CHAPTER 6

Fireworks were blooming on the dark sky over Central Park, and something in Blaine's chest seemed to be blooming too, rising and opening, and growing deep into his heart. He'd never felt anything quite like it before. It was brand new, and a little scary in its intensity, but exhilarating all the same.

All around, there were people – in groups and couples, standing or sitting on blankets scattered all over the grass, as far as he could see. Blaine felt something warm and hopeful when he observed how many of them were same-sex couples, often with children, and how safe and unrestricted they seemed to feel here – out in the open, in a crowd of people, celebrating independence together.

But mostly, he looked at Kurt; his dark, elegant silhouette just a few feet beside him, illuminated by the red-green-blue-silver of the fireworks, talking with his friends, laughing. And secretly, he wished they were alone in the crowd here, without Cooper or Sebastian for company. He wished he could take Kurt's hand, or kiss his soft, warm lips, feel that thrill and that closeness again.

That night on the roof, it had felt like everything was falling in its place under Kurt's touch, and Blaine had never felt anything so right before. It was like he'd found where he belonged. That one kiss had left him tingling and wanting, gasping for breath, but at the same time he felt calm and certain, and safe. It was as if he had Kurt under his skin now, a feeling that still hadn't truly faded, but sparked with intensity whenever Kurt was near, and Blaine was pretty sure what it meant.

For the first time in his life, he was in love.

***

Sebastian nudged Kurt with a sharp elbow to the ribs, causing him to tear his eyes from the bursts of sparks overhead and glare.

"I swear, if I have a bruise –"

"Then I'll kiss it all better. Although, there may be another volunteer." Seb whispered with a smirk and jerked his head to the side, where Blaine had been sitting quietly all evening. Kurt looked at him just in time to catch the boy's eye, and smiled before turning back to Sebastian.

"You're delusional."

"Sure I am. He's been eyefucking you since we got here. Looks like Coop's baby brother has it bad for you, babe. Aww, how adorable. And he's such a pretty little bird, too!"

Kurt felt heat spread over his face. With any luck, the darkness and random flashes of the fireworks would hide the evidence of what his own traitorous mind had been doing lately. He still needed to get laid, dammit, but somehow he couldn't find it in him to go to a club and look for a hook-up.

"Maybe you should go get your eyes checked," he muttered with more conviction than he felt.

Sebastian just chuckled. The bastard.

"Yeah, right. I know what I see. And don't tell me it doesn't sound tempting – I bet he'd look gorgeous tied to your bed in nothing but that bowtie, all eager and ready for you to ride him. Mmm, that's a nice picture –"

The sharp smack up Sebastian's head might have been a bit of an exaggeration, but it drew everyone's attention away from the groan that threatened to rip from Kurt's throat. He really didn't need any more visuals. His mind had been providing him with more than enough lately.

And his body approved – so, so much.

***

Love was turning out to be much more complicated than Blaine thought.

For starters – what should he do with his newly discovered feelings? Should he keep them secret and remain Kurt's friend, silently hoping for more, soaking in every bit of closeness, every hint of affection, like he had so far?

Or should he risk rejection, maybe ridicule, and tell Kurt? Was there even a small chance that Kurt returned his feelings? It was hard to imagine, but... He did kiss him, didn't he?

In the end, it was the fact that they had always talked honestly that helped him make the decision.

Now there was only the problem of how and when. He considered asking Kurt out, maybe taking him for a romantic walk or playing a perfectly chosen song for him, but in the end... Well, he was a blurter, okay? He blurted things out.

"God, I'm so in love with you."

Kurt looked at him shocked, incredulous, over the big bunch of jasmine he'd just bought from a street vendor and had been smelling, yellow pollen all over his nose.

"What did you say?"

"I... I'm in love with you?"

Kurt's stricken expression felt like a punch. He was trying to say something, his lips working over words that didn't come, and Blaine hated that he was already feeling the sting in his eyes. No, he wouldn't cry. He'd known it would probably end like this, and now he'd take it like a man.

Kurt touched his shoulder with a hesitant hand.

"Blaine, I – Come on, let's get back to my place, and we'll talk over coffee."

So Kurt wanted to spare him the humiliation of being rejected in public at least. That was nice of him. Blaine nodded and followed Kurt the two blocks home, steeling himself for the conversation.

They didn't even get to the coffee, just sat at the kitchen table, the jasmine forgotten on the counter, before Kurt took a deep breath and spoke carefully.

"Blaine... You have a crush on me. You just met me three weeks ago, you're fresh out of your first relationship, it's only natural to look at other guys for a rebound. But it's not love – it's just attraction, infatuation maybe. You know that, right?"

This was probably the worst thing Kurt could have said, no matter how gentle his face was, how kind his tone. How could he know? He was treating Blaine like a child who didn't know his own feelings, and it felt awful. It made him angry.

"It's not –"

"Blaine." The steel determination on Kurt's face didn't reach all the way to his eyes, but Blaine couldn't think about that now. "You are an amazing young man. You're handsome, smart and sweet. You're talented, you make me laugh, and I really care about you. But you're also seventeen; I'm twenty-eight. And your older brother is my best friend. Can you imagine what he'd say if he even knew about that kiss on the roof, let alone if we dated? He wants to protect you from the dangers of the city, all the experienced guys who could seduce and demoralize you, and that includes me."

"Maybe I want to be demoralized." Blaine said stubbornly, crossing his arms, then uncrossing them again. There was no need to behave like a child.

Kurt smiled fleetingly. "I bet you do. But we can't –"

"Would you date me if I was a little older, and not Coop's brother?" He was blurting things out again, but it didn't matter. He needed to know.

Kurt didn't even hesitate. "Yes."

Okay, so it wasn't because of his inadequacy then. Still, it hurt, and he hated that the circumstances made him utterly undateable to Kurt. He got up from the chair and nodded stiffly.

"I'd better go then." Not waiting for an answer, he moved towards the door, but stopped before he reached it. "Can we still be friends?"

Kurt's face was soft and sad when he looked at him. "Of course we can. I'm sorry, Blaine."

"Me too."

***

The door clicked shut and Kurt slumped in his chair. The distraught look on Blaine's face broke his heart and he hated the fact that he'd been the one to put it there. He’d never wanted to hurt the boy, ever, the tender affection he felt towards him meant his instinct was to protect Blaine from any harm.  Which was exactly why he needed to do this in the first place.

Love.

It wasn't love, it couldn't be – not so fast, not for him of all people; he didn't deserve that. Blaine simply had a crush, that was all; he mistook attraction, desire maybe, for something deeper. But because he believed he was in love, it could hurt him so much more, and Kurt wouldn't allow it. Not to mention, he couldn't be anything more than a friend to Blaine anyway, just as he'd told him. It wouldn't be right to follow up on his fantasies, no matter how much he liked Blaine, how much chemistry sparked between them. Especially now, when he knew there were feelings at play here. Blaine deserved much better than Kurt could give him.

Plus, he couldn't be the one to teach Coop's innocent kid brother all about sex. He wasn't suicidal, after all. Cooper may seem harmless, but it was a cover; when crossed, he was a force to be feared. God, if he could read Kurt's thoughts sometimes...

So, saying no to Blaine's confession, despite the way his heart had fluttered at hearing it, was the right thing to do. The only thing he could do. Now he could just hope Blaine would get over it easily, and they'd be able to stay friends.

It seemed to work that way, too. A few days later Blaine dropped by with a smile and an announcement that he wanted to ask Kurt for advice. Which he was perfectly fine with giving, of course.

Until he heard the request.

"You want to do what?"

"I want to go to a gay bar." Blaine looked annoyingly content with himself, as if he hadn't just come up with the most stupid idea Kurt had heard in months. He took a piece of paper out of his bag. "I did my research, and I have a list of those that don't check IDs too diligently, and I was hoping you could tell me which one would be best."

"No." Huh. Kurt didn't know he even had a parent voice in him, but he sounded surprisingly like his own dad now.

"No, as in you don't know? You haven't even looked at my list yet."

"No, as in you're not going to a gay bar." Even to his own ears it sounded wrong. Blaine must have thought so too, because he crossed his arms and looked at Kurt defiantly.

"Kurt, you're not my father, you can't forbid me. And I hoped that, as my friend, you could give me a hint here – I mean, you must have been in some of these places, right? But if you can't do that, that's fine. I'll read some more on the internet."

Kurt ground his teeth and tried to reign in the vehement protest that kept bubbling in his chest at the mere thought of Blaine in a gay bar. This was not the way to convince him. He spoke more calmly now, placating.

"You're right, I'm not your father and I have no right to tell you what to do. But as your friend who cares about you, I'm telling you that this is a very bad idea. Yes, I've been in gay bars before, and yes, they can be fun places. But you going there, alone? It would be like sending a fluffy white sheep to dance with the wolves."

Blaine just raised an eyebrow. "If you mean that I'm too young –"

"Of course you’re too young, why do you think there are age limits there? And not checking IDs is an instant disqualification; it's like an invitation for all kinds of perverts. But it's not just that – don't take it the wrong way, but you practically radiate innocent and vulnerable, and with how gorgeous you are? That's the worst combination possible, Blaine. For a gay bar, at least." Kurt noticed he was raising his voice again and lowered it back to a normal level. "The men would be all over you in an instant, and not everyone goes there just to dance, you know."

"Have you thought it may be what I want? To have some fun? Maybe you're right, maybe it is a rebound thing. But so what? Maybe I need to get it out of my system. You're not interested, so I want to look somewhere else."

Fuck. This was so not what Kurt hoped would happen; he meant to protect Blaine, not send him over to strangers who would have no problem with him being seventeen. He felt panic slowly crawl through his insides as Blaine continued angrily.

"Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to want nothing more than to finally look at your boyfriend, to undress him, touch him... and then have someone come in on you before you ever get to do it? The only thing we managed to do was get off together a few times, grinding against each other in a hurry, with my mom downstairs and the door open. And I'm sick of waiting and being good, and I live in Westerville, Kurt. I don't have much to hope for in ways of a relationship there. I'm looking at another year of being lonely, horny, and having only my right hand for company. So forgive me if I want to use the time I have here to get some more."

Wow. That was intense. And hot, but that was not the point.

"But why like this? In a dirty stall or a dark alley behind the bar? Or in some stranger's room, someone you've never seen before and most likely never will again? Is that what you want for your first time? Not to mention how risky it is. You deserve so much better, Blaine. You deserve someone who will listen to you and take care of you, and give you what you want. You deserve gentle and beautiful, and memorable. You should have loving touches in the right circumstances, not a hurried fuck with a stranger in a gay bar."

Suddenly, there were angry tears in Blaine's eyes and his voice was rough, breaking over a sob. "Well I can't have that, can I? I'm too young, and I'm an Anderson. So yeah. Whatever."

The door slammed shut, leaving Kurt alone in a stunned silence.

***

Blaine left Kurt's building with anger boiling hot in his chest, choking him with suppressed sobs. It wasn’t fair! Kurt could sleep with anyone he wanted, could go to any gay bar or club, or wherever, and pick up men to have glorious, unrestrained sex. He could kiss his best friend in a coffee bar and not mean anything by it. He could friend-zone Blaine and dismiss his feelings, and still sleep well and be fine, and move on like nothing happened. And yet, he dared to censor Blaine's sex life, even though he wanted to have nothing to do with it. It wasn't fair.

By the time he got to his room, the first tendrils of reason were already worming their way back to his brain, but Blaine stomped them out furiously. No! Maybe he was acting out and behaving immaturely, but so what, he was seventeen, after all, he may as well act like it, since being mature for his age evidently didn't mean anything. Tomorrow was Friday, and he would tell Cooper he was going to the movie marathon that he saw advertised yesterday, and that he would come home late. And instead, he'd go to a gay bar of his choosing, dance, have fun and relax, and maybe – just maybe – go a little wild. Not all the way – of course not, he didn't want to go so far with a stranger. In fact –

No. He wasn't a prepubescent girl, dreaming of romantic love and a prince who would be the one, the only one to touch and kiss and love him. It was old-fashioned and frankly strange nowadays not to take a chance for casual sex when there was one – or so it seemed, looking all around. So, why not? He'd be careful and smart, and everything would be fine. Better than fine. Definitely.

Kurt called twice in the evening , but Blaine refused to pick up, still stuck in his stubborn anger. He wondered briefly if Kurt would call Cooper instead and tell him of Blaine's plans. But Cooper's phone remained silent on the shelf where it was charging and around midnight, Blaine got a text instead.

Kurt Hummel: I'm sorry. Just... be safe. Please.

He answered with a short I will and went to bed. Tomorrow was going to be an important day.