7.

Kurt boards the plane with a heavy heart that evening, everything pulling at him to stop, to stay instead. Knowing that he can’t really do anything for Blaine now doesn’t change this, and neither does the deeply ingrained sense of responsibility that tells him he needs to be back at school tomorrow. Being a responsible almost-adult sucks sometimes, he concludes bitterly.

He spends the entirety of his flight deep in thought, with his earbuds in and his eyes closed. Between spending time with Blaine and his own family, all the while trying to keep it all together, he didn’t really get much chance to just sit and process things. There’s a lot to process, so much that Kurt feels like he’s going to lose himself in all the emotions, images and reflections if he doesn’t get to organize it all in his head soon. And he can’t afford to break down, he needs to be strong if he’s to have a chance to help Blaine.

Because one thing is certain: something is very, very wrong. Blaine is… changed. So different. It’s hard for Kurt to wrap his mind around it, there’s so much. Blaine’s reluctance to talk, to be touched; he has walls built around him that are taller than he is. Kurt has never seen him so defensive before, so closed up. And the fact that Blaine didn’t open up even for him is scaring Kurt more than anything.

If he wanted an easy explanation, he could conclude that Blaine is just angry or disappointed with him for being neglected lately, but Kurt knows it’s so much more than this. The look of resignation in Blaine’s eyes went much deeper. Something is seriously wrong and Kurt feels out of his depth, helpless. He just hopes that the specialists in the hospital will know what to do, that they’ll find the problem and the best course of action. Until then, Kurt can do nothing.

Well, no. He can do one thing.

For the next week Kurt barely sleeps and spends every waking hour that isn’t taken by classes at his coffee house job. His friends know the situation and support him wholeheartedly, even if right now supporting means giving him space and making sure he eats and sleeps at all. Because while Kurt couldn’t have promised Blaine that they’d get to meet again before Christmas, he will do anything he can to be able to go home for Thanksgiving anyway; and this means earning enough to buy plane tickets. There’s still time, and if Kurt keeps working ten, sometimes twelve hours a day, there’s a chance he’ll have enough money by then.

And he needs a distraction anyway. He has no way of contacting Blaine while he’s at the mental hospital – until the next Monday, hopefully not longer, as Mrs. Anderson texted him. And having too much time to think when he’s anxious, scared and miserable like this is a recipe for certain trouble. Kurt knows all too well how prone to overthinking and overanalyzing he is when stressed, which often leads to wrong assumptions and worrying himself sick over things that later turn out untrue. So instead, he works until he can barely stand and his eyes droop from exhaustion. There’s an additional bonus – at night he dreams about endless cups of coffee and not Blaine’s unnaturally pale face and his beautiful hands strapped to the bed, or worse, all bloody and lifeless on a white tiled floor.

On Monday evening, just as Kurt is walking back to his dorm, his feet killing him after hours of work, the phone vibrates in his pocket. Blaine – at last. For the brief second before pressing the answer button, Kurt hopes against hope that he’ll hear the well known warm, cheerful voice again; that everything is fine already. But it’s not, of course. How could it be, after merely a week? Blaine sounds sad and tired, and Kurt’s heart clenches with an ache to be there for him.

The call is short, just to share the news: Blaine’s out of the hospital and diagnosed with depression. He’s going to have therapy three times a week for now and if it doesn’t work, they may consider medication later. And he’s not going back to school yet, not until he’s better, more stable – at least not till after New Year’s.

Kurt wants to reach through the phone and hug Blaine, envelop him in love and care, and never let go. But he still isn’t sure how to talk to him, or what not to talk about, so he just asks what bothers him most.

“Are you alright though? At least… relatively?”

There’s a second of silence that makes Kurt’s throat tighten in fear, but then Blaine speaks, his voice dull, monotonous.

“I think so. Just really tired. It was a hard week, I need to sleep it off.”

“Can I text you in the morning? And call you later tomorrow?”

“Sure.” There’s no enthusiasm in Blaine’s voice, but Kurt pushes down the fear that tries to choke him. Blaine’s exhausted. That’s just it.

As November days slowly – too slowly – tick closer to Thanksgiving, Kurt keeps up his insane work schedule. He can’t let it go, not so close to his goal – he’ll rest later, in Lima. Sleep becomes a decadent treat, decent meals a waste of time. He knows he can’t keep it up for long, but just a bit more. Just until he has enough money to buy the tickets, then he’ll make it up to his body, take better care of himself. Not yet.

But there are two things he never neglects – his classes and Blaine. Calling Blaine, texting Blaine multiple times every day. Just keeping in contact. Making sure Blaine knows that he’s loved and important. But every conversation and exchange of texts seems flat somehow. Missing something. Missing that spark of life that’s always been there, bright and vivacious.