They drove in a silence. Kurt had no idea where Blaine was taking him. They were in a part of city Kurt was sure he`d never been before. Blaine finally stopped his car and Kurt looked out of his window. They were in front of some house, probably on a small parking lot. He couldn`t tell exactly because there was just a dim light from the streets lamps on a main road.

“Where are we?”       

“In front of a music shop.” Silence again. Kurt`s patience was reaching its limit.

“Blaine, what happened? You`ve said to me like two sentences so far. I`m little confused. Do you want me to tell you something? Do you want to talk to me? Or do you just need someone who will sit with you in a silence in front of some music shop? You have to tell me because I don`t know how I`m supposed to give you my positive energy you were demanding in your text.” Blaine smiled. He turned his head to catch Kurt`s eyes.

“You already gave me what I needed, Kurt.”

“Okay…it`s not like I know what are you talking about but…okay.”

“I yelled at my boss.” Kurt frowned. He hoped Blaine would tell him more than that.

“He wanted us to be at work tomorrow.” Blaine checked the time.”Or I should say today because it`s after midnight. But I`m exhausted, Kurt. I need a day off. I promised to be with you. Saturday was supposed to be our day.” Kurt patted his knee.

“Blaine, it`s okay. I know you have a lot of work right now.”

“No. It`s not okay. I lost almost six weeks of being your friend because I was an asshole. I had a month to make it up to you and I spent two weeks of that month locked at work. We are going to Phipps Conservatory tomorrow as we planned. I don`t care if he fires me on Monday. It`s not my dream job either way.” Blaine was tired. Kurt could see it in his body language, sense it in his voice.

“I think you should go home. You need sleep.” Kurt suggested.

“I like coming here. It`s always quite here.” Kurt`s statement was clearly ignored. “I found this shop couple of months after I started college. The owner is really nice guy. He let me play music here because there were always complaints about me playing in my dorm room. I used to come here several times a week but after graduation I come only occasionally. When I need to be alone, I come here at night. It`s peaceful…I never told anybody. I don`t know why I`m telling you. I`m tired, Kurt. I feel like my life is out of my control…I want to be in control again but it seems to be impossible.”

“Blaine, you should go home and sleep. You look exhausted and I`m worried about you. We can talk tomorrow. I`ll listen to you all day, I promise. But please, go home now.”

“If I go home, I`ll lose another hours of being with you. I need to be with you more than I need rest. I feel safe with you. I feel like everything makes sense in my pathetic life.”

“I`ll go with you, okay? I`ll be there when you wake up in the morning. I`ll be with you whole weekend, I`ll listen to what you need to say. Just please let me take care of you now.” Kurt convinced Blaine to switch their seats in car. Although Blaine told Kurt he was able to drive home, Kurt insisted on driving. Five minutes into their drive and Blaine was sleeping soundly, his head resting against window. Kurt heard Blaine`s phone buzzing. Nick`s name appeared on display so Kurt answered it.

“Hi, Nick. It`s Kurt.”

“Oh. Hi, Kurt. I need to talk to Blaine.”

“He is sleeping right now and I don`t want to wake him. He was pretty tired.”

“Yeah, I know. He had an outburst at work an hour ago. Are you at his apartment?”

“No. I`m driving there. He wanted to see me after he left the office but he literally looked like keeping his eyes open hurt so I`m taking him home. Are you and Mathew still at work?”

“No. We are on our way home. Just tell Blaine not to worry about meeting our client in the morning. We`ve got that covered. He is expected at work on Monday.”

“Okay. Thanks, Nick. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Kurt wished he had more time. Suddenly idea of moving out to New York didn`t seem so good. Leaving everything behind was reality now and he couldn`t imagine his life without seeing Leah or Lucas every day, without pool Mondays and Nick`s ability to know something`s wrong no matter how much his friends tried to hide it, without Mathew`s stubbornness though he hated it but above all of this he couldn`t imagine his life without Blaine`s hazel eyes looking right to his soul.               

Get Blaine to his bed was easy. He did everything he was told to and when they both were lying next to each other Kurt asked him if he wanted to cuddle.

“Are we allowed to do that?” Blaine answered him with question.

“We don`t have to if you don`t want to…I`m asking because I like cuddling when I`m upset.”

“I didn`t say I didn`t want to. I just don`t know if we can do that…” Blaine was half asleep, tired as hell but still aware of their friendship status.

“Why couldn`t we?”

“Can friends cuddle? Isn`t there some rule against it?” Kurt laughed.

“Come here.” He opened his arms and waited for Blaine to set comfortable in his embrace. Blaine put his head on Kurt`s chest, making it his pillow, one of his arms curling around Kurt`s waist, the other one resting on his side. Kurt held him tight, stroking his curls with his fingers and kissing top of his head.

“Is this okay?” Blaine asked him anxiously. “I`m sure we are breaking some friendship rules…”

“I doubt there are rules about cuddling among friends. But in case there are we don`t have to keep them. We should make our own rules. I think one rule will be enough for us. We won`t do anything one of us is not comfortable with, okay?” Blaine nodded and stayed glued to Kurt which Kurt took as a sign he wasn`t against cuddling at all.

“Goodnight, Blaine.”

“If I kissed you would it make you uncomfortable?” Kurt`s breathing stopped for a second. Then his heart started to beat faster and he was sure Blaine could feel that.

“I don`t think it`s a good idea…”

“You don`t want to kiss me? I love kissing you, Kurt. I love…” He didn`t finished. His words were silenced by Kurt`s finger on his lips.

“Blaine, you are exhausted. You aren`t fully awake and I`m not taking advantage of you. You said you want everything in relationship and I accept that.” Deep sight escaped Blaine`s lips. He snuggled closer to Kurt`s body and Kurt`s heartbeat lulled him to sleep before he came up with some coherent respond.

Blaine murmured and shifted in his sleep causing Kurt turn his head a little, letting it rest on the top of Blaine`s hair. Blaine sensed the movement and could feel something soft against his lips. He subconsciously started kissing it.

“Mhmm…” Sound of Kurt`s humming woke him up immediately. He sat up on the bed and looked at Kurt whose neck he was peppering with soft kisses a second ago. Fortunately, Kurt was still sleeping. Now you know why there is a rule against cuddling between friends. Way to go, Blaine. Cold shower will take care of your problem. He stood up and left for bathroom. He was in his kitchen, wondering how it was possible that he didn`t have anything he could feed them with when soft voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Did you sleep well?” Blaine didn`t turned around. He couldn`t look Kurt in the eyes. He felt bad about what had happened while they were sleeping.

“Yes. I did. Do you want to take shower?”

“It would be great…”

“Okay.” Blaine went to his bedroom, leaving surprised Kurt standing in the kitchen. He came back with Kurt`s clothes and a towel.

“I didn`t have a chance to return them. But it means you don`t have to wear the same clothes two days in a row now.” Kurt took his belongings from Blaine who was still avoiding the eye contact.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah…sure. There is a new toothbrush on a sink.”

“Fine. Thank you.” Kurt said and decided not to push Blaine to talking. It could wait.

Hot shower helped him relax a bit. He put his clothes on but wasn`t as satisfied as he used to be with his outfits. Brief look to the mirror and he knew this outfit looked much better on Blaine.

“My own clothes don`t look fabulous on me, thanks to you Anderson. I don`t know if I ever let you wear my clothes again.” He said with playful smile as he was entering kitchen. Empty kitchen.

“Blaine? Where are you?” No respond. Then he found a neon pink post- it paper on the table.

Went for grocery shopping. Be right back. 

Be right back took another 25 minutes. Kurt felt weird being at Blaine`s home alone. He didn`t know what to do. At first he wanted to make a coffee but it could get cold because he didn`t know when Blaine would be back (Seriously, Blaine? Be right back? You couldn`t be more specific…). Attempt to make breakfast was stopped by Blaine`s empty fridge. (What do you eat? Take aways? Not healthy!)So he made Blaine`s bed and sat on stool by the kitchen counter, waiting for Blaine. He didn`t remember when was the last time he had felt so happy to hear keys in a lock. He ran immediately to help Blaine carry his bags.

“Finally. I was going crazy here. You should take me with you.”

“You were at shower. I thought I had an hour. You are supposed to be still in there.”

“Well, sorry for ruining your plans. What the hell would I do for an hour in your bathroom?” Kurt snapped at him. It was ridiculous. Had someone brainwashed Blaine in his sleep?

“Mathew told us it always took you an hour to get out of the bathroom…” Blaine said quietly, almost apologetically, as a small boy who wasn`t sure what he had done wrong.

“It`s not like you have my skin and hair products to keep me busy there.” Kurt explained and felt bad about his earlier reaction.

“Sorry. I didn`t have a time for shopping lately so I had to go buy something so we could have a breakfast.” Blaine was still unsure if Kurt was or wasn`t mad at him.

“No, don`t apologize. I`m sorry. I shouldn`t have use that tone. I`ll make us pancakes, what do you say?”

“No. I`m making us breakfast. Just sit and relax.”

“Blaine, I`ve been sitting here for half an hour. I need to do something.”

“Fine. Make us coffee.” Blaine ordered and Kurt happily obliged.

“I think we are ready to go to Phipps. I can`t wait. I haven`t been there for ages…” Kurt grabbed Blaine`s wrist and stopped him in his track.

“We`re not leaving till we talk. As far as I`m concerned I promised to listen to you, remember?” He guided Blaine to the couch.

“Will you drop it if I tell you I don`t remember?”

“Nice try. No. I remind you. You were talking about not having control over your life…” If you asked Blaine if he knew more determined person than Kurt he would definitely say no. Kurt had ability to get out of him everything he didn`t want to talk about. He blamed his tired self for yesterday slip out, but it didn`t help. Damage had been already caused. He didn`t know where to start. He was mentally sorting his thoughts, staying silent, hoping Kurt wouldn`t insist on specific details…

“Come on, Blaine. You can`t keep it inside. You need to tell someone. If you don`t want to tell me, tell Nick or Mathew…” Blaine took a cushion lying next to him and hugged it to his chest. He looked so vulnerable that Kurt hesitated for a moment if making him talk was a good idea.

“I thought I was satisfied with my life. When I accepted the fact I would always be ordinary guy with ordinary life everything seemed to be fine. I didn`t have big expectations. I took what life was giving me. I was thankful for a good job and great friends. And I`m not saying I`m not thankful now. I am. I just think there is someone or something else directing my life. I don`t believe in faith or destiny or God. But I swear if there is something like that it surely hates me.” Blaine told those words with bitterness in his voice and Kurt instinctively took one of his hands.

“First time I thought about how I let my life not to be controlled by me was when you told us why you had decided to break up with Mathew. I could see then that you knew exactly how you wanted to live your life and Mathew wasn`t able to make you happy anymore. You are strong, Kurt. You are not afraid of taking a risk. You know how your life should be and you won`t stop until you get that. I lost ability to live my life the way I wanted to. You know what`s the worst? I don`t have the way I want to live my life. Last time I had it was when I was at high school. I gave up my dreams because my dad thought I wasn`t good enough. I let my fear of failure take control. And since then I`ve been always taking the easiest option. I don`t like my job. I might be good at it but I hate making those jingles. It`s pointless. I wanna make music...There were some teaching positions opened but I didn`t try it because what if I wasn`t good enough? I rather stuck with something I knew. I play safe. Because I`m afraid…I let fear control my life. When I woke up next to you when we were at Wes`, I was afraid Mathew would find out. I knew I wanted you and I was going to do something about it. I didn`t have a concept. I would probably talk to him after our arrival to the city, I don`t know. But he found out and I would have fought for you if Lucas hadn`t been involved. The moment Mathew brought Lucas into it I had enough of being the second one. I thought I could at least control that. I started dating Tom and I was in control in our relationship but I wasn`t happy. So we broke up. I knew I had to make it right with you so I apologized and told you how I felt about you. And I was so proud of myself because I was in control of my life again. When you told me about moving to New York and asked me about my dreams, you trigged some memories in me and since then I can`t find peace. I realize I`m not satisfied. I want my life to have some direction…But I can`t find it. Everything is great when I`m with you. I don`t even have to be with you, just talking to you on the phone is making me better. But when I`m alone I think about how numb I am. I had an outburst yesterday because my boss and my work is controlling my life and keeping me from the only person that actually makes me feel like I`m alive. It`s like I depend on you, Kurt. And it scares the shit out of me but I can`t help it. I need you. I need you to help me find my meaning of life because I don`t know how to do it by myself. I just know that your enthusiasm and positive energy force me to keep going. I don`t want anybody to be in charge of my life…I`m so tired, Kurt. I have a feeling like I`ve been trying pleased everybody around me for so long I`ve forgotten how to pleased myself. I just want to be happy…” Tears were streaming down Kurt`s face. His heart broke into pieces. He didn`t have a clue Blaine felt so miserable.

“Please, don`t cry. I didn`t mean to make you sad.”

“I should be the one comforting you.” Kurt said and wiped his tears away.

“I`m so sorry, Blaine. I had no idea…” He wrapped his arms around Blaine shoulders and held him tight, trying to calm down and process all the information Blaine had just shared with him.

“I need you, too. You weren`t the second one. After that evening at the cabin you`ve been the first one.” Kurt whispered to Blaine`s shoulder, not sure whether Blaine could hear him but if he spoke a little louder his voice would probably break and he would start crying again.    

They didn`t make it to Phipps that day. They stayed in Blaine`s apartment, simply hanging around, making lunch and dinner together, watching movies, talking about everything and nothing in the same time…Blaine didn`t figure out what he wanted to do with his life yet but Kurt`s presence helped him clear his head and relax. They spent another night sleeping next to each other, this time not discussing friendship rules just keeping the only one Kurt had come up with previous night. And they were pretty much comfortable with the situation they found themselves in.