Santana walked into the Choir room for the fourth time that day, this time going in to hopefully do something productive instead of sitting in the seat that Brittany had sat in the day before she was rushed into hospital and breaking down. She didn't think she could carry on with this, the familiar walls, the familiar sounds of the lockers shutting, people talking. Talking about Brittany. She couldn't carry on, she was sure of it.

She walked in slowly, getting the same sympathetic looks from her group members but avoiding them this time around. That was definitely too much for her to handle, especially with the funeral being tomorrow. 

"San, come here," Kurt called, gesturing her over with his somewhat insanely well groomed hand.

She flipped her attention from the floor to Kurt, who was surprisingly not being smothered by Berry and her hideous sweaters, and was in fact alone, strategically placed on the top of the piano directly in the middle, much to Brad's dismay.

"Yes?" She looked up, a fake smile plastered across her face.

"Do you think singing a song would help?"

"No," She was quick to answer, her smile fading and her head back facing the ground again. She knew what he meant, how could she not? It’s not like he hadn’t been pounding her with texts and calls all week about singing a song in Glee club about it to “release”.

"Surely there's a song by someone that could help?" He worried.

"I'm fine, it's fine" She mumbled, tears welling in the pits of her eyes.

"What about Lawson? You and Britt always had a bond over them?"

Santana would never palm herself off as the wincing type, but every time someone had said Brittany's name, she felt her stomach knotting up and her chest becoming tight. Why did nobody realise that she wasn’t ready to talk about it, and that is was the last thing she wanted to do?

"Kurt, I can't-" She started, but the idea struck her. Maybe this could help, after all? 

Lawson had always been Brittany and Santana's escape. She remembered the first time they laid in Santana's bed together, with an acoustic of Taking Over Me escaping from the iPod dock, her listening as her and Brittany sung along softly alternating lines with Brittany turned on her side to face Santana, who was trying so hard to not let tears flow down her face with the idea of her girlfriend trying her best to make her feel better after Finn outing her at school. Maybe a song from the band that somehow helped in making her accept who she was could make her feel a little better? 

She knew she was crying at this point. Well not mentally, because the idea of it kinda made her happy in her mind, but she could feel the tears flowing down her face. Kurt's face had suddenly become sad, like he regretted even opening his mouth. "I'll do it."

Kurt's face changed from sorrow to what looked like an over exaggerated delight at the sound of her agreement.

"May- Maybe you're right?" She whispered, her voice almost becoming inaudible. "Maybe it could help." 

Santana knew what was coming. Kurt was going to ramble.

"You don't have to, please don't do this cause you think I'm making you cause I'm not I just want to make sure that you're happy and-" She put her hand over his lips in an attempt to just shut him up. 

"I know, I want to do this for myself," She hesitated. She knew she needed to do this, but what song? It's not like Lawson has a song about the love of someone's life being taken away by cancer? 
Then it struck her. Still Hurts. 

Sure, it was a song about breaking up, but the lyrics meant so much. They affected her the same way, so it would work, right?

She looked up at Kurt who was now looking at her in sympathy, an emotion that was beginning to mean nothing to her, before turning and walking towards the band and telling them what she wanted, being surprised when they replied that they knew the songs and the chords. 

She returned to the middle of the room and grabbed a stool, putting it down gently and placing herself onto it. 
The whole room fell silent, Kurt even slid himself off the piano and went and sat down in front of Santana, being sure to be close if she was to need him. The Glee club all placed themselves on a seat parallel to her and seemed reluctant with every move they made, like they pitied her. And that was something she didn’t need.

Mr Schuester sat on the bench just next to the entrance to his office, looking at Santana patiently, but also full of anticipation.
Santana turned her head to face the band, and after a slight nod, they began playing the correct chords and notes. She knew her cue, and went in head first with the lyrics, hoping that Kurt would be right and this would help.

You and me, still hurts
Days go by, gets worse
I don’t wanna see you
I don’t wanna know where you are
I’m scared of these feelings
I’m broken and bleeding here without

Santana was trying her best to gulp down the lump in her throat and carry on, but boy was it hard.

You – don’t know how it feels,
breaking up and falling down
With you - it’s never gonna be,
not the way it used to be
every day it gets harder to breathe.

By this point in the song, the lump wasn’t budging and she knew at any moment she was going to break. Her heart was going to break into two there and then, for all of the Glee club to witness.

You and me, still hurts
thought that this could work
I’m going out of my head and
I’m trying to forget how I miss you

God, I miss you.

That was the last line she could get out before she broke, and it couldn’t have been more apt. It wasn’t like she was singing anymore, she was saying everything she felt and she was just so vulnerable. The music was still playing and now tears were flowing rapidly down her cheeks - for whatever number of times that was today – and the vulnerability factor was well and truly in full throttle.

Kurt stood up out of his seat and ran straight to her side, placing his arm around her shoulders as she nestled her face into his and just wept, the embarrassment not bothering her, her just needing her best friend. Suddenly, she stood up and slowly turned away from the, again, sympathetic gazes of the glee club members to face the door. She unhooked herself from Kurt’s grasp and ran towards the door, the embarrassment finally hitting her like a hammer on the head. She was Santana Lopez; nobody was supposed to see her like this.

Behind her she could hear the stamping of Kurt’s boots and his continuous shout of “San, Santana, San, Stop!” But she couldn’t. She couldn’t stop, she just wanted to run and run out of this - eerily empty – school and get rid of all the pain, but it wasn’t going to happen was it? Cause she was going to have to come back.

--------------------------------------------------

A week is such a short amount of time, isn't it?

Just 7 days, 168 hours.

Those weeks turn to months and those months turn to years, and before you know it you're all grown up and ready to face the big scary world.

But the week did not fly by like all the others.

The week went slow, painfully slow.

The minutes felt like hours, the hours felt like days and the days felt like weeks.

It had been exactly one week since Brittany's death and the week was not easy, to say the least. Santana's week had been gruelling. The fatigue of getting up and facing the days without Brittany made Santana withdraw from social situations. Kurt had been supportive all week, of course, holding himself together with everything in his life, whilst keeping her as strong as another person could keep another. Santana would normally say some harsh words to Kurt's homophobic bullies to throw them off, but she couldn't. It's not that she didn't want too, she definitely wanted too, but she was fully aware of the harsh words they would respond with and she didn't think she could handle it.

Today was the worst, though. Santana didn't think a morning of her life had ever gone as slow as this one was going. She had been up since 4:23am and had to wait until 10:30am for Kurt to pick her up, cause after all, today was the day Santana had to accept that Brittany was never coming home.

Today was the funeral.

The only thing Santana had thought about all morning was that she’d been selfish and let Kurt down, and Brittany would be so disappointed that she hadn’t stuck up for Kurt. But there was nothing she could do now, and that haunted her even more. She had to go to this funeral knowing the love of her life would be so disappointed in her.

Kurt pulled up in his black Honda outside Santana’s house, stepping nto the lawn in his perfect black outfit that you could tell he’d spent a few days planning. He made his way up to the door, actually knocking this time, he hadn't done that in months.

Santana made her way towards the door, numb. She put her head around the door to check who it was, even though she defintiely knew it was Kurt. She gave him a hug.

"Thank you, Kurt." She whispered.

“What for?”

“Just for being here I guess,” She shrugged, no emotion in her voice. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Don’t be silly,” He said, going in for another hug. “What makes you feel like that?”

“It’s all been about me this week and you’ve been looking after me whilst looking after yourself. She’d be so disappointed in me. I don't think I can go. I don't think I can do this.” Santana replied, the lack of emotion in her voice continuing. She realised she didn’t feel anything because all she felt was empty. No anger, no despair, no anything. She didn't feel anything. She was overcome with emptiness.

"No she wouldn't, San. Stop putting yourself down, you've been brave by coming into school, I'd be at home feeling sorry for myself." Kurt soothed, pushing the stray piece of hair on Santana's face behind her ear, and sporting one of his best attempts at what he hoped looked like a supportive face, whilst trying not to break down himself at how useless his best friend felt. He wasn't used to this Santana, she wasn't like this. "You can do this Santana. You need to do this. Imagine the regret you'd feel if you didn't go and say goodbye properly? She wouldn't be disappointed in you at all, now get that super hot Latina butt out that door, cause we're gunna give Britt the best send off Lima has ever seen. Hell to that, she's gunna have the best send off Ohio has ever seen!"
Santana smiled, an emotion finally drowning her emptiness from earlier.

"I love you Kurt, I really do." 

"I love you too San, let's get going."

Kurt and Santana left the house quietly, Santana hooking her arm into Kurt's as they made the way down the drive to his car. He walked to the passenger side with Santana and opened the door as she got in, and closed the door behind her, before pulling the keys out of his pocket and climbing into his seaton the drivers side.

As Kurt turned the ignition in his car, Santana noticed a familiar Lawson song playing from the radio, recognizing the verse, but one line really striking her.

Standing in the dark,
She's dancing on the table
I'm looking through the glass,
She's someone else's angel.