Maybe this writing thing isn’t the best idea. I’ve missed four days already.

But I’ve had a lot to do, so it shouldn’t be a big deal, right?

I spent most of Saturday with Kurt. We went out for coffee Saturday morning, and wound up sitting in Lima Bean for almost two hours just talking. He seems so much more comfortable now than he did when we first met. Despite what Karofsky did to him, he just seems so much happier since I went with him last Friday. It’s nice.

Sunday was spent mostly doing homework and watching the game with Nick. Well, I was watching at least. Nick was asleep most of the time. Nothing new there.

We’ve got auditions for the sectionals solo in two weeks. I mentioned here last week that Wes already told me I’m in the running with Nick and Jeff. Today he asked me if I’d help run auditions.

Truth be told, I’m a bit confused. How can I help run auditions if I’m auditioning? I don’t know. Hopefully he’ll explain better tomorrow at Warbler practice.

Practice will be such a relief. I have a major exam in history tomorrow, which is why I’m writing so early now. I’ll probably be up all night cramming. But once it’s over I have the Warblers to look forward to. And I got tickets to see “Rent” on Thursday night.

Maybe I’ll see if Kurt wants to go to the show with me. He probably loves musicals more than I do.

I should go study.

November 17, 2010
11:13pm

Today might have been one of the best days I’ve had in a long time.

Even if I spent it running on very little sleep.

I was up until almost 4am studying for that stupid history test, and it wound up being 25 multiple choice questions and an essay. Piece of cake.

Warbler practice ran late today. Some sort of argument over whether or not we should be able to wear a grey belt because the blazer will cover it. I wasn’t really paying attention.

After practice I met up with Kurt and his friend Mercedes at a restaurant in Lima called Breadstix. Ironically, their breadsticks are actually terrible.

I really like hanging out with Kurt. I can’t remember every having laughed that much in a single meal before. He’s also just so damn smart. We spent half the meal talking about Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, Prop 8, and all sorts of things like that. He knows what he’s talking about and he knows how to discuss it. I mean, of course I never thought he was stupid or anything, but he just keeps surprising me. Plus, he agrees with me about Marion Cotillard, so he’s clearly smart.

Poor Mercedes must have felt so out of place. I know she’s one of Kurt’s best friends. I felt bad leaving her out of the conversation so much.

But still, it was one of the first real conversations I’ve had with Kurt. We’re friends now, so it’s only right I guess. But we’ve really only ever talked about glee or his problems with Karofsky, or what music we like. This got a little deeper. I like getting to know Kurt. He still fascinates me on some level that I can’t explain.

I can’t wait to go see “Rent” with him tomorrow night. He seemed thrilled when I asked him. It should be a great show.

November 19, 2010
12:53am

I just got back from the show with Kurt and needed to write something quickly before I head to bed.

Basically, the show was incredible. Neither of us had seen “Rent” live before and this was just perfect. The entire cast was fantastic. And we got dinner beforehand and it was just…wow.

Tonight was great. I’m exhausted. I wish Kurt lived closer. It was over an hour out of my way to drive him home. But it was worth it. Completely worth it.

November 20, 2010
4:51pm

Apparently whenever I have a good few days, the days that follow completely suck.

Every little thing has gone wrong since yesterday morning.

Like the fact that I spilled coffee all down the front of my blazer, wound up being fifteen minutes late to English, left half my books in my room, and my the screen on my phone cracked I two places when I accidentally dropped it in the hallway.

It’s just getting to the point where every little thing is getting to me.

And then yesterday afternoon the worst thing happened.

I got a call from Kurt just before I was going to go meet some of the guys for dinner. He was crying again. I’ve learned that I really hate it when Kurt cries.

He had another run-in with Karofsky after school yesterday. I guess he asked him if he had told anyone what had happened and Kurt said no. And then Karofsky told him that if he ever did tell anyone, he’d kill him.

…

People make threats like that all the time, right? In a joking manner. Friends do it. Cooper’s threatened to kill me a thousand times. It doesn’t mean anything.

This time it does. I know it does. I’ve known a dozen bullies like Karofsky and they will hurt you if they get the chance. Kurt’s not safe anymore. But he refuses to say anything to anyone. He keeps telling me that they won’t listen because they never have before. He told me I’m the only one who’s ever really cared or understood what’s happening to him. Because I’ve been there.

But this is something I can’t fix. I confronted Karofsky with Kurt once. I can’t do it again.

Kurt needs to tell someone about all of this. His dad, at the very least. From all I’ve heard about him, he’s a really good guy who will never let anyone hurt his son. He loves Kurt and accepts everything about him. Kurt’s lucky in that way.

I’m glad he told me. Even if I’m not the one who can help him.

November 22, 2010
6:18pm

It’s been an angsty couple of days. I’m sorry.

I don’t have to apologize. This is my book.

Whatever.

I’ve been thinking too much about everything that’s been happening with Kurt and my brain is a little all over the place at the moment and I -

Kurt just texted me. His dad got engaged to his friend Finn’s mom this morning and he’s their wedding planner. And apparently I’m the first person he thought to ask about whether the groomsmen should wear straight ties or bowties. I told him bowties. I’ve always liked bowties. Plus, I know Kurt likes them. He wore one when we went to Breadstix last week.

The text is like 3 pages long. He’s so excited about this wedding. I like it when he’s happy. He comes to me a lot when he’s upset, and I’m more than willing to be there for him. But I like talking to him a lot more when he’s happy like this. He deserves to be happy.

As does his dad, of course. So I’m happy he’s getting married.

And the wedding is going to be this weekend, apparently (really soon if you ask me), and Kurt needs a distraction right now more than anybody else I know.

8:39pm

He’s going with the straight ties.

I have to admit, I’m a little disappointed.

November 25, 2010
9:45pm

I got to sing lead at Warbler practice twice this week. They’re just songs for us to rehearse with, nothing we’re going to perform any time soon, but the fact that I got to sing them just feels good.

Sectionals are in a week and a half. Auditions are early next week.

So far it’s only me, Nick, and Jeff who are trying out for the lead solo. Wes said I’m the council’s top pick for it. All I could say was thank you. He’s one of my closest friends but I didn’t really want to let him know how much I’m freaking out. I don’t want anyone to know.

I know I’m not the best guy in there, not by a long shot. Everyone’s so talented in different ways. But they all like me, and think I’m good and worth giving solos to so far. And I love it. Just the feeling of singing. I can let my guard down and just…go. Once I start singing I’m not nervous anymore.

This is another angsty entry. Sorry.

I’m annoying myself again.

November 26, 2010
10:11pm

Wes just texted me saying he wants me to audition on Monday for the solo at Sectionals.

This is probably my last entry until then. I’m planning on spending the entire weekend devoted to finding the perfect song and practicing.

I don’t even care if I get it.

I just don’t want to blow this chance.

If I’m doing anything here, it’s proving to myself that I really deserve the council giving me this opportunity.

Even if I can barely admit it in my own journal.

November 29, 2010
3:58pm

So I sang “Hey, Soul Sister” by Train.

I think it went well.

I hope it went well.

They had me audition privately. Still not entirely sure why. My guess is that since I sang with everyone twice last week, they wanted to hear me on my own?

Nick and Jeff are auditioning either tomorrow or Wednesday. They’re both really good, and they’ve auditioned something like 3 or 6 times each.

We’ll see what happens.

I think I’ll call Kurt. I kind of just want to talk to him for a while. We texted briefly after the wedding on Saturday, and he told me all about how his new stepbrother and the glee club sang him a song at the reception.

I forgot to mention at the end of last week that he told me all the guys that are on the football team in glee confronted Karofsky in the locker room. I guess one of them got a black eye out of it. And when his stepbrother (Finn?) told Kurt’s dad that he wasn’t there for the confrontation, Kurt told his dad about Karofsky’s threat. I’m glad he did.

4:36pm

Kurt’s not answering my texts or calls.

I hope he’s okay.

8:12pm

I don’t know why I’m worrying so much.

But I am.

11:16pm

Kurt finally called me.

He’s transferring to Dalton.

Tomorrow.