - too something that needs to be achieved. Not everyone has this in them.

Blaine's mother does, Kurt thinks bitterly while almost glaring at the picture in the way he wishes he could look at her every time she opens her mouth.

He has decided a long time ago, that it isn't worth risking being kept apart from Blaine.

A power the mostly absent woman regrettably still would have, did she ever decide to put it to use.

No, not worth that risk, not ever.

It does not help Kurt's opinion of the picture either that Kurt has never understood the particular appeal of this trend that never seems to die.

Maybe if it were guys in school uniforms?

So at the end of the day, quite literally, it is the picture of some trashy pop star in a schoolgirl uniform that has him finally remember... "Wes!"

xxxx

It is quickly approaching ten in Lima, and Wes knows he should do it right now.

Ring Kurt now or...or forget about it until tomorrow. Yeah, like that is an option, Wes thinks, nervously twirling his phone in his hands, while sitting on the edge of his bed.

He almost drops it as it lights up, rings and vibrates all at once.

Wes had put on all the alarms, hours ago, just to make sure.

He does not bother to look at the caller ID, at worst it holds disappointment, at best four letters he has spend hours hoping to see across the small screen.

"Wes Montg...," he is cut off even before he gets out his full name, and for once Wes really appreciates it.

"Wes. I am so sorry. I meant to call earlier, but stuff just kept happening, and..." Kurt's voice sounds strangely hushed for the urgency it carries.

"Kurt." The name comes out in a sigh of relief. "Kurt, it's fine. I mean, I was so worried and all, but I get it, of course I do." And having Kurt on the other line Wes can finally swallow down at least part of the anxiety having build in him all day. "I have to ask, why are you half-whispering?"

"Blaine is lying right next to me, asleep."

"Oh sure, yeah. Of course."

"I don't want to leave him alone in the room, he had a hard time falling asleep. You know that feeling when you are too exhausted to sleep? I think it was that."

"Yes."

Wes's answer is short and simple, and Kurt appreciates it so much, knowing, as soon as he hears it, Wes is trying to give both of them a moment to just breathe and process...that they are actually talking to each other, finally.

It gives them a moment, too, to think about what they want to say to each other, now that they can. There is so much on both their minds though, it isn't easy.

Wes hears a familiar sound of somewhat labored breathing in the background as they are still, both, trying to capture a thought and form it on their tongues.

"Blaine is still somewhat of a snorer I hear."

"Yes," Kurt replies with a smile that Wes can hear in his voice, that carries into the next sentence, "I thought he had always roomed alone at Dalton?"

"He did, we...we just...had many movie nights," Kurt is sure, or so he tells himself, he just imagined the hesitation in Wes's voice, "Like when you where with us there. And we fell asleep more than once. Always someone insisting on just one more movie."

"And by someone you mean Blaine," Kurt says, left hand softly tracing over Blaine's curls, all doubt already forgotten again.

"And by someone I mean Blaine," Wes confirms with a smile of his own. "How is he?"

"Tired, almost all the time. I think it's the meds, he isn't too fond of them. Other than that...scared," there is a slight tremor to Kurt's voice.

"Of the surgery?"

"Yes, how do you...how can you know that? You haven't even talked to him, since the attack!" Kurt replies.

Not that attack, no, Wes thinks to himself, forehead lying in a frown. "How much, um,...how much...,"

This time there is no way Kurt can talk himself out of hearing Wes ring for words in a way he has never heard the usually so eloquent ex-Warbler before.

"...how much do you know about...Sadie Hawkins?" Wes eventually brings himself to ask.

"He told me about the recovery, not so much about the attack itself."

"Okay, yes,.... That makes sense," Wes says more to himself than Kurt.

"What do you mean? Why?"

"He...You can't know this if he did not give you details about the attack...."

"Can't know what? Wes, please!" Kurt asks sounding almost frantic.

"I think he is scared of surgery...because of the narcotics," Wes finishes.

And, Okay, I can deal with that, Kurt thinks, "I didn't know that. I mean.... He wanted me really close at the hospital last night, and fought to stay awake as long as possible. And then he slept really bad until I held him really tight. Is that about the attack too?"

Wes just nods, then realizes that is no good on the phone, no good at all, "Yes. I think so."

"But why? What...," Kurt swallows hard, tears pricking at his eyes, fear pushing them to the surface, "What happened that I don't know?"

"He blacked out from the pain, during the attack," Wes if he intended to say more is cut off by a gasp from Kurt.

"I wish I'd known," Kurt says letting out a small sob.

"Kurt, I'm sure you already did everything you could. Knowing this might explain some things but it really does not change all that much."

"But I should have known." Another sob. "He has always had this unease about the dark. I should have known it was more than...than just that itself. With Blaine everything comes from somewhere, everything has a reason."

Kurt's voice is so full of pain, Wes thinks it is best to leave the subject for now - then curses under his breath, because he has really nowhere happy to take this conversation.

"Wes? Did you just swear?" Kurt asks incredulous, eyes wide.

"Well, yeah. That is what college does to people, haven't you heard?"

"Alright," Kurt replies somewhat irritated but really more amused now.

Wes sighs, "No, I just, I really wish we had something happy to talk about, but all I can think to talk about is what happened to you both. Jeff called me, and...."

"Jeff, yes, that figures."

"Why?"

"Brittany told me in Glee today that she saw a sad and confused looking blond bear cup trod away, with his head hanging, after Blaine got attacked."

"I can't even pretend to understand the bear part, but Jeff certainly sounded confused last night. He has no idea that it was not a regular slushy at all. At least he did not last night. You know what a terribly bad liar he is. I would have known right away. No, Jeff really had no idea."

"Yeah I know. And thank you. Hearing this from you, someone Blaine and I both still trust so very much, is more comforting than I thought it would be."

Kurt sounds sad.

Wes can tell there is more Kurt wants to say, but he must be unsure how to, so Wes tries his best to assure, "You can always tell me what's on your mind. I might be able to help if you tell me. Only if you want to tell me at all, of course, that is."

Kurt takes a deep breath before he answers, "I'm really scared of what will happen in Blaine's mind when he is no longer preoccupied with the physical pain."

"I know what you mean," is Wes's instant reply, "and I hope you and I can figure out what is going on with our old Glee club when I come to Lima. That will hopefully make things easier once Blaine has healed physically. And I really want to see you guys, so don't try to stop me."

"I would not dream of it. We miss you too," Kurt says, and Wes is ecstatic to hear the soft, gentle tone again, he is so used to hearing when Kurt speaks.

"When will you be here exactly?" Kurt asks, happiness and excitement beginning to show in his voice.

Wes is about to answer, "Tomorrow afternoon, around...," when he hears the rustling of covers, a sharp intake of air, followed by a gasp from Kurt.

xxxx

Wes fears more than anything that he is exactly right about what is happening much too far away.

"Kurt. Kurt....KURT!" He must have tossed the phone aside.

So Wes tries again, in the hope that Kurt will remember soon that he is still on the line. "KURT, please, pick up, PICK UP THE PHONE. KURT!"

"Yes...Wes...I can't talk anymore, Blaine, he..."

"He is having a panic attack, right? Bolted up in his sleep, panting like crazy right now, and shaking even worse?"

"Yes," Kurt's own voice trembling in a way Wes has not heard it since the first day they met, sitting around that table at Dalton with coffees in their hands, when Blaine had asked him and David to step away.

Wes wishes with all he has he could simply step closer now. And for a second he wishes he hadn't skipped a grade when he was nine, then he would still have been there, with the Warblers at Dalton, and none of this would ever have been at all.

As it is, none of this is reality - and it is reality that needs dealing with right now.

So Wes, getting up from his bed, shakes himself out of his thoughts and starts pacing his room as he begins to speak, "Okay, here is what you do: You ease him back down into a lying position. You might have to lay down with him, on top of him, if nothing else works. The weight is comforting to him. Then when he has calmed a little you sit down right next to him and take his hands both in one of yours, and press your other hand into the middle of his chest. It has to be on his bare skin. You can sneak your hand under his shirt or take it off, both works, used to at least. It is you, so the more body contact the better I assume. I tried to not overstep any potential boundaries. But it is you and him, so you will know what to do."

"Wes, how...?"

"Kurt, please, trust me, just do it, now. He needs someone to hold him. Right now! More than anything. And when he can breathe again on his own he will need someone to hold on to, that is why you need to take his hands, you will know he is better when he begins to squeeze back. It was always our signal. And the pressure on his chest will ease his breathing. I know it might sound strange, but I know for Blaine it works."

"Okay," Kurt replies weakly.

Then Kurt is gone and Wes waits, patiently, on the other end of the line.

The torn shreds of sobs and crying traveling to his ears through the phone have his heart clench and his mind buzz with memories stored away deep before tonight.

Eventually, almost ten minutes later, that felt much, much longer to Wes, torturously dragging out, Kurt picks the phone up again.

"Thank you."

"Always," is Wes's sole reply. And not only because it is what he knows Kurt needs to hear, even though this could not be truer in this moment.

"How did you know what to do?" Kurt asks still sounding shaken.

"He isn't asleep again. Is he?"

"Almost," Kurt tries to sound assuring to Wes, who must be feeling more horrible than I do right now, Kurt thinks, more helpless, being so far away.

"You need to be right there with him when he falls asleep, or the night is going to be really bad."

"I'm right with him Wes, we are holding hands as we speak. He squeezed back, just as you said."

"That is not enough, Kurt. Not tonight. We can talk tomorrow. All that matters right now is that Blaine gets better. Can I talk to him for one moment?"

"Yes. Sure," is the last Wes hears from Kurt.

xxxx

There had been nights in their time at Dalton when Blaine had not been able to speak at all after waking from a nightmare like this, so the weak, "Hey, Wes," he is greeted with has Wes smiling and wanting to cry at the same time.

Eyes not even really wet yet Wes is already wiping at them with his free hand, trying to keep the pain stabbing at him from his insides, uncovered with the memories, out of his voice.

"Blaine, heeyyy. Try to rest, okay? I will see you tomorrow, I just wanted you to hear that from me. I will be with you tomorrow."

"Thank you," Blaine sobs weakly, "I need you."

"I need you too. You know that, right? I love you."

"I love you too, Wes," Blaine replies, clearly in tears.

"See you tomorrow, I promise, I love you," Wes manages to keep his voice steady as the first tears role down his cheeks - all efforts to wipe them away now forgotten, his free hand fisted into his sweatpants.

Wes knows he is back with Kurt when he hears, "Lucky for you I'm not the jealous type," the failed attempt at a joking tone has Wes frowning sadly. Blaine's broken voice still fresh in his ears, Wes's tears are still coming.

"I....Can you put on your poker face for a minute or two? You need to know this, and I need Blaine not to worry tonight that I am telling you. Remember he thought it was over, that is the only reason he has never told you himself before."

"Okay," Kurt tries to sound certain.

"Okay. So Here the essentials: Blaine just woke up from an especially horrible nightmare. He used to get those a lot when he first came to Dalton. It took me months to figure out what was going on, but there were days he just looked incredibly pale in the morning and he never ate anything, like he was afraid he would throw it right back up at the table. The point I am trying to make... one night, about two months after he transferred, we both fell asleep watching movies together and that was when I witnessed one of those attacks for the first time. It took time, but together Blaine and I figured out what helps. I need you to not be angry with me about what I tell you next. There was never anything sexual about it. I swear."

"I'd never be angry about you being there for him," Kurt assures.

"Ever since you met and especially after you transferred to Dalton they hardly ever happened. Ever since you two got together he has not had a single attack. We have always tried to talk about what is happening in his life, to try and ward new attacks of. I was not really there for him all that much the last weeks, I am so sorry about that. And then all this happened so out of the blue...worse than the Sadie Hawkins attack in that respect. He had expected they might try something back then, but this," Wes stops himself, taking a deep breath before he continues, "It must be the stress..."

"...the memories..."

"Yes, Kurt, the memories. Flashbacks. Did he have any of those?"

It is a whisper, "Last night. Yes."

"Damn, that is bad. Okay, Kurt, here is what you do tonight, you take care to dress both of you in really light clothing, he needs to feel your body warmth as much as possible, and you rest first your hand flat over his chest, like you did before, on his bare skin, remember that. The most important thing is to make sure he falls asleep with your head resting on his chest. Something about the pressure right there and your presence all night, it might not take away all the fears, but it will give him much better chances to not have another panic attack in the night and get some actual sleep."

"Thank you, Wes."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Wes?"

"Not just for tonight though, thank you," Kurt says, trying to soften his tone. It is hard with all of his mind so preoccupied.

"I know. Try to get some sleep too, Kurt. Promise!"

"You sound just like my dad did at the hospital."

"Good. If you are at Blaine's you need someone to give you parental warmth."

"Yes, true."

"Blaine needs you. Just don't let him forget you are right there with him all night and it will be okay. I'll be with you tomorrow afternoon. I'll call you again before I get there," Wes rushes the words.

"Thank you, Wes. Talk to you tomorrow. Bye."

"Bye, Kurt."

xxxx

To Wes it is an honor and a painful stab to his core, at the same time, when Kurt compares him to his father.

He has met the man only three times. Well, more seen him, in the passing, while visiting Blaine and Kurt at Kurt's home.

But seeing Kurt, and more so, seeing Blaine interact with the man, so warmly - after having seen Blaine with his own parents, in a careful dance of avoidance more than actual meeting - tells him how much it really means to be compared to Burt by Kurt.

The pain it makes Wes feel comes from agonizing over the parental role he always had assumed he had played rather well in the Warblers, But apparently not so much. How else could they change like this so quickly. Clearly I have failed them. Failed myself. And then I did not even make time to call Blaine the last weeks.

The rest of the day and far too deep into the night Wes keeps mining his brain for the how, How did all this happen? Coming up empty every time. But then again, no one has explained to him about Sebastian Smythe yet.

xxxx

Blaine keeps stirring, letting out small whimpers, as Kurt has to move away for a moment to change into boxers and a shirt as Wes suggested, and to get some fresh, light clothing out for Blaine too.

"Love, you'll have to work with me here, okay?"

Blaine nods, sniffling still, even though the tears have stopped coming altogether while Kurt had been on the phone with Wes again.

It takes some time to peal the now sweat drenched and tear stained clothes of Blaine.

Blaine is already wearing fresh boxers and Kurt is about to help him into a plain white singlet when a red drop hits Blaine's chest, another his boxers.

"KURT!" It is a cry of horror, followed by a sob.

Kurt remembering Wes's advice places his hand on Blaine's thankfully already bare chest, hoping it will help, "It's alright, Love. Just breathe, breathe with me, come on. It's your bandage, we had forgotten to change it earlier after you last cried. It's okay."

Kurt, tilting his head to catch Blaine's eye, sees the panic in it, as Blaine cannot bring himself to look away from more red drops hitting him and his clothes.

"Blaine, Love, just close your eye for me, please just close it and concentrate on my touch. Please, try for me."

But Blaine's breathing is beginning to stutter now, Kurt can feel it under his right hand on Blaine's chest, and he cannot seem to tear his attention away from the red, not on his own.

"Kurt. Help," it is a desperate sob, and the new tears make the drops fall even faster.

Kurt moves both his hands to take Blaine's, unable to watch him fall apart like this any longer, and leans in, capturing Blaine's lips in a messy kiss. Turning it deep instantly to draw all of Blaine's attention. Hoping the kiss won't cause him physical pain. Doubting any amount of physical pain could match the emotional torture Blaine seems to feel already.

Kurt keeps kissing him, Please, Love, focus on the kiss.

Kurt does not know how long it has been when Blaine finally responds, and kisses back.

He is utterly out of breath when they break apart, and he only does so after Blaine squeezes his hands back. Trusting Wes completely it is the right thing to do to make sure.

"You scared me," Kurt whispers, he the one unable to make eye-contact this time.

"I scared me too," Blaine whispers back waiting for Kurt to look back up at him.

They are watery, pain-filled smiles on both faces as their gazes meet again.

Kurt swallows hard as he takes in Blaine's blood spattered look.

Squeezing Blaine's hands one more time in reassurance Kurt lets go of one of them, using his hold on the other to get Blaine, with a light tug to come with him to the bathroom.

xxxx

Kurt takes care to have Blaine face away from the bathroom mirror while he first redresses his eye, getting even more blood on Blaine's face and chest for a moment, then cleans all of the blood and tears smeared by now, some off his own arms, away.

"All done," Kurt says, gently coaxing Blaine to turn to the mirror, with a light touch on Blaine's hips.

Eyes meeting in the mirror Kurt places a kiss to Blaine's left shoulder before he says, "Wait one moment, I get you the singlet and some other boxers too. Those weren't my favorites on you anyway," Kurt even dares to attempt a smile. It goes alright. Not brilliant. But brilliant is a high order today.

As Kurt is about to turn and leave Blaine stops him, gently placing his right hand on Kurt's left forearm, "Wait."

"Yes?"

"Can we...sleep without shirts tonight? I...I need...."

Kurt takes the one step back to Blaine, who swallows hard.

Standing right in front of him, Kurt gently cups Blaine's left cheek with his right hand.

Blaine instantly leans into Kurt's gentle touch, and his eye closes only a second later.

Finding Blaine's features still marked gravely by agony, tears are stirred and silently mix into the blue of Kurt's eyes. Warding off their fall for a minute more Kurt hums softly, "I need you too," as he leans in and gently brushes his lips against Blaine's.

xxxx

It is the quiet they did not dare hope for anymore that awaits them as they settle under the covers, together.

Kurt's head coming to rest on his chest, the remains of the cold Blaine felt all day melt away into the dark. A dark Blaine does not feel he has to fear wrapped into Kurt's soft warmth.

xxxx

Kurt needing rest just as much as Blaine, it is a good thing, really, that neither knows of the secret midnight meeting Smythe has called for the Warblers that night.