Stop crying. Stop crying you fucking loser.
But he couldn’t. He was always failing, always letting Blaine get the better of him. He wanted to get back in there and punch his lights out but he couldn’t show his face again. It was enough that they thought he was a loser, but he couldn’t risk them seeing him broken as well. Sebastian could still feel the tears running down his cheeks. Sebastian Smythe did not cry. Even when he was being abused at home he always held his head high. But now was different. He honestly didn’t know why Kurt was affecting him so much. He thought his plan was pretty straightforward. Befriend Kurt, make Blaine jealous. Have Kurt fall in love with him, therefore breaking Blaine, then crush Kurt’s heart, leaving Blaine and Kurt broken. It was genius, the kind of things you see in overly dramatic movies.
But even then something always went wrong.
Perhaps Sebastian was overanalyzing the whole situation. Maybe no one had seen him run out of the bowling alley crying.
Hah, and maybe one day Blaine will realize he looks like an Old Navy mannequin with all that hair gel.
Even that hilarious thought couldn’t keep Sebastian from crying. Maybe his father was right. Maybe he just wasn’t destined to live a normal life, between him being gay and his… problems…he just wasn’t normal. He hated thinking it but he knew it was true. And here he was, sobbing heavily outside on the dirty rugged back wall of the bowling alley. He was tired. Tired of… what he didn’t know exactly, but yeah, he was definitely tired.
~X~
“Sebastian!?”
Kurt ran outside after the green eyed boy as soon as he had his little outburst in the bowling alley. He didn’t know what the problem was. One moment he was talking with Blaine about better striking techniques, and the next he was searching all over the area for his friend.
Friend.
Are they friends? He didn’t know, but he did know that he had to find Sebastian now. Something just felt off.
“Kurt! Kurt wait up!”
He stopped with a sigh and turned around towards Blaine who was panting with his hands on his knees.
“Kurt we’ve been running around forever, maybe he went back to Dalton.”
Kurt rolled his eyes, “Blaine he doesn’t have a car, he drove with us. And even then Dalton’s ten miles from here. He wouldn’t walk that. At least, not in the state he’s in…”
Kurt trailed off looking around once more for Sebastian, only noticing giant pine trees in the background and a packed parking lot.
“Where could he be?” Kurt asked to himself. There weren’t that many places he could hide.
Blaine let out a puff of air, “Kurt why do you even care? I mean, I get that he’s your friend, but he can take care of himself.”
Kurt thought he noticed an unusual amount of stress Blaine put on the word “friend” but he dismissed it as his imagination.
“Blaine he was crying. And given recent psychology, one doesn’t usually cry unless they are unhappy. Unless of course it’s tears of joy, but he was not laughing. Now, do you want to accompany me or not?”
Blaine let out a small sigh, “Of course.”
Kurt nodded, “Good. Now let’s go.”
Blaine followed somewhat stiffly but made his way with Kurt nonetheless. They checked back inside the bowling alley, around the edges of the woods, even back in Wes’ car to see if he was just waiting it out, but no. He was not to be found.
“Kuuurt,” Blaine whined, “we’ve been back and forth this area four times now. Can’t we give it a rest?”
“We may have but we still haven’t found him.”
Back and forth.
Back. And. Forth.
Kurt wanted to slap himself. “Oh my God it’s so obvious!”
With a face palm he walked over to Blaine and tugged him by the arm. “Come on, I know where he is.”
Blaine’s eyes darted down to Kurt’s hand and back to his face. “O-okay, yeah, sure.”
Kurt dragged Blaine behind the building and to his relief found Sebastian slumped up against the back wall.
“Thank the heavens.” Blaine said sarcastically. Kurt gave him a look and he averted his eyes.
Letting go of Blaine’s arm Kurt walked tentatively towards Sebastian. When he realized the boy hadn’t noticed him yet he sighed and slumped down next to him, wrapping his arms around his knees. He was going to regret getting dirt on one of his favorite pair of skinny jeans, but he was going to endure.
“Sebastian?” He almost whispered not wanting to scare him. He didn’t reply and Kurt thought about leaving him alone now that they knew where he was but he heard sniffling and went back into mom-mode.
“Sebastian? Are you okay?” Kurt put and arm on his slumped shoulders and felt them shaking with the intense sobs Sebastian was refusing to let out.
“It’s okay to cry, we won’t judge you. I know I won’t; I’m probably the fiercest crier in all of Lima.” He laughed humorlessly as to get a reaction from Sebastian but it was in vain.
He rubbed a hand on his back, “Please Sebastian, it hurts me to see you cry.”
Sebastian did not expect that. It made him feel… weird. He couldn’t say whether he liked the feeling but he lifted his head to see Kurt staring at him with intense blue eyes.
As soon as Sebastian’s watery emerald eyes looked at him he felt his heart break. He just looked so sad. So defeated. And it was a look he would’ve never connected with Sebastian Smythe.
“Sebastian what’s wrong?” He never took his eyes off him. He felt that if he did he would slink back into his own world again.
“You’ll think I’m stupid.” Sebastian was surprised at how childish he sounded. He hated himself for being weak, he just wanted to win. For once.
“Oh, I beg to differ.” Kurt thought back to all the questions Finn had asked him over the years. Finn Hudson was an oddball. Much like a little brother. Actually, he was a little brother. Their parents got married a little over a year ago, and he planned the whole wedding. It was a hard task but once he saw Carole walking down the rose covered aisle it was worth it.
But whatever, getting off track.
“I just…” Sebastian took a deep breath and twisted his fingers around a loose string at the hem of his shirt. “It made me angry that you noticed Blaine’s strike and not mine. I mean, I know it was stupid to yell and get mad but I just never get to win and-“
Sebastian clamped his mouth shut to try to stop the shit that kept spilling out of his mouth. He hadn’t meant to say anything but something in Kurt’s eyes made him want to confide in the boy. Maybe because they resembled mothers? Maybe.
To his surprise Kurt let out a small laugh. “Is that it? Really? Seb, the only reason I didn’t comment on your strike was because I thought I was annoying you. You’re always helping me…” Kurt sunk in on himself a little.
They both had seemed to forget that Blaine was there. His mouth was agape the whole time. He couldn’t believe Kurt was actually trusting Sebastian’s lies. He turned his eyes to the taller brunette and scowled. He really hated the boy. He couldn’t even remember what he saw in him those few years ago.
Sebastian blinked at the blue eyed boy next to him. “I… like helping you.” And with all the lies Sebastian have told in his life this was one of the few that actually had merit. He did like helping and talking to Kurt. It was easy. Never like Blaine or any of his other hookups. Kurt turned his head up and gave a small smile, “Th-thank you.”
Sebastian nodded and averted his eyes to the sidewalk. The ground was simple. Not confusing. It was easy to understand. Much like Sebastian’s many victims; it just lay there while everyone else walks over it. It can be dented easily and he can use it to make himself higher. But maybe Kurt wasn’t so simple. He was more like steel; strong, impassive, lustrous. This thought made Sebastian blink and stare at Kurt. He could kind of understand what Blaine sees in him. His hair is nice. His eyes are nice. His skin is nice. He’s nice. Sebastian shut his eyes and tried to calm his heart. He didn’t know what was happening. Whatever it was he didn’t like it.
“You know what?” Sebastian quirked an eyebrow as Kurt stood up. His tears have stopped falling now and he was just hiccupping softly.
“What?” Sebastian asked. He was already beginning to hear his voice return to normal.
“This whole week I’m gonna repay you.”
Sebastian was confused. Repay him? How?
“How?” He voiced aloud.
Kurt simply smiled, “I’m gonna do what you’ve been doing to me for the past few weeks. You have my undivided attention. If there’s anything you need just tell me.”
Sebastian thought about this for a while. He’s going to help… me? Well he supposed this was going according to plan, if so why was he so unsure about it all?
“No… You don’t have to do that-“
“Of course I do! You’re my friend. Friends help each other.” Kurt’s tone got quieter with each word he spoke. He gave Sebastian another tentative smile and blushed at the ground.
Sebastian took a deep breath; he spoke confidently, “Fine, but the next rounds on you.”
Kurt looked confused, “What?”
“Bowling?” Sebastian raised an eyebrow.
Kurt blinked and seemed to come back to reality. ”Oh! Of course! Right, well come on.”
Sebastian took Kurt’s outstretched hand and heaved himself up.
~X~
Blaine had no idea what was happening. He’d never, in his three years of boarding at Dalton, ever witness Sebastian smile. Sure he’d seen his many smirks and taunts but not once had he seen him truly smile. Honestly, if you’d asked him a week ago the difference between a smile and a smirk Blaine would’ve laughed in their face and tell them they’re exactly the same. But now… Blaine couldn’t say that anymore. Whenever Kurt and Sebastian were together the green eyed boys face would light up and the smile that graced his face actually made him look somewhat attractive if that was possible. But that didn’t mean Blaine had to be happy as well.
The whole day Kurt had tended to Sebastian like he was a prince. When he was walking down the halls Kurt offered to take his books and escort him to class. When they were sitting at lunch Kurt went and fetched his food for him. It was ridiculous. And Blaine was not jealous. Not at all. He was just a little mad that Kurt never wanted to walk him to lunch or take his books. Of course he wouldn’t let him, Blaine’s a gentleman. He would get his own books thank you very much.
And that’s how Blaine landed in AP Calculus sulking with a smirky Sebastian on his right and a giggly Kurt on his left. They kept making him pass notes back and forth to each other since he was the middleman. It was so childish. He wondered if he and Kurt could pass notes back and forth to each other when they’re in a class that Sebastian wasn’t taking. But he didn’t have time to keep daydreaming because Nick and Jeff kept snickering behind him consequently bumping his seat with their feet every now and then. Eventually his patience ran out and he turned around to the terrible two.
“Is something funny?” His voice was slightly hushed due to the fact that the teacher could give them detention if he found them talking during one of his “oh so important” algebraic lectures.
Nick and Jeff glanced at each other and broke out into silent laughs again. What was with everyone today? First Kurt and Sebastian and now Nick and Jeff? If Wes and David had somehow OD’ on laughing gas he’s gonna have a bitch fit.
“No,” Jeff started.
“Not at all.” Nick finished.
Blaine glared at Nick. He was usually the more silent and more tame of the two. He’d have thought he would’ve controlled his blonde friend by now.
“Then do you mind? I’m trying to focus.”
“On Kurt and Sebby? Yeah we can see that.”
“Jeff!” Nick punched his friend lightly in the arm. “Not all people can make jealousy look attractive.”
“I’m sorry but we could help.”
Nick rolled his eyes, “I doubt that. Remember that time in ninth grade? You didn’t know who to be jealous of, the boy or his girlfriend.”
“Shut up!” Jeff hissed, “They were both hot and you know it!”
“Guys!” Blaine interrupted, “can you both shut up? Thanks.”
Blaine turned around but not before hearing Jeff mutter something about him being jealous again in the background. He was NOT jealous. Annoyed, yes, aggravated, maybe a little but not jealous. He checked his phone under the table before tuning back in to the lesson. He grinned. At least he had Kurt’s audition to look forward to.
~X~
Kurt was freaking out. He’d decided to pick a song to sing without Blaine knowing so he could surprise him. He did however go with a more modern song. That was the Warbler’s thing after all. After spending at least two hours styling his hair to perfection and practicing the song during his previous shower he still didn’t feel ready. He wasn’t sure about the song choice, it was a higher range than what the Dalton boys were used too, and it was never at the peak of the top 40 charts but it really spoke to him. He’d been feeling strange about Sebastian ever since he boarded Dalton. He knew what the boys said about him. Hell, Blaine seemed to hate him. But something about Sebastian drew him in. Whether it was his bad boy charm or the fact that he might have more going on inside him than he would let on he didn’t know. He was sweating during his whole walk to the practice room. He tried to focus on the Dalton architecture and the beautiful blue sky outside the windows but he was too nervous. Not watching where he was going he slammed into somebody on his way up the stairs. Hearing the person stumble he panicked and tried to help the poor boy up.
“I-I’m so sorry! I wasn’t watching where I was going and I probably just ruined your day and-“
“Kurt. It’s all right. My day was ruined long before this.”
Kurt knew that voice. Or at least, he knew that voice in a happier tone. He looked up and gasped.
“Thad? Are you okay?”
The normally flighty boy had dark circles under his eyes and his Dalton uniform was slightly less than pristine. It was wrinkled and the tie was loose.
“Y-yeah, I’ll be fine. I can’t wait for your audition.”
Kurt knew this tactic. He’d done it many times when he wanted to cover up his pain. He’d simply dismiss it and change the subject. But Kurt knew Thad, at least a little. And he knew how protective Wes was over him. He felt obligated to make him feel better.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Thad stared up at him with watery chocolate eyes.
“N-no, just go sing your singy-song.” Kurt could hear the pain in Thad’s voice and it broke his heart. He’d developed a soft spot for the elder boy over his few weeks at Dalton. He was really nice and was usually trying to make everyone else feel better.
“Alright, if you’re sure…”
Thad nodded and took Kurt’s hand, “c’mon, I’m sure Blaine is wondering where you are. He worries about you a lot.”
Kurt nodded and let Thad walk him to the practice room. Kurt felt a little bad. He’d been giving most of his attention to Sebastian; he wanted to show him that he could repay his kindness. But Blaine was his friend, and he owed him time too. Kurt let out a sigh. Everything would be easier when his audition was over.
Thad pushed open the carved wooden door to the Warbler practice room. It looked like a regular commons, but with a jury like desk in the center and musical instruments littered around the space. The walls were lined with blocks to keep sound in and there was a large bird cage next to one of the windows. Kurt watched Thad walk to the jury desk and take his seat in between Wes and David. Kurt remembered Blaine mentioning something about him being on the council.
“Kurt,” Wes addressed formally. It was so different than the Wes he ate lunch with.
“Y-yes?” Kurt looked around the room nervously; he found many familiar faces smiling in encouragement. He saw Nick and Jeff sitting together on a loveseat grinning at him. Next to them on a small plush chair was Trent. He glanced to the other side looking for two people in particular. He found Blaine sitting in the couch directly in front of the council. When his eyes met Blaine’s honey ones he swear he could see them glow brighter. Blaine gave him a huge smile and he nodded shakily. Near the back of the room with some unknown Warblers was Sebastian leaning against the wall. Of course. He would be to cool for chairs wouldn’t he?
“Are you ready for your audition?”
Kurt turned back to Wes sharply not realizing he’d been staring off into space. “Y-yeah. Thank you for your time. I know it’s unorthodox for you to be giving auditions this time of year…”
“Nonsense, Kurt,” David cut in.
“Yeah! Knock of socks off!” Thad’s voice was a twinge happier but Kurt could still sense the upset. He made a note to talk to his roommate later.
“O-okay. I have a small accompaniment helping me with the instrumental. It’s a rockier vibe than I normally do. Actually, it’s different than I do altogether.” Kurt tried to cut off his nervous rambling as the guitarist set up beside him. Kurt handed the Warbler the sheet music and waited for the OK.
This brought back memories, him about to nervously audition for a glee club that might not want him. Him fearing that his voice was too high or different to fit in and blend with the rest. Kurt surveyed their faces again. They all looked eager to hear their new friend sing. Especially Blaine. Kurt smiled at the fact that he’d had enough willpower to hold out and not tell his friend what he was singing.
“Alright Kurt,” Wes started, “whenever you’re ready.”
Kurt nodded and took a large breath.
Here we go again.
As the guitar kicked in Kurt felt himself unconsciously tapping to the beat. As soon as the opening chords ended he found himself singing far more confidently than he thought he would.
“I throw all of your stuff away.
Then I clear you out of my head.
I tear you out of my heart.
And ignore all your messages.”
Kurt chanced a glance at the rest of the Warblers. Some were tapping their feet, and others were watching intense eyes. The song had just started after all; he really hadn’t given them anything to cheer about. Kurt took a breath and started the pre chorus.
“I tell everyone we got through.
Cause’ I’m so much better without you.
But it’s just another pretty lie cause’ I break down.
Every time you come around! Oh, Oh”
Kurt looked towards Blaine and he found the boy already staring at him with a dopey smile on his face. He felt renewed and started to belt out the lyrics for the chorus.
“So how did you get here under my skin?
Swore that I’d never let you back in!
Should’ve known better, than trying to let you go-
Cause’ here we go, go, go again!
Hard as I tried I know I can’t quit!
Something about you is so addictive!
We’re falling together; you’d think that by now I’d know-
Cause’ here we go, go, go again…”
The rest of the Warblers were completely transformed after he completed the chorus. Most of them had stood up to dance along, including Blaine. Kurt looked towards Sebastian. His face was unreadable. It looked like he was in thought which was peculiar. Kurt had picked this song because he never knew what Sebastian wanted. He wanted him to confide in Kurt, he really wanted to help. He didn’t take his eyes off of the green eyed boy as he started the next verse.
“You never know what you want.
You never say what you mean.
But I start to go insane.
Every time that you look at me.”
The rock-pop song was getting to him. He felt like a rock star with all the applause he was getting. He walked over towards the guitar player and started to sing to him. Thankfully, he played along and started to look like he was being affected by the powerful song.
“You only hear half of what I say!
And you’re always showing up too late!
I know that I should say goodbye, but it’s no use.
Can’t be with or without youuuu!”
Kurt belted out the high note at the end gaining whoops and hollers from the Warblers, particularly Jeff and Trent.
“So how did you get here under my skin?
Swore that I’d never let you back in!
Should’ve known better, than trying to let you go-
Cause’ here we go, go, go again!
Hard as I tried I know I can’t quit!
Something about you is so addictive.
We’re falling together; you’d think that by now I’d know-
Cause’ here we go, go, go again…”
Kurt had sat down dramatically on one of the couches for the slower part of the song. A lot of the blazer clad boys had surrounded him as if he was about to give a big announcement. He really appreciated their involvement. It was giving him the confidence to go on.
“I throw all of your stuff away.
Then I clear you out of my head.
Then I tear you out of my heaaaaart! Oh, oh, oh, oh!”
He jumped up and belted out the last note and continued on with the last chorus.
“So how did you get here under my skin?
Swore that I’d never let you back in!
Should’ve known better, than trying to let you go-
Cause’ here we go, go, go again!
Hard as I tried I know I can’t quit!
Something about you is so addictive!
We’re falling together; you’d think that by know I’d know-
Cause’ here we go, go, go again…
And again…
And again, and again, and again, and again, and again…”
He finished the song and immediately heard positive response. All of the boys that weren’t standing had gotten up to pat him on the back, or in Jeff’s case, give him an over enthusiastic hug.
“So…” Kurt started carefully once all the cheering had died down. “Will you consider my entry?”
“Consider!?” David blurted out, “We haven’t had a countertenor in years! And on top of that you killed a pop-rock song! Yes! You’re in!”
“David,” Wes cut in, “We have to make these decisions as a group. All in fa-“
Before Wes could finish his statement all the hands shot up. Kurt even found Sebastian’s up a ways in the air.
“Alright then,” David said shooting Wes a smirk, “Kurt, welcome to the Warblers!”
Applause rang out through the room and Kurt really did feel loved. Even at the New Directions nobody ever paid him this much attention. He was immensely thankful. Kurt was about to run to Blaine when he realized something. In the midst of it all he never once heard Thad speak up.
“Hey, Thad did you like my audition?”
Everyone else in the room must’ve realized the same thought Kurt just had and all eyes were on the brunette.
“Y-yeah,” Thad said between sniffles, “I really enjoyed it.”
All of a sudden Thad started to break down in tears. Kurt frowned and Wes immediately rushed to his friend.
“Thaddy? Thad what’s wrong buddy?” Wes was worried. Thad hadn’t been himself all day and it really hurt his heart to see his friend cry.
“N-nothing’s wrong. Just let me sleep. I’m tired.” He finally settled on this. He didn’t want anyone to worry about him anymore. He just wanted to go cuddle with his stuffed octopus and cry himself to sleep.
“No Thad!”
The intensity in Wes’ voice shut up the whole room. Wes saw Thad flinch and instictivley went to hug him.
“I’m sorry I yelled, it’s just… We’re all worried about you. You haven’t really been yourself lately. Please tell us what’s bothering you. I promise I’ll try to make it better.”
Thad wiped his eyes and looked around the room. “My Grammy died last night. She was the person who took care of me and let me board at Dalton after my father went to jail. And now she’s dead.”
Silent tears fell down Thad’s eyes some more. Kurt didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t imagine what he would feel if his dad died.
“Oh, Thaddy,” Wes hugged his troubled friend tighter. Thad was grateful for him. He’d been like a brother to him ever since he’d came here four years ago. He didn’t know what he’d do without him.
“If there’s anything we can do,” Blaine started. He placed a hand on Thad’s shoulder. “Just tell us. We all love you here.”
The room murmured in agreement and Kurt could feel all the love in the room. The Warblers were like a family. A big, sing-song happy family.
“I don’t want to trouble you with it…”
“Nonsense,” Jeff yelled, “Anything, you need we’ll be there!”
Thad bit his lip. “Well… Could you all come with me to the funeral? I don’t want to go alone…”
“That’s it?” Wes asked, “Of course we will!”
Thad gave a small smile. “Thanks guys. I-I feel a little better.”
“Hey Thad?”
Thad turned to Kurt, “Yeah, Kurtie?”
Kurt smiled at the nickname, “Do you want to watch UP in our dorm room? I’ll bring the popcorn.”
Thad smiled, “The beginning’s so sad but Kevin’s so cute!”
Everyone laughed as Thad nearly dragged Kurt out of the room. He was like Finn. It made him miss home a little less.