“You are moving to New York…” Blaine repeated as everything fell into pieces for him. Kurt was going to start new life…Blaine hoped there would be a place for him as a friend. He wasn`t ready to lose Kurt.

“I didn`t know. Guys didn`t tell me anything. I mean, it doesn`t surprise me at all. They are very protective of you and I wasn`t a good friend in last couple of weeks.”

“Nobody knew. You`re the first person to know…”

“Oh…Well…thanks for telling me…New York is great. You must be happy…Why…Why did you decide to move out?” Blaine didn`t want to pry. He just didn`t know what to do with this information.

“Do you want a short story or extended one?” Kurt asked him, prepared to finally tell someone who wasn`t his best friend from high school about his plans.

“I would like to know extended one if you didn`t mind…” Kurt stood up and sat on his bed, his back against a headboard. Blaine was watching him all the time with intense look.

“You know, it`s gonna take a little while so you should probably join me here. It`s lot more comfortable than the carpet. No funny business, I swear. Just talking…” Blaine got on his feet and sat on the bed.

“Put your shirt on, Blaine. I don`t need any distraction.” Kurt said with wink and took a sip of water from bottle he had brought earlier. Blaine complied his wish and made himself comfortable next to Kurt.

“Do you remember Rachel Berry?”                   

“Annoying Jewish girl from your high school glee club?” Kurt nodded.

“Yes. I remember here. She drove Mathew crazy when she visited you after you graduated. He still can`t stand her.” Kurt laughed. Rachel visit was epic.

“Rachel is too much sometimes but she is a good friend. And she plays the most important role in my moving out story. But I`ll get to her…When I broke up with Mathew I felt like everything was destroyed. My future, all my plans and dreams…Everything had been connected with him and he wasn`t with me anymore and I didn`t know what to do. I was lost. I hate uncertainty but it was all I`d been left with. When I was at high school I loved performing. I wanted to go to New York and make it big on Broadway. My whole world turned around it. But then I found Mathew and my dreams changed a little bit. Rachel and I…we applied for NYADA but I didn`t get call back. So I gave up on performing and focused on fashion. Mathew always wanted to go to Pittsburgh so we ended here. I got to Art Institute and studied fashion, he got to University of Pittsburgh and changed his major so many times I can`t still believe he actually graduated on time. We knew we wanted to be together and we matched our dreams with that idea. After school we found apartment here because none of us wanted to go back to Lima and we found jobs that provided us enough money to pay our bills and live our life the way we wanted to. But there was a difference between his job and mine. He loved his job. I was working for money. I`m still working for money. When they offered me to be a book editor I was glad. I needed decent job and this one was perfect. I could work from home if I felt like that, they didn`t insist on me being in the office as far as I had my work done on time. But I wasn`t majoring in English. I was just taking some creative writing courses during my studies and my professor thought I was good at it so he put a word for me and his friend, owner of the company, employed me. And it was okay till we broke up. It was okay because I knew it was perfect job for someone with kids and kids were my big dream at that time. After we broke up it wasn`t enough. I was happy we ended things, we clearly weren`t meant to be together but suddenly I had nothing. No dreams, no plans, no future, nothing to look forward to. I spent hours on the phone with Rachel. We talked about it a lot…I admire her, you know. She followed her dream and went to New York. She auditioned for every possible role. She even accepted the fact she wasn`t going to make it big immediately and it was progress because she was used to being a star, a lead in Lima. She did some off Broadway productions and after graduation she got a small role on Broadway and she is still there but she never gives up a hope that one day she`ll get the lead. I used to be like her. Fighting for myself, never giving up…I thought about how much I had changed during the years and I wondered if there was the way back to old me. Rachel told me that maybe I didn`t need to find a new dream. Maybe I just have to return to my old ones. So she suggested me to move in with her. To go to New York, find a new job there… At first it seemed unrealistic. I couldn`t imagine to leave Pittsburgh after all those years, leave my job for some uncertain future I had wanted once. But Rachel can be persistent. God, that girl doesn`t take a no as an answer. She kept bringing it up every conversation we had. How it would be amazing to live together like we always wanted to and how New York is the best place on the world to live, how there is marriage equality and she practically found every reason possible to convince me to go. So I agreed to move when I get a job in a fashion industry there. Because I wasn`t for moving to another state so I could do something I really don`t want to do. I sent my resume to companies that are fashion related but none of them was interested. I`ve been out of college for two years now and haven`t worked in that field so it didn’t surprise me. Then I found this paid intership and Rachel forced me to apply. They called me this morning. I got in. I accepted it and I`m starting in four weeks. I`m going to be an assistant of designer, work on some projects where I can design my own outfits…It`s only six months and then I`ll see if I want to continue my career in fashion or not. I didn`t tell anybody because I didn`t believe I could really get some decent job there. We started this whole moving to New York thing seven months ago and my hope weakened every passing day. So…that`s it. I`m following my dreams.” Kurt finished his story with a sight. Blaine was smiling at him and was so cute and adorable that although Kurt didn`t have any intention to ever tell him he had to.

“You know, if you had come to me yesterday I wouldn`t have taken it. I would have stayed here with you.” Blaine`s smile froze and he shook his head like he couldn`t believe what Kurt was saying.

“Then I`m glad I didn`t come here yesterday…”

“A while ago you sounded pretty sure that you wanted to be with me…” Kurt said in a weak voice.

“I was…am sure. I`m sure I want to be with you. But this is your dream. If you stayed here I would be just another guy keeping you from your dreams. As soon as you keep in touch with me when you are in New York and let me be your friend again I`ll be happy. I need you in my life, Kurt and I take whatever you can give me. I`m still surprised you are talking to me after what I`ve done to you. You can`t give up on your dreams. I`m not worth it.”

“Why are you saying it? Why are you underestimating yourself?” Kurt asked him, his gaze aimed directly to Blaine`s hazel eyes as if he wanted to find the answer there.

“`Cos it`s true. You are special. You`re gonna make it big there. I`m not keeping you behind. I`m just ordinary guy.”

“You`re special too. You are the most selfless person I know. You always think about others. Your family, your friends…it`s never you. When are you going to do something for yourself?” Kurt was definitely mad. How could Blaine not see how amazing he was?

“Kurt, last few weeks it was only me and I was horrible. I hurt you. I was doing something for myself but ended up hurting people…”

“Blaine,” Kurt said softly and took Blaine`s hand. “You weren`t horrible. You just tried to live your life. I should have talked to you. I should have made you talked to me...”

“You tried. You came to my room and I told you it was a fling. I pushed you away…”

“It doesn`t matter. I should have talked to you no matter what. I just let my pride to get better of me. This whole mess wasn`t just your fault. I was hurt when you started dating Tom and I gave up on you. You are good enough. You are more than good enough. Everybody makes mistakes but you are a great person. Why can`t you see that?” Blaine vision was blurted by tears. It meant so much to him hearing those words from Kurt.

“Because I was never good enough…I was always the second one.” Kurt caressed Blaine`s cheek and wiped his tears with his thumb.

“Did you have a dream when you were at high school?” Kurt whispered. He was afraid loud voice would break a moment. Blaine leaned to Kurt`s touch and nodded.

“Could you…Do you think you could tell me about it?” Blaine lifted his head and opened his eyes. He looked at Kurt searching for assurance he really wanted that.

“You wanna hear about my dreams?” Kurt lay on his side, facing Blaine, his right arm under his head.

“I would love to…” Blaine, mirroring his position, started to speak. 

“I used to have big dreams. I was sure one day I would make it big, I would be famous artist. Since I was five I knew music was my life. My parents supported me and on my tenth birthday they remade one of our guestrooms to my music room. It was soundproof and they put all my instruments there and told me to spend as much time as I wanted to there but it couldn`t influence my school work. I spent a lot of time in that room. My grades stayed unchanged and every year I got new equipment on my birthday. If it had continued that way, till I had turned eighteen I would have had a little recording studio.”  Blaine smiled but Kurt knew it wasn`t genuine smile. This one was forced and sad.

“What happened?”

“I came out.” Blaine shrugged his shoulders as it was the most obvious thing on the world. You come out to your parents and they stop supporting you.

“I don`t understand…”

“It was during the summer before I started high school. I had known for a while and I thought they should have known too. So I told them. My mum took it well. She told me she loved me no matter what. My father just asked me if I was sure. I said yes but it didn`t stop him from trying to make me straight. He spent whole year setting me on dates with girls, doing bonding stuff as repairing a car, building fence around our house, going on football games together… He stopped paying for my music lessons. My parents argued a lot because of me. I blamed myself and was convinced they were going to get divorced. My mum knew I was unhappy so she sent me to music lessons again and told my dad to stay out of it. Music was the only thing I had. I shut myself off. I didn`t talk to my parents if I wasn`t talked to. I didn`t want to cause more problems that I`d already had. I wanted to graduate and get out of Ohio. I wanted to study music, record my own album with my own songs…I swear I could see myself on a big stage in front of crowd…But it was just a dream of a little kid. It had nothing in common with reality.” Blaine finished in a quiet voice. He was afraid of breaking down. He`d never told anybody. Nobody had ever asked. Tears were glistering in a corner of Kurt`s eyes while he was imagining a broken boy who only wanted to be loved. Kurt wished he could have been there for Blaine then. They had lived one hour drive from each other but they had met miles away from home years later. And although nobody had been there for Blaine when he had needed it in the past, Kurt would be there for him since now on. He would support him and remind him how amazing and talented person he was till Blaine believed it.

“Why did you give up on your dream? You are extremely talented…”

“Because being talented wasn`t enough.” Kurt was sure there was another story behind it but he didn`t want to pressure him. He took Blaine`s hand and squeezed it, silent massage I`m here for you told Blaine more than thousands of words.

“Blaine, you don`t have to tell me more. But if you want to, I`m listening. Whenever you feel like it you can talk to me. I had a feeling you haven`t told anybody about this and it`s been probably bothering you for years. Sometimes getting things out of you might help.” Blaine squeezed Kurt`s hand back but didn`t let it go. It was warm and comforting and he needed it. They were lying there on their sides, eyes fixed to each other, holding hands and just being. It was nice and after long time they both felt like they belonged somewhere, like everything would be okay because they weren`t alone anymore. It didn`t matter that Kurt would be in New York, they would still be friends and if life took one of them to the other side of the world they would still have each other because no distance could make them apart. There was a silence for a long time. Then Blaine laced his fingers with Kurt`s and started to speak again.

“You know why I transferred to Dalton. I got beaten up in the end of my freshman year of high school and my parents refused to send me back to that hell. I joined the Warblers, became their lead vocalist and practically lived out of the reality in the world full of acceptance and beliefs that you can to whatever you want until you don`t hurt others. I mean…Who rules the common high schools? Football players or athletes and cheerleaders. I studied at private school with zero tolerance bullying policy that was ruled by a show choir. I got an excellent education and was safe there but outside the Dalton walls I was a scared boy. Outside those walls nobody cared if I was a lead of successful show choir with straight A`s. I was someone at Dalton but was no one in the real world. I felt like I was regularly disappointing my parents. I was disappointing my mother because I was distant and I was disappointing my father because I wasn`t straight enough.”

“I thought your parents accept you…”

“They do. My dad accepted the fact I`m gay after I was beaten up. He stopped trying to change me. He doesn`t like it but he accepts it. We used to have a great relationship. I love my dad and I know it`s hard for him to accept the son like me. Cooper is a prototype of ideal son. Straight, successful…My dad did his best to make things right. He tried to do all the things he did with Coop when he was at my age but I wasn`t Cooper. I wasn`t perfect older son. I was just ruined younger one. He never asked me about Warblers or my friends, never tried to meet my boyfriend. We talked about his work, my school, college football…We avoided certain topics as plague. I wanted him to be proud of me but I didn`t know how to make him. He never came to my competition or performance, he only listened to me playing or singing during family gathering when my grandma insisted on me playing something. My mum tried to talk to me, assuring me she loved me, telling me how proud she was but I could see the sadness in her eyes. Our family wasn`t the same anymore and it was my fault. Cooper got big commercial job immediately after I transferred and he moved to L.A. Suddenly I was alone without my big brother supporting me and distance influenced our relationship as well. Nothing was the same. When Cooper came home, he was constantly giving me some advice so I could follow in his feet. He stopped saying I was good and started to taunt things I did wrong.” By this point, tears found their way from Blaine`s eyes and he felt pathetic for crying in front of Kurt again but he couldn`t help it.

“When senior year came I was thinking about applying for Julliard. I wanted to go to New York. I couldn`t imagine better place for living. Before I sent my application forms to colleges we had one of our family meetings. My grandma made me play my stuff but then Cooper joined me and suddenly it was all about him. So I entered my shell again and went to my music room. On the way there I heard my dad talking to my uncle in his office. My uncle said something about me being a great musician and I was happy. I mean, Cooper took it over but my uncle was talking about me and that meant a lot to me. My father told him I was going to apply for Julliard because I wanted to be an artist. He also told him that I might be more talented than Cooper was but I didn`t have a fierce. He said talent wasn`t enough. He said I couldn`t take care of myself. He said show business was a hell and I wasn`t tough enough. That I probably would try to befriend my competition and would be unhappy if they used me and turned their back on me. Long story short I was too good of a person and too weak to make it. And he was right.”

“You didn`t get to Julliard?”

“I didn`t apply. I crossed New York of my plans. I still wanted to do something with music but went for suitable options. I applied for music programs and planned on teaching music. I got in to every college I applied for and when Nick told me he was going to Pittsburgh I went with him. He was one of my best friends and it was great not to be alone in a big world. When he was making this commercial for his advertising class he asked me to help him with music and I composed the jingle and his teacher liked the whole thing so much he sent it to our future employer. We were interns there for two years and after school we stayed there. They made us a creative team with Mathew and since then we`ve been working on our own commercials. I compose music so I guess I somehow made it. It`s not my big child dream coming true but it`s still music so…My parents are glad I have a job. Not one I can make them to be proud of me, but at least I can take care of myself.”

“Your parents are proud of you. I saw them when you guys got the award for the best newcomers last year. I can tell how proud father looks like because I have one.”

“It`s sweet of you, Kurt and I appreciate the effort of making me better but my dad wasn`t going to come. He just had some meeting in the city so he stopped by.”

“You may not believe in yourself but I`ve heard you play. You were not born to be some jingle maker. And I know you don`t think I`m right, but I am. And maybe you should return to your old dream as well. If it had worked with me, it could work with you too. I`ll be your own personal Rachel Berry till you realize how incredible you are and do something about it.” Blaine laughed. With Kurt everything was better somehow. He wanted to kiss him again when there was a knock on the door.

“Kurt? Are you in there?” Leah`s voice filled silent apartment.

“Yeah. Come in.” Leah poked his head to the room and wasn`t ready for what she saw. Kurt and Blaine lying on Kurt`s bed, with their clothes on, holding hands, relaxed and smiling.

“I just want to let you know I`m home. It`s almost midnight. I`m going to bed. Goodnight. See you guys in the morning.”

“Goodnight.” They said in unison and Leah slowly closed the door. She made a victory dance in a hall, because come on, they were speaking again and she`d been waiting for Kurt to stop moping around for ages.

“I should go home. It`s late.” Blaine said and got up from Kurt`s bed.

“No. Stay here. It`s late. I`m not gonna let you go home alone.” Kurt went to his wardrobe and handed Blaine sweatpants and tank shirt. Blaine hesitated for a moment.

“Come on, Blaine. Take it and you can change in the bathroom. My bed is big enough for both of us but if it makes you uncomfortable I could sleep on couch.”

“No…It`s fine. I…I`m going to change. I`ll be right back.”

Kurt got himself under the covers and waited for Blaine. He made sure he left enough space for Blaine although he would rather sleep cuddled to him. Not appropriate for friends, Kurt. Don`t even think about that. When Blaine came back, he joined Kurt in his bed and stayed lying on his back, staring to the ceiling.

“Thank you, Kurt. It means a lot what you`ve done for me tonight…I set my alarm on six. I`ll try not to wake you up. Goodnight.”

“Six? Are you crazy? Why so soon?”

“I`ll have to go home change my clothes before I`ll go to work.” Kurt reached for Blaine`s phone that was placed on bedside table and Blaine stopped breathing for a while watching Kurt leaning above him.

“Seven o`clock. I`ll give you one of my outfits and make you breakfast. Now go to sleep. Goodnight.” Suddenly, there was no Kurt`s warmth. Blaine turned his head only to see Kurt`s back. He knew discussion was over. Beating the urge of spooning Kurt he closed his eyes and fell asleep in a few seconds.