CHAPTER 12

I’m not sure how much time has passed before Kurt pulls away from me, breathless and flushed. Somehow though, my shirt is unbuttoned, Kurt has a small hickey on his collarbone and both of our pants are uncomfortably tight. He looks at me, his pupils blown wide; I could watch him forever, he’s absolutely gorgeous.

Wait, I can watch him forever. I grin broadly and he giggles. Giggles! Just a while ago I was sure I lost him and now he’s giggling in my arms, thoroughly kissed and all mine.

“Not that I’m complaining, but maybe we could move to a more comfortable location?”

It’s only when he says it that I realize we’re still standing in the hallway and my legs feel stiff. We must have spent quite a while here, lost in each other.

“Sure. Whatever you want.”

“Whatever? Really?” His smile turns mischievous.

“Really. Did you have something in mind?”

He blushes adorably. “Maybe. Bedroom?”

I pretend to gasp in shock.

“Mr. Hummel! Such a forward invitation so early in the relationship?”

“Oh well, apparently you make me easy. Unless you don’t want to, of course?” Kurt’s smiling, but I can see a hint of uncertainty in his eyes, so I just take his hand and pull him into the bedroom. After kissing him some more against the wall, I walk him backwards to the bed, take a moment to take off my shoes and his boots and kiss my way up his leg, from ankle to knee. I ache to continue, but I’m curious about that thing Kurt has in mind, so I force myself to keep my lips off him for a moment and settle on the bed beside him.

“So. About that something.”

Kurt seems a little shy now, fidgeting with my fingers.

“There’s this… thing I’ve always wanted to do. It’s a kind of fantasy really. I’ve imagined that when I am with a man for the first time, I’ll get to spend however long I want getting to know his body – learning every inch of skin, every curve and dip and muscle, just touching and kissing, getting used to it, watching his reactions. Just thinking about it was often enough to…”

“To get off on?”

“Yes.” He’s blushing and I nod in understanding – I had this with Danny, time to learn and get used to intimacy. It was an important lesson that helped me become sensitive to his needs and my own. Kurt continues. “And I never had that kind of chance, I went from first kisses to sex almost instantly.”

“Do you want to try it now?” I raise his hand to my lips and kiss the warm center of the palm, teasing the smooth skin with my tongue as I move towards his wrist.

“Could I?” His face is hopeful, his voice already getting breathy. I let go of his hand and stroke his face gently instead.

“Do you even need to ask? Of course you can. But I’m all sweaty and I feel gross after running around in the heat. How about we take a shower together and then you can do whatever you want with me?”

“I think I like that idea.” Oh how I love the way he grins happily.

“I’ll help you with your clothes then.”

Before he can react, I move to straddle his lap and our hips press together. Kurt’s breath hitches. Kissing the soft skin under his left ear and sucking on it a little, I begin to unbutton his shirt. I take my time mapping all the sensitive spots on his neck and soon he’s shirtless and reduced to a whimpering mess of want arching under me. I pause to look at him, so beautiful like this, which seems to break the spell.

“Okay. Okay. Enough or we’ll never get to the shower. Let me undress you now.” Kurt’s breathless and his eyes sparkle.

“Be my guest.”

He slides the already unbuttoned shirt off my shoulders, then looks me over reverently, moving his fingertips down my chest.

“Gorgeous,” he whispers, and his hand reaches to the fly of my jeans.

All of a sudden, a shot of panic paralyzes me. I feel exposed, and not just physically; my emotions are out in the open, I’m defenseless, vulnerable. In spite of my mind screaming danger, I’m letting someone in, into the deepest levels of my heart. What if I’m doing it again, the same thing I did with Danny – hope for something that won’t happen, interpret Kurt’s words the way I want to hear them? I can’t go through this again, I can’t afford another misunderstanding. I reach and still the hand unbuttoning my pants.

“Wait, wait. I just need to make sure we’re on the same page here.”

“Okay.” Kurt looks at me questioningly.

“When I say that I love you, I’m absolutely certain I do, I’ve known it for some time now and I have no doubts about it. And I mean that I know you, Kurt, and I want you just the way you are. I want now, I want to go on dates with you and make love to you, be with you every day and make you happy, but I also want future. I already know that I want to marry you one day and raise children with you, and grow old by your side. I want forever – whatever happens, good or bad. Are you sure you want the same?” I look him in the eyes earnestly, anxiously – so much depends on his answer! – but he doesn’t hesitate even for a second.

“I’ve never been as sure about anything in my life.”

“So we’re really doing this? From now on… just us?” I realize I’m squeezing his hands too hard, so I loosen my grip.

“Just us. Together.”

And that’s enough. I trust Kurt; I’d trust him with my life and now I’m trusting him with my heart.

We finish undressing and then kiss our way through the shower, washing each other, our hands and bodies slick and so close, and Kurt whispers it’s the most intimate thing he’s ever done with a man. The closeness and the delicious slide of body on body lead to some perfect friction, our hips fitting together just right, and soon we’re both gasping and desperate for more and oh, right there, yes, yesyesyesss, Kurt’s voice reverberating against the tiles, and then we have to wash again, but neither of us minds.

Our need sated for the moment, we settle on my ­– our now, I can’t help but say in awe­ – bed and I let Kurt learn and discover my body, cover every inch of it with his hands and mouth and tongue, touching, kissing, making me shiver and moan and arch under him until I can’t stand it any longer and with a growl, flip him over to put my mouth on him at last. I suck him off, reveling in his taste and smell, his weight on my tongue and his voice curling softly around my name, and I’m rutting desperately against the sheets until we both come, almost in sync. All energy spent, we cling to each other, naked, unwilling to separate even for a minute as we fall asleep, breathing each other in.

When I wake up, it’s dark outside, but Kurt is there, looking at me with eyes full of light and happiness. I love him so much it hurts, in the best of ways. We’re both hungry, so we get up and rifle through the freezer for something quick, then return to bed to keep kissing, touching and claiming each other, still unable to get enough. And then there’s a moment when Kurt stills in my arms, looks up at me all serious and I know this is important, what he wants to say.

“I want to make love to you. Will you let me?”

It takes me two seconds to understand what he asks for, but when I do, I shiver with anticipation.

“Yes. Yes, please, I’m all yours.”

He is gentle and oh so careful, a little bit scared as he prepares me, watching with amazed eyes as I come undone under his fingers. I’ve done this many times before, but the fact that this is Kurt’s hand, Kurt’s cock – the man’s who’s just promised me forever, my future husband’s – it makes it so much more. And it’s his first time doing it, which makes it even more special, sacred. No one has ever seen him like this, biting his lip in concentration and trying with all his might to keep it together as he sinks into me, astounded with hot and tight and oh my god, Blaine. He’s never been connected like this with anyone, this is ours and ours alone. And it’s not just a connection of bodies. It feels like a communion of souls, as cheesy as that sounds. It’s like we complement each other entirely now, as if two last puzzle pieces in the big picture of us finally clicked together, completing the long process of assembling it.

We move together slowly, gently, eyes open and locked on each other, lips meeting in sweet kisses, and this time, the first time as us, it’s not about reaching completion, not about finding the perfect rhythm and depth and angle, but about just staying like that, completely intertwined and joined, as long as we can. We will have time to learn each other. We have forever for that.

I don’t know how long it takes before Kurt’s movements become more erratic, sharper, and I adjust my hips a little, whisper “Touch me” and let myself flow on the wave of bliss between his cock brushing just there and his hand stroking me, until I moan his name and come, pulsing around him. Kurt’s voice breaks before I have a chance to ride down the wave entirely and he comes, too, burying his face in my neck.

When our breathing slows down, he slips out of me and throws the condom in the small trashcan by the bed. I get up for a minute, chased by his whining Blaaaaaine, come back!, and return with a warm washcloth to clean us up. Once we’re cuddled back together under the comforter, Kurt sighs dreamily.

“I can’t believe I’ve never tried that before.”

“So what, you’ll want to top all the time now?” I smile knowingly.

“Actually, no. I like both. With you, I like everything we do. How often do you…”

“What, have sex? It depends. Lately maybe five, six times a year. But with Danny, we used to do something sexual almost every day. But I don’t expect that from you, Kurt!” I add quickly. “We will do whatever feels right to both of us and only when we both want it, okay?”

“No, I kind of hoped it would be often,” he smiles. “So, so often.”

The letter comes two weeks later. I give it to Kurt after dinner, already suspecting what it is. He tears the envelope open, scans the single sheet of paper inside and I can see his eyes getting wider and wider. He reads it through again, slowly this time, then looks at me.

“Blaine, do you know anything about it?”

I feign ignorance.

“What is it?”

“NYU confirms my admission for the senior year and notifies that all costs have already been covered.”

“Oh, that.”

His eyes flash dangerously, but I just keep my calm, drinking my coffee.

“What do you mean, ‘Oh, that’? We talked about this, Blaine! I don’t want you to lend me money!”

“I know. And I don’t remember lending you any lately.”

“So what is this?”

“I paid for your last year of college.” I shrug as if it was obvious. To be honest, I’m having fun, but I can’t show it to him, of course.

“You what?!”

“You heard me.”

“But you can’t do that! You’ll tell me now that it’s a present and that’s your decision to make, won’t you? But it’s too much, Blaine!” He paces the kitchen now, gesticulating wildly.

“It’s not a present. It’s an investment.” I explain calmly.

“What?”

“The way I see it, I’ve invested in our future. We have a much bigger chance at leading a happy life if you are at a job that you love. You’ll be happier, which means our relationship will be better for years to come. And don’t forget that I want to go into music in five years. I haven’t deluded myself into thinking I’ll get rich as a musician, and certainly not at first. So at least one of us should be able to support our family, and with your talent and passion, I’m sure in five years you will.”

“Oh.” Kurt stops pacing and I can see he’s tearing up, understanding in his eyes. Before I know it, I’m enveloped in a tight, sniffling embrace. “Thank you. Thank you so much. I’ll make you proud of me.”

I hug him tight.

“I’m already proud of you.”

And I am. Of him, of us. Look how far we’ve come in just half a year since the day I found Kurt sitting in the snow on my doorstep. It’s been a healing journey, for both of us. But this is just the beginning. Our lives lie before us now, ready to be embraced and explored and filled with happiness and love. There will be problems of course, tough times and pitfalls, there always are somewhere along the way, but we’ll survive. Together.

THE END