I Know Not Why
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I Know Not Why: Chapter 8


E - Words: 3,701 - Last Updated: Jun 03, 2012
Story: Complete - Chapters: 10/10 - Created: Jun 03, 2012 - Updated: Jun 03, 2012
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Kurt practiced tirelessly.  Ever since getting the letter that a representative from NYADA would be in Lima to view a live performance, he’d barely allowed himself to think of anything else.  He’d changed his song twice and then ended up going back to the original one.  Blaine was there for him constantly.  Offering reassurances, praise, and constructive criticism when needed.  It never ceased to put a smile on Kurt’s face when they would start up a Skype session and Blaine was wearing his Juilliard sweatshirt and a goofy grin.  They Skyped at least twice a week and he always wore it.  Kurt teased him at first, but stopped when he realized that the sight served as motivation for him.  Kurt had to amaze the NYADA judge.  He had to go to New York for college.

 

….

 

Blaine had told Kurt that he’d be there, so he’d talked his mom into picking him up that weekend.  He knew that he wouldn’t actually be in the audition with Kurt, but he wanted to support him.  It was really bad timing – he had finals to prepare for, he had to start packing his room up, and then the letter came.

 

He’d had it for three days.  Principal Foster was the only other person that knew it had come.  She’d been so excited when she delivered it to him, but he swore her to secrecy and then tucked it away in his bag.

 

Good news or bad, it could wait until the weekend.

 

….

 

Kurt was fairly certain he’d hurt Blaine when he greeted him with a rather enthusiastic hug that seemed to knock the wind out of them both.  It had been months since he’d seen him (and a glitchy computer chat did not count).

 

Blaine just gave him that thousand-watt smile and pulled Kurt in for another hug.  He couldn’t stay long – too many last minute things to work out for his performance the following day.  His nerves were out of control, but the thought of his family and friends and Blaine being in the same building when he auditioned made him feel supported like he’d never been before.

 

He would make it through this weekend and then it would be smooth sailing until summer.  The end of his high school career was in sight and the future was his for the taking.

 

….

 

The next day, Blaine rode with Kurt and his family to the school.  Thankfully, Burt drove since Kurt was too distracted to be able to focus on much of anything.  Blaine sat with him in the back, their hands intertwined as they rode in silence.  He ran his thumb across Kurt’s knuckles in a comforting gesture, his other hand petting Roxy to keep his own nerves in check.

 

When they arrived, there was a flurry of students and parents and teachers.  After Kurt signed in, he found out where he needed to go, and then gave rushed hugs to his dad and Carol. 

 

Blaine hugged him tightly and whispered, “You are amazing.”

 

And with that, Kurt was gone and all they could do was wait.  Finn joined them before long, as well as several other friends there to support both Kurt and Rachel.  Blaine sat on a bench, Roxy curled at his feet, and tried to will the time to pass more quickly.  Carol sat beside him and wrapped an arm around him, her sweet perfume somehow putting him at ease.  No one said anything until Kurt and Rachel finally emerged together.

 

The commotion of everyone asking how it went and Kurt and Rachel’s excited replies were starting to overwhelm Blaine.  He held Roxy’s harness tight.

 

When Kurt’s familiar hand found his, he smiled and let the breath that he didn’t know he was holding go.

 

“Thank you for being here.”

 

“I’ll always be here for you.”

 

Kurt squeezed his hand and pulled him towards to exit.

 

….

 

He spent the majority of the weekend at Kurt’s – or more accurately, he spent the majority of the weekend attached to Kurt’s hip.  It was all purely innocent, but he had missed being able to hold Kurt’s hand or hug him or just lay beside him while they whispered about all of the things to come.

 

Sunday lunch was reserved for his family though.  Blaine had specifically asked that they have a meal together – just the three of them.  It wasn’t so odd for this to occur, but his father had become increasingly busy with work and this was a day that he needed them both.

 

Blaine sat on his bed and pulled the letter out of his bag.  He held it in his hands like it was fragile.  It wasn’t really thick, but not thin either.  He took a deep breath and walked downstairs to the kitchen.

 

“Perfect timing.  I just pulled the casserole out.  Have a seat and your father should be in any minute.”

 

Blaine sat in his usual spot, the letter placed under him for the time being.  His father was jovial – Blaine had noticed a change in him since that night at the airport.  His mother was her normal, loving self.  In that moment, Blaine said a silent thank you for his family.  Things had not been easy, but they’d all grown and learned and developed into a happy family.  This was exactly where he wanted to be when he found out about his future.

 

….

 

Christina can’t remember the last time they had a day like this.  James was so busy with work and Blaine didn’t come home as often as she’d like because of his school responsibilities.  It was nice to have her family together and happy.

 

“I, um, wanted to…”

 

Blaine’s uncertain words pulled her attention to him.  “Wanted to what, sweetie?  Is everything okay?”

 

“Yah, mom.  I wanted to let you both know I got my letter.  From Juilliard.”

 

She let out a small gasp and set her fork down with a clank.

 

“When did it come?  What did it say?”

 

“I just got it this week.”  He pulled the letter out and held it with both hands.  “I haven’t opened it yet.”

 

“What?  Aren’t you excited to hear what it says?”  Her mouth was no doubt gaping.

 

Blaine just nodded before turning slightly towards his father.  “Would you open it and read it?”

 

Christina looked back and forth between her husband and her son.  She briefly made eye contact with James and saw the slight hesitation. 

 

“Of course.”  He took the letter from Blaine and flipped it over a few times in his hands.  He looked back up at her and she gave him a reassuring smile.  “Okay, let’s see what it says.”

 

She watched him open it with slightly shaky hands, his face not giving away any emotion. 

 

Blaine rested his elbows on the table, his forehead pressed against his clasped hands.  It looked like he was praying.

 

James unfolded the papers and let out a deep sigh.

 

“Dear Mr. Anderson,” he started and then took several deep breaths.  Christina prepared herself for the worst.  When James started to speak again, she realized why he had paused.  It was clear in his voice he was fighting back tears. 

 

….

 

His father’s hesitation caused the lump in his throat to get bigger. 

 

“We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into Juilliard’s Bachelor of Music program for the Fall 2012 semester.”  His father kept reading, but Blaine didn’t hear the words.  He’d been accepted and his father was crying.

 

Blaine buried his face in his hands as his own tears fell.  He let out a muffled sob as a hand reached up to uncover his face.  But it wasn’t the soft touch of his mother comforting him – it was his father.

 

“Blaine?  Did you hear what I said?”

 

He nodded.  “I got in.”

 

“Yah, son, you did.”

 

“Why are you crying?”

 

It sounded like an accusation or that he was asking for confirmation of his father’s disappointment.

 

“I’m crying because I love you and you deserve this and I have never been more proud of you than I am in this moment.”

 

“What?”

 

“You did it.”  His father pulled him into a hug and they both cried, now obvious tears of joy. 

 

Another set of arms encircled him.  “Sweetie, you worked so hard for this.  Your father and I love you so much.”

 

Blaine couldn’t talk he was crying so hard.  He pulled them both impossibly closer and let them wrap him in their warmth.

 

He did it.

 

….

 

After he pulled himself together and they had celebratory apple pie, Blaine could hardly control the speed of his feet as he walked next door.  Finn let him in, but by the time he yelled up to Kurt that he had a visitor, Blaine was halfway up the stairs.

 

“What? Oh, Blaine.  Hey.  I thought it was family time today?”

 

“It was.  But I had to come tell you something before I went back to school.”

 

Kurt grabbed his hand and led him to his room.

 

“Is everything okay?  You’re grinning like a madman, but you look like you’ve been crying.”

 

“I have.  Kurt, I got into Juilliard.”

 

Kurt gripped his forearms and then roughly threw his arms around Blaine’s neck.  “I knew it, I knew it.  I knew you’d get in.  Oh my god, what did your parents say?”

 

“They’re happy.”

 

“Your dad too?”

 

“Yah, he is.”  Blaine could feel the tears starting to form again.

 

Kurt pulled back, his hands still holding on to Blaine’s shoulders.  “Do you finally believe me?”

 

“What?”

 

“I told you that you could do anything.  And now you’re going to Juilliard.”

 

“Well, I haven’t actually gotten there.  I mean—I could be a colossal failure and be back here in Lima even before Christmas break.”

 

“Stop.  You have to stop doubting yourself.”

 

“Why do you always believe in me?”

 

“Because I love you.”

 

“But why?”

 

“Why do I love you?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I don’t know how not to.  You’re one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met.”

 

“I love you too, Kurt.”  He held both of Kurt’s hands in his own.  “I’m still in love with you.”

 

“I’m still in love with you too.  So why aren’t we together?”

 

“Because I am an idiot.”

 

Blaine said it very earnestly, but Kurt couldn’t help but laugh.  “You do have your moments.”

 

“Do I have to ask you to go steady again or can I just kiss you?”

 

“Please kiss me.”

 

Blaine brought a hand up to cup Kurt’s face.  When their lips met, Blaine felt the warmth between them and he pulled away slightly to smile.  “I’m so happy.”

 

They stood there, foreheads pressed together, just breathing each other’s air for a minute.

 

“Will you still be happy and want to be with me if I don’t get into NYADA?”

 

“You’re going to get in.  But if for some reason you don’t, I won’t make the same mistake twice if that’s what you’re worried about.”

 

“You said it would be too hard with us being states apart—“

 

“I know, I know.  Idiot.  Remember?  I don’t know how to do all of this.  I’m obviously not an expert when it comes to relationships, but I promise I want to try.  And I’ll probably screw up along the way.  Please just try with me?”

 

“Always.”

 

….

 

Finals were a beating.  Packing all of his stuff, even with his aunt’s help, was a giant undertaking.  By the time Blaine actually got home for the summer, he was completely exhausted.

 

Kurt still had his last week of school to finish, but he came over to Blaine’s house every afternoon.  They kissed and cuddled and napped.

 

Maybe being a little exhausted wasn’t so bad.

 

On Kurt’s last day of school, he walked into Blaine’s room, kicked off his shoes, and cuddled into Blaine’s side without saying a word.  Blaine felt Kurt pull him close and let out a contented sigh.

 

“Happy day?”

 

“Mmm, very happy day.”

 

“You’re free now.”

 

Kurt nuzzled his face into Blaine’s neck and they lay quietly for several minutes.

 

“What are you thinking?”

 

Kurt pressed a soft kiss to Blaine’s neck before answering.  “Just thinking about how I’m going to spend every summer day cuddled with my boyfriend.”

 

“Oh yah?”

 

“And then how I’m going to have to compare our schedules next semester so we can cuddle every day in New York.”

 

“I like the way you’re thinking.”

 

“Mmhm.  And since we’ll both be living on campus, we’ll have to come up with bribes to get our roommates to give us alone time.”

 

“You’re quite prepared for our possible New York future together.”

 

“Oh, it’s not just a possibility.”

 

“Well, obviously.  I mean if NYADA doesn’t admit you, they’re idiots.”

 

“Turns out they’re not idiots.”

 

Blaine tensed and then reached for Kurt’s face.  He was grinning from ear to ear.

 

“Wait, what?”

 

“Oh, you know, I just happened to get my NYADA acceptance letter.”

 

Blaine sat up, almost throwing Kurt off the bed.

 

“Sorry, sorry.  Are you serious though?”

 

He laughed.  “Yes, Blaine.  My dad met me at school today and brought the letter.  We’re both going to New York.”

 

Blaine yelled and bounced on the bed until Kurt pulled him back down.

 

“For my congratulations, can you shout less and kiss me more?”

 

He was already breathing heavily out of excitement when he leaned forward and kissed Kurt with much more fervor than the boy was expecting.  They separated only when the need for air got too great.

 

“I expect all of my good news to be met with congratulatory kisses like that.”

 

They lay there together for a long time, the sound of their breathing the only sound in the room.

 

“I’m so happy.”

 

“Good.  I am too.”

 

….

 

Kurt shot straight up in bed, his eyes darting frantically around the room.  He lay back down when he realized he was in his room, the blue numbers on the clock glowing back at him:  4:12am.

 

He lay there staring at the ceiling recounting the dream in his head.  It was so vivid.  Endless emotions flowed through him as he remembered every detail.  He tried going back to sleep, but all he could do was close his eyes and see that face.

 

A new dream and another sleepless night.

 

….

 

When Blaine’s dad left for work at 7:30, Kurt knew Mrs. Anderson would be up also.  He threw his robe on over his pajamas and walked next door not caring about his unkempt hair or what the neighbors might say if they saw him.  He knocked lightly, hoping that if he was wrong and nobody was up that he wouldn’t disturb them.  Mrs. Anderson opened the door with a curious look.

 

“Kurt?  It’s so early, dear.  Blaine’s still asleep.”

 

“I know.  I just… I—“

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“I really need to talk to him.”

 

“It can’t wait?  You’re not dressed, he’s not expecting you this early, so I’m sure he’s not dressed either.”

 

“It’s not like that, I promise.  I know he’ll be ok with me waking him up and I can assure you that our state of undress won’t be an issue.”

 

She seemed to be looking for something in his face, hopefully not the bags he knew were under his eyes.  Whatever it was, she seemed to find as her face changed into an apologetic smile and she nodded her head.

 

He walked quickly to Blaine’s room and let himself in quietly.  As he got closer to the bed, he started to second-guess coming over so early.  This could wait—Blaine looked so peaceful in his sleep.  Kurt turned and walked back to the door only to be greeted by a very enthusiastic dog.

 

“Hey girl, shhh.”

 

“Mom?  You let’n Roxy g’out?”

 

“I’ll let her out,” he whispered as he grabbed Roxy’s collar and opened the bedroom door.

 

“Kurt?”

 

“Yah, I’m sorry, I’ll come back later.”

 

“What?  C’mere.”

 

“No, no, go back to sleep.”

 

“Okay.  C’mere.”  His eyes were still closed, head resting against the pillow, but an arm emerged from the covers and reached for him.

 

Kurt walked to the bed and grabbed Blaine’s hand.  “I’ll be back over for lunch, okay?”

 

“Come heeeeeeeeeere,” Blaine whined and pulled Kurt closer.

 

He let go just long enough to kick off his slippers and remove his robe and then he slid in next to Blaine.  Warm arms immediately wrapped around him and pulled him so they were face-to-face.

 

“You’re so cute when you’re all sleepy and whiney.”

 

“You’re adorable.”

 

“You’re not even awake.”

 

“Uh huh.  I thought I was just having a really good dream, but now I can feel you and I know I’m awake now.”

 

Kurt brought his hand up and let his fingers lightly graze over Blaine’s face, finally slowing their movements and tracing the scar over his eyebrow.

 

“Not that I’m complaining, because I definitely want to wake up to you many more mornings in the future, but why are you here so early?”

 

“I had a dream and I couldn’t go back to sleep.  I wanted to tell you about it.”

 

“Dreams are good.”  Blaine sounded like he was drifting back to sleep.

 

“It was about a young boy with sad amber eyes.”

 

His eyes fluttered open, the urge to slip back into the unconscious seemingly gone.  “Oh yah?”

 

“It was like a memory-- a music room full of kids singing.  Two boys running down the hall hand in hand.”

 

“Kurt…”

 

“Please tell me it wasn’t just a dream,” he whispered.  His finger delicately moved back and forth across Blaine’s scar.  “Tell me it was you.”

 

Blaine closed his eyes again.  “It was me.”

 

“It’s like bits and pieces in my head.  There was something that seemed so familiar about you, but I couldn’t place it.  But you remembered?  You’ve known all this time?”

 

Blaine nodded.

 

“Why didn’t you say something?”

 

“I didn’t want to make you remember.  And even if you never did, I was okay with that.  It was a long time ago.”

 

“I don’t know why the memory came to me now.  Do you think this is weird?  Of all the people for my family to move next door to…”

 

“I think it’s fate.”

 

“You believe in that?”

 

“I don’t know how else to explain it.  That day—you didn’t have to talk to me, but you did.  What you sang and everything you said to me…  you grabbed my hand and laughed with me like I was any normal kid.  And so much happened after that day that led me to this house last summer.  And again, you took my hand and brought me into your life and made me feel so happy.”

 

“You are worth so much more than you know, Blaine.”  Kurt placed soft kisses all over his face before Blaine rolled on top of him and kissed him hard.  Blaine’s tongue was hot as it licked against Kurt’s lips seeking entrance.  Kurt opened to him and brought his arms up around Blaine’s neck, losing himself as the kiss grew deeper.  Blaine’s hand rubbed at the sensitive skin just beneath the waistband of Kurt’s pajama bottoms as he simultaneously kissed down his neck.

 

“Oh god, Blaine.”  Kurt loved the feel of Blaine’s weight on him, the soft lips now trailing across his collarbone, and the way the teasing hand at his waist was making his cock throb.

 

“Want to touch you.”

 

Kurt’s whimper seemed to be permission enough and Blaine quickly pushed both of their pajama pants down.  When Blaine was on him again, he felt skin against skin and moaned as their cocks rubbed together.  He pulled Blaine down into another bruising kiss, teeth and tongue and wild need.  His hips began thrusting up almost unconsciously and Blaine soon matched his rhythm.  It was almost too much, too rough, until Blaine’s hand grasped them both using their pre-come to make the slide easier.  Kurt felt lightheaded from the kissing and touching and heat that radiated between them.  He broke the kiss, took one gasping breath of air, and cried Blaine’s name as he came hard between them.  Blaine kept stroking and thrusting, breathing heavily in Kurt’s ear until he finally found his own release with a moan.

 

Kurt rolled Blaine to the side and grabbed some tissues from the bedside table to wipe up the mess between them.  He reached down and pulled both of their pants back up before snuggling back into Blaine.

 

Blaine kissed him just behind the ear and it sent a shiver down his spine.

 

“I completely lied to your mom this morning without even knowing it.”

 

“Kurt, I swear, you should really just not talk after orgasms.”

 

“I just meant that when she let me in---“

 

A hand came up over his mouth.  “No, not another word.  Inappropriate subject matter.  Sleep.”

 

Kurt huffed, but pressed his back into Blaine and closed his eyes.

 

He didn’t say another word, but he really hoped Mrs. Anderson hadn’t heard any of that.

 

….

 


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