"I love you." Blaine breathed and kissed Kurt's temple, then his cheek and jaw, progressing down to his neck. They were laying on the sofa, Blaine on top of Kurt, covering him with his body.

"I love you, too." Kurt murmured as he tilted his head to allow Blaine better access to his soft spot. He tangled his fingers in Blaine's hair to press Blaine's lips harder to his neck. Blaine nibbled and sucked, but not too much so he wouldn't bruise Kurt's skin. He licked the red fleck that was about to disappear soon and attached his lips lower, repeating his action on another inch of Kurt's flawless complexion.

Blaine felt like he was about to burst into flames. His heart was racing and he'd never thought three simple words could evoke such a strong reaction. He lost count of how many times the words had been uttered in the last half an hour. Everything was sweet and tender, nothing he would have expected before. There was no need for ripping each other's clothes off and consummating their love right there, which was exactly what he'd thought would happen once the words were out. Instead, he was positioned between Kurt's legs, dressed, and they were kissing and caressing carefully, like they were afraid to break something very fragile. Kurt's hands were travelling slowly up and down his back, never getting below his waist or under his shirt. It was intimate in a way Blaine had never experienced before.

"Leave a mark, Blaine." Kurt requested and Blaine pulled away a bit to look at his boyfriend with a teasing smile.

"We're not teeanagers anymore, Kurt. I don't think it's appropriate for you to come home for Christmas with a hickey on your neck."

"Then put it somewhere no one can see it."

"You really want me to?"

"Yes, love, I really want you to." Love. It was a new one. Blaine was accustomed to being called sweetie on regular basis and baby occasionally, in the heat of the moment when their clothes were mostly, or completely stripped off. This was different. It sent a strange shiver down his spine and he knew he was screwed. Without a doubt, this would be his weakness and though he was already at the place where he barely could say no to Kurt, this was something that would get Kurt a free pass to everything. He unbuttoned first three buttons on Kurt's shirt and ran his thumb over his collarbone.

"Here?"

"Hmmm...wherever you want."

"Blaine? Downstairs or upstairs?" Nick yelled into the apartment. Blaine groaned and untangled himself from Kurt.

"I swear I'm gonna forbid them from entering this house." He promised to Kurt and sent his friends a glare. "I don't want to sound hostile but what the fuck are you doing here?!"

"My dad called." Nick announced.

"Oh shit..." Blaine frowned.

"Yeah…"

"What did he want?"

"Apparently my grandma is visiting for Christmas."

"No!" Blaine whined and Kurt just set his eyes from his boyfriend to Nick and Jeff standing by the sofa. They looked defeated.

"He did it on purpose. There is no way my grandma decided to come on such a short notice."

"Of course he did it on purpose!" Jeff agreed with him. "He knew you would have excused yourself had you known earlier. He couldn't risk it."

"Are you guys still wearing makeup? Why didn't you remove it?" Kurt asked, observing them closely.

"We didn't have time for that. We left the theater five minutes after the curtain fell."

"I'm sorry but I'm lost. I don't understand what the problem is."

"The problem is," Blaine turned to his boyfriend, finally giving him the explanation, "that Nick has to go to home for the holidays."

"Because his grandma is visiting?"

"My grandma is the only good thing in our family, Kurt. She doesn't leave her house often but when she does, she expects the whole family to be together. She can be a bitch when something is not how she pictures it. My father knew I wasn't going home and that if he'd told me sooner, I would have called my grandma and excused myself and he would have to deal with the wrath of my granny. Now I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because my father is an asshole but she doesn't deserve it. She always tells me I should visit her more often and I'm sure she can't wait to see me. I don't care about my dad, but I can't bail on her. Not two days before Christmas."

"The worst thing is, there are no flight tickets available. We'll have to take Nick's car."

"Wait, we?"

"Jeff won't let Nick go alone. Shit! We could have planned Christmas in Westerville if we knew sooner!" Blaine said angrily.

"No, we couldn't. Cooper has meetings for his new movie right after Christmas in LA. It would be ridiculous for him to be in Westerville."

"Any chance you could come to LA a bit later?"

"Grandma is staying for the whole week."

"This is so unfair! They had you for Thanksgiving! And they had you last Christmas! It was our turn!"

"Jesus, guys, calm down!" Kurt stepped into their moping. "I'm used to overdramatics, thanks to Rache,l but this is too much. It's not the end of the world."

"Says someone with awesome family." Nick murmured but shut up when Kurt looked at him warningly.

"You have two options, Nicholas. Either you call your grandma and disappoint her or you'll go to Ohio and wait another year for Christmas with the Andersons."

"He has to go to Ohio." Blaine said and Jeff nodded.

"Then he'll go to Ohio. I can cancel my flight reservation and we can take my car. I don't think your two-seats-and-no-trunk car is suitable for such a long ride."

"It's a sport car, Kurt. I didn't buy it to travel to Ohio in it!"

"That's the reason I'm offering my car and my fabulous persona as a bonus. What do you say? Go home, pack you bags and come here in the morning. Six o'clock? My car is parked in Blaine's garage."

"Seven?" Jeff suggested carefully.

"Okay. Seven. But be punctual. it's a long journey."

"You wouldn't mind exchanging the flight for a ten hour car ride?"

"No. I don't like flying alone and Rachel stays in New York this year. It'll be fun with you two."

"But you and Blaine have plans for tomorrow…"

"It's okay, Nick." Blaine assured him. "Go home and come here in the morning."

"I'm so sorry, Blaine."

"It's not your fault. Don't worry about it. My parents will understand." Blaine hugged his friends goodbye and sent them off, already counting how little time he had left with his boyfriend. Kurt waited for him with open arms in the living room and he let himself be wrapped in the strong embrace of his boyfriend.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. I know how much you were looking forward for spending Christmas with them."

"People should have Christmas with their family. WE are their family. Do you know how their holidays are when they are in Westerville? They do their best not to be home. They leave in the morning and come back in the evening. They do the obligatory dinner and that's it. They can tell you all about coffee shops and malls and movie theaters within a 50 mile radius. It's just not fair."

"They can come to Lima. I'll make sure they know they are welcome, okay? They can stay overnight or just come for a few hours. But our doors are open for them. I promise I won't let them cruise malls and shops during holidays."

"Thank you. I wish I could be in Ohio with you."

"God," Kurt sighed. "Don't even start on this. I'm gonna miss you so much, Blaine."

"Well, at least I don't have to worry about privacy during our goodnight calls..." Kurt chuckled and put a firm kiss on Blaine's lips.

"Want something new to remind you of me?"

"Hell yes!" Blaine grabbed his hand and they ran upstairs, taking advantage of Blaine's bed one last time before a week long split that was ahead of them.

Blaine closed his eyes and arched his back, prompting Kurt to continue faster. This was nothing new as Kurt steadily move his fingers in and out of Blaine. Besides a few letters that, together, formed the most beautiful three word phrase breathed between them, everything was too familiar. And suddenly not enough. Blaine was so close to losing it. Kurt knew exactly what to do to bring Blaine right to the edge and even though Blaine loved the fact that Kurt had learnt his body to the A+ point, it was a bit of disadvantage right now. Blaine wanted more. Needed more. Just the mere thought of Kurt burying himself inside of him, taking him, claiming him was driving Blaine crazy.

"Kurt, love you…"

"I love you, too."

"Yes! Shit, honey, I'm not gonna last if you keep doing this."

"Can't really see a problem in that, baby."

"Drawer…" Blaine said between moans, trying to communicate his intentions with Kurt.

"What?"

"Condom...first drawer. Need you..." Kurt froze at his spurted words and slowly retreated his fingers from Blaine. Blaine outstretched his arm and fumbled in the drawer but Kurt's hand stopped him before he managed to get the item he was looking for.

"What are you doing?"

"Want you inside me. NOW!" Blaine answered urgently but Kurt didn't let him search for a condom. He took his arm and put it gently on the bed.

"No." Kurt shook his head, his face serious. Blaine swallowed a lump that was forming in his throat, finally understanding that Kurt wasn't going to have sex with him and with the last strength he was able to find in himself before breaking down, he covered himself with the duvet.

"You don't want to." The whispered statement almost broke Kurt's heart.

"No, I don't." Kurt replied and this time he could feel the pain in his chest when Blaine turned away from him.

"Blaine, please, let's talk about it."

"I don't think I can handle such conversation right now. You should go to sleep. You have to get up early in the morning." Blaine shifted to the other side of bed to leave some space for Kurt, wondering how long it would take for Kurt to fall asleep so he could go and cry freely in the next room. He'd never felt so hurt.

Kurt lay down and scooted closer to him, putting his arm around Blaine's waist and spooning him from behind. He kissed Blaine's shoulder but for the first time it didn't have a soothing effect on him. For the first time, Blaine would rather be alone than in his boyfriend's arms.

"You don't have to say anything, just listen to me, please." Kurt said quietly and when Blaine didn't protest, he carried on. "I love you, Blaine. Very, very much. We've come a long way to get here and I don't want to rush anything. You wanted to go slow at first and I think this is something we should at least talk about before we do it. It's not that I don't want you. Believe me, I do. I so do, my love. But not like this. From what you told me, it was always haste and lust for you. It didn't really mean anything to you, if we don't count your high school boyfriend, and I don't want that for us...not the first time we are going to make love. You deserve to be shown how it could feel when someone who loves and cares about you makes love to you. You deserve dinner and flowers and candles and nice music. You deserve a lazy morning after and if I could have my way the whole day off so we could explore it a bit further...You deserve everything, Blaine. And I'm gonna give you that. Just not tonight. Not when we are caught in the moment and I have to leave in few hours. It means the world to me that you're willing to share yourself fully with me. Just, please, let me do it on my terms." They lay there for a moment and when Kurt thought he wasn't going to get any reaction from Blaine, his boyfriend turned around and tangled himself around Kurt.

"I'm sorry."

"Shhh...you have nothing to be sorry about." Kurt whispered and brought him even closer. "Just don't shut me out before I have a chance to explain myself, okay?"

"I'm sorry."

"Stop it. Tell me you love me, give me a kiss and lets go to sleep, sweetie."

Blaine pulled away and found Kurt's lips, kissing him deeply.

"I love you. I'm sorry I ruined our night."

"You did not. I can set the alarm clock for five. We can have some fun before I have to leave, what do you say?"

"I love you."

"I take that as a yes. Love you too." Kurt kissed him one more time before turning the lamp off and diving into sleep.

The sweet dreams didn't come for Blaine that night. He was mostly awake, listening to Kurt's heartbeat and thinking of how much he managed to screw up. Again. He reminisced Nick's and Jeff's words of wisdom, mainly - You have to get your shit together, Blaine! - and he had to admit that his friends were right. Blaine was fumbling between what he truly wanted and what he thought was best for him and he hated that it appeared not to be the same thing.

Even though Kurt had told him their relationship wasn't all about Blaine, Blaine felt like it. Like there were restrictions and limits they could only move within. Restrictions and limits that Blaine defined, which was much worse than if they were set from outside. Blaine had it all in his hands. He could do something about it. He just didn't know if he was strong enough to let his safety net go and face the world as it was.

Kurt was worth it. Kurt was worth the biggest heartbreak and Blaine wasn't afraid of it. What he was afraid of was turning Kurt's world upside down for nothing. Maybe he shouldn't be thinking of what would happen "if". Maybe it wouldn't even be as bad as he imagined it. Maybe taking what he was doing for a living into consideration and giving it so much significance wasn't the best thing for their relationship at all. Because all of this was the reason why Blaine was waiting for Kurt to dump him every moment. It was the reason for him being insecure, realizing that he couldn't give Kurt everything without exposing him to the world and therefore he wouldn't blame Kurt if he decided to go and look for someone else instead.

But Kurt loved him. Kurt wouldn't leave him any time soon and it eased his mind a bit. He got to keep Kurt a while longer. How much time did he buy with Kurt falling in love with him? A few months? A year? Was it wise to let himself dream of forever when he really didn't believe it was an option? What bothered him the most was that he didn't want to be a prisoner of his own anxieties, but it seemed like they had him chained in the deepest dungeon and he was at a loss as to how to find his way out of there.