Sometimes Kurt looks in the mirror and doesn't see himself. He see's a pervert. He see's a monster. He see's a sick creep. Sometimes he can hear them talk, whispers that seem to scream in his ears. He listens to his neighbors, his classmates, his town, tell him he's worthless. Sometimes when he's shoved into the lockers, thrown into dumpsters, harassed through the days, he thinks he deserves it.

"I got a phone call this morning. The anonymous kind. It was some dude telling me my son was a fag."

At night, after everything has gone and went, exploded and settled, Kurt lets his dad's words repeat through his mind. He kind of wants to apologize. He doesn't even know to who. He kind of wants to tell his dad that he never planned being this gay. That underneath it all, he kind of wishes he was someone else. He kind of wants to apologize to the people on the phone and tell hem he didn't know why he was gay. A monster.

When he wakes up in the morning, he thinks those thoughts are stupid. He's strong, brave, and should never hide himself away. There is nothing wrong with me. The words still flutter and fade. Bits of it clinging and sometimes he believes it with everything he has. And sometimes, he lets the words cut at him, like the lies he thinks they are.

"You think I don't see the way you stare at me?"

Kurt slumps against his toilet, his mind filled with thoughts about Finn Hudson. He feels the bile rising as he thinks about the other boy. His brain reminds him that he once got butterflies in his stomach, not a wrecking ball. He lets his body slide to the floor, curling up and holding his knees tightly. But Finn had to have been at least a little interested. He never shoved him and sometimes held his more valuable items. That means he cares, right? He lies there letting a little smile fit his face.

"Well the first thing that needs to go is that faggy lamp"

He squeezes his eyes shut. No, Finn never cared. But he pinches his thigh when he thinks about that partition. Stupid idea. Stupid stupid stupid idea. Maybe, deep down, he was really hoping to catch a peek at Finn. Kurt leans over the toilet and tries to empty his already empty stomach. He pushes off the ground, his arms shaking and his legs unsteady. His grips the counter and realizes this is his own hill to climb. He shakes off his desires for friendship, romance, and contact with people at all. He'll love himself. He lifts his eyes to the mirror in front of him. He thinks "I'm beautiful. I'm smart. I'm brave. I'm strong." He smiles at himself and finally makes eye contact with his reflection. He looks into his own eyes for a second before lowering his gaze. He looks at the ground, furiously gripping his arm.

He still sees a sick creep.