CHAPTER 8. Summoned

As much as he dreaded this phone call, he knew it would come one day soon, so he tried to prepare, to think about it and get used to the thought. Still, when the display of his phone finally flashed with Det. Pavlova on Tuesday evening, he felt cold fear grip him by the throat. This was it. She said she would call when the date of the trial was set. Eric’s trial. Where Blaine would have to testify. In court. Against his rapist. Who would sit there and look at him.

His voice was rough when he finally found the strength to answer the phone.

“Yes?”

“Hello, Blaine. This is detective Pavlova. I wanted to ask you to come to the station tomorrow afternoon, I need to talk to you. Would five be alright?”

“Yes, I think so. It’s… it isn’t the trial yet, is it?”

“No, just some loose ends to tie. Could you bring one of your parents with you?”

“No. They want nothing to do with it. Actually, they wanted me to withdraw the report, but I refused.”

“I see.” Her voice got serious. “Well, you could always come with your friend, like last time.”

“Why? Is it something bad? Are you making sure there’s someone to take me home if I freak out?”

There was a pause before she answered. “I don’t know. I don’t think it’s bad, but… it’s always better to have someone there with you. See you tomorrow then.”

She hung up and Blaine just sat there for a long while, clutching his phone tightly. Then, with shaking fingers, he sent an SOS to Kurt.

Two hours later he was sitting at a kitchen table with a family that wasn’t his, yet felt like much more than his own. After Carole handed everyone mugs of hot tea, Burt asked, his expression worried.

“So what does this mean, is the trial date set?”

Blaine had time to calm down a little on his way here, but the tremor inside wouldn’t disappear. Still, he felt much better surrounded by people who understood. Here, he didn’t need to pretend he was fine. Because he wasn’t and they knew it. And the best part was, they accepted him anyway.

“Well, I don’t know. She didn’t say anything really. It sounded as if she had news and she thought it wasn’t bad, but she wasn’t sure how I’d react. She was talking about tying loose ends, I have no idea what she meant.”

Finn’s face flashed with understanding. “Dude, maybe it’ll be like the confrontation in crime shows where you have to pick the bad man from a bunch of others!”

Oh.

His heart was suddenly doing weird things inside his chest and there was less oxygen in the air than he was used to. He tried to get as much as he could, panicky, certain he was going to die if he doesn’t breathe fast enough.

“Finn!” Two voices in unison. Then there was a paper bag pressed to his mouth and somebody was stroking his back in soothing circles, saying It’s okay. There’s enough air. Slow down. Breathe in, breathe out. Slowly. Calm down. Breathe slowly, Blaine. And he had no energy to do anything but listen to this voice and follow the words, and soon the oxygen was back and breathing was easy again. He felt as if he just run a marathon though, weak and shaky, his heart pounding.

“What… what was this?” He couldn’t quite catch his breath yet.

Carole looked up at him from where she was kneeling on the floor with the paper bag.

“You were hyperventilating. It happens sometimes when people are anxious or during a panic attack. It’s good to breathe into something then, like a paper or plastic bag, otherwise you may pass out.”

“Oh.”

Finn was hunched in his chair, white as chalk, mumbling a litany of Sorry, I’m so sorry.

“Okay, it’s getting late and you all have school tomorrow, so off to beds with you.” Mr. Hummel’s voice was calm and decisive. “Blaine, you and Kurt come back here after classes tomorrow and I’ll go with you to the station. Your family may think otherwise, but I believe you need an adult there. Now go, all three of you. Yes, you too. It’s much too late for you to drive back, and you are too shaken anyway. I’ll call your parents to say you’re staying over. Have a good night.”

It was anything but good. Blaine didn’t think even the first night after the assault was as bad – at least he was still kind of numb then. Even Kurt’s presence couldn’t help now, he still woke up screaming time and again from vivid dreams where Eric stood over him with handcuffs, laughing diabolically, or approached him in a deserted courtroom, whispering come here, my perfect little slut, I promise you’ll like it. After this last one he gave up on sleeping and just lay, trembling, curled up against Kurt, who stroke his arm soothingly and hummed sweet, comforting melodies. It was five in the morning. In twelve hours he would know what to expect and when. Still, the thought of testifying…

“Kurt?”

“Yes?”

“I’m scared.”

“I know, baby.”

“What if I see him in court and just throw up? Or panic, just like today, and pass out? Or won’t be able to say anything at all with him looking at me? What if he goes free because I won’t have enough courage to describe everything he did to a room full of strangers that will watch me and listen and imagine all this and pity me? I don’t know if I can do that, Kurt. With every passing moment I’m more certain that I can’t. But if I don’t, he goes free too, and then what?” He felt so helpless.

“How about those cases where they let you testify in a separate room and just record it to show in the courtroom? Maybe something like that could be arranged? We can ask when we’re there later. It would be easier, wouldn’t it?”

“Yeah, maybe…”

“And don’t ever say that you don’t have enough courage. You are amazing and brave, you survived all this and reported it, you fight it every day and do everything you can to recover. Do you think I can’t see it? How you try, how you fight with yourself, don’t let it defeat you? You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, Blaine. And I’m so proud of you for reaching out for help when you need it. I know how difficult it is for you. If only we could get your parents to help…”

“It would be good.”

“Yeah. So, do you want to try to sleep some more or would you rather watch a movie?”

“No more sleeping today, thank you very much. But I can go watch something downstairs so that you could rest some more.”

“Don’t be silly, I’m not leaving you alone today.”

“I hoped you would say that.”

The morning was gloomy and cold as they stopped by his house so that he could quickly change into his uniform. Classes felt like they were never going to end and their tired eyes stung by the time they got to the Warblers meeting. At least the new routine for Regionals was coming together splendidly and by the time they got to the car, Kurt was still breathless and excited. But reality kicked in on the way and with every passing mile the atmosphere in the car became more and more somber.

When they arrived to the station, detective Pavlova was already waiting and she led them to her office immediately. Blaine felt like his legs were trying to give way, and he couldn’t suppress the violent shaking of his hands. Mr. Hummel’s arm steady around his shoulders and Kurt’s warm hand in his cold one were the only things tethering him to sanity, giving him strength.

“You don’t have to testify,” the words tumbled out of the woman’s mouth as soon as she closed the door behind them.

Wait, what?

“What? And you couldn’t have told him yesterday? Do you have any idea what he went through before this meeting?” Kurt was in his Righteous Indignation Mode at once, his personal knight in shining armor.

“I couldn’t. I’m sorry. Not on the phone, and it wasn’t even signed yesterday. Now it’s certain. There will be no trial.”

But…

Burt jumped in. “What do you mean, no trial? Are you saying the bastard will walk? After what he did?”

“Oh, no way. He just agreed to a plea bargain. All the papers are signed, he’ll be moved to his new home any minute now.”

Blaine couldn’t quite wrap his mind around it. He sat heavily on the closest chair, leaving talking to the others. Burt’s hand remained on his shoulder, comforting weight.

Kurt hesitated. “But didn’t you say last time that he denied everything?”

“He did. But things changed. First, his parents refused to help him in any way, so he’d have to make do with a public defender and with everything we have on him, he had no chance to wiggle out of this without a magician. And second… there was a new development that I’m not allowed to tell you about, that made him come to us begging for a bargain. He plead guilty to all three rapes and told us about one more we didn’t know about. In return, he agreed to 20 years in prison without right to parole, but served in safer conditions.”

“What do you mean, safer?” Burt was confused.

“Well, it’s not something we are proud of, but sometimes things… happen in prison. It’s not an entirely safe place, you know, with so much anger and testosterone locked up together. And hypothetically, it could happen that a prisoner is, for example, sexually advanced upon by his own cellmate. And, theoretically, if said prisoner had never been in quite this position before, he may not be entirely happy to try this with, say, a rather forceful 300-pound wrestler. Which may prompt him to seek refuge in other penitentiary where he is promised to get a single cell. Theoretically, of course.”

Kurt gasped. “Are you telling us that Eric was assaulted in prison? And he’s never been the one… um… taking… before, is that it?”

Detective Pavlova looked at him levelly. “I’m not telling you anything. I’m not allowed to tell you anything. I was just commenting on the regrettable lack of safety in our penitentiaries. Unfortunately, it seems to be worse for young, attractive men, especially when there’s rumor they were molesting minors. By the way, have I told you Eric’s first victim, the one we didn’t know about, was only 15?”

Blaine felt sick. He felt quite a lot of other things, too, so much so that he couldn’t even start to make sense of them. One was certain: relief. It was as if a huge boulder was lifted from his shoulders and only now did he feel just how heavy it had been.

“So what now?” he managed, his voice breaking.

Detective Pavlova looked at him with compassion.

“Nothing. That’s it. The case is closed. You don’t have to worry about it anymore, you can focus on healing. You did a good thing here, Blaine. A brave thing, braver than many grown men would manage. If you hadn’t reported it, this man would have continued to hurt more people. Now he’s locked up for good. You should be proud of yourself. I’m proud of you.”

“We all are,” Mr. Hummel squeezed his shoulder. “So we can go?”

“You can go.”

“Thank you, detective. Come on, boys. There are things to celebrate.”

Blaine wasn’t sure he was ready to celebrate. In fact, the closer they were to the Hummel-Hudson home, the more lost he felt. He sat in silence, not even noticing how tight he was clenching his fists until Kurt took one of them and stroked it gently.

“Hey. Everything alright?”

“I don’t know.”

They were in the driveway now, getting out of the car, and Blaine felt like crying. It was insane, he should be overjoyed. And part of him was, but there were other parts, those that he didn’t entirely understand, that just wanted to know what now.

Kurt took his hand and led him, unprotesting, inside and to the living room couch. Burt vanished for a moment in the kitchen and came back with Carole, who sat down next to Blaine and took his other hand.

“There’s something bothering you.”

“Yeah.”

“Can we help in any way?”

“I don’t know. I’m not even sure what it is. It’s just… all this time, there was always something to do before I could focus on myself. On getting it all back together. Going to the police, talking to my parents, the trial. And now… there’s nothing. There’s only this. And I have no idea where to even start, what to do. I’m lost here. And there’s only my whole life at stake. No big deal.” He let out a shaky, bitter laugh.

No one said anything, because what could they say, really? Everyone in the room knew that Blaine should be seeing a therapist, someone who could lead him and help with his recovery. If only his parents let him… As it was, he could only lay with his head in Kurt’s lap and soak in his comforting presence before he had to go back home.