CHAPTER 5. Tension

Blaine fell asleep as soon as they took off from his house, his head at an awkward angle that was bound to give him neck strain, but Kurt didn’t have the heart to wake him up. He really looked exhausted, like he’d barely slept all week. Which may have been the case, as he let slip once that his nightmares were much more frequent at home, and the CD that Kurt recorded for him wasn’t enough to stop them completely, though it soothed him to sleep every night. The additional stress of school didn’t help either, and neither did Blaine’s parents, as far as he knew. But shouldn’t the therapist that he was seeing be able to help him somehow?

Wait, was he seeing a therapist? He promised to talk about it with his parents last week. But now that Kurt thought about it, he couldn’t remember one mention of it ever since. Every time he tried to ask about anything family-related, Blaine changed the topic. Was he still procrastinating about it or was the therapy just something he didn’t want to talk about? He would have to ask him later.

They arrived at their destination at half past seven, and it was time to wake Blaine up. He looked so peaceful and vulnerable like that, so young, that for a while Kurt just sat there, watching, before he called his name softly a couple of times. The amber eyes opened blearily and the boy in the passenger’s seat groaned, trying to stretch.

“We’re already there? Here, I mean? I must have fallen asleep, why didn’t you wake me?”

“I did, just now. You looked like you needed a nap.”

“I may have, but you had no one to talk to all this time. And ouch, my neck is killing me.”

Grabbing Blaine’s bag from the back, they went inside, where they were met by heavenly smells and hugged like they hadn’t visited for a month, and soon everyone was sitting at the dinner table.

Even fully engaged in conversation, Kurt could see from the corner of his eye just how groggy and tired Blaine still was. He knew his boyfriend well enough to notice that though he ate and talked, his smile was strained and his eyes heavy, so as soon as they finished eating, Kurt whispered an explanation in his dad’s ear, said goodnight to everyone and took their guest upstairs, to his own bedroom.

He took a quick shower while Blaine was unpacking his things, then sent his boyfriend to the bathroom and prepared fresh bedclothes for them. He may have blushed a little, thinking about sleeping with (next to! it's just next to, Kurt!) his boyfriend again, but if he did, it certainly wasn’t because of anything they may be doing while in bed together. No, it was a long way to anything like that and for now they would probably just cuddle, but the sole presence of the boy he loved so close to him for the whole night was intoxicating. He’d never let anyone so close, not that there was anyone interested. He was so unused to touch that Blaine’s proximity, not to mention any actual point of contact, felt like something new and sensational to his body, sending waves of warmth over his skin every single time. Before, Blaine’s pain and the need for comfort were so fresh and acute, they were overshadowing everything else. But now, after two weeks of being together, holding hands and talking about their emotions, it had finally sunk in and sharing the bed had a different, intimate feeling that made Kurt’s heart race and his face blush.

He sat on the bed and waited.

***

Blaine stood under streams of hot water for a long while, letting it soothe and relax his aching back. Never before had he noticed just how bad prolonged stress was for the muscles. He felt the dull ache all over his shoulders and upper back all day and after the nap in the car his neck was now stiff too. He hoped a good night’s sleep would help, and he knew that he would sleep like a baby here. Kurt’s presence was the only thing he knew of that was almost certain to make him sleep peacefully. In his own bed he tossed and turned every single night, sometimes waking up as much as a dozen times. He was desperate to rest at last, so much so that he’d been thinking about taking some of the sleeping pills his mother kept in her bathroom cabinet – the strong, prescription stuff. If Kurt hadn’t brought him here, he might actually do it, hoping for a dreamless night. Thankfully, tonight it wouldn’t be necessary.

When he returned to the bedroom, it was illuminated only by delicate orange glow of a small lamp on the nightstand. Kurt was sitting cross-legged on the bed, all soft edges and gentle eyes. For a moment, Blaine felt his breath hitch, but not in a bad way. No, this time it was astonishment and delight, disbelief and sheer joy at the fact that this gorgeous, passionate, talented boy believed him to be worthy to wait for like that, to be taken into his arms and held through the night, worthy of his love and his care. 

Kurt moved to embrace him as soon as he sat on the edge of the bed, and Blaine couldn’t contain a hiss as his back protested against the gentle press of his hand. Kurt jumped and moved away immediately.

“Sorry, sorry! What did I do?”

“It’s nothing, just my back. The muscles are a bit sore.”

“I bet they are, you’re terribly tense.” Kurt hesitated for a moment, then asked carefully. “Would you… let me touch you? In an utterly non-sexual way, I promise! Although I would have to touch your back and I don’t know how you feel about that. But it can be over the T-shirt.”

He was blushing furiously. Blaine’s first thought was a decisive no way! – the cuts and bruises from Eric’s teeth must have healed by now, though he still hadn’t looked, and the skin wasn’t tender anymore, but the memories remained, ugly as ever, and the mere thought of anyone touching him there made his mind reel. Yet he bit his tongue before the words had a chance to tumble out and reconsidered. It was Kurt. Kurt would never hurt him. And he said it was nothing sexual.

“What did you have in mind?”

“I thought I could give you a massage, just to loosen the muscles up a little. I’ve learned the basics some time ago and I was told I’m fairly good. You wouldn’t even have to lie down, I can do it while you sit like that, especially the upper half of your back. It’s nothing much, but it could help. What do you think?”

Blaine hesitated. “I guess you could try…”

“I’ll stop immediately if you feel uncomfortable at any point, okay? Just tell me.”

He could feel the bed moving as Kurt settled on his knees behind him, then warm hands rested gently on his shoulders. “Is it okay?”

“Yeah.” And it was, he still felt safe, no warning bells were going off.

Kurt pressed his thumbs into the tense muscles of his shoulders and Blaine groaned. It hurt, but in a good way. The boy behind him slowly worked his way across his shoulders and up his neck, then between the shoulder blades, down the spine, massaging and kneading thoroughly, eliciting occasional moans and sighs from his lips. Five minutes into this there was a hesitant knock on the door. Blaine’s eyes snapped open as Kurt called Come in, never stopping the massage. Mr. Hummel peered into the room.

“Boys, um… may I ask what you are doing? You are quite, well… loud.” Was he blushing? No, surely not. It had to be a trick of light.

“I’m giving Blaine a back massage, he’s awfully tense. I guess he likes it.” There was a smirk clearly audible in Kurt’s voice.

Blaine definitely blushed now and it had nothing to do with light. “Oh, I do. I feel like melting into a puddle of goo.”

Burt chuckled. “Okay, I get it. I might have reacted in a similar way the first time he practiced this on me. I just had to check on you, sorry.”

“It’s okay, dad.”

“Good night, Mr. Hummel.”

They laughed a little after he went out, Kurt still busy with his amazing, magical hands, and soon Blaine’s eyes began to droop.

“Kurt,” he slurred. “Would you mind continuing while I lie down? This may just be the best thing that ever happened to me in the touch department and I’m not ready to give it up yet, but I feel like I’m going to fall asleep any second.”

“Sure, no problem.”

He settled comfortably on his stomach, eyes closed, and was asleep within a minute, forgetting to spare even one thought to the fact that he was in a position where he felt the most exposed and vulnerable, the same position he hadn’t even been able to sleep in since that night, because it brought back the memories of the attack. Kurt kept massaging, then stroking, and then simply touching his relaxed back for a while longer before he switched off the lamp and whispered in his ear I love you. Remember, I’m here. You’re safe.