June 3, 2012, 4:29 p.m.
I Know Not Why: Chapter 4
E - Words: 7,283 - Last Updated: Jun 03, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 10/10 - Created: Jun 03, 2012 - Updated: Jun 03, 2012 1,297 0 0 0 0
“Okay, tell us again about the kiss.”
He knew his face was plastered with a dopey grin, but he couldn’t help it. “It was perfect. He has the softest lips and strong hands and he just kissed me senseless.”
Rachel and Mercedes both squealed as Kurt blushed with the memory of the previous day’s events. Blaine had left with his mom that afternoon to go to Columbus for a couple days to visit his friends, so Kurt had called for an emergency sleepover at Rachel’s.
“He seems like a nice guy and he looks like a Disney prince. But he better treat you right.”
“Of course he’ll treat him right, Mercedes. This is Kurt’s first boyfriend!”
Kurt’s smile faltered for the first time that night.
“He is your boyfriend, right Kurt?”
“I don’t know. We didn’t talk about it. Is there a protocol for this?”
“Normally one person just asks the other. He didn’t ask you?”
“No!” Kurt squeaked.
“That’s ok, you can just ask him.” Rachel reached over to her nightstand and pulled out a notepad. “Let’s plan this out.”
“Seriously, Rachel? The boy doesn’t need a plan to say ‘hey will you be my boyfriend?’”
“Maybe I’ll just text him. He’s not going to be home until the day after tomorrow.” Kurt pulled out his phone and started composing a text. He paused and then set his phone down again. “I can’t just lead with that question.”
“Fine, start simple.”
Kurt picked his phone up again.
Kurt
Hey
Blaine
Hi Kurt
Kurt
Are you having fun?
Blaine
Lots. Hanging with my friends. They all say hi.
Kurt
Should I avoid saying anything embarrassing?
Blaine
Yes. Left my earphones at my aunt’s house. Don’t spill any secrets.
Kurt
I wouldn’t dream of it. Have fun. I’ll see you when you get home.
Blaine
See you soon
Kurt set his phone down with a sigh.
“So?”
“I didn’t ask. He’s with his friends and can’t listen to his texts privately and that might be super awkward if his friends heard.”
Rachel picked up her notepad again. “Then might I suggest we go back to planning the event for when Blaine returns?”
Mercedes threw a pillow at her. “Stop. It’s not that serious. Kurt will talk with his boy when he gets home.”
Kurt chuckled with them, but he still wondered what he would say to Blaine. He’d never had a boyfriend before. He didn’t know if Blaine even wanted to be his boyfriend. Maybe it was just a kiss and Blaine would go back to his school in the fall and Kurt would be alone again. He didn’t sleep much that night.
….
He’d managed to distract himself with cooking, organizing, and further researching his college options. Carol thought Kurt was manic, but she didn’t question it because the linen closet had never been neater.
When the Andersons returned home, Kurt heard them laughing as they entered the house. It was 3:18pm. He would wait for Blaine to call or text or come over.
At 3:52pm, Kurt went into the backyard to make sure he was getting a signal on his cell phone. Sometimes he lost bars in the house.
At 4:25pm, he knocked on the Andersons’ door. Mrs. Anderson opened it with a smile. “Kurt, honey. Blaine’s upstairs in his room. Can you let him know I’m going to run some errands? I’ll be back in a couple hours.”
He nodded and took the stairs two at a time, but then paused outside of the door and took a few deep breaths. Why was he freaking out?
The door was halfway open, so he lightly knocked as he pushed his way in. “Blaine?”
He heard a groan and saw Blaine sprawled face down on the bed. His bag was dropped in the middle of the floor, one shoe still on, the other kicked into the corner. Kurt laughed at the sight.
“Hmm?”
“Hey, sorry, I didn’t know you were sleeping. I’ll come back.”
“Kurt? No, c’mere.”
Blaine sat up and started to run his hand through his hair. He winced when he felt the hard gel and dropped his hand to his side.
Kurt walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. “Long day?”
“Yah, I was going to come over once we got home, but traveling always makes me sleepy and I think I tried to cram too much into the short time we were in Columbus. I came in here and I guess just passed out.”
Blaine reached out his hand and Kurt readily grabbed it. “I can let you get back to your nap. I’m just glad you’re home.”
“I’m awake now, don’t leave.”
Kurt felt butterflies in his stomach. He opened his mouth to ask serious questions and then snapped it shut. Maybe he should’ve let Rachel plan this out for him.
“Okay, what should we do today?”
“We can do whatever you want to do, Kurt.”
Kurt quirked an eyebrow. “Oh yah? Anything?”
“Sure, why not.”
“There’s something I’ve been wanting to do for so long now.”
Blaine smirked and cocked his head. “This could be dangerous.”
….
“Oh my goooooood. Please don’t stop.”
Blaine decided in that moment that Kurt’s hands were magical.
“Shh, you sound so obscene.”
“My mom’s not home, I don’t care. That feels sooooo good, Kurt.”
Blaine’s legs felt like jelly.
“No, come on, Blaine. Lean forward on your knees some more.”
“You have no idea how good this feels.”
“Well, we’re done now, so stand up.”
Kurt’s hands were off him now and he turned his head to the side with a pout, water running across his face and down his neck.
“Seriously, you’re going to drip all over the place.” Kurt wrapped the towel around Blaine’s head and helped him stand. He resumed massaging softly through the towel to help dry his hair.
“Mmmm.”
“You’re enjoying this way too much.”
“I told you head massages make me weak in the knees.”
“Well, I wasn’t so much going for a massage as I was trying to get rid of the entire bottle of gel you had in your hair.”
“I think it’s funny that with an infinite number of options, you chose washing my hair as what you wanted to do today.”
“I’m saving you from yourself. You know this, right?”
“If this is what I get for wearing so much gel, I will be ordering cases of it this evening.”
Blaine sat on his bed and smiled and hummed to himself as Kurt ran his fingers through his hair to blow dry it.
“Much better! Here is where you would use the tiniest bit of product to help define the curls and prevent them from getting unruly. We’ll go shopping tomorrow for new hair products for you.”
Blaine didn’t respond, just sat there with a goofy grin. He was so relaxed and happy.
He felt the bed dip next to him as Kurt sat down. Kurt took his hand and that made him smile even more.
“Blaine? I wanted to ask you something.”
He furrowed his brow at Kurt’s hesitant tone.
“You can ask me anything.”
Kurt sighed and squeezed his hand. “So, what are we to you?”
“Huh?”
“You and me. What do you think we are? I mean, I don’t normally hold hands and kiss people that are just my friends, but we never talked about it after and then I wanted to text you and ask but you were with your friends…”
Blaine reached up and put a finger to Kurt’s lips. “I don’t normally hold hands or kiss my friends either. I was hoping you’d be my boyfriend.”
Kurt let out a deep sigh and loosened his death grip on Blaine’s hand. “I was hoping you would say that. I’ve never had a boyfriend before.”
“Me neither. I didn’t really know how all of this worked.” He laughed and rubbed his thumb along Kurt’s knuckles. “Will you go steady with me, Kurt Hummel?”
“Oh my god, you are ridiculous. Would you just kiss me already?”
“Is that a yes?”
“Who says ‘go steady’ anymore? But yes, I will be your boyfriend.”
Kurt leaned forward and placed a small kiss at the corner of Blaine’s mouth. Blaine reached his free hand up and grabbed the back of Kurt’s neck to pull him in for another kiss. Their lips met again for a sweet kiss that lingered, but then Blaine was licking Kurt’s lips to get more. Kurt opened willingly and they both shivered as their tongues touched. Blaine moved forward, guiding Kurt’s head to the pillow and swinging his legs up so they were lying fully on the bed, never breaking the kiss. Blaine groaned as Kurt’s hand began running through his curls again. He hovered over Kurt, moving his head to kiss Kurt harder. When he pulled away slightly to take a breath, he nipped at Kurt’s lower lip, eliciting a whimper from the boy. Blaine lowered his body onto Kurt’s, sucking in a sharp breath when he could feel Kurt hard beneath him. He rocked forward once and Kurt broke the kiss to let out a noise of surprise.
“Too much?”
“No. Oh god, do that again.”
Blain moved his head down to kiss Kurt’s neck, slowly rolling his hips, the pressure on both their cocks sending waves of pleasure through their bodies. He felt Kurt’s arms come around him as if trying to hold on. Blaine continued to suck the same spot on Kurt’s neck, his hips moving faster. Kurt mewled, grappling at Blaine’s back. Blaine brought his lips back up to hover just over Kurt’s and whispered, “you’re so amazing.” And that was it. He felt Kurt tense beneath him, his breathing stopped, and then he was almost shaking.
“Blaine…”
The sound of his own name from his boyfriend’s mouth as he came sent Blaine over the edge also. They lay there for a minute, breathing heavily against one another, before Blaine turned over on his side, pulling Kurt closer to him.
“I can’t believe we just did that. Your mom could’ve come home at any minute.”
“You just had an orgasm and you’re thinking about my mom?”
“Well, now I’m thinking about the stickiness in my pants.” Kurt started to get out of bed, but Blaine’s arms tightened and drew him closer.
“You’re ruining my afterglow.”
The silence lingered between them; Kurt not quite relaxed in Blaine’s arms. “I’ve never done that before.”
Blaine kissed his shoulder. “I didn’t exactly plan for that to happen this afternoon. Did we move too fast for you?”
“No, I just… it’s new. It’s all new. And I want to try everything with you. Not today obviously, but in time.”
“Do you have any idea how wonderful you are?” Blaine burrowed his face into the side of Kurt’s neck and hugged him closer.
“You’re like a puppy.”
“Cuddle with your puppy boyfriend for a minute, please.”
He felt Kurt relax against him. “Okay, but just for a minute.”
They were both asleep before the minute was up.
….
They sat on the porch swing, the light trickle of rain providing the soundtrack to the cool afternoon. Blaine sat on one end reading his final school book for the summer, Kurt on the other end reading his Vogue, socked feet meeting in the middle.
Blaine had been abnormally quiet all day, but Kurt chalked it up to the weather. He kept sneaking glances up from his magazine, sure that Blaine would somehow know he was looking.
“You okay over there?”
“Mmhmm,” he responded without looking up.
“You sure? Because you’ve been on that same page for 20 minutes.”
Blaine sighed and closed the book. “Sorry, my mind is just elsewhere today.”
Kurt regarded him carefully. There was a confused look on his face. “Want to talk about it? I’ve heard I’m a pretty good listener.” He chuckled and poked Blaine’s ankle with his toe. When he got no response, his concern grew. “Blaine? What’s wrong?”
“I just… what happened the other day in my room. I don’t want you to feel pressured to do anything with me.”
“Blaine, I can assure you I didn’t feel pressured. I mean, it was quite unexpected, but it was amazing.”
“You have to understand that I just feel so much, Kurt. And when I touch you, it’s like a drug and I just can’t get enough.”
“Is this where you make a lame Twilight joke about me being your own personal brand of heroin?”
Blaine pouted. “I’m serious, Kurt. I want you to understand.”
“I’m sorry, I just don’t get where all of this is coming from.”
“You’re my first boyfriend and I really care about you. I don’t want to mess this up.”
Kurt reached across the swing and grabbed Blaine’s hand. “You’re not messing anything up. What happened the other day? Definitely a little faster than I thought I would go, but—“
“See! That’s what I’m talking about when I said—“
“BLAINE!”
They both sat silently for a few moments.
“Blaine,” Kurt squeezed his hand as a gesture of reassurance. “Listen to me. What I was saying was that yes, you becoming my boyfriend and having our first orgasm together within minutes of each other was unexpected. I wouldn’t change it. And if now we just go back to kissing and holding hands and take everything a lot slower – I’m ok with that. I meant it when I said I wanted to do everything with you. I don’t want to set dates or put time limits on it or come up with a schedule for how this relationship should progress. I want to spend every minute with you that I can and in that time we’ll learn more about each other – emotionally and physically. Three months ago I would’ve told you a touch of the fingertips was as sexy as anything needed to get. But now? I want to kiss you every second.”
The slightest glimpse of a smile showed on Blaine’s face. “Oh yah? Tell me more, oh wise one.”
Kurt playfully slapped his knee. “Don’t mock me. I mean it, Blaine. I’m not as fragile as you think I am. But all this time you’ve been fretting… do you regret it?”
“No! I was just overthinking it. I should’ve said something sooner. I don’t regret anything with you, Kurt. I promise.”
“Ok, end of serious discussion time then.”
“Yah, let’s get back to you wanting to kiss me every second.”
Blaine waggled his eyebrows and Kurt rolled his eyes.
….
Blaine was beginning to think that Kurt spent more time at the mall than he did at home. This was already their second trip this week and Kurt was talking about the big sale coming up this weekend. Mercedes and Rachel had joined them earlier in the week and even though Blaine felt a little awkward around Kurt’s friends, he enjoyed getting to know them better.
Blaine was never big on shopping. Partly because he needed help finding anything he wanted and partly because being in such a public place always drew unwanted attention. People treated him like a child, spoke loud and slow, and pity was always evident in their voices. He definitely wasn’t a shut-in, but he preferred more private places or to be in the company of others like himself.
For Kurt though, Blaine would go anywhere. Even if it meant an afternoon spent shopping when he would rather be at home tangled together on the couch.
“Okay, you blanked out on me again.”
Blaine turned his head towards Kurt’s voice. “No, I’m here, just thinking.”
“Then I’ll assume you missed everything I just said since I know you have trouble multi-tasking.” Kurt playfully bumped him with his hip. “Let’s go home.”
Now that was something Blaine could smile about. They walked quietly through the parking lot to Kurt’s car, knuckles brushing as they walked, never holding hands in public for fear of the small town mindset on their relationship.
Blaine opened the backdoor for Roxy to climb into the car while Kurt loaded his bags in the back. Blaine had just closed the door when suddenly he felt something knock against him and he fell back against the concrete.
“What the hell?”
“Stay down, hobbit.”
Blaine thought he recognized the voice, but his attention was now focused on Roxy barking in the backseat and Kurt struggling with someone else.
“Let me go!”
“You think you can just parade around here like you own the place? You should be locked away where you can’t infect people with your queerness.”
Blaine tried to sit up, but a foot pressed to his chest to keep him down.
“Being gay isn’t contagious, Karofsky. I know you only have two brain cells, but you of all people should know that.”
“What’d you say, fag?”
“Look, just leave us alone. We didn’t even do anything to you.”
“You were gaying up where we like to hang out,” the voice above Blaine spoke up.
“You don’t own the mall, Azimio. I hate to be the one to break it to you.”
“You and your butt buddy over here need to stay out of our way.”
“Karofsky, you can’t keep me from going places. And you can call us all the bad names you can think of. But it won’t change who we are and it won’t change who you are.”
Blaine heard something being slammed against the car and then a yelp from Kurt. He grabbed the foot still resting on his chest and pushed the person away from him as he started to get up. “Kurt?”
He barely made it to his feet when he was tripped and fell hard face first onto the ground again.
“Leave him alone!” Kurt was yelling and Roxy was still barking, but the voices sounded distant even though Blaine knew they were only a few feet away.
….
Kurt couldn’t see from where he was pinned against the back of his car, but he knew Blaine must’ve hit his head hard. Blaine was moving very slowly trying to get his arms under his body to push up, but Azimio’s foot came back to rest on his shoulders.
Kurt turned back to Karofsky who was holding him by his shirt collar.
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
“This isn’t over, Hummel.” Karofsky drew him forward and then slammed him back once more into the car before he let go and they walked away. Kurt stumbled over to where Blaine had now pulled himself into a crouch.
“Blaine? Are you ok?”
“I’m fine. Did they hurt you?”
“It’s ok, like being slammed into a locker. I’ve gotten used to it.”
“You shouldn’t have to get used to that, Kurt.”
“Come on, Blaine. Your head is bleeding a little. Let’s go home.”
Kurt helped him in and Roxy immediately climbed half onto the console to get to him. She nosed at his shoulder and he reached up to pet her. “I’m ok, girl.”
….
When they got home, Blaine opened the door and let Roxy out. He ran his hand along the inside of the door, fairly certain he knew what he would find there.
“I’m sorry she scratched your car.”
Kurt was by him then, running a hand up and down his arm. “It’s just the panel. She was trying to get to you to protect you.”
Blaine wanted to say, ‘I was trying to get to you to protect you also, but I couldn’t.’ Instead he just kept his head down.
“Besides, you forget I have connections in car repair. Dad will help me fix this in no time.”
Blaine nods and they walk towards his house. His mother greets them at the door and he can hear when the smile in her voice turns to concern. “Blaine, Kurt, what happened?”
He knew enough about Kurt’s bullying to know that it’s not something that he talks to adults about, so Blaine lies.
“I tripped in the parking lot. I was distracted and I’m sure it looks worse than it really is.”
Kurt doesn’t say anything, just rests a reassuring hand on his arm.
“Well come on, let me get you cleaned up.”
He hears his mom walk away and he turns around to Kurt who has followed him in. “I’ll call you later, Kurt.”
The hand resting on his arm stills from its soothing circles. “Are you sure? Let me help get you cleaned up and then we can watch a movie or something.”
“No, it’s ok. My mom can help. And then I just want to lay down.”
The hand pulls away. “Oh, alright then. I guess give me a call later when you wake up?”
“Sure.”
He walks away then before Kurt can see how tears are beginning to form in his eyes. The door clicks a few seconds later and Blaine lets the first tear fall.
….
He doesn’t call that night.
He doesn’t call the next morning.
Kurt’s honestly worried that Blaine hit his head harder than either of them thought and maybe something was seriously wrong. At noon, he knocked on the Andersons’ door. Mrs. Anderson answered with her usual smile.
“Hey sweetie. Blaine’s not feeling very well today.”
“Can I see him? I was worried.”
“He wants to be left alone right now. I think it’s a migraine. He should be better tomorrow. I’ll tell him you stopped by.”
Kurt smiled his thanks and walked back to the house. He sent Blaine four texts that day, no response at all. Just before bedtime, he sat on his windowsill staring across at Blaine’s window. The window had been closed for two days now.
“Goodnight, Blaine,” he said loud enough that if the boy was in his room he would hear.
….
Kurt went over the next day, magazines and junk food in hand. Mrs. Anderson answered the door again as usual. This time, her smile not quite reaching her eyes.
“Hey, Mrs. Anderson. I brought over some stuff in case Blaine still wasn’t feeling well. I thought I could help cheer him up.”
“Kurt, it’s… not a good day.”
“Is it his head? Was it actually a concussion?”
“No, no. Nothing like that. He just…” She stopped, thinking of what to say. “Sometimes he just has bad days and this is one of them. You’d be better to come back tomorrow.”
“Mrs. Anderson, I really wish you’d let me talk to him. I think I can help.”
She looked thoughtful, weighing options in her head. “Okay, but just a few minutes and if he still wants to be left alone then you’ll have to come back another time.”
“Of course.” He walked past her and up the stairs, nerves increasing with each step.
He stared at the closed door for what seemed like forever before he made himself knock. No answer, so he knocked slightly harder while slowly pushing the door open.
“Mom, I told you I wasn’t hungry.” Blaine was lying in bed, a blanket pulled up to his ears, back to the door.
“So, no Pringles or gummi bears?”
The messy pile of hair turned slightly. “Kurt?”
“Yes. I know you want to be left alone, but I wanted to come check on you.”
Blaine turned back against the pillow and tightened he blanket around himself. “I don’t… feel well.”
“Please let me stay.”
“I don’t want to talk.”
“Okay.”
Kurt set his things down and kicked off his shoes. He pulled the blanket back and crawled in behind Blaine. When Blaine didn’t tell him to leave, Kurt slid his arm over Blaine’s side, hand resting on Blaine’s chest. They lay snuggled like that, neither saying a word. Blaine’s breathing evened out as he drifted to sleep. Kurt whispered softly into his hair, “I’m so sorry.”
….
Blaine jerked awake. The dream still lingering as reality edged away the cloudiness of his sleep – images of pain and loved ones being hurt and screaming… lots of screaming. He felt the arm around him tighten and he remembered that Kurt was with him.
“Shh, it’s okay.” The breath was warm on his neck and a shiver ran through his body. “Do you want to talk about it? You kept calling my name, but you wouldn’t wake up.”
“Just give me a minute.” He took several deep breaths as his mind jumped from the dream to the incident in the parking lot. His hand came to rest over Kurt’s, still pressed against his chest. “You were hurt. Someone was hurting you. And I couldn’t get to you. I just heard you calling for me, begging me to help. And in the dream I looked everywhere, but I couldn’t find you.”
“It was just a dream. I’m right here.”
“It’s more than just the dream, Kurt.”
Kurt sighed against his neck and he shivered again. “This is about what happened the other day with the jocks.” It wasn’t a question.
“Yes.”
Kurt pulled with the arm around Blaine trying to get him to turn over, but Blaine pulled back to stay where he was. Blaine felt Kurt lean his forehead against Blaine’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Blaine.”
Pity. That’s what Kurt’s words sounded like.
“I’m not what you need. I’ll never be.”
Suddenly Kurt’s head was gone, his arm moved. The only contact was now Kurt’s hand on Blaine’s hip. “What? Why would you ever say that?”
“Because all I could do is lay there on the ground while you were being hurt!”
“You didn’t just lay there. Azimio—“
“That doesn’t matter! Even if nobody else was there, I couldn’t have helped you! I’m always going to need someone to help me. Even when someone else needs something, my blindness will always hold me back. I’m not strong like you, Kurt. I’ll never be what you need.”
Blaine brought his hand up to cover his face to help hide the tears that were falling, though the shakiness of his voice was unmistakable. Kurt pulled his hand away and got up from the bed. This made Blaine let out a sob that he tried to muffle with the pillow. He knew Kurt could see now how pathetic he was. “Please just go.”
….
“No.”
Kurt wiped at his own eyes and walked around to the other side of the bed. If Blaine wouldn’t budge, Kurt would just have to reposition. He crawled back into bed, pulling Blaine’s hands from his face, and leaned their foreheads together.
“I’m not going anywhere.” His voice cracked, but he didn’t care if Blaine knew how hard he was crying. “I was so worried that you would hate me. That you would not want to be with me because all I seem to do is attract trouble and the other day it actually got you hurt. I have been so worried for the past two days because I feel responsible. You got hurt because of me.”
“That wasn’t your fault—“
“No, just listen. You talk about needing help like it’s a crime. I always want to be able to help you. Not because you’re blind, but because I care about you and that’s what you do with people you care about.” He took a deep breath and continued. “I don’t know what will come of this relationship. It’s still new and I don’t want to scare you off. But Blaine Anderson, I will never stop wanting to help you because you have helped me so much already. It doesn’t matter that you’re blind because you actually saw me when nobody else did. And don’t tell me that you’re not strong because you are so much braver than I could ever hope to be. You are everything I need and want and I feel like both of our insecurities are trying to sabotage us before we even get started.”
Kurt tried to calm his breathing and slow his tears. He was holding on to Blaine’s hands like a lifeline waiting for a response.
It took several moments of silence before he got one. “We won’t let them.”
He furrowed his brow. “Won’t let who what?”
Blaine actually smiled at that. “We won’t let our insecurities sabotage us.”
“So we’re okay?”
“We’re okay.”
Kurt ran his thumb along Blaine’s cheek wiping the last of the tears away. “Don’t shut me out.”
“That’s a two-way street.”
“I know. We’ll both have to work at this relationship thing. We’re kind of sucking at it.”
“Hey!”
“I’m just saying – first boyfriends and all.”
“Ahhh, young love.”
Kurt saw Blaine tense, realizing what he just said. He wrapped his arm around Blaine, pulling him closer. “Young love indeed.”
….
One month.
One month until he went back to school in Columbus.
Four weeks until his relationship with Kurt would change from kisses and cuddling and touchtouchtouch to phone calls and emails and distance.
But right now they had those four weeks.
He shifted on the couch causing Kurt to lift his head from his chest. “You okay?”
“Very okay.” He held Kurt’s face and kissed him long and deep.
Movie day cancelled.
Make-out day was much more fun.
….
Three weeks.
He promised himself he would focus on the here and now and not worry about what was to come, but who was he kidding with that?
Kurt was already preparing himself for when the summer would end.
What was that poem? ‘Nothing gold can stay.’ Well for Kurt Hummel, nothing good could last.
He squeezed Blaine’s hand as they sat on the porch swing.
….
12 days.
Blaine loved his school. He loved the teachers and his friends and the way the school both challenged him and made him more comfortable.
For several days, Blaine seriously considered transferring schools. He could ride with Kurt every day. The school would have to let him bring Roxy. He’d adjust. He’d be with Kurt.
But then his rational thoughts won out. McKinley High couldn’t offer him what he needed. Hell, it didn’t even offer Kurt what he needed.
They would just have to make these last days count and then put in the effort to keep this relationship while being apart.
Blaine strummed his guitar while Kurt lazily hummed an accompanying tune.
….
48 hours.
In 48 hours, Blaine would be in a car, going back to school. Leaving Kurt behind. Kurt was sad. And scared.
But for now, he focused on running his hands through Blaine’s curls as they lazed on the bed. Blaine’s hair had gotten long over the summer and he was leaving the curls mostly untamed. Kurt knew once Blaine got back to school, the gel would be back in full-effect, but all he could focus on now was the softness beneath his fingertips.
“Okay, favorites.”
“Yes!” Blaine did his little squirmy dance. He loved this game.
“Season. Fall – the time to start layering.”
“Winter – I’m all about the scarves and jackets. Smell – cinnamon.”
“Hmm, lavender. No, lavender and vanilla together. Dessert – chocolate soufflé.”
“Kurt, you know I can’t pick just one. I enjoy all desserts.”
“But alas, you must choose.”
“Fine. Apple crumb cake. Word – pulchritudinous.”
“Now you’re must making words up.”
“No I’m not! It means beautiful. It was the word of the day in one of my English classes a while ago and it just stuck with me.”
“Hmm. I always liked pamplemousse.”
“What the heck is a pamplemousse?”
“It’s French for grapefruit, but it just sounds so silly. Sound – thunderstorms.”
“Your voice.”
“Blaine…”
“What? It’s true. I love listening to you talk. And make other sounds.”
“You are insufferable.”
“Just being honest.”
“More like cheesy.”
“I love you.”
Kurt turned his head to look at Blaine. His boyfriend’s face looked happy… hopeful. “I love you, too.”
Blaine’s smile widened and Kurt felt like he was floating on a cloud.
For the first time since the day Blaine asked Kurt to be his boyfriend, they allowed themselves to go beyond making out. Hands were finally being granted access to below the waist. They kissed and rubbed against one another, frantic like that first time. Orgasms came entirely too quickly, but neither boy cared in that moment.
And if Kurt held on a little too tightly as they both came down, Blaine didn’t say a word.
….
He’d tried to convince his mom to let Kurt stay over the previous night to no avail. So they stayed up late talking across the space between their windows. Burt put a stop to that at about one in the morning, but then they just text each other under the covers until they both eventually fell asleep.
Blaine sat in the porch swing listening to the birds greet the morning. His mom wanted to get an early start in order to allow plenty of time to get settled back in his room at the school. Kurt’s footsteps were slow, dragging, reluctant. He sat on the swing and leaned heavily against Blaine, an open arm waiting for him.
“We have unlimited texts and Skype and we can talk every night.”
Kurt made an agreeing noise into Blaine’s shoulder.
“And you’ll convince your Dad to let you come up to Columbus some weekends. And I’ll come back here on other weekends. Then the holidays will be here and we’ll have weeks together.”
“I know. And then just one more semester and we’ll be graduating. It just seems so far away.”
“We’ll make it though. We’ll make this work.”
“You promise?”
“I promise.”
….
It wasn’t that Kurt didn’t believe him. He did. But he was a cynic. Nothing ever turned out the way you wanted. Nobody ever got what they really wanted.
He felt Blaine hug him tighter, his other hand coming up to touch Kurt’s face. The touch was feather light – feeling, mapping, memorizing. Kurt balled his hand up in Blaine’s t-shirt trying to keep his breathing even. Blaine traced his face from hair to chin and back around again. The touch was so reverent, so loving, Kurt couldn’t help it when the tears started to fall silently.
“Please don’t cry.” Blaine wiped away the tears with the same gentle touch and then let his hand rest against Kurt’s cheek.
Kurt sat up and studied Blaine’s worried face. Before he could stop himself, he was crashing their lips together. He put every ounce of his fear and sadness and love into the desperate kiss. When he finally pulled away, he wasn’t crying anymore, but Blaine was.
“I’m going to miss you so much.”
Kurt pressed their heads together. “I love you.”
“Say it again.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too, Kurt.”
Mrs. Anderson walked out then, shutting the door behind her, and jingling her keys. “Sorry boys, but we have to get going.”
They walked slowly to the car, hands intertwined. Mrs. Anderson loaded the last bag and got Roxy situated.
Kurt opened the passenger side door for Blaine and then hugged him tightly around his shoulders. The feeling of Blaine’s arms wrapping around his waist made him feel so safe. He knew the tears would start again any second. Kurt buried his face in Blaine’s neck and whispered, “please….”
Kurt wasn’t sure what exactly he was asking for.
Please don’t hurt me. My heart is in your hands.
Please love me. I’ve never felt like this before.
Please don’t leave me. I don’t know if I can be here without you.
Blaine pulled back enough to kiss his temple and replied, “I know.”
They let go of one another and Blaine fastened himself in. The look of misery on his face matched how Kurt felt. The car began backing out of the driveway and Kurt just stood there with his hand half raised to say goodbye. He didn’t care that Blaine couldn’t see him. When the car turned the corner and disappeared from sight, Kurt meandered back to his house, shuffled up the stairs, and then burrowed under his covers.
He woke up quite a while later, the sun high in the sky. When he checked his phone he had 11 missed texts – all from Blaine.
The first 10 simply said ‘I love you.’ All sent within a two-hour time span (probably the time it took them to drive to Columbus). The 11th was a picture – slightly off-center and askew – of Blaine and Roxy. Blaine’s smile was tentative and Roxy was looking up at him. The message below was short.
We miss you already.
….
It took three days of moping around the house staring wistfully at his phone for his dad to make Kurt get out of the house. Burt handed him some cash and told him to go have fun with his friends. Kurt ended up at Mercedes’ house, but still sulked around like a child. He could tell she was trying to be supportive, but all of his time spent with Blaine over the summer meant that he spent even less time with her and the rest of his friends.
Kurt shook himself, put on a brave face, and tried to act normal. They had their own little in-house spa day and while Kurt did enjoy himself, he always had one hand on his phone.
….
Blaine was fairly certain teachers were supposed to ease you back into the school year. The pile of homework he brought back to his room on the third day told him otherwise. He tried to text Kurt during the day, but phones had to be put away during class. And with all of the stress of the first week back, he found himself wearing a little thin. It would sometimes take him hours to reply to Kurt’s texts, but he always got an almost instant reply back.
The first time they tried Skyping that week, Blaine fell asleep after his long day. He felt absolutely horrible the next day, but Kurt just laughed about it and told him to focus on classes and they would Skype again over the weekend.
Senior year was going to be difficult.
….
Kurt barely slept that Sunday night. His dread for the following day kept his mind racing. The few hours he managed to get were restless at best.
He wore one of his fiercest outfits, head raised high as he walked into the school building. Blaine had text him words of encouragement that morning and it helped him to breathe a little easier.
The bright blue slushie that collided with his face before he even made it to his locker stopped his breathing altogether.
“Welcome back, fag.”
He shook off as much of the offending mess as he could before rushing into the bathroom, bag in tow. He wiped the sticky drink off his face and neck. Thankfully, his shirt took the brunt of the attack, so he wouldn’t have to change completely. He heard the first bell ring and rushed to switch shirts. With a final glance in the mirror at his relatively put-back-together self, he rushed to his locker, throwing what he didn’t need in and slamming it shut. As he turned to head to class, he felt strong hands pushing him back against the locker, his shoulder aching from the slam. Kurt looked up to see Karofsky leering as he walked away slowly.
Senior year was going to be hell.
….
Their texts were usually random observations of the day. Phone calls were for complaining and catching up. Skype sessions were for them to just be. Kurt could watch Blaine. Blaine could listen to Kurt. They murmured sweet nothings and affirmations of love while they got ready for bed. And though Kurt constantly teased Blaine about his inability to stay awake that first night of Skyping, they made it a point to keep talking until one or the other fell asleep. They talked less on Skype than they did on text or the phone, but it was strangely comforting just listening to each other breathe and laugh and sigh.
It took some time, but they found their routine.
….
Kurt’s attempts to convince his father that a weekend trip to Columbus would be a good idea failed miserably. He played every sympathy card he could think of and even pulled out the puppy dog eyes and begged. ‘Not going to happen,’ was the final response he got. When two guys quit at his dad’s shop unexpectedly, Kurt began giving up his weekends to help out. He knew his father would work himself into a frenzy if left to his own devices, so Kurt and Finn stepped up. He stopped trying to guilt his dad into letting him go to Columbus.
Blaine’s luck wasn’t much better. His Aunt Marcie worked on Saturdays and it was an awfully long trip to go both ways in the same day. Mrs. Anderson was more sympathetic to their plight, but she also wanted Blaine to focus his attention on his senior year. Blaine had been working outside of normal school hours with his music teacher to continue mastering his skills on the piano. The dream of Juilliard was still dangling in the distance, but he would be prepared no matter what.
They both felt guilty for not having more time, sad that the reality of their lives apart was nothing like they imagined it to be curled up on Blaine’s porch swing over the summer. They doubled their efforts with texts, calls, and Skype.
It wasn’t quite the same.
….