2. SKIN

The day was busy, thrilling and filled with new experiences, information and ideas. But all along – through breakfast with his parents, moving around the city, visiting schools, talking with people – the prospect of going back to the hotel in the evening was on Blaine’s mind, making his heart beat faster and his fingers tangle with Kurt’s more urgently. He couldn’t help staring, things he hadn’t really consciously noticed about Kurt now all he could see; the way the shirt clung to Kurt’s back when he reached up, a sliver of skin he glimpsed between the buttons when he turned, the line of his shoulders, his arms, lean, but toned, hugged perfectly by short sleeves of his shirt. Everything seemed to be new and breathtaking. If Kurt felt similar anticipation and excitement, he didn’t let it show, but he was smiling constantly and didn’t even complain when Blaine insisted on pizza for dinner.

And then it was finally evening and they were in their hotel room, going through the usual routine of preparing for bed, but something in the air between them seemed to be buzzing with electricity, their excitement palpable. Blaine showered first and for the next twenty minutes tried to distract himself – with a book, checking his e-mail, looking through the college pamphlets… none of which worked. He ended up sticking his iPod into the portable docking station and choosing the Romantic playlist, switching off all the lights except the small bedside lamps, and then looking through the window, not really seeing the amazing cityscape below. The moment he heard the bathroom door open, he moved.

They met in the middle of the room, looking into each other’s eyes intently, the moment lying before them, ready to be taken. Then Blaine leaned towards Kurt’s lips that met him gratefully, and just like that, they were in well-known territory.

The slide of lips, drag of tongues, mingled breath caught between their mouths, long-perfected routes along tendons and over sensitive skin, connecting their favorite spots on each other’s necks and throats like dot-by-dot pictures. Shivers, moans, gasps and little whimpers. Hotter, more daring, until Kurt’s hand wandered under Blaine’s t-shirt, sliding smoothly over his back, and the temperature in the room suddenly raised.

Blaine was hyper-aware of every millimeter of skin covered by these fingertips, electricity jumping along neurons, leaving his skin buzzing and alive. He moaned louder and sucked lightly on Kurt’s neck before sliding his own hand up his boyfriend’s side, hitching his t-shirt up to his chest. Their skin met suddenly where their stomachs were partially uncovered and they both gasped.

Kurt reached both hands to raise Blaine’s t-shirt even more. He sounded breathless as he asked, “Can I?”

Blaine didn’t hesitate. “Yes. Please.”

The t-shirt slid off him in one smooth motion and soon Blaine’s uncovered nipples were hardening in the cool air of the air-conditioned room. Kurt stared, fascinated, his eyes wide and dark with arousal. Then he reached to touch Blaine’s chest and slide his hand all the way down, stopping just over the waist of his pants.

“What did I do to deserve such a gorgeous boyfriend?” There was awe in Kurt’s voice, and Blaine blushed. Really, if anyone here was gorgeous…

“I don’t really know what you see in me. But if we’re talking about gorgeous men… There’s one here with me and I’d really love to get to see more of him tonight.”

Kurt pretended to scan the room for anyone else present and chuckled lightly, but Blaine could clearly hear tension in his voice. He looked at his boyfriend seriously.

“Kurt? If you don’t want to, I understand, you know that. Don’t do anything you’re not ready for just because I asked.”

Kurt shook his head, looking down at the floor.

“No, it’s not that. I’m ready. It’s just… I guess I’m self-conscious, that’s all.”

 “Why?”

“I don’t know. Nobody’s really seen me shirtless since I was 12, apart from my doctor maybe. I even change in the bathroom at school to avoid being looked at. It’s just… I don’t feel like I’m manly enough, I guess. I don’t have abs like Mike or Sam, I have no chest hair. There’s nothing attractive in what I see in the mirror.”

Blaine chuckled and immediately felt Kurt stiffen against him.

“Are you laughing at me?”

“No, baby. Just at the idea of you and unattractive uttered in one sentence. Kurt, you’re one of the most attractive guys I’ve ever seen. You are the definition of attractive to me. And believe me, you are manly. I’m gay and I’m all over you, haven’t you noticed? Doesn’t that say something to you?”

Kurt blushed.

“But…”

Blaine looked at him earnestly and cupped Kurt’s face in his hands, kissing him gently.

“Baby, listen. If you don’t want to do this, we don’t do this. It’s that easy. I would never press you, you know that.”

His boyfriend sighed.

“No, I want to. I really do, it’s just… Taking off my shirt, uncovering myself in front of you. I guess I’m scared. That you won’t like what you see.”

“I’m absolutely certain I will. Would it be easier if I took it off for you?”

Kurt’s breath hitched.

“I think it might help.”

Blaine kissed him again, gentle and sweet, sliding his thumbs under the hem of Kurt’s t-shirt and slowly moving his hands up over the warm, smooth skin. When the fabric was bunched around his chest, Kurt broke the kiss, closed his eyes and raised his arms, and Blaine slid the shirt off entirely. In the silence that fell, Blaine couldn’t take his eyes off his boyfriend’s still form. He was gorgeous. There was no other word for that. Not overly muscled, but slender and beautifully toned all over, his skin pale and perfect, his nipples small, pink, as if asking to be kissed, his shoulders broad and his waist so slim. Blaine smoothed his hand over Kurt’s neck, his shoulder, down his arm, and the boy inhaled sharply and opened his eyes, clearly anxious.

“Blaine? Say something?”

“You are the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.” He was dazed, amazed. He leaned in and kissed Kurt’s shoulder lightly, evoking a quiet gasp, then butterfly-kissed his way up the long neck and to the lips, parted like an invitation. When they fell into the kiss, their bodies melted together and suddenly there was so much more. So much skin touching, so many sensations at once, all the new places to touch, explore, kiss. The heat, the excitement of it all bled into their actions like an adrenaline shot and seconds later their hands were everywhere, lips wet and sloppy, frantic, bodies pressing together for more, more.

Blaine didn’t notice anything anymore beside the smooth fire of Kurt’s skin everywhere, Kurt’s fingers leaving tingling traces along his chest and back, Kurt’s lips and tongue covering every inch of skin they could reach, and it was already hard to stand upright. So they moved towards the bed, still fused together, Blaine pushing Kurt gently backwards until the back of his knees met the bed, and then they were falling, barely controlled, onto the crisp white bedding.

Even this wasn’t enough to make them part, they were still kissing with abandon, deeply, passionately, both lost in it, safe in their trust in each other and the knowledge that neither would hurt the other in any way. This was all they needed to let go, it seemed, both ready for something more, something new within the tight boundaries they’d set together.

Now, horizontal on the bed, leaning above Kurt, almost on top of him, Blaine could easily see and explore, every touch a revelation, every kiss a firework. Leaving the perfect harbor of Kurt’s lips, Blaine slid towards his neck, territory still safe and well-known, yet newly exciting with the added heat of naked skin under Blaine’s chest and hands. And then he crossed the next boundary, placing slow kisses on Kurt’s collarbones, swiping his tongue around the perfect dip in between and then diving down, towards uncharted grounds.

Kurt’s hand got tangled in his hair, his heartbeat under Blaine’s lips was fast and exciting, his breath loud, ragged. Blaine kissed and licked his way down towards one perfect nipple, already hard and pebbled, whether from the cool of air conditioning or arousal, he couldn’t tell. As soon as he placed a light, barely-there kiss on it, Kurt arched and moaned quietly, more expressive and unrestrained than ever. Encouraged, Blaine rolled the tip of his tongue around the nipple, then sucked it into his mouth, amazed and awed at the helpless keening it evoked. Kurt’s free hand was grabbing the sheets so hard his knuckles turned white. His eyes were closed, his mouth open and panting. The image and sounds got to Blaine, turned him on more than he remember being, maybe ever. Down where his stomach was pressed against Kurt’s hips, he could suddenly feel he wasn’t the only one.

That thought was still too new, too intimidating and a little scary despite its hotness, so Blaine shifted a bit to the side and directed his attention towards Kurt’s stomach, flat and hard, the skin smooth except for the perfect narrow trail of light hair down from the belly button. He started smoothing his hand over the pale expanse of skin, kissing down Kurt’s side slowly, when his boyfriend whimpered high and breathless and grabbed his hand to pull him up on the bed, back into a kiss.

Kurt whispered frantically against Blaine’s lips.

“Blaine, Blaine god what are you doing to me? This is crazy, this is more than I’ve ever felt before, ever. I’ve never been so turned on… and yes and it’s right and I want to, but you need to let me breathe or I’ll lose my mind. Let me, just… let me…”

And they were kissing again. Kurt rolled them so that they lay side by side, his hand wandering and caressing. Down Blaine’s side, up his stomach, fingers raking lightly through the hair on his chest. It should tickle - Blaine was terribly ticklish - but surprisingly it didn’t. It was like liquid heat, like buzzing under his skin wherever Kurt’s hand went, waves of pleasure spreading like circles on the water.

Once Kurt’s lips left his and started to follow the route his hand already scouted, Blaine was lost to the world. No one ever told him he was going to feel this much. Everyone talked about sex and orgasms and blowjobs and how amazing they all were, but this? Blaine could do just this forever.

The waves of pleasure still spreading, intensifying, growing with every breath against his skin, every swipe of exploring tongue and press of curious fingers, Blaine instinctively did the one thing his body seemed to crave more and more. He rolled his hips against the hard curve of Kurt’s hip, just once.

This was a mistake.

The crashing waves of arousal turned into a tsunami within a second and nothing could stop it now. Blaine whimpered, helpless and overwhelmed, as he felt the sensation run over him, brutal and fast, before he was completely lost for however long it lasted. It was amazing.

It was terrifying.

As soon as he came down enough to control his muscles, Blaine flew from the bed, noticing Kurt’s shocked face out of the corner of his eye before running to the bathroom and shutting the door behind him, pajama pants sticking accusingly to his thighs.

***

Kurt was left lying on the bed, shocked and confused. He felt too many emotions all at once. It was amazing. It was scary. It was too fast. But before that, everything was just right. Blaine… Kurt had trouble even thinking the word, but it was ridiculous. Blaine had come. That’s what it was, plain and simple. Physiology. The obvious result of arousal – an accident, judging by his reaction. Something normal, natural. Something new and therefore terrifying.

Kurt took a moment to regain his breath and carefully examine his feelings. He needed to know where he was in all this before he went to try and talk to Blaine.

It was awkward, there was no doubt about it. He was shocked, but mostly because it was so new and unexpected. It was too far, too fast. As certain as he had been about taking the next step and removing some of their clothing, he didn’t feel ready for… um… getting off together? Not yet anyway. He suspected Blaine wasn’t either.

But other than that? Kurt was surprised to realize he was fine. As shy and hesitant as he was about anything sexual, he couldn’t be more sure that he and Blaine were on the same page, and that they could trust each other. Kurt felt calm confidence envelop him; no, he wasn’t scared, or ashamed. They would talk, and it would be awkward, and maybe difficult, but they’d be fine. They’d get to this point one day, maybe even soon, if the tiny part of Kurt’s mind that found it breathtakingly hot was to be believed. He felt his furious blush fade and his heart slow down. He was ready to talk.

He got up and went to knock on the bathroom door. Silence answered him, so he called out, his voice quiet and gentle.

“Blaine? Are you alright?”

The answer sounded choked.

“I… I need a moment, Kurt.”

“Okay, baby. Okay.”

But when ten minutes passed and there was still no sound from the bathroom, Kurt got worried enough to act. He moved to the dresser and took out some of Blaine’s yoga pants, clean and unused, because they didn’t have time to lounge around their room with all the things to see and experience here. When he reached the bathroom door again, he laid his hand flat on the light wood, like it was his beloved’s skin. The worry sounded clearly in his voice when he spoke.

“Blaine, please… Can I come in?”

There was a sigh, followed by a quiet “Okay.”

When Kurt opened the door, his heart squeezed painfully and he flashed back to those bleak, terrifying days just after Blaine had been raped. The way his boyfriend was now sitting on the cold bathroom floor against the side of the tub, knees hugged tightly to his chest and face hidden, radiated hurt and vulnerability. Kurt wanted to hug him, but he just knelt in front of him instead.

“Blaine, honey. What’s wrong?”

Blaine didn’t raise his head from his knees, just shook it once without a word. Kurt tried again.

“I… I brought you fresh pants if you want to shower and change.”

Blaine whimpered, the sound muffled by the way he was sitting, and Kurt couldn’t help himself any longer. Gently touching his boyfriend’s hand, he let all the love he felt bleed into his voice.

“Baby, it’s alright, it’s perfectly fine. Hey, look at me. Please.” Hesitant, Blaine raised his head, his face flushed and unhappy. His voice was low and rough when he spoke.

“How can you say it’s alright? I… I pushed you too far, Kurt. Pushed you. How can you even stand to look you at me now…”

Kurt would have laughed, but he could see how serious Blaine was about it, especially in light of his past experiences, so he just smiled reassuringly.

“No, you didn’t. I don’t remember doing anything less than consensual with you.”

Blaine’s amber eyes widened. “But…”

“But what? All we did was make out, just shirtless this time. And it was perfect.”

“But I…”

“But you what? You, well… reacted. Which is kind of flattering really. I was taken by surprise, I admit, and my inner baby penguin freaked out a little, but come on, I’m a boy too. I know how this works. I know stuff happens. Why do you think I interrupted your kissing my stomach earlier? It was too hot. Half a minute longer and I would be freaking out now.”

Kurt felt himself blushing furiously at this admission. It was another level of intimacy and just months ago he would never have believed he could talk about it like that.

Blaine’s face softened, the heavy clouds of worry in his eyes dissipating slowly.

“Really?”

“Really.”

“It was too far though, wasn’t it? Too soon. It was for me at least.” Blaine finished quietly.

Kurt nodded.

“Yeah, me too. I think we need more time before we get… there. Okay?”

“Perfectly okay.” A shadow of a smile ghosted over Blaine’s face. “I think I’ll take a shower again. Thank you for the pants.”

“No problem. I’ll be in bed.” Kurt leaned in to press a soft, sweet kiss to his boyfriend’s lips before he went out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

***

When Blaine got into bed, Kurt was still awake. And still shirtless. Blaine was sure it would be too much for the other boy and was ready to find his t-shirt, but Kurt patted the bed.

“Would you mind if we slept like this? I love the feeling of your skin on mine.” Kurt was blushing, but his smile didn’t waver.

“Of course I don’t mind. Can we cuddle?”

“I hoped you’d want to.”

Once they were as close as they could without crawling under each other’s skin, enveloped in darkness and heat and touch, Blaine closed his eyes and whispered against Kurt’s neck.

“Can I confess something?”

“Anything.” Kurt’s warm whisper tangled in his hair.

“This was the first time I… I’ve come since before that night.” Kurt’s strong arms hugged him tighter. He understood which night he was referring to.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. I… I just can’t. Touch myself.” Blaine felt his ears burn, but the darkness boosted his courage and he felt a pressing need to tell Kurt, so that he knew how much he’d changed in Blaine’s life. How safe Kurt made him feel. “So this, now, was… was too far, too fast and awkward and I’m sorry and all, but it’s… It means… so much.”

He felt the trembling in Kurt’s breath. “Thank you for telling me. And for… just… thank you.”